While the fairies battled the witches in Central Park, General Wilson and his Marines were up against the fight of their lives. The Literary Army had the strongest, fastest, and most efficient opposition the United States soldiers had ever faced. The flying monkeys swooped in from the sky and yanked the Marines’ weapons out of their hands before they even knew what was happening. The Jolly Roger blasted their cannons at all the Marines’ Hummers and tanks, and at the rooftops where the pirates spotted snipers. Once they were virtually defenseless, the Winkies and card soldiers rounded up all the Marines in Midtown Manhattan and forced them to kneel in the middle of Fifty-Ninth Street on the edge of Central Park.

The Winkies and card soldiers surrounded the captured Marines while the Jolly Roger and the flying monkeys watched them from the air above. The literary soldiers only parted as the Wicked Witch, the Queen of Hearts, and Captain Hook came to have a word with the prisoners.

“Which one of you is in charge?” the Queen of Hearts asked.

Against his sergeant’s advice, General Wilson got to his feet and addressed the literary villains.

“I am,” he announced. “I’m General Gunther Wilson of the United States Marines. Who the heck are you people?”

“Now, now, General,” the Wicked Witch said. “That’s no way to speak to your new commanders.”

“The United States Marines only answer to one commander—and that’s our commander in chief,” General Wilson said.

“And where is he?” Captain Hook asked, and looked around the New York street. “He must step forward immediately and surrender the Otherworld to us!”

“She is in Washington, DC,” General Wilson said. “And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’ll never get close to her. You see, we’re just a fraction of the United States military; the rest of it is surrounding the city as we speak. The minute you step off this island, you’ll all be annihilated.”

The Wicked Witch, the Queen of Hearts, and Captain Hook were amused by the general’s remarks. The villains looked at one another and howled with menacing laughter.

“Then we’ll disarm them just as easily as we’ve disarmed you,” the Queen of Hearts said. “This isn’t the first world we’ve conquered, General, and it won’t be the last. Soon the heads of your precious military and commander in chief will be mounted on our wall!”

“But you and your men don’t have to perish in the process,” the Wicked Witch said. “You and your men could join our army and be part of our great empire.”

General Wilson took off his sunglasses so the villains could see every inch of his disgusted and impassioned scowl.

“We’d rather die than join the likes of you!” he shouted.

“So be it,” Captain Hook said. “Mr. Smee, prepare the cannons!”

The pirates aboard the Jolly Roger loaded the ship’s cannons and aimed them at the Marines. The general and his soldiers closed their eyes and braced themselves for a massacre.

“On my count of three!” Captain Hook ordered. “One… two…”

Suddenly, the Dolly Llama descended from the sky and shielded the Marines from the Jolly Roger’s cannons. The floating ships were so close to each other, the pirates could see the whites of one another’s eyes. Peter Pan stood beside Captain Auburn Sally and Admiral Jacobson on the upper deck.

“Oi! Codfish!” Peter Pan called down to Captain Hook. “Miss me?”

The sight of Peter Pan made Captain Hook growl like a wounded animal.

“Peeeter Paaan?” he roared. “What are you doing in the Otherworld?”

“I couldn’t let you have all the fun without me, now could I?” Peter Pan taunted him. “Leave these Marines alone, Captain. Finish your fight with me before you pick another one.”

Captain Hook glared at the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up with so much hatred, it was a miracle his face didn’t catch fire.

“Smee, drop a ladder!” Captain Hook ordered.

Mr. Smee rolled a rope ladder off the side of the ship and it touched the ground. Captain Hook grabbed hold of the ladder and pointed to the Dolly Llama with his hook.

“After that ship!” he commanded.

Peter Pan stuck his tongue out at Captain Hook. Admiral Jacobson spun the Dolly Llama’s wheel, and the ship rose higher into the sky, with the Jolly Roger soaring after it. The flying monkeys also flew after the Dolly Llama to assist the Jolly Roger, but the creatures came to an abrupt stop when the Ziblings’ colorful jet zipped into their path. The superheroes and their adoptive father waved at the monkeys from inside the cockpit.

“Attention, Hominidae-Accipitridae hybrids,” Professor Wallet said through the aircraft’s speaker. “Resist your animalistic urges and spare yourselves from a cataclysmic fate!”

The flying monkeys scratched their heads and looked at one another in confusion. The Ziblings rolled their eyes at the professor’s terminology, and Bolt took the microphone from him.

“In translation: Just ’cause monkey see, don’t mean monkey should do,” Bolt said. “Ditch the flying ship and come with us! We’ll make it worth your while!”

Morph transformed into a pile of bananas to tease the monkeys. The winged creatures were tempted to go after the Ziblings’ jet, but they glanced down at the Wicked Witch for permission first.

“Tear that flying chunk of metal apart!” the Wicked Witch ordered them.

Since the flying monkeys were under the witch’s spell, they had no choice but to obey her. The winged creatures hurtled after the Ziblings’ jet with their claws raised and their sharp teeth exposed. The superheroes yanked on their aircraft’s gears, and the jet zoomed into the clouds.

“I DARE SAY, MERRY MEN,” shouted a boisterous voice. “WHAT SORT OF SELF-RESPECTING MAN REFERS TO HIMSELF AS A WINKIE?”

The Wicked Witch looked down Fifty-Ninth Street and saw Robin Hood, Little John, Alan-a-Dale, Will Scarlet, and Friar Tuck standing at Columbus Circle. The circle was a New York City landmark and had a tall statue of Christopher Columbus in the center of a roundabout connecting Fifty-Ninth Street to Broadway.

“WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT HIDEOUS WOMAN THE WINKIES TAKE ORDERS FROM,” Robin Hood said. “DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE IN LOXLEY CALL A WOMAN WITH ONE EYE, TERRIBLE CLOTHES, AND A HAGGARD FACE?”

“I don’t know, Robin,” Little John said. “What do you call her?”

“SINGLE!” the Prince of Thieves declared.

The Merry Men burst into a fit of haughty laughter. The Wicked Witch grunted at the insult, and steam piped out of her ears.

“After those arrogant men!” she ordered.

Also under the witch’s spell, the Winkie soldiers immediately sprinted down the street and dashed after the Prince of Thieves. The Wicked Witch sat sidesaddle on her magic umbrella and flew above her soldiers. Robin Hood and the Merry Men hightailed it out of Columbus Circle and ran north on Broadway, leading their followers to another part of the city.

As the Queen of Hearts watched the Wicked Witch and the Winkies race off, a stiff hand unexpectedly tapped her on the shoulder.

“Excuse me, ma’am?” asked a voice behind her. “Would you happen to know how to get to Grand Central Station from here?”

The Queen of Hearts turned around and discovered the Tin Woodman standing behind her. The queen had never seen a man made of metal before, and a delighted squeal escaped her lips. She stepped toward the metal man with eyes like a predator.

“My word, what a remarkably rare head you have,” she said, and stroked the side of his face. “It would be a wonderful addition to my collection.”

“Come again?” the Tin Woodman asked.

“GUARDS, SEIZE THIS MAN AT ONCE!” the Queen of Hearts shouted. “AND OFF WITH HIS HEAD!”

“And this is why you don’t ask for directions in strange cities,” the Tin Woodman said to himself.

The Ozian ran from the deranged queen as fast as his tin legs would carry him. He took a sharp turn on Fifth Avenue, heading south into the city, and the card soldiers hurried after him. The Queen of Hearts snapped her fingers, and two of her soldiers joined hands, scooped her up, and carried her with them as they chased after the Tin Woodman.

Unbeknownst to the Literary Army, they had just been strategically lured away by Conner’s friends and characters—and the villains had taken the bait like a hungry school of fish. Now that the Jolly Roger was flying after the Dolly Llama, the flying monkeys were following the Ziblings, the Winkies were running after the Merry Men, and the card soldiers were chasing the Tin Woodman, the general and the Marines were left completely unattended on Fifty-Ninth Street.

The Marines looked around the street in total bewilderment—how had they gone from facing certain execution to freedom so quickly?

“Sir, what just happened?” a Marine asked.

“That was called luck, Sergeant,” General Wilson responded. “Let’s not press it any further.”

“Your orders, sir?” asked another Marine.

“Evacuate Manhattan immediately,” General Wilson said. “And someone get the president on the phone at once. We need authorization to wipe out these barbarians before they disperse.”

“Sir, what does that mean?”

“I’m saying we are at DEFCON-2, Sergeant,” the general barked. “We need to vaporize this island while those savages are still on it. In less than an hour, New York City will only exist in our memories.”

The Dolly Llama snaked between the city’s buildings with the Jolly Roger hot on its tail. The pirates fired their cannons at one another, but the ships floated so freely, it was difficult to hit their targets. Cannonballs slammed into the high-rises they sailed past, leaving a trail of shattered glass, broken antennas, and busted corporate logos throughout Midtown Manhattan.

“Enough cat-and-mouse games,” Captain Auburn Sally announced. “It’s time to confront these scallywags face-to-face!”

The Dolly Llama set sail for the Empire State Building, then made a dramatic turn. Admiral Jacobson tied down the ship’s helm, and the Dolly Llama began circling the Empire State Building. The Jolly Roger mimicked the maneuver and also revolved around the building.

Captain Auburn Sally and her crew swung onto the observation deck while Admiral Jacobson and his fleet manned the cannons. Captain Hook and his men joined the women on the observation deck, leaving Mr. Smee to operate all the Jolly Roger’s cannons on his own. The men of the Jolly Roger and the women of the Dolly Llama formed lines at opposite ends of the observation deck and drew their weapons.

“Men like you give pirates a bad name,” Captain Auburn Sally said.

“You aren’t pirates,” Captain Hook said with a laugh. “You’re just a bunch of little girls with attitude!”

“Then I feel sorry for you, Hook,” Auburn Sally said. “Because you and your men are about to get your booty handed to you by a bunch of little girls. Ladies, charge!”

The pirates from Starboardia and the pirates from Neverland clashed in a swashbuckling spectacle eighty-six stories above the ground. Cannonballs flew above their heads as the circling ships sparred in the air. The sounds of clanking swords and firing cannons echoed in the streets of New York City.

The crew of the Dolly Llama were gifted swordswomen, but they also used some of their signature moves to battle the men of the Jolly Roger. Winking Wendy made her opponents sick by flashing the empty socket under her eye patch. Fish-Lips Lucy gave her adversaries painful hickeys when they least expected it. Somersault Sydney tumbled across the observation deck and knocked down the men in her path like they were bowling pins. Stinky-Feet Phoebe held her smelly feet against her challengers’ faces until the fumes made them lose consciousness. Too-Much-Rum Ronda broke empty bottles of rum over the pirates’ heads—and after a long week at the Saint Andrew’s Children’s Hospital commissary, Ronda had a lot of empty bottles.

While the pirates battled on top of the Empire State Building, Peter Pan covertly flew over to the Jolly Roger. He quietly searched all the ship’s decks for Tinker Bell, but the fairy was nowhere to be found.

“Looking for this, Peter?” Captain Hook called to him.

Peter Pan jerked his head toward the sound of Hook’s voice. The captain was standing on the edge of the observation deck with a jar dangling from his hook, and Peter saw Tinker Bell trapped inside it.

“Give her back!” Peter Pan shouted.

“If you want her, come and get her!” Captain Hook yelled.

Peter Pan removed the dagger from his boot and met Captain Hook on the edge of the observation deck. The literary characters fought each other with more intensity than ever before. The more they fought, the higher they climbed, and soon they were dueling on the roof of the observation deck. Captain Hook climbed a ladder up the side of the building’s spire while Peter hovered in the air beside him—all while blocking deadly blows from the other’s weapon. Finally, the captain reached the very top of the building’s spire and couldn’t climb any higher.

“Hand over the fairy,” Peter Pan demanded.

The captain couldn’t tell if Peter was deliberately taunting him, but he still cringed at the word hand.

“Do you know what I wish I could do more than anything else in the world, Peter?” Captain Hook asked.

“Clap?” Peter Pan guessed.

“What?” the captain asked. “No!”

“Do a handstand?”

“NO!”

“Play the piano?”

“STOP IT! STOP MAKING APPENDAGE JOKES!”

“Why? Is it getting out of hand?”

“YOU ARE SO IMMATURE!”

“Captain, now is not the time to point the finger.”

Peter Pan was beside himself with laughter. Captain Hook growled angrily and got back to his point.

“More than anything, I want to see you lose something you love,” the captain said. “But since it’s impossible to hold you down and cut off your hand, I’ve decided to hit you where it hurts the most. You want Tinker Bell back? Catch!”

Captain Hook threw Tinker Bell’s jar into the air, and it plummeted toward the streets below. Peter Pan dived after the jar—and as he passed the Jolly Roger, Mr. Smee fired a cannon at him. Instead of a cannonball, though, a wide net erupted from the cannon and wrapped itself around Peter. The boy landed on the roof of the observation deck and was too firmly tangled in the net to save Tinker Bell.

“TINK!” Peter Pan screamed.

The Rosary Chicken hadn’t moved from the deck of the Dolly Llama since the battle began, but as she watched the helpless fairy fall to her death, the chicken knew this was her moment to contribute. The Rosary Chicken plunged toward the jar, but just as she clutched the jar’s handle with her beak, the chicken suddenly remembered she couldn’t fly!

“SQUUUUAW!” the Rosary Chicken squawked as she fell toward her own certain death.

Fortunately, her desperate chirps were heard by another one of Conner’s characters. At the top of the Dolly Llama’s mast, the Blissworm emerged from its cocoon to save its friend. However, the Blissworm didn’t exit its chrysalis as a smiling, squishy space worm. Instead, a massive creature slipped out of the cocoon and landed on the deck of the Dolly Llama with a loud thud. The creature had bulging biceps, defined abdominal muscles, three feathered antennas, and a wide set of wings whose pattern, when they stretched open, resembled a sad face. The Blissworm had evolved into the next phase of its metamorphosis: a ferocious Mad Moth.

The Mad Moth got to its feet, roared like a Tyrannosaurus rex, and beat on its broad chest like a gorilla. The creature was such a fascinating sight, all the pirates on the Empire State Building stopped fighting to watch it—some even took a seat. The Mad Moth leaped off the Dolly Llama, using the entire ship as a diving board, and whooshed toward Tinker Bell and the Rosary Chicken. The Mad Moth caught up to the chicken and the fairy within a few feet of the street below.

“SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!”

The Rosary Chicken was more afraid of the Mad Moth than the fall. The massive insect returned to the Dolly Llama and gently placed the chicken and Tinker Bell’s jar on the deck. Peter Pan and the characters from Starboardia cheered the Mad Moth’s bold rescue. It was so impressive, even a few of the Jolly Roger pirates clapped along.

“NOOOOOO!” Captain Hook yelled. “He was supposed to lose something he loved!”

The livid captain slid down the Empire State Building’s spire and landed beside Peter Pan on the roof of the observation deck. The boy was still trapped in the net and couldn’t move. Captain Hook raised his sword over Peter’s head, preparing to strike him with a final, fatal blow. Right before the captain would have slain the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up, Auburn Sally somersaulted across the roof and sliced off Captain Hook’s remaining hand. The captain’s sword (and his hand) fell to the ground.

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Captain Hook roared in agony.

Strangely, instead of blood gushing from the captain’s veins, the only thing that came out was words. All the adjectives that James M. Barrie used to describe the horrible Captain Hook spewed from the captain’s severed wrist.

Captain Hook tucked his wounded arm into his shoulder and lost his balance. He fell over the railing of the observation deck and plunged toward the ground. The captain hit the street with such a powerful thump that the entire block rattled. When the pirates looked down, instead of seeing the captain’s body, they saw more of James M. Barrie’s words splattered across the pavement. The words slowly sizzled into smoke and disappeared.

After witnessing their captain’s fall to his death, the Jolly Roger pirates raised their hands in surrender. Peter Pan was cut free from the net and was happily reunited with Tinker Bell. Not-So-Jolly Joan burst into tears and blew her nose in Peg-Leg Peggy’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Joan?” Peg-Leg Peggy asked.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Not-So-Jolly Joan sniffled. “I just love a happy ending.”

The Ziblings’ jet zipped through the sky above New York City, but no matter how inconsistently they piloted the aircraft, the superheroes couldn’t lose the flying monkeys trailing them. Blubo joined the swarm of winged creatures as they soared after the jet, but not because he was under the Wicked Witch’s spell. The little monkey was looking for his family and spotted his parents at the front of the flock.

“Mom! Dad! It’s me—it’s Blubo!” he shouted.

“Blubo!” his mother cried. “What are you doing here?”

“You were supposed to stay at the witch’s castle in Oz!” his father said.

Despite the concerned expressions on their faces, Blubo’s parents never slowed down to greet their son or even turned to see him. Like all the other monkeys, they kept their eyes fixed on the Ziblings’ jet.

“I met some friends who are going to stop the Wicked Witch!” Blubo told them. “Those superheroes are with us—they’re good guys! You’ve got to stop chasing them before someone gets hurt!”

“I wish we could, son,” his father said. “As long as the Wicked Witch is wearing the golden cap, the monkeys are under her control.”

“I know, but can’t you fight the spell?” Blubo asked.

“We’ve tried, sweetheart, but it’s no use,” his mother said. “The Wicked Witch’s magic is too powerful. You should get out of here and enjoy your life while you still can. Once you get older, you’ll be under the witch’s control, too.”

Despite his parents’ advice, Blubo wasn’t ready to give up just yet. The little monkey left the flock and glided toward the city on a daring mission to save himself, his parents, and his species.

Eventually, the flying monkeys caught up with the Ziblings’ jet. The creatures landed on the aircraft’s wings and began ripping it apart panel by panel. A loud alarm sounded inside the cockpit to warn the passengers.

“That’s not good,” Professor Wallet said. “Those chimps are going to make us crash if we don’t intervene!”

“Don’t worry, Dad, we’ll take care of it!” Bolt said. “You stay inside and steer; we’ll go outside and save the jet before this flight goes bananas. Get it? Because they’re monkeys.”

Blaze, Whipney, and Morph sighed at their little brother’s joke.

“You’ve really got to work on those one-liners, Bolt,” Whipney said.

“Yeah, it’s kind of crucial if you want to be remembered,” Blaze said.

“But more importantly merchandized,” Morph said.

The Ziblings crawled out of a hatch at the top of the cockpit to handle the flying monkeys outside. The aircraft was speeding at hundreds of miles per hour, and Blaze, Whipney, Morph, and Bolt had to hold on tightly to the edge of the wings so they didn’t fly off.

Blaze hit the flying monkeys with fiery blasts from the tips of his fingers. Whipney whipped the winged creatures off the jet with her long braids of hair. Morph transformed into a giant octopus and knocked the monkeys off the aircraft with his enormous limbs. Bolt zapped the monkeys with bursts of electricity, but since they were all clinging to a metal object, every time he missed, he accidentally electrocuted his brothers and sister.

“BOLT!” they yelled in unison.

“Sorry—my bad!” he apologized.

Soon there were so many flying monkeys covering the jet, the aircraft looked like a large black bird flying through the air. One of the monkeys ripped off a panel and found a bundle of wires underneath it. The monkey sliced the wires with its teeth, and the jet’s engines stopped working. The Ziblings’ jet suddenly dropped from the sky and plunged toward the streets below.

“Hold on tight, children!” Professor Wallet’s voice called from the speakers. “It’s going to be a bumpy landing!”

Their mission complete, the flying monkeys abandoned the wings of the jet. Morph transformed into a giant parachute to ease the approaching impact, but the jet was too heavy. The Ziblings’ jet smashed through the roof of a Broadway theater and nose-dived into the orchestra pit. The rough landing knocked the wind out of the superheroes, and they slid down the aircraft and rolled onto the theater’s stage. Professor Wallet crawled out from a mountain of airbags and rested beside his children.

Bolt looked around the theater as he caught his breath. “It could have been worse,” he said. “We could have landed Off-Broadway.”

The smallest superhero snickered at his own joke, and to his surprise, his brothers and sister laughed, too.

“Much better,” Blaze said.

“Now, that’s a good line,” Morph agreed.

“See, it just takes practice,” Whipney said.

Suddenly, high-pitched screeching echoed inside the theater. The Ziblings looked through the fresh hole in the roof and saw that the flying monkeys were headed toward the theater—they weren’t finished with the superheroes yet. The other Ziblings were still catching their breath, so Bolt leaped to his feet and flew toward the ceiling.

“I’ll be right back,” Bolt said. “I’ve got some monkey business to take care of!”

His brothers and sister groaned.

“Annnnnd you lost me,” Blaze said.

“Less is more,” Morph said.

“Should have stopped at Off-Broadway,” Whipney said.

Bolt rocketed out of the theater and soared right past the flying monkeys. Just the way a bird protects her nest from a predator, the distraction worked, and the monkeys followed Bolt instead.

The superhero flew east and spotted the Chrysler Building in the distance. The sparkling skyscraper gave Bolt an idea. He landed at the very tip of the building’s sharp spire, and the winged creatures landed below him. The monkeys charged up the sides of the building toward the little superhero, intending to tear him apart like the Ziblings’ jet.

Bolt waited until all the flying monkeys were on the Chrysler Building’s metal-coated roof; then he looked up at the clouds and summoned a powerful bolt of lightning from the sky. The lightning hit the spire and sent a wave of electricity through the building. The extreme voltage made every lightbulb burst, every window shatter, and it electrocuted all the flying monkeys. The winged creatures were zapped so hard they looked like balls of fur with wings. The monkeys fluttered to the ground and passed out as soon as they hit the street.

“Well, that’ll put a monkey wrench in their day!” Bolt chuckled.

The little superhero was so proud of himself for defeating the flying monkeys, he didn’t even need his siblings to approve his one-liner. He threw his head back and laughed until his belly hurt.

The Winkies and the Wicked Witch followed Robin Hood and the Merry Men up Broadway to Lincoln Center. The center was home to five large theaters that sat around a spacious courtyard with a large fountain in the center. Robin Hood and the Merry Men sprinted up the steps of the courtyard, and although there were plenty of places to run, they stopped at the edge of the fountain. The Winkies quickly filled the courtyard and surrounded the Merry Men with their weapons raised.

“You morons give up so easily,” the Wicked Witch remarked.

“DO YOU HEAR THAT SHRILL SOUND, MERRY MEN?” Robin Hood asked. “THE WITCH’S VOICE IS EVEN UGLIER THAN HER FACE, AND I DIDN’T THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLE.”

“Silence!” the Wicked Witch commanded.

“I MEAN, LOOK AT HER,” Robin continued. “THE WITCH IS SO UGLY, WHEN SHE WAS BORN, THE DOCTOR PROBABLY SLAPPED HER TWICE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T KNOW WHICH END WAS WHICH.”

“All right, that’s enough—”

“THE WITCH IS SO UGLY, SHE WENT TO A FUNERAL AND THE CORPSE GOT UP AND RAN AWAY!”

“If you don’t shut up, I’ll—”

“THE WITCH IS SO UGLY, SHE WAS VOTED THE NATIONAL ANIMAL OF SCOTLAND!”

The Wicked Witch tapped her umbrella on the ground, and a dirty sock appeared in Robin Hood’s mouth.

“I’m going to enjoy watching you die!” the witch declared. “Winkies, kill this pompous man and his imbecile followers! And do it slowly….”

The Winkies lunged toward Robin Hood and his Merry Men, but before they could strike the Prince of Thieves, they were distracted by a large object overhead. The Charlie Chaplin rose over Lincoln Center like an inflatable sun. Beau Rogers stood in the doorway of the blimp’s gondola wearing the Lost Talisman of Pharaoh Eczema around his neck.

“You aren’t the only one who’s into mind control, milady,” Beau Rogers announced. “Allow me to introduce you to my batch of brainwashed warriors!”

All the mummies from the Pyramid of Anesthesia crept out from behind the structures of Lincoln Center and surrounded the Wicked Witch and her Winkies.

“My soldiers have already met their maker—now it’s your turn!” Beau said.

“Nice quip, kid!” Emgee called from the blimp’s steering wheel.

“Thanks, Aunt Emgee,” he said. “Mummies, attack!”

The undead soldiers approached the Winkies at a leisurely pace—which was as fast as the mummies could move. Unfortunately for Beau and the Merry Men, their surprise assault didn’t go as well as they’d hoped. The Winkies were exceptional fighters and tore through the mummies like they were made of cotton. Within a few minutes, the Winkies had defeated the mummies and trapped Robin Hood and the Merry Men again.

The Wicked Witch let out a deafening cackle. “Any last words?” she asked.

“WELL, MERRY MEN, IT LOOKS LIKE THIS IS THE END,” Robin Hood declared. “I NEVER THOUGHT WE’D PERISH AT THE HANDS OF SOLDIERS WITH SUCH RIDICULOUS NAMES AND MORE FLAMBOYANT CLOTHING THAN OUR OWN. NONETHELESS, IT’S BEEN AN HONOR TO TRAVEL THE UNIVERSE AT YOUR SIDE!”

“Um… Robin?” Alan-a-Dale whispered. “You’re forgetting the next part of our plan.”

“OH YEAH,” Robin Hood said. “THANK YOU, MY FAITHFUL MINSTREL. WE WOULD HAVE MET OUR DEMISE HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR YOUR STEEL TRAP OF A MEMORY. MOVING ON—LOST BOYS, YOUR TIME HAS COME!”

Suddenly, the Lost Boys from Neverland appeared on the rooftops of the Lincoln Center theaters and pelted the Wicked Witch with water balloons.

“Take that, you mean old hag!” Tootles said.

“Adults like you are the reason we don’t want to grow up!” Curly said.

“Go back to the nightmare you came out of!” Nibs said.

“Leave our friends alone!” the Lost twins said.

Although Slightly had been a baby since the Lost Boys visited Morina’s cottage, he still did his part and squirted the witch with his bottle. Soon the Wicked Witch was drenched, and she began to smoke and sizzle as the liquid melted her body. Just as it had happened with Captain Hook, instead of bodily fluids, the witch dissolved into words. All the prose L. Frank Baum used to describe the Wicked Witch in his books now dripped from the witch’s body.

“You horrid little brats!” the Wicked Witch screamed in pain. “You’ll pay for this one day! You may have stopped me in the Otherworld, but I’ll get my revenge in the Underworld!”

The witch staggered across the Lincoln Center courtyard, leaving puddles of words as she went. She tripped and fell headfirst into the fountain and disintegrated completely. Friar Tuck knelt beside the fountain and said a prayer for the salvation of her soul.

Now that the Wicked Witch of the West was dead, her vicious spell over the Winkies was lifted. They dropped their weapons and pranced around the courtyard in celebration. Alan-a-Dale strummed a happy tune so that they had something to dance to.

“WHAT’S GOING ON?” Robin Hood asked. “WHY ARE THE WINKIES SKIPPING AROUND LIKE THEY’RE INTOXICATED?”

“Robin, they’ve been freed!” Beau Rogers called down to him. “The witch has been controlling them for years!”

“YOU MEAN, THE WITCH FORCED YOU TO WEAR THOSE OBNOXIOUS OUTFITS AND ANSWER TO THAT DEGRADING NAME?”

“No, we had those before the witch’s spell,” a Winkie said.

Robin was greatly disturbed to hear it. “MIGHT THERE BE ANOTHER WITCH INVOLVED?” he asked.

Suddenly, Blubo swooped down from the sky and landed on the edge of the fountain. He dived in and searched through the Wicked Witch’s watery remains. The others were curious about what the monkey was doing and gathered around the fountain to watch him.

“I found it!” he announced.

Blubo resurfaced with the Wicked Witch’s golden cap in his hands. He threw it on the ground and then smashed it with one of the Winkies’ spears until it broke into hundreds of pieces.

“There!” Blubo said with a satisfied smile. “From this moment forward, no one will ever control the flying monkeys again!”

The Winkies cheered for the monkeys’ newfound freedom. Although the Merry Men, the Lost Boys, and the archaeologists had no idea what Blubo was talking about, they joined the characters from Oz as they danced around Lincoln Center in celebration.

“SUCH A STRANGE PLACE, THIS OZ,” Robin Hood declared. “IT’S NOT EVERY DAY YOU CONVERSE WITH WITCHES, MONKEYS, AND WINKIES. ACTUALLY, IT REMINDS ME OF A WEEKEND I HAD IN FRANCE.”

The card soldiers and the Queen of Hearts followed the Tin Woodman from Midtown all the way to Washington Square Park in Lower Manhattan. The park was famous for the towering arch that stood at its north entrance. The Tin Woodman hurried through the arch, expecting to see the park filled with the Cyborgs from “Galaxy Queen,” but the Cyborgs were late.

“Oh dear,” the Tin Woodman said.

The card soldiers caught up with the Tin Woodman and formed a circle around him. They pointed the sharp ends of their staffs at the metal man, and he dropped his axe. The Queen of Hearts sauntered into the circle and strutted around the Tin Woodman, eyeing him like he was a delicious treat.

“Hold him down,” she ordered with a devilish smile. “I want to cut off his head myself!”

The soldiers grabbed the Tin Woodman by the arms, kicked his legs out from underneath him, and forced him into a kneeling position. The Queen of Hearts picked up his axe and practiced swinging it.

“So you’re the one they call the Queen of Hearts?” the Tin Woodman asked.

“That’s correct,” the queen said.

“But I don’t understand,” he said. “You invade other people’s homes and claim them as your own. You cut off people’s heads for sport. How can you be the Queen of Hearts when you act so heartless?”

“Is your head hollow?” the queen asked with a snort. “Every creature in existence has a heart—it’s just a muscle that pumps blood through the rest of your body. What you’re talking about is compassion—it’s much rarer and a total waste of time, if you ask me.”

The Tin Woodman’s eyes darted back and forth as he tried to make sense of it all.

“So, what I’ve been searching for this whole time, I’ve actually had inside me all along?” he asked. His jaw dropped and his eyes opened wide as he made the greatest discovery of his life.

The Queen of Hearts shared a confused glance with her card soldiers—was the man she was about to decapitate asking her about life lessons?

“I’m told that that is a conclusion most people come to before the end of their life,” she said. “Lucky for you, you’ve reached it just in time. Now hold your head steady—this is going to hurt.”

His realization made the Tin Woodman feel like he was seeing the world for the first time. He was so overwhelmed, tears filled his eyes—but he couldn’t get emotional and rust. He needed to save himself from the Queen of Hearts so his new life could begin.

“Wait!” the Tin Woodman said. “If you’re so fascinated by my head, you should see my heart.”

“Stupid man,” the queen said. “You just said you didn’t have one—now you want me to look at it?”

“I was mistaken,” he said. “You may be the Queen of Hearts, but I guarantee you’ve never seen a heart like mine before.”

The Tin Woodman had captured the queen’s attention, and she raised a curious eyebrow.

“Very well, before I cut off your head, I’ll have a look at your heart,” she said. “Turn him over!”

The card soldiers pulled the Tin Woodman up and turned him on his back. The Queen of Hearts leaned over his metal torso and yanked open the small door in his chest. To her horror, the queen didn’t find a heart at all, but a tiny little woman standing inside him!

“BOOOOO!” Trollbella screamed.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” the Queen of Hearts screamed.

The queen was so stunned, she dropped the Tin Woodman’s axe and stumbled backward. The soldiers pinning the Tin Woodman quickly went to help the queen. Trollbella jumped to the ground, retrieved the axe, and tossed it to the Tin Woodman once he was on his feet. The Queen of Hearts roared with anger and pointed her finger at the unlikely duo.

“SEIZE THEM AT ONCE!” she yelled. “AND OFF WITH BOTH THEIR HEEAAA—”

Before the Queen of Hearts could finish her sentence, the Tin Woodman swung his axe with all his might and chopped the queen’s head off. Again, just as with the other literary villains, the only thing that spewed out of her body was words. All the adjectives, adverbs, verbs, and nouns Lewis Carroll used to describe the unpleasant monarch sprayed out of the queen’s neck. Eventually, the words dried up and the Queen of Hearts’ dismembered body disappeared.

“He’s murdered our queen!” a card soldier shouted.

“He’ll pay for this!” shouted another.

The card soldiers charged toward the Tin Woodman and Trollbella, but just as they were about to be pierced by the soldiers’ weapons, everyone in the park was suddenly distracted by a bright light in the sky. The Tin Woodman and Trollbella looked up and saw that the BASK-8 had finally arrived!

The Cyborg Queen and Commander Newters observed the park from the window of the Command Bridge.

“I believe this is the park we’ve been looking for, Your Majesty,” Commander Newters said. “Oh yes, this is definitely Washington Square Park, I can see it’s filled with the boxy soldiers we agreed to defeat.”

“This city has more square parks than all my planets combined,” the Cyborg Queen said. “Anyhoo, I can see we’re a little tardy. Send the Cyborgs to assist the metallic lumberjack and his vertically challenged friend.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Commander Newters said, and turned to the Cyborg soldiers. “You heard the queen—to the park!”

A wide door opened across the Bask-8’s belly, and thousands of Cyborgs glided into Washington Square Park. They descended using jetpacks, Hoverboards, and personal propellers. Before engaging in combat, the Cyborgs’ first order of business was to transport the Tin Woodman and Trollbella to the top of the Washington Square Arch. Once they were safe, the Cyborgs wreaked havoc on the card soldiers.

The Wonderland natives were skilled fighters, but they were no match for the Cyborgs’ laser guns, gamma bombs, and rocket launchers. It wasn’t long before the cards surrendered and were taken aboard the BASK-8 as the Cyborgs’ prisoners.

As the battle ended, the Tin Woodman sat on the edge of the tall arch and let out a big sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Trollbella asked.

“I’ve always been hollow, but for the first time in my life I feel truly empty inside,” the Tin Woodman said. “I always thought a heart would fill the void, but now that I know I’ve had one all along, I’m not sure what to do with myself.”

The Tin Woodman’s dilemma was Trollbella’s dream come true. She stared in wonder at the most beautiful sight she had ever seen: an emotionally mature, vulnerable, and needy man. The Troblin Queen had a seat beside the Tin Woodman and longingly gazed up at him, batting her eyes.

“You know, I fit perfectly inside your chest,” she remarked. “Perhaps I’m the heart you’ve been searching for.”

Trollbella put her tiny hand into his and rested her horns on his shoulder. In that moment the Tin Woodman was certain he had a heart, because the troll girl’s touch made him blush.

Rat Mary and the witches flew through New York City as erratically as possible, but nothing threw off their determined followers. Lester, Jack, and Goldilocks soared after the witches as they dangerously zigzagged between buildings, looped around skyscrapers, and dived under bridges. Absolutely nothing was going to stop the daring parents from retrieving their son.

Lester was gaining more and more ground with each passing second. Soon they were in reaching distance of the bristles on the last witch’s broom.

“I’ve got an idea,” Jack told his wife and the gander. “We’ll follow the witches to that cluster of buildings in the distance, but when we get there, we’ll go around that green tower and cut them off before they reach the—”

Before Jack could finish unripping his plan, Goldilocks sprang into action with a plan of her own. She leaped off Lester’s back and landed on the broomstick of the closest witch. Goldilocks fought the witch for control of the broom. Just as the witch was about to zap her with a magic spell, Goldilocks punched the witch in the face, and she landed in the East River.

Goldilocks gripped the broomstick tightly with both hands. She had never ridden on a witch’s broom before, and it took her a moment to figure out how to work it. She was pleasantly surprised to learn that riding a magic broomstick was very similar to riding a horse. When she leaned forward, the broom zoomed ahead, and when she pulled up on the handle, the broom slowed down. Once she felt confident, she turned to Jack and Lester flying beside her and filled them in on her plan.

“I’m going to work my way to the front of the witches,” she told them. “Then I’m going to hop aboard Rat Mary’s broom and get Hero.”

“Be careful, Goldie!” Jack said.

“Careful never got me anywhere,” she said with a wink.

The courageous mother leaned forward, and the broomstick’s speed gradually increased. As she flew past the witches, Goldilocks did whatever she could to knock them out of the sky. She slammed into them and shoved them off their brooms, she pulled the witches’ hair so they’d fall backward into the city, and she kicked their brooms’ handles and sent them spinning out of control. Finally, the only ones left in the flying procession were Goldilocks, Rat Mary, and Hero.

Goldilocks snuck up right behind Rat Mary’s broom, then jumped off her own and landed beside the witch.

“Give me back my son!” she demanded.

“Why do breeders get so attached to their young?” Rat Mary screeched. “You can just make another one, you know!”

The witch twisted and looped through the air, she dipped and made sharp turns, she even flew upside down at one point—but nothing knocked Goldilocks off the broom. The vigorous movement only rocked Hero to sleep.

“Gosh, you’re relentless!” Rat Mary said. “Here! Just take the little rug rat! I’ll find another one!”

The witch sliced the strap of the BabyBjörn with her sharp fingernail. The contraption slid off the witch’s body and fell toward the ground with Hero inside it. Goldilocks dived off Rat Mary’s broomstick and caught her son in midair. The mother and child fell thousands of feet through the air. A few seconds before they would have hit the ground, Lester swooped under them and they landed safely in Jack’s arms.

“Curses!” Rat Mary said. “I was hoping for a splat!”

Ironically, the witch wasn’t watching where she was going and slammed headfirst into the Flatiron Building. The messy impact made one thing abundantly clear: Rat Mary’s kid-snatching, broom-riding, potion-brewing days were over.

Jack and Goldilocks were overjoyed to finally have Hero back in their arms. The happy couple embraced their newborn son, and Lester carried the reunited family back toward Central Park to find their friends.