CHAPTER NINETEEN
" need to do something about Beck, Ri," I said. I'd called her the minute Beck had stormed out of my office and told her to come up. She'd walked through the door minutes later and perched herself on the arm of one of the chairs in front of my desk.
"What do you want me to do?" she asked. She was wearing her usual uniform, a black t-shirt topped with a fashionably distressed camouflage jacket, tight black leather pants, and a pair of tightly laced Doc Martens. Her hair was pulled back in a neat braid that stretched down to the center of her back and, even without makeup, she was incredibly striking. I'd always told her she should try for a modeling career, but when I did, she'd give me look like she thought I was crazy and go back to whatever daredevil thing she was aiming to attempt. Riza had a penchant for risk taking, and that's why I made her my right hand. She'd do things that I couldn't afford to do while trying to maintain a legitimate face in the business community.
"I'm not sure, yet," I sighed. "He's out of control, though."
"'So, let him have his dope," she shrugged. "I mean, what the hell, Dax? He's going to get it from someone, and you know that. Why not let him have it from a trusted source that you know supplies clean junk?"
"I feel like if I do that, then I'm killing him, Ri," I said. "But if I don't, he's going to open his big mouth and spill what he knows, and then we're all going to suffer."
"Dax, I hate to break it to you, but your brother is a junkie," she said as she looked down and examined her hands. "I know he's your brother and that you two have been through a lot together, but when are you going to stop treating him like he's a fragile little flower and face the fact that he's a junkie?"
"He's my responsibility, Ri," I said. "I'm supposed to look after him and protect him. I feel like I failed at giving him a better life."
"Oh, Jesus H. Christ, spare me the sob story, would you please?" she said in an irritated voice. "Life is fucking hard for everyone! We've all experienced some kind of tragedy or hardship, but Beck is using it to fuel his drug habit and that's all there is to it."
"Harsh, Riza," I said narrowing my eyes as I looked up at her. She was angry with me, but she was the only one who could really challenge me because she knew what we'd been through. Heck, she'd been through it with us.
"Yeah, well, someone has to smack you with the reality stick," she said as she gave me a thin smile that contained no joy. "I'm just saying, Dax. Beck is so far gone in his addiction that there's no getting him back right now. He's either going to OD or he's going to see the light and clean himself up. And right now, I'm wagering on the former."
"But what if I can do something to save him from himself?"
"Dax, seriously man, you should know this by now," she said shaking her head. "You can't save anyone. They have to want to save themselves. Haven't you learned anything during our journey?"
I ran my hand through my hair as I exhaled loudly and shook my head. She was right. For a while after Papi had died, Riza had descended into the world of drug-induced comfort. I'd pulled her off the street more times than I could count, but it wasn't until she made the choice to get clean that she came to me and asked if I'd put her in rehab. I still had no idea what had sparked the change, but I kept asking on occasion, hoping that it would provide the key I needed to help Beck get clean.
"What made you decide to get clean?" I asked.
"C'mon man, we've been through this song and dance a hundred times," she said. "You know I don't talk about that shit."
"I'm serious, Riza," I implored her. "Maybe there's something about your experience that will make a difference for Beck."
"If that's the case, then he needs to ask me about it," she said. "I'm not gonna tell you and have you try to relay it to your junkie brother in the hope that you'll somehow save him."
"Then you tell him!" I shouted. "Dammit, Riza! We have to do something! He's slipping away and, in the process, he's trying to take us down with him!"
She sat across from me staring down at the desk for a long time before she looked up and smiled. She nodded and then stood up.
"I’ll find him and see what I can do to talk some sense into him," she finally said. "No promises, but I'll give it my best shot. And if I can't..."
"If you can't, you know what has to be done," I said meeting her gaze. "I want to save him, Ri, I really do, but if I can't, then I'm not going to have him taking down the organization on his way out."
"Consider it done, boss," she said with a nod and turned to leave.
I sighed as I rubbed the stubble on my jaw and wondered why everything felt like it was coming apart at the seams right now. First it was Lydia, and now Beck and the business. At least I had dinner with Brooke to look forward to tonight. I looked down at my watch and realized I'd better get moving if I was going to make it to her place on time.
"Can just one thing please go smoothly?" I said to the empty room as I walked out the door and down the stairs.