Chapter Fifteen
Anita and her father stopped at a fast-food spot halfway through Pennsylvania. As they sat there on plastic chairs, eating their burgers and fries, her father cleared his throat. “I have a question for you.”
“Go for it.”
“Why didn’t you contact me after you received the trust fund?”
She chewed a fry slowly as she thought back to more than twenty years ago. “I was angry. Angrier at you than I already had been. I thought you were trying to buy me off. Like I’d forgive you if you threw enough money my way.”
He lifted a brow. “Yet you spent the money.”
“Hell, yeah.” She waved another fry in the air for emphasis. “I deserved it, didn’t I, after you abandoned me? It didn’t make up for all those years of nothing, but it got me out from under my mother’s thumb. Didn’t make me forgive you, though.”
“Fair enough. But you must see that is why I didn’t attempt to contact you for many years. I took the hint and left you alone. I understand, I do. You weren’t ready. And to be honest, I wasn’t looking forward to being rejected by you.” He gathered up the trash and piled it on the tray.
“But you must know life is not often that simple,” he went on. “People are not simple, are we? We have many layers. Many reasons why we make the decisions we do. Whether they end up being right or wrong, those choices are the best we can do at the time. Do you understand what I am saying?”
“Yeah, I get it. We all make mistakes, but we never think they’re mistakes at the time.” She wouldn’t think of Noah leaving after she pushed him away.
“Not only that, but there can be more than one reason for the choices we make. And those reasons can change over time. My Maria, she was a wonderful woman. Warm and funny, and I felt blessed to have her in my life. But there was a sadness in her as well. A wish for children that never came true for her. It hurt her to know about you. To know I had a child when she was never able to. So I kept my love for you, my desire to see you and to know you, hidden from her. You didn’t want to connect with me, in any case. That was obvious to me. So why would I cause her pain by speaking of it? By leaving Spain to seek you out and face certain rejection, when it would hurt my Maria?”
“You wouldn’t,” Anita whispered. She’d never at all considered what her father’s life had been like.
“But the guilt, mija, it wouldn’t leave me alone, especially after I lost Maria. I thought it was enough that you had the money, but then I realized I was a cowardly fool. My search for you could no longer hurt my wife. If it meant I could finally have a relationship with you, anything I had to suffer would be worth it. I would risk years of rejection. As many as it takes.” He sent her a sardonic grin. “But when a man gets to my age, he wonders how many years he has left to grovel.”
Anita sucked in a breath. She remembered what her neighbor, Cindy, had said about Aggie not reaching out for the same reason. Were they all so afraid of rejection that they never even tried?
She grabbed the tray and dumped it in the trash. She reached the car before she spoke. “I wonder if that was why I never wanted to contact you. Subconsciously. What if I found out you really didn’t love me? What if I found out you actually never wanted me after all? It was better not knowing.”
Her father nodded and pulled her into a hug. His arms felt warm and strong around her, and she sank into his embrace.
“Fear is what drives us all, I think,” he said. “Fear and love and guilt.”
“You may be right.”
They spent the remaining hours talking. He told Anita about his life in Spain, which had changed so much after the death of his wife and his forced retirement. He was the youngest of three brothers, but his two older brothers had both passed away. He told her about his younger sister, Anita, whose death from pneumonia had prompted him to become a doctor. She had to blink tears away when she realized she’d been named for her father’s beloved sister.
Anita told him about her position at the university, the pleasure she found from watching young artists bloom, and the joy she felt while painting her own canvases. About the notes Aggie had left. When they stopped at a rest stop, she told him about the trips she took each July and about the flings.
“So you haven’t had any serious relationships?”
“Why would I want one of those when I have my parents’ relationship as an example?”
“Ah, I see this is where I must grovel again. I’m so sorry. Your mother and I must share the blame for your unhappy childhood. I deeply regret hurting you so badly. But I hope you know there are many people who risk heartbreak for a chance at something remarkable.”
They walked one length of the sidewalk, stretching their legs. Anita heard his words but didn’t know how to respond. All the quick retorts she’d used over the years didn’t seem to work anymore.
“Do you love Noah?” her father asked, straight and to the point.
“I don’t know.” It might not be a lie. Since she’d never fallen in love before, how did she know for sure? “I think so.” The admission flew from her lips before she realized it.
“He’s a good man. I could tell from our conversations. From the way he speaks about you.”
“He barges in where he thinks he’s needed, even if it’s none of his business. It wasn’t his place to contact you. Especially when I told him point-blank that I didn’t want to talk to you.”
That hadn’t come out exactly the way she wanted, but her father sounded more amused than hurt. “After all these hours we’ve spent together, do you still wish I’d never come?”
“No, but that’s not the point.”
“What is the point, mija?”
The point? “He…he does what he thinks is right even if I’ve already told him not to.” Bringing flowers. Lighting candles. Falling for her.
“You mean he is a man who thinks for himself?”
“He’s a man who doesn’t listen to me.”
“He is a strong man. You’re a strong woman. You need a strong man, mija, to be your equal.”
“I don’t need a man at all!” She clicked her seat belt. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.” Now was not the time. If she had her way, her father would never hear the words her mother had pounded into her head day after day. Men made you choose. Men killed your dreams.
Anita was exhausted by the time they pulled into the parking lot of the memory care facility, but they’d decided to stop there before going to Anita’s condo. She knew she’d collapse once she was home, and now that they were here, her father didn’t want to wait another day.
“It looks like a beautiful place,” he said. She could hear the nerves in his voice. He hadn’t seen Patty in forty years, and they had no idea how she would react when she saw him. Would she recognize him? Would she fly into a rage?
“It’s a great place. They take good care of her.”
Her phone rang. She didn’t recognize the name or number, but she could tell it was a Lakeside number. She glanced at her father, and he gestured he didn’t mind her answering. “Hello?”
“Ms. Delgado? My name is Steven Holder. I live here in Lakeside, and I’ve heard you’ve done some work on the old house once owned by Aggie Swanson.”
He paused, like he needed confirmation his information was correct. “Yes. She was my grandmother.”
“I’ve also heard you’re interested in selling?”
She looked out the windshield at the elegant, expensive facility. “Yes, I want to sell the house.”
“Family is important, isn’t it? My children are married and busy raising their families in other states. I’m interested in buying the house for a vacation home for when they come to visit. Their little ones have so much energy, they’re a little overwhelming.” He laughed. “I don’t know how much you’re asking, but I know what I think it’s worth.” He quoted her a price close to Ethan Bradford’s high offer.
She wouldn’t have to call a realtor. She’d have the money to take care of her mother. There would be children running in the yard and playing on the porch as she’d imagined. “I just want to make sure you’re not going to demolish my grandmother’s home.”
“I can promise you I will not tear down your grandmother’s house.”
That was reassuring. Knowing there would be a new family enjoying the house made all the difference. “Okay, well, I’m in Philadelphia right now. You should go to the open house this weekend, and we can talk next week.”
“I don’t need to see the interior to make the offer, Ms. Delgado. I’ve been in the house before. You don’t even have to be in Lakeside for the sale to go through. If you agree to the price, I can have my attorney draw up a contract today. He could email it to you within a couple of hours.”
“That sounds great. I’ll look forward to studying the contract tonight.” And once she signed it, her only tie to Lakeside would be severed.
…
Could the entire population of Lakeside fit into the village hall? Noah thought maybe they could. He wondered if they had passed the maximum occupancy, but the fire chief had stopped by to shake his hand not five minutes ago, so he figured they were okay. Most people stopped by to tell him good luck, even the ones he figured would be voting for his opponent.
He’d never been to one of these Lakeside meet and greets before. He never understood the need, since most everyone knew both candidates. Apparently, it was an excuse for coffee and cookies, catching up with friends, and maybe asking a question or two of the candidates if there was an issue they were concerned with.
His folks and brothers were working the crowd for him, even though he’d never asked them to. So were his daughters. Even Charlene was smiling and talking Noah up. He felt so lucky. If only Anita were here.
There were always a few constituents who had to cause drama as time went on. Asking questions about the renovations. Why had he done this? Why hadn’t he done that? What did he know about running a village? Where was Anita? He didn’t mind the genuine questions. It was the loud, sarcastic ones asked by members of the Bradford faction that made him clench his teeth while he answered truthfully.
Ethan was on the other side of the room, his laughter loud enough to rise above the chatter of conversation going on around them. Noah feared for the village if Bradford was elected mayor.
Ginny came up to Noah and slid her arm around his waist. “Don’t worry about him. He’s a loud braggart. Most of the people here can see right through him. Most of the people here trust you.”
“I hope you’re right.” He knew almost everyone in the village, but that didn’t mean they trusted him to be mayor.
The two hours seemed to drag on for half a day. The minute hand was inching the final time toward twelve when Ethan sidled over to him. “How do you feel about your chances after tonight, Colburn?”
“I feel great.” How could he answer any other way?
He shook his head as if he felt sorry for Noah’s delusions. “I warned your girlfriend that you’d messed up your chances when you bet all your chips on fixing up that old house.”
“What? You talked to Anita?”
“Didn’t she tell you I offered to take the house off her hands? More than once. I imagine she thought she was being loyal to you by turning me down.”
“Unlike you, my reasons for running for mayor and for renovating the house are for the town, not for glory or money.”
“No one in Lakeside was taken in by that publicity stunt.”
“That house belongs on the lake, and anyone who comes to the open house will see exactly how I plan to blend the old and new.”
“Doesn’t matter. Politics isn’t the place for you. Admit it. Better to stay in the junkyard, where you belong.”
Bastard. Noah was pleased the word didn’t burst out of his mouth. He nearly smiled when he imagined Anita would have had no qualms saying it out loud. Noah was going to take the high road, though, no matter what. Rudy Armstrong, Ethan’s partner in their new development company, came up to them, along with his son-in-law, Steve.
Rudy leaned close to Ethan. “It’s a done deal,” he said in a loud whisper, sliding his gaze to Noah.
“Excellent.” Ethan turned to Noah and gave him a wide, fake smile. “See you at the open house, Colburn.”
Ginny appeared as Noah watched the three men stride away. “What do you think that was about?” she asked.
“I don’t know. But I don’t like it.”
Sam Hernandez came over. The smile he and Ginny shared told Noah there was definitely something going on there. If not, there should be. “So how was your first meet and greet, Noah?”
Nerve-wracking. Exhausting. Interminable. “Great.”
Sam chuckled. “You did a good job tonight. Not my favorite way to spend my time, either.”
“So what’s your take, Sam? What are my chances? Realistically?”
“I heard a lot of positive feedback tonight,” Sam said. “I think it’s going to be tight, though. Ethan’s been out in the public eye more than you have in the past few years. The voters may see him as more mayor material.”
“Yeah, slick and two-faced,” Ginny said.
Sam sent an indulgent smile Ginny’s way, then turned back to Noah. “Well, if you don’t make it this time, I think you should run for a board position in the fall. Get people used to you being a political figure in the community.’
“Great. You’re giving up on me already?”
“Not at all. Just being realistic, man.”
“I posted a picture of Noah shaking hands, surrounded by smiling people,” Ginny said. “I hope it helps.”
Sarah and Hannah ran over and gave him a hug. “I wish we weren’t too young to vote,” Sarah told him. “This was so cool. The election process in action.” Hannah rolled her eyes, and he chuckled. His girls couldn’t be more different in their interests.
“We’re going home with Mom,” Hannah told him. “Love you, Dad.” They waved and left with Charlene. He didn’t know how long his ex planned to stay in the house, but he’d push soon if she didn’t start making other plans. The girls would be leaving for college in a few weeks, and he wasn’t going to be living in the house alone with his ex-wife.
Carter and Beckett came over. “Mom and Dad are heading home,” Carter told him. “They said they’re real proud of you.” He nudged Noah. “So am I. I’ll buy a round at Bud’s if anyone’s interested.”
“I am,” Beck said. “Holly went home with Mom and Dad, so I’m free tonight.”
Sam looked at Ginny. “You going? I’ll walk over with you.”
She beamed. “Sure.”
Noah watch them walk away, side by side if not hand in hand. He missed Anita. He wanted to get through the next few days, and as soon as the election was over, he was going to make the trip to Philadelphia and convince her the one-month limit was bullshit. He’d give her all the time she needed if she’d only agree to give them a chance.
…
Anita’s father grasped her hand as they walked down the hallway to her mother’s room. She squeezed his hand and then knocked quickly before opening the door. The rooms here were spacious and beautifully decorated. Patty Delgado was sitting in a comfortable rocking chair beside a large window. She wore a soft-yellow shirt and white pants. Her silver hair was combed, and she wore the rosy lipstick she loved. She was well taken care of here.
She looked up when Anita walked in and Tony came in behind her.
Her mother looked past Anita, and her eyes widened. She beamed a smile. “Tony! There you are. I’ve been waiting for you.”
Her father rushed to her side and dropped to his knees. His hands shook as he grasped hers. “Querida. I am sorry it took so long. Do you forgive me?”
“Of course, silly.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “I love you.”
Anita’s heart stopped. Could her heart actually stop? She slapped her hand to her chest, and when it started up again, the heavy thud was a bone-deep ache. Her mother remembered the man she’d cursed for forty years, forgave him when she never forgave anyone?
She stumbled from the room and into a small, private sitting area at the end of the hall. She curled up in a love seat upholstered in a smooth fabric splashed with roses the color of the ones Noah had brought her the day they’d begun their fling. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks.
Anita thought she’d accepted her mother’s dementia. Accepted she didn’t remember her own daughter, the child she’d fought so hard to keep in her grasp. Anita knew Patty lived in the moment now. That most memories of the past had slipped through the holes in her mind, slipped out of her grasp. But apparently, she hadn’t forgotten Tony. She probably wasn’t aware of what she was forgiving him for.
Did it matter? It had taken a terrible disease to wipe away the memories of the things that had made her mother an angry, bitter woman. Anita had lost her mother, the stubborn, angry mother. The one she’d loved anyway. The only mother she knew. There was no way to get her back. All the wishing in the world would not allow her to connect to that Patty, to receive that Patty’s apology.
She’d never had a chance to know her grandmother. More than anything, she’d have liked to confront her mother about that, but the mother she’d known would have blamed Aggie for that one mistake and used it to justify keeping her from Anita. Now, the sale of Aggie’s house would see that her daughter was taken care of.
She grabbed a tissue from the box on the end table and wiped her eyes. Stubborn. Selfish. Fallible. Human. They’d all made mistakes. As her father said, they couldn’t change the past. All they could do was move on from this moment.
Anita had already accepted she could have a relationship with the father she’d never known. Now she realized that even though she’d lost the mother she’d known, that didn’t mean she couldn’t have a new, different relationship with the mother she had now.
She slipped back into her mother’s room. Her parents were sitting side by side in the love seat in the corner, holding hands and smiling at each other.
Her father turned to look at her, his eyes shining with tears as well. “Mija, isn’t she beautiful?”
Anita nodded, unable to speak.
Her mother frowned. “Do I know you?”
The hurt might never go away. Still, she smiled. “Hello. I’m Anita.”
Her mother rubbed her forehead. “I used to have a daughter named Anita. Remember, Tony? Anita.”
“Yes. She’s the best of both of us.”
“She was so sweet, and I was so angry. Why was I so angry?” She began to wring her hands in her lap. “I wonder if she forgives me. I hope she forgives me.”
Her father glanced at Anita, his raised brow a question. She nodded. How could she not? Not only did her childhood make her the woman she was today, but she couldn’t hold against her mother what she didn’t remember. All they could do was move on.
Her father shushed her softly, covered her hands with his. “She forgives you. She loves you.”
“Do you think so?”
He spared Anita a quick glance before focusing again on Patty. “I know she does.”
Her mother smiled again, her expression young and playful. “Remember those nights at the lake? The swing on the porch?”
“Drinking lots of beer?”
Patty giggled. “We hid the bottles from my mother.”
Anita sank into an upholstered chair across the room and watched her parents together, reconnecting as much as was possible. Her mother looked the happiest Anita had ever seen her. This must be the Patty Noah’s parents had known.
“We wasted so much time,” her mother murmured. She blinked. “When do you have to get to class?”
“Not today, querida.”
Wasted time. Had Anita been wasting her time, putting her all into a career she enjoyed but that didn’t fulfill her? Picking easygoing men to have affairs with, men she knew she wouldn’t get serious with and who wouldn’t want more than she was willing to give, instead of looking for a man to connect with on a deeper level?
Women in our family are stubborn and tend to overreact, and they find it very hard to forgive.
Was her stubbornness, was all their stubbornness, simply a fear of the unknown?
What would it be like to give in to the love she felt for Noah? She was a pathetic hypocrite when you got right down to it. She’d always prided herself for jumping into things without thinking about them first. Doing instead of talking about it, and all that. And yet, she’d never dared jump into love.
Did she want to turn into a bitter woman like her mother? Angry and regretful like Aggie? It was time to give up the excuses and embrace the possibilities.
It was time to break the cycle.
Love’s choices weren’t always bad. Anita didn’t bother to blink away the new tears. So simple. Sometimes it was simple after all. Stripped down to the basics, the answers were clear.
She didn’t have to be afraid of love. And it wasn’t weak to forgive.
She hadn’t been paying attention to what her parents were talking about while she had her little epiphany, but her mother suddenly sat up straight. “When do you have to go to Spain?”
Her father leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I’m not going back to Spain, querida.”
Her mother placed her hand on the spot where his lips had been. “Oh, I’m glad. I would miss you so much.”
Anita missed Noah. They might not have known each other all that long, but they fit. They might be opposites in many ways, but they brought out the best in each other. After an entire month with her other flings, she’d never felt anything close to the overwhelming grief that had burrowed into her chest when she’d left Noah.
She watched her parents get to know each other again. There was no telling how much her mother would remember in the morning, but it had been a good day.
When it was time to go, her parents embraced, and then Anita walked over to her mother.
“Patty, I’d like to come with Tony tomorrow to visit again. Is that okay with you?”
“Of course. I love visitors.”
Anita’s voice cracked. “Could I give you a hug before I go?”
“Okay.” And Anita was wrapped up in her mother’s arms for the first time in a very long time.
When they got to her condo, her father sat her down. “Mija, I was telling the truth when I told your mother I wouldn’t go back to Spain. Not now. I would like to stay. To spend time with Patty. Would I be able to stay here with you for a short time while I sort things out?”
“Of course.”
“I will also take responsibility for the cost of her care. I know that has been a burden for you.” A huge weight lifted off her shoulders. “I have the resources available, and it is the least I can do.”
Anita could see he was exhausted. “There’s only one bedroom, but the sofa is a sleeper. I’ll grab some bedding for you.”
Later, Anita sat propped up in bed, too tired to drop off. Her father had fallen asleep almost immediately on the sofa bed in the living room. The sales contract for the lake house was in her inbox, but she wasn’t up to going over it tonight. She pulled up the Lakeside village page for any news about Noah.
The meet and greet for the candidates had been tonight. Ginny had posted a photo of Noah talking to a bunch of people. He looked impressive, responsible. Anita stared at him for longer than she should. She missed him already. His touch, his smiles, his steadiness.
And she’d pushed him away.
Noah’s daughters had posted, too, about what a great dad he was, and how he would be a great mayor. She’d love to get to know his girls better. They seemed like good kids.
An intense wave of longing washed over her. For Noah. For Lakeside. She grabbed a fat teal pillow and clutched it tightly. In a flash of delayed brilliance, she asked herself the most important question. What is keeping me here?
Her mom, sure, but her father planned to stay here and spend as much time as he could with her. And now she didn’t have to worry about selling the house to pay for her care.
She had her job at the university, but she could teach elsewhere. And she could paint anywhere.
Especially in a bright studio overlooking Lake Margaret.
If she wasn’t in such a rush to sell the house, couldn’t she stay there? See if she could learn to love it in Lakeside. She could spend more time with Noah and discover if what they thought they felt for each other was the real deal.
It was possible, wasn’t it? Hadn’t that been what Noah had asked her before she’d sent him away? Stay? Stay a while instead of running away at the first hint of emotion? Give them a chance?
While she let this new possibility find a place to settle in her heart and mind, she scrolled some more on the village page. She smiled at a photo of the park decorated for Fourth Fest. A shot of the fireworks. A photo of a group of village kids at the ice cream shop, wide, messy smiles and melted ice cream dripping on their T-shirts.
Anita froze when she saw a picture of Ethan Bradford standing with two other men. The older man wasn’t as tall as Ethan and was much heavier, but he wore his suit just as well. The younger one was maybe Ethan’s age. The three of them stood shoulder to shoulder and were laughing like they knew the punch line. It was the post that went with it, obviously from Helen Bradford or one of their group, that caught her eye. “Mayoral candidate Ethan Bradford celebrating with business partner Rudy Armstrong and Armstrong’s son-in-law, Steven Holder, after an auspicious reception at the Lakeside Meet and Greet tonight.”
“That lying sack of shit!”