CHAPTER 5
December
Tyler looked at all the beautifully wrapped Christmas gifts in the corner of the living room. It was nine a.m. Mary and Diego had left for work much earlier. He’d shared breakfast with them, Cara’s parents speaking in low voices as they ate. Ram had left a few weeks ago for Virginia to resume his job at Artemis Security; Ali remained behind for three more weeks to ensure her sister could continue to connect with Tyler. Cara had sunk into a deep depression, and now her parents looked to him for help with their daughter as Ali continued to gently dissolve her being here at home for Cara. It had to happen. Otherwise, Ali would be enabling her sister, not helping her to grow stronger by the day. He felt deep compassion for the parents. They didn’t yet know of his psychology background, and he felt it was useful to share that nugget of information with them now—it might help them. Anyone who thought that the trauma of one family member didn’t fully affect the others, was wrong. His job, as he saw it, was to quietly be there for the parents, as well as for Cara.
Mary felt that he should do “something” to encourage Cara to visit her school, and Tyler didn’t disagree with her.
In the past week, he’d gotten Cara out on the street, walking to and from the end of the block where their house was located. But every time he suggested walking to her school, she balked—big time! Mary had tried to get her daughter to do the same thing but Cara adamantly refused. It was time for him to insert something new into her life.
He was out in the garage now, watching a small TV on the woodworking table. At ten a.m. the door from the kitchen opened. Turning, he saw Cara standing there. She looked exhausted, but her hair was combed and she had on a bit of makeup, which told him she was trying to look normal. The day was bright with sunshine, and it was going to get up to sixty degrees Fahrenheit.
“Hey,” he called from the stool, “did you just get up, sleepyhead?” In the past week they had grown closer, but Tyler didn’t necessarily see it as personal. He knew that Cara was going to lose Ali, and they were still building that bridge between one another. He saw one corner of her mouth lift a bit.
“Yes. Have you eaten?”
“I have, but I was going to come in and make a fresh pot of coffee.” He slid off the wooden stool. “Interested? Want some company?” Instantly, he saw her brighten a bit. Cara looked fragile today in her black wool slacks and white, long-sleeved blouse with ruffles around the neck. Over it, she wore a bright-red shawl that she’d knitted for herself years earlier.
“That would be nice.”
He liked the sudden, husky response. He was too far away to look into her eyes and try to ferret out the emotions behind her words. Then, she turned, left the door open, and disappeared inside.
Once in the kitchen, he saw Cara tie on an apron and busy herself with making some huevos rancheros. She had removed the shawl, and placed it over a chair at the table.
Going to the cabinet, Tyler drew down a plate, retrieved the flatware from the drawer, and set the table for her.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, as he put the coffeemaker together.
She briskly stirred the eggs in a bowl. “Depressed, but I know that it’s about Ali leaving in a week. I have to go on, despite it.”
He slid her a warm look. “I admire your courage, Cara. You’re a fighter and that’s good.”
“I don’t have a choice. I woke up this morning knowing more than ever that getting well is up to me. I have to start pushing those boundaries my mind has set up to keep me stuck.”
“That sounds positive.” He plugged the old percolator into the wall socket. “Do you have any idea how you want to do it?”
She gave him a grim look and then poured the eggs and other ingredients into a heated, black iron skillet. “I lay there this morning thinking about that. I miss those kids more than I can tell you. Whenever I see the Christmas packages we wrapped in the corner of the living room, I hear my substitute teacher, Maria Martinez, begging me to come to the class for our annual Christmas party. My kids miss me so much.” She set the bowl aside.
He saw the fear in her eyes but she was pushing it aside. Tyler silently cheered her on. “What can I do to assist you?”
She laid a warm corn tortilla on her plate, wiping her fingers off on the red apron. “I can’t walk to school. Not yet. But I was wondering if you could drive me there?”
“Sure, that’s a great idea. Is there another street route to your school, Cara?”
Nodding, she stirred the mixture in the skillet. “Yes, and I was thinking that when we drive there today, we take that secondary route. I didn’t get kidnapped on that street, so to me, it’s safer. I’m not sure I can walk it yet, though. My mind just screams at me that I’m going to get kidnapped again by Azarola.”
Tyler gave her a sympathetic look. “I think you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met, Cara. We’ll take it at the pace you want. It’s easy enough to drive you over to your school. What time would you like to go?”
She sighed. “I just called Maria and our principal. I want to be there at one p.m., after the children have had their lunch. I’d like to bring the gifts in at that time, too. Maria put up a Christmas tree in the room yesterday and all the kids helped decorate it.” She glanced over at him. “Now, they’ll all have a gift waiting for them.”
“When is their last day of school before the holiday?”
“December 20th. I want to be there when they open their presents on that day. We have a wonderful celebration. I make Christmas cupcakes—which they love. After we eat, I hand out the gifts, and then everyone gets to open them.”
He heard such warmth and joy in her voice as she talked about that day. “We’ll make it happen.”
She scooped the eggs from the skillet and into the awaiting tortilla. “I’ve made up my mind that by January 4th, when school reopens after the holiday, I’ll be teaching there again, Tyler. I’ve got to kick this fear to the curb. It’s hobbling me to the point that I feel like I’ll die if I don’t do this.” She set the skillet aside. “Ali is right: she has to leave or she’s being a crutch for me. I’m dealing with her leaving soon, too, but maybe I can refocus on what I love most: my kindergarten children. Make it positive. I just hate the anxiety when it hits me, though, Tyler.” She touched her stomach. “I can barely keep it suppressed. It takes all my energy. That’s why I’m so tired all the time.”
“Ali, Ram, and I have the same internal fight going on as you do, Cara. We all understand what’s happening with you. I might be able to help you with one part of your symptoms,” he said, walking ahead and pulling a chair out for her. He then went back and retrieved the coffee and two mugs.
“Oh? Tell me while I eat, please.”
Tyler poured their coffee, set the percolator on a trivet, and sat down opposite her at the table. He explained that at Artemis, their in-house physician, Dr. Dara McKinley-Culver, was treating the symptoms of anxiety, hyper-vigilance, and the feeling of threat or being stalked by invisible danger. The doctor was treating them with an adaptogen. The more he explained it to Cara, the more interested she became.
“Wait, Ali was telling me about this last week. She said she’s going in for the treatment herself, as soon as she arrives at Artemis.”
“Yes. Anyone who has joined the security company must go through the process because all of us have been in combat, and we all have some level of PTSD.”
“What happened to you after you took it?”
“My anxiety and all those other symptoms I just mentioned were gone in three days. It blew me away. I couldn’t believe it and went back to the doc and told her. She said that was a normal amount of time for it to start taking effect.”
“You said I only have to take the adaptogen for thirty days?”
“Yes. That’s all. You don’t take it for life, and once your symptoms stop, you’ll have the sense of peace you had before the kidnapping. It basically shuts off the hormone cortisol, which has been leaking nonstop into your bloodstream.”
“That sounds wonderful! You’re a paramedic—can you help me with it?”
“I can. We’ll send the results to our doctor at Artemis and Dara’s assistant will send us an email detailing your diagnosis and prescription. I have a bottle of the adaptogen with me and all you have to do is follow the instructions. Hopefully, in two or three days those symptoms will be gone.”
“This isn’t like a tranquilizer or antidepressant is it, Tyler? If it is, I won’t take it.”
He smiled a little, watching her eat daintily. There was nothing about Cara that wasn’t worth watching and absorbing. “It’s not. And remember, you are on it for just thirty days, and the likelihood of ever having to take it again is very rare.”
She sipped her coffee. “When can I do this?”
“How about this afternoon some time? After you see your kids.” He saw more hope in her eyes. Cara was one of those rare human beings who didn’t try to hide her feelings. She might be damaged and injured, but there was a core to her that shone through.
He was sure Mary and Diego’s strong love and support had a lot to do with it. And Ali, being the brave woman she was, was a true role model for her younger sister. It emphasized, once again, that a healthy family environment could help a member even in the worst of circumstances.
“Yes, that’s fine.”
“Are you worried about me driving you to the school?”
“I’m apprehensive, but I feel better because you’ll be there.”
He was relieved. It had been a dicey first seven days with her, a settling-in period of adjustment for them both. But now, Cara would sometimes open up to him, treating him almost as a close confidant. Other times, she entered a dark place where it seemed no one could reach her. He understood those “dark night of the soul” moments. In fact, everyone he knew in the military had gone through this cycle often.
In Cara’s case, her whole life had been shattered. She had felt safe, filled with happiness and joy from living her dream as a teacher before the kidnapping. In less than a minute, Cara’s life as she knew it had ended. Now, she was trying to cobble herself back together again, still focused on her dream. Little by little, she was resurrecting it once more, following its beacon of light and hope.
She might say she was nothing like her sister, but that wasn’t true. Cara had the same fierceness and passion that Ali possessed from their stalwart mother. But now, Cara had to redirect those emotions, and focus on that dream, so she could once again move forward. In Tyler’s opinion, she was doing it quickly. He hadn’t met many people, with the exception of Ram Torres, who possessed such a strong survival mechanism. Cara was lucky to have a wonderful family from whom she had inherited that same tough, deep core, as Ali.
*
Cara tried to push her anxiety away as she slid out of Tyler’s SUV and stepped into the warm afternoon sunshine. She had just arrived at the yellow stucco kindergarten and grade school, which sat behind a tall black wrought-iron fence. He got out of the vehicle and sized up the area. The street was small and quiet, the school nestled in a Hispanic neighborhood.
Cara knew to wait for him as he rounded the vehicle and pressed in the numbers on the pad to open the gate so she could enter the school grounds. Green Palo Verde trees were scattered across the gold-colored, fine gravel on either side of the red tile walk.
“Nervous?” he asked, walking at her side after locking the gate behind them. Tyler had made it his business to contact the principal and get a map of the school. He’d placed a copy in his smart phone and let her and the staff know that Cara would be coming back to see the children today. Her children had been told she’d been ill and they accepted that explanation without question.
He’d already memorized the layout of her classroom, the exit/entrance points, the windows, and many other items on a security detail’s list. He would not tell Cara about this because he wanted her to focus on getting back on her feet.
Cara looked around, feeling wistful. “Actually, I’m just eager to see my kids.” The sunlight warmed her, so she had taken off the red knit shawl and replaced it with a brightly colored red, orange, and yellow scarf, draped elegantly around her shoulders. She touched her small gold earrings, wanting to look the same as she had before the kidnapping. “First, I want to see the principal and get some help carrying in those gifts for the kids,” she said.
Nodding, Tyler followed her. They went through two bulletproof security doors connected with the main office. After proper identification, they were allowed through the entrance. The halls were empty because the classes were in session. This was a kindergarten through sixth grade school. Tyler had done his homework, finding that 60% of the children were Hispanic, and the rest were Native American, Caucasian, African American, and a few Asian children. It was what he termed a “melting pot region” of south Tucson. The principal, Jody Campbell, was in her fifties, a warm administrator who spoke four languages and reminded him a lot of Cara when it came to enthusiasm and passion. Now, he opened the door to the principal’s office.
All the staff, mostly women, cried out with joy when they saw Cara. He stood back, watching as four of them rushed around the counter and threw their arms around her. She melted with joy, smiling, crying, and clinging to her friends. He wished he could do that for her: hold her, let her cry, wrap his arms around her, letting her know that there was safety there, with him.
More and more, he wanted her on a personal level, fighting the desire hourly. As a professional, he couldn’t get personally involved with her—and yet, he knew it was happening, no matter what he did to tamp down the attraction. He would definitely have to hide what was in his heart. After all, Cara couldn’t handle a relationship right now on top of trying to get back to teaching. He had been around her enough, and had had serious, searching conversations with her at the house to know her whole life was about teaching, family, and her children. She was just built that way and it appealed mightily to him.
When the group finally eased away from Cara, she wiped her eyes, giving him a watery smile, she then introduced him to everyone. None of the women, thankfully, let on that he had been here at the school days before. That was their secret. Everyone loved Cara, that was a given. She was just one of those bright flowers in a field that all gazes gravitated to first.
What would it be like to love this woman? Take her to his bed? Touch her? Feel her hands skimming and memorizing his body? Responding when she kissed him back?
Focusing on the immediate situation, Tyler followed Cara around the desk and walked down the hall to the principal’s large office. He could hardly wait to see Cara and her children meet after she’d been gone for more than two months.
*
Cara fought to hold her emotions in check as she entered the only classroom she’d ever known. Maria had the children standing on either side of her. The children all had their eyes closed. She had told them that they were going to get a big surprise. Entering softly on her tiptoes after Tyler had opened the door, Cara waved hello to Maria, who had the biggest smile on her face. Her charges were antsy, moving on one foot and then the other. They were so excited they were barely able to keep from peeking. She felt tears come to her eyes. These were her children.
She felt guilty for having abandoned them, but Maria was a wonderful teacher and Cara knew she had lovingly taken care of all twenty-five of them in her absence. She felt Tyler move up behind her and felt his silent embrace. How could he feel that she was near tears? Looking up and across her shoulder, she saw him smile down at her. It was the deep caring in his eyes that touched her heart as never before.
How many times had she awakened in the morning, thinking of him. He was a quiet, unobtrusive shadow in her life; someone she had come to rely on as much as she had Ram. Tyler’s sensitivity and kindness was always just below his surface and never failed to touch her deeply. He was so much like her father, Diego.
Turning, she gave Maria the signal.
“Okay, kids, open your eyes!” Maria called excitedly.
Cara was at the other end of the large room. All the desks had been pushed to the sides, leaving the polished oak floor shining beneath the sunlight, a wide avenue between the two teachers. Cara saw the children’s faces, collective shock on all of them. And then, when they realized she had come back, they squealed with delight, calling her name, and then charging toward her.
She laughed and held out her arms to them. The five-year-old boys raced up first, throwing their arms around her hips and her waist, jumping up and down, huge smiles on their faces. The little girls came next, calling out to her, their tiny arms open as they flew down the length of the room toward her.
Swamped with emotion, Cara leaned over cuddling all of them around her, unable to embrace all of them, but she tried. They were like live, wriggling, excited puppies, ecstatic to see her once again.
Tyler stood back watching, warmth flooding throughout him. The twenty-five children were a living mass, constantly moving around Cara, their hands touching hers, their faces shining as they looked adoringly up at her.
But it was the tender expression on Cara’s face that totaled him. He knew what she’d survived and knew the courage it took to get this far into her recovery. He recalled a mission he was on in Toulouse, France, following a subject who had slipped into the Notre-Dame de la Daurade, a beautiful Gothic church. Tyler had followed the man to an alcove, where six rows of wooden benches were located. There, above them, was a black Madonna clothed in turquoise-blue fabric with shining silver stars throughout it.
It was only when his subject sat down in the first row, head bowed in prayer, that Tyler got a good look at the Madonna’s serene, sculpted features. Now, he watched another Madonna—Cara. Her cheeks were bright red, her lips smiling, her laughter mingling with the cries from her children. There was such serenity in her expression, such joy radiating outward from her like sunlight flooding the entire room.
Tyler knew there were some people, both men and women, who were made to be parents. He thought of his own parents, and then of Mary and Diego Montero. He knew how fortunate he was to have parents who had truly loved raising a child, actually celebrating the unique individual the child was becoming throughout the years.
Soon, two janitors arrived with dollies, the Christmas packages stacked on each. The children oohed and ahhed, jumping up and down, knowing that Cara had knitted each of them a brand new sweater. However, Tyler noticed they didn’t leave her side to run over to the Christmas tree to see where their packages were being placed beneath it. No, those kids wanted to be close to her, smiling up at her, touching her hand, her arm. Some of the little girls held on to the side of her trousers, as if needing her physical contact. Their languages like a little United Nations—a blend of Spanish, the Yaqui language, and English whizzing around among them.
Cara was laughing, leaning over, and kissing each of them on the head, making sure that every child felt the fullness of her love.
Tyler remained the shadow in the room, watching the noisy, tumultuous occasion. He’d never seen Cara so alive, wondering if this was how she had been before the kidnapping. If it was, she stunned him and took his breath away. Her lips were always drawn in a sincere smile, her face mobile as she interacted with each child.
The looks on those tiny faces after getting officially hugged by Cara sent his heart off in an ache of old memories. Once his marriage had been happy, at least the first three months of it when he was stateside, before he went overseas on deployment once more. He’d never been happier. Until now. It was as if Cara had somehow boosted him into unknown realms he never knew existed until this moment. She was magic.
He watched the door open as the principal came in with two other female teachers. In their hands were trays of cookies and cold cartons of milk. The children went into a frenzy, yipping and dancing around over their good fortune. He noticed the cookies were either green or red, with lots of silver Christmas sprinkles. He smiled as they settled down with one graceful gesture from Cara. They wanted to please her so badly.
The children sat in a circle around her, legs crossed, expressions radiant. Cara asked the girls to go forward first and choose one cookie of their choice and pick up a carton of milk. Then, they were to sit down on a big, red wool blanket that the two janitors had just unrolled and placed near the Christmas tree.
Cara disentangled herself from several little girls, urging them to get their cookies and she followed behind them to the trays. Tyler was pleasantly surprised when she walked over to him and said, smiling, “For you.”
“Thanks,” he murmured, touched by her sensitivity.
“Are you doing okay, Tyler?”
He laughed. “Yeah, this is quite a celebration, isn’t it?” He saw the sparkle in her eyes and suddenly, his gaze dropped to her lips—that was a mistake. Tyler didn’t want to go there right now. In the torrid dreams he had on some nights, yes. But not now.
She stood beside him, nibbling on her green cookie. “It’s a wonderful welcome back to what I love to do most.”
“Are the kids this high-energy all the time?”
Chuckling, she said, “Yes. We make sure to get them out for recesses and we also have physical games in the classroom. Children are born to move and the first twelve years of their life they should be off exploring, being physically active. We make sure they get plenty of fresh air, sunshine, and lots of exercise every day.”
“They seem to like you.” He teased, grinning, and saw her face become tender as she regarded her children, now sitting on the blanket, gobbling their cookies with gusto.
“It’s a love fest every day for me. I know all the parents, their struggles, and their issues with their children. I see it as a positive challenge, and the principal and the teachers try to help families in need of counseling, or food from our local pantry, or help paying their utilities bills.”
“Did Mary inaugurate you and Ali into helping others when you were kids?”
“Mama always took us to work with her. She works with Pima County officials as well as the reservation people and knows all the contacts who help struggling families. I think it rubbed off on us.”
“I think you’re doing great. The kids are a lot of fun to watch.”
“Thanks,” she said, touching her cheek, feeling the heat rise in it. “Does it remind you of you as a little boy?” she grinned impishly.
He returned the smile. “Yeah, a lot. I was a handful, too.”
“I want to sit with my kids for a moment, and then we’ll go, okay?”
“Just say the word. Go have fun.”
*
Cara was exhausted, but elated, when Tyler took her home. She stole a glance in his direction. “You seemed to really enjoy being with me at the school.”
He walked her into the kitchen, taking off the jacket that he routinely wore when out in public to conceal his weapon. “I like kids.”
“Not all men do,” she said, going into the kitchen.
“I don’t think all men and women were cut out to be parents, either,” he said, following her. It wasn’t an indictment against them, simply an observation and nothing more. She was busy making them a fresh pot of coffee and liked the ease between them.
“I don’t disagree.” She sighed and plugged the percolator in. Turning, she rested her hands on the counter, looking up at this big man. He wasn’t as heavy as Ram Torres, but he had muscle, no doubt. “You said you had a happy family like ours?”
“Yes. I was a wild child, but my parents never once hit me, yelled at me, or did anything close to the abuse that I see in my job when on missions.”
“Firm love is the order of the day,” she agreed, smiling a little. “Loving firmness. Sometimes tough love. It’s all about setting boundaries.”
“My parents had this idea that children had to grow into whatever they wanted to be. They always told me I could be whatever I dreamed of being, and supported me in anything that drew my interest.”
“Did you dream of being a SEAL?”
He came and rested his hips against the counter, leaving several feet between them. “No. But what I did dream of was being of service and helping people. My father is a gemstone miner, so he was not like the normal dad. There are lots of sapphires to be mined in the Rocky Mountains around Philipsburg, Montana. When I was old enough, I would go out into the forest and work with him at his mining claim. I loved it, and I loved being outside.”
“I didn’t know that,” Cara said, tilting her head. “Was he able to make money at it?”
“Yes. But he worked from daylight to dusk out at his mining claim after the winter snow melted. He had a window of about four months before the snows came and buried his claim in six to ten feet of the white stuff for seven months of the year.”
“And your mother? What does she do?”
He gave her a roguish smile. “She’s a school teacher just like you. She teaches first through sixth grades in Philipsburg.”
“Oh!” Cara stared at him, stunned. “Really? Your mother is a school teacher?” Joy coursed through her. No wonder Tyler seemed at ease around all those noisy, happy children.
“Yeah.” He laughed a little. “I grew up taking trays of cookies and cupcakes to school for her, too. Kind of felt good to get back in the saddle on that one.”
“That’s incredible, Tyler. I thought . . . well . . . I thought you might hate the noise, the kids running around . . .”
“Not me,” Tyler said softly. “I see kids as little flower buds, and as they grow up in a family, they’re starting to open the petals of who they are, as individuals, during that time. And the idea of a flower opening wasn’t mine, but my mom’s way of seeing children. She’d draw a sunflower on the whiteboard and put a petal on it and tell the children that today, they were going to learn something that would help them grow in that new direction.”
She studied him, hearing the low emotion in his voice, the love he held for his mother. “That’s a wonderful visual! I think if it’s all right with your mom, I’m going to start using that too. Kids will love it! I can make them think that each petal is a mystery that’s about to reveal something about each of them. Like an ongoing treasure hunt, mining for who they are and what they love to do.”
Without thinking, she threw her arms around his shoulders, giving him a hard hug. He smelled male, a faint scent of the soap he’d used, the same one her father used! For a split second, he froze. And then he relaxed and she released him, dazed by that quiet strength that was so much a part of him. “You’ve been a gift to me, Tyler,” she whispered, resting against the counter once more. “I thought . . . well . . . I thought you’d never measure up to Ram, or the emotional harbor of peace he gave me, but I was wrong.”
She gave a small shrug, seeing the shock of her hugging him leave his eyes, replaced with one of tenderness that she knew for certain was just for her. “I just never expected to find a second man with kindness in him who would be my bodyguard. Ram is gruff, but he’s kind beneath. He helped me through the worst of my weeks after I got home.”
“Ram is like a rough gemstone on the outside, but he’s a good man,” Tyler pointed out quietly. “I can see why you trusted him with your life.”
“I trust you too, Tyler,” she said, searching his eyes. She compressed her lips, studying him.
“That’s good to know.” He cleared his throat. “I was hoping maybe someday you could get there.”
“I saw the children who came up to you, curious. The first thing you did was crouch down so you weren’t so tall and threatening to them.” She saw his cheeks grow ruddy, his eyes narrowing slightly upon her. “They trusted you from the first time they saw you. Kids have phenomenal knowing and it’s instinctive. I almost cried when several of the boys ran over to you, holding up their wrapped gifts for you to see.”
Tyler smiled tentatively. “I could tell you were close to tears.”
“I’m far more emotional than I used to be. I can barely control it sometimes. Will that go away after I get on this adaptogen?”
“I don’t know. I know it takes away the anxiety and gives a person their old sense of peace and calm back. Maybe ask Ali when she goes through the regimen once she starts to work at Artemis?”
Nodding, Cara wanted to say so much more, but felt it wasn’t prudent right now. “I loved finding out that your dad is a gem miner. Maybe at dinner tonight we can talk more about your family, okay? I’d love to know them, because I think they’re special.”
“Sure,” he said. “I told Mary I’d do the cooking tonight. I know Ali is going out with some of her friends for the evening, so I thought I’d pitch in.”
Laughing a little, Cara said, “My mother always involves everyone who stays with us. Could you use a little help?”
“Sure, all I can get,” he laughed. “When I told her it was going to be beans and wieners, she didn’t look too happy about my culinary choice.”
“Oh, geez,” Cara said, touching her brow, smiling. “No, my mother loves her native foods or Latin foods. Let me help you make some chicken enchiladas tonight, may I? I know we have soft tortillas and some leftover chicken from yesterday. We’ll whip up something together.”
“Phew, you just saved my life, Cara. Thanks,” he teased. Her laughter felt like warm honey being poured into his heart.