Tyler

---

What I want is rooted in why I needed to see her.

I thought it was curiosity. That’s what I told my cousin last weekend. And while I did want to learn all these things about her present life, I now know tonight’s not just about my curiosity.

This date is about everything I’ve denied for the last week.

My need to reconnect with her has stemmed straight from regret.

Like an alarm blaring in my ear at five a.m., blasting me from bed, it’s an unavoidable truth—I regret breaking up with her.

Oh hell, do I ever.

Maybe it doesn’t make sense, but I thought I was driven by a new need to see her again, not by an old need. Now, after the talking and the joking, the teasing about bad hair days, and the hot, searing kiss that nearly turned into fucking, I’m sure that regret has barreled past curiosity. It’s fueling me. I miss this woman. I fucking miss what we could have had if I hadn’t been so pigheaded about ending us years ago.

That’s why I have to talk to her about what went down.

I’d hinted at the subject in my striptease. The why.

And now I need to tell her.

“Yes. To talk to you and hear about what you’re up to now. But that’s not the only reason I wanted to see you.” I drum my fingers on the table. “Remember the other day when I stopped by your office?”

She laughs. “Is that how you refer to it? Stopping by my office?”

I flash her a crooked grin. “Why, yes. Seems an apropos way to describe my visit.” Then my smile fades. The moment turns more serious. “While I was there, I said breaking up with you was something I thought I had to do.”

A dark cloud passes over her eyes. She sits up straighter, shifting away from me. “I remember.”

I hold up my hands like I have nothing to hide. “I’m not being a revisionist historian here. Please know I’m not trying to justify how I ended it. I simply want to clear up the past. When I said I thought I had to split up with you, that was because I didn’t believe I could have both you and the career I wanted.”

“I know that, Tyler,” she says, her tone exasperated. “That was very clear then. You don’t have to remind me.”

Shit. I’m making it worse. I lay my hand on her forearm. Her skin is soft and warm, and this close, I catch a faint scent of her again. She smells fresh, like flowers and springtime. “I’m not trying to pour salt into a wound. And I’m not trying to shift the blame. I’m saying I was an idiot because I believed Professor Blair.”

She frowns in confusion.

Then I tell her the whole story. From the D on the paper, to the way he cleaned his glasses, to his cutthroat advice.

She sneers when I finish. “Honestly, I’m not surprised he was against me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I always thought he was a pompous windbag.”

I laugh. “He kind of was. But he was my advisor and seemed to be looking out for my best interests. I was obsessed with my career at the time, or its potential. It seemed an all or nothing choice to me, and you were the casualty. I’m not saying that was a wise choice. It was just the choice I made. That’s why I ended things the way I did. I didn’t explain it well at the time, and I’m not saying an explanation would have made it better, but I owe you the reason why I was so cold, and I want to give it to you.”

She reaches for her glass, but she doesn’t drink. She runs the pad of her finger along the rim and shoots me a pointed look. “Okay.” Her tone is cool. “You’ve given it.”

“Ouch.”

She shrugs.

But even if she’s giving up on me, I’m not done. “Look,” I say, making my case, keeping my gaze locked with hers, “wrong or right, I did believe any distractions would get in the way of law school.” I tap my chest. “That’s on me. I made that choice. And it was a bad fucking choice. But I did it, and once I decided—stupidly—that I couldn’t have both, I knew I had to go cold turkey on you.”

“Cold turkey is putting it mildly,” she scoffs. “One minute, we meant everything to each other. The next minute, you were gone from my life. Clean break.”

For a moment, I let my head hang. Then I raise my face, meet her eyes once more, and take the wine glass from her hand. I set it on the table, and hold both her hands in mine. The fact that she allows it emboldens me. It’s crazy that I’ve already backed her up to the wall and kissed her like the world was on fire, and yet I still get excited to hold her hand. “I know,” I say, imploring her. “I loved you so fucking much it was the only way I could do it.”

She blinks, then her lips part. “What?” she speaks softly, gently.

I squeeze her hands. “It’s true. It killed me ending things, and I knew I would’ve caved if I saw you at all or kept in touch. That’s why I didn’t call, or email, or anything.” I grip her hands harder. “I wanted to. I fought the urge every day. But if I had talked to you, I would’ve caved.”

She sighs heavily. “I get why you felt you had to do it. I don’t like it, but I do understand. But you need to know how much it hurt. And it’s all fine and good to sit here with you and laugh and have a drink, because I’m a big girl and I’m over it. But that doesn’t change how it felt at the time—like a huge hole in my heart. And not just because of my parents. It hurt when you left me because I loved you, and because we had planned a future together.”

I won’t give her any platitudes about how it hurt me, too. Nor will I try to Psych 101 away her family history. I have to man up and own my choices. The breakup is all on me. “I regret what I did, Delaney. That’s what I want to say. I can’t go back in time and rewrite things, but I want you to know that sitting here with you, talking to you, kissing you—every second is like drinking a big bottle of regret.”

“How does it taste, counselor?” she asks, a small curve in her lips.

“Bitter. It tastes bitter.”

“I know that taste well,” she says, then she sighs deeply. Neither one of us says anything more. I’m not usually good with silence, but perhaps it’s necessary to process what went down.

Well, for a few seconds at least. I’m glad she breaks it when she speaks again. “But I’m curious about something. If you wanted to be Mr. Courtroom Trial Lawyer so badly that you walked away from me, how the heck did you wind up in entertainment law? That’s not really a courtroom-centric field of law.”

I laugh and lean back, glad that the tough part is over for now. “You’re right. Entertainment law is mostly deal and contract focused. And as for the change, it’s a funny story, and a short one.”

She stares at me expectantly. “Waiting.”

I scratch my chin. “I learned pretty quickly what excited me about law. It turns out what I really liked wasn’t the drama of the courtroom. It was the entertainment part.”

She cracks up, tossing her head back. “Oh my God, are you kidding me?”

I shrug sheepishly. “Don’t get me wrong. I do think that part of the business is ridiculously cool. But once I was in law school, I realized, thanks to my cousin, that what I loved was entertainment itself. Movies, TV shows, books. That’s what inspired me in the first place. And I love helping clients in those areas to realize their dreams.”

“I always knew you’d be great at your job. I’m not surprised you’re a superstar now in your field and you’re barely thirty.”

I arch one eyebrow. “How do you know I’m a superstar?”

Her lips curve up. “I looked you up after we talked. Read up on your client list. Saw what you were up to. It’s impressive. I’m proud of you.”

And fuck, if I don’t still have it bad for her, those words reel me in. Yeah, I’m feeling regret big-time, but that feeling is mixed with some hope now, and it’s chased with potential. Maybe I have a second chance with her.

A burst of excitement flares inside me. To get there, I want to understand more of who she is today, this woman with the red shoes, and the magic hands, and the turtle charm, who loves her posse madly.

“What about you? You always did give me amazing shoulder rubs, but your career change is a lot bigger than simply practicing a different area of law. What’s that all about? How did you make the change?”

Before she can answer, though, the waitress appears, asking if we want refills.

Delaney shakes her head. She turns to me as the waitress leaves, and taps her empty glass. “If I have another one of these, I might do something I regret.”

My chest falls.

There’s that word again. I’m not the only one dealing with regret, or the prospect of it.

Then, she meets my eyes, and says softly, “I had a change of heart. That’s all. And now I really need to go.”

Change of heart.

That’s exactly what I don’t want her to have with me right now. I need to plead my case for another shot. And since she’s seeing her friends tomorrow, they’re the real judge and jury I’ll have to impress. I’ve got a small window to make sure Delaney knows I’m not the same guy who walked away eight years ago. I can be different.

After I pay, we head outside. Standing on the sidewalk in front of the bar, I raise my hand and finger the strands of her hair. I play to my strengths again. The physical. She leans into my hand. There. Yeah. That.

And another strength? Memory for details, especially about the things that are important to me. “Are you going for a run tomorrow morning?”

She gives me a “how’d you know my schedule” look.

“I figured you go for a run nearly every morning.”

A small smile is my answer. “I do.”

“With your friends?”

She shakes her head. “Tomorrow I’m solo. I like to run early on Saturday, since I have appointments in the morning. And getting Nicole out of bed at that hour is like asking a dog to eat broccoli.”

“Early wake-up calls don’t bother me, nor does broccoli. Tell me where to meet you.”

“Tyler,” she says, resisting.

I drop my hand to her shoulder. “Just a run. That’s all. We can run and talk. Or we can run and not talk.”

“Why?”

I cup her cheek and run my thumb over her top lip. “Because seeing you reminds me that I was wrong to listen to Professor Blair. And since I don’t have Cat Crazypants’s power to turn back time, all I can do is ask to be your running companion tomorrow morning.”

Her brown eyes sparkle. “Cat Crazypants can turn back time?”

“He sure as hell can.”

And maybe I can, too, in my own way, since she says yes.

I’ve been granted a continuance.