October 25, 1961

Hope springs eternal, right? Surely if he hadn’t asked to see the garters on Monday, he would on Tuesday. I managed to arrive early enough to put on my satin undies and sexy garter belt before Mr. Stevenson arrived. I chose the black set, with the pair of sheer black stockings I usually only wear when Frank and I go out somewhere fancy. Whether or not he was going to look at them, I was going to wear them. If I had anything to do with it, I was going to get that man to look at them.

When Mr. Stevenson came in, after a brusque good morning, he said, “I need the Masterson file right away. And a cup of coffee, if you please.” Now, normally, I would have jumped up and gotten that file and brought it to him right away. Then off to the kitchenette to pour him a cup of coffee, prepared just the way he likes it, one sugar and plenty of cream. But not too much cream, or the coffee won’t be hot enough.

Well, I didn’t do either thing. I pretended to make a phone call, actually calling First Fidelity for that recording of time and temperature. Then I buffed a nail and reapplied my lipstick. Then I meandered to the kitchenette and made his coffee, but darn if I didn’t add too much cream, whoops. Then, and only then, I got the file he wanted, but oh dear, it was the Masters file, instead of the Masterson.

I chickened out when it actually came to spilling the coffee. That would have been overkill, and God knows I don’t want to be the one responsible for destroying his family heirloom. I set the cup and saucer on his desk alongside the incorrect file.

He didn’t look up or act as if he knew I existed.

I went back to my desk.

After a while, he came out and got the proper file himself, dumping the wrong one onto my desk without looking at me. But still he hadn’t said a word.

Damn him, the morning went on as any other. I kept waiting for him to call me in, but not a word. I was too nervous to eat my lunch. Here I’d gone and messed things up on purpose, just to see what he would do, and he didn’t do a thing.

But then, at 4:00 on the nose he intoned, “Olivia.”

Finally!

I got up and went into his office, after a quick check of my makeup. I knew I’d earned a punishment, and I was both terrified and thrilled.

Things didn’t go precisely as I’d planned them. To put it mildly.

I’m not even exactly sure what happened, but I figure if I write it down here, it will help me sort it out.

When I entered the office, Mr. Stevenson said, “Close the door.” He had never said that before, since we’re the only two in the office, but I obeyed, my heart pounding a mile a minute.

He just stood there behind his chair for a while, looking me up and down. “The mouse,” he finally said, “is toying with the cat. The mouse,” he went on, “likes to play, and sees this all as a little game. The mouse”— now he stared at me until I blushed and looked down—“will have to learn this is no game.”

Well, I was squirming like a kid again and wishing I could start the day over. What had I been thinking? Sophisticated Mr. Stevenson wasn’t going to fall for my obvious little ploys.

“You need to be punished. That much is clear. Not because you brought me the wrong file, but because you did it on purpose. Not because my coffee had too much cream, but because you did that on purpose as well.

“You are toying with me, and I must say, your manipulations lack subtlety.” I blushed at this, let me tell you, but he wasn’t done. “Some clarification apparently needs to be made. You need to be taught that it is I, not you, who initiates punishments, who decides what is and what is not an infraction, and who determines how you will behave when you are here. Go to the corner.”

“What?”

“Go to the corner, and put your nose against the wall. Women who act like naughty little girls will be treated as such. You willfully tried to manipulate me into using a ruler on you, like a kid trying to trick her daddy into buying her candy. So, go on, little girl. Nose against the wall. Hands behind your back. Grab each elbow with the opposite hand and stand perfectly still. Go on. Do it, or get out.”

Well, I had no intention of obeying such a ridiculous order. You can bet I wasn’t going to. But something in his tone compelled me to obey. My legs felt like rubber, but somehow I got myself over to the corner. In an almost trancelike state, I leaned over and touched my nose to the wall. He made me stand out farther from the wall, so that I had to stick out my rear to keep my nose in place.

I was mortified. That’s the best word for it. Mortified and humiliated.

And on fire.

I felt so ridiculous with my nose pressed against the wall, holding my hands behind my back. But that tingle was there too. I realized I was waiting for him to come up behind me. To press slowly against me, like in the movies, and maybe let my bun down or something. I don’t know what exactly I was expecting.

Stop lying, Livvie. You know exactly what you were expecting, or even hoping, would happen.

I fantasized right there on the spot that he would lean over me and kiss my neck, and maybe whisper something sexy about me belonging to him. My ears were pricked, waiting to hear him approach. I was so excited, even though I felt so silly with my face in the corner. Something was about to happen. He could say what he liked about manipulation, but here I was, waiting for the exciting, sexy, dangerous thing to happen—the thing I’d willed into being by my actions.

Well, it didn’t. Nothing. Zippo. Just me standing there, my nose against the wall, feeling more and more ridiculous. After a while, I got a crick in my neck. My arms started to ache as I tried to balance with my nose while holding my elbows behind me. All the while, he just stood there, or whatever he was doing. For all I knew, he had left the room. I didn’t dare turn around to find out.

I stayed in the corner for three hours. No, it couldn’t have been, but it felt like it. Finally, he spoke from behind me, the sound of his voice making me startle. “Good night, Olivia. I’ll see you in the morning. Try a stunt like that again and see where it takes you.” The bastard walked out of his office and left for the night.

When I turned around, the small gold clock on his desk read 4:28. You’ve never seen anyone pull on their girdle so fast. I barely made the bus, running and shouting for it to wait. If thoughts could kill, the man would not have made it home in his fancy Lincoln. He would have died of “natural causes” before his wife could serve him his meatloaf.

~*~

Tess grinned, even through her shock. Nana’s funny, sassy personality shone through her writing, even if the content was the last thing Tess would ever have expected.

It was definitely a lot to take in. Olivia had been living a secret life for who knew how long?

Though Tess still felt a little guilty over violating her late grandmother’s privacy, now that she had started, there was no way she could stop until she’d read every last line. She was glad she’d been the one to discover the journals. Her mom and sister would have been horrified—end of story.

Nana had kept plenty of secrets for Tess. This was the least she could do for her. Nana had never told anyone about the time Tess had shoplifted in fourth grade and gotten caught. She had stared at that Barbie doll for twenty minutes before furtively shoving it down the front of her windbreaker. Terror at what she had done drove her from the store at a run. She couldn’t have been more obvious if she’d screamed aloud as she ran, “I stole something. Come get me.”

Naturally, the guy behind the counter had run out after her, calling, “Little girl! Little girl!”

She had burst into tears as he caught up with her, and wordlessly held out the stolen Barbie doll. He had taken pity on her, only making her promise not to do that again.

Though she’d gotten off lightly, the guilt at what she’d done had overwhelmed her, as well as a need to confess to someone. Her mother? Even at that young age, Tess sensed that her mother would not have been as forgiving as the man in the store had been. Tess envisioned a spanking at the very least, and quite possibly a huge story blown all out of proportion by the time her father came home, late as usual and smelling of whiskey. Then off would come his belt and little Tess would pay a heavy price for her bad deed.

So she had stayed silent, huddled in her bed in the room she shared with her sister, Stacy. She had confided in no one for three days. But when Saturday finally came and she went to spend the morning with Nana, helping her in her garden and baking cookies, the words had come tumbling out at last, like a wound that had needed lancing to heal.

Tess had known instinctively that Nana wouldn’t betray her by telling her parents. Instead, her grandmother had scooped her up in her arms and let her cry out her shame. Stroking her head, she’d asked gently, “And will you do such a silly thing again, Tess sweetheart?”

And as Tess shook her head fervently, Nana kissed her round, wet little cheek and said, “No, I know you won’t, and no harm was done, so let’s put it behind us, dear. Now, would you like some chocolate chip cookies? I think they’re just about done.”

Tess sat now, smiling and blinking back tears. How could she reconcile her memories of her dear old Nana with the sexy secretary in the journal, who seemed to be describing the beginnings of a very bizarre love affair?

And Mr. Stevenson. James Stevenson, the man who had called Olivia’s home, who was still alive and had maintained contact with his old secretary all these years. Tess toyed with the idea of calling him back. But what would she say?

“I found those diaries and know all about your kinky affair with my grandmother. Explain yourself.” What right had she to demand any explanations? Nana had been an adult, making her own decisions decades before Tess was even born.

It was so much to take in.

Maybe Ryan would have some insight.

Should she even tell Ryan?

Tess smiled dreamily. They’d only been seeing each other outside the office for a few weeks now. Ryan Hunter, age twenty-eight, was an attorney just like Tess. They were both known as go-getters at their law firm, though Ryan was further along in his career. Tess had only been with Reilly & Clark for a year, recruited straight out of law school.

Ryan and she had connected while working on a lawsuit together. She’d been instantly attracted to him. He was tall and fit, with arresting green eyes, a straight, elegant nose and a mouth that lifted often into a smile. His light brown hair started out in the mornings slicked back from his forehead, but invariably had flopped forward into his eyes by the end of the long workday.

While he wasn’t overtly flirtatious in the office, there had been a definite sexual current humming between them from the minute they’d met. Long days and nights working on the same project had given them time, professionally and otherwise, to check each other out.

When the case was over, Tess was forced to admit she had a full-out crush on the guy. He was good-looking and hard-working, but didn’t take himself too seriously, or ever try to put himself above her, either professionally or otherwise. She had managed to suss out that he was single, and while he casually dated, had no steady girlfriend.

She’d been the first one to make the move, inviting him to dinner one Friday, making it seem as if it was a last-minute idea, though she’d been mulling the idea over in her mind for a few days.

That Friday morning she had worn a sexy new thong and matching bra, not that she expected him to see it, but just in case. And, just in case, she made sure the apartment was clean and neat, with fresh sheets on the bed. Not that she expected him to come back to her place, much less get into her bed, but just in case.

When six o’clock rolled around, Ryan was still bent over his work, his sleeves rolled up midway against the sexy muscles of his forearms. His hair had flopped over his forehead as usual, and he had a pen dangling from his mouth. Even in this digital age, his desk was covered in papers.

Unlike Tess, who worked meticulously and neatly on one thing at a time, Ryan liked to spread out over every available surface, balancing twenty things in his head at a time and somehow pulling it all together.

Peeking around his door and trying to tell herself it was cool whichever way it went, Tess had said in a casual tone, “Hey, Ryan. It’s Friday. I was thinking of popping over to that new Indian place to check it out. Any chance you’d like to join me?”

She’d held her breath as she waited for his response, telling herself it didn’t matter either way, though it did.

To her delight, he replied, “Sure, that’s a great idea.” He glanced at his watch. “Might as well take a half day—it’s Friday, right?” He grinned. “Seriously, though, I’m glad you came to rescue me. I’ve been staring at the same legal opinion for the past twenty minutes, and my brain is totally fried. Not to mention, I worked through lunch and I’m starving. I could definitely go for some good Indian.”

The food was spicy and delicious, and they bantered in an easy, flirtatious way that made Tess’s heart skip a beat. When the meal was over, Ryan had turned to Tess and said, “I’d invite you over, but my roommate’s girlfriend seems to have kind of moved in lately, and they tend to forget I live there. Last time I came home they were both half-naked and making out on the living room couch. I really need to find a new roommate.”

“We could go to my place,” Tess ventured, butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

“Sounds like a plan,” Ryan agreed with a smile. He followed her in his car to her neighborhood, which was only a few miles from the restaurant.

To her surprise, and perhaps a little to her chagrin, Ryan didn’t make any immediate moves on her. Instead, they’d sat together in her living room and just talked. Ryan really seemed to want to know her, which was definitely a refreshing change from most guys she’d dated.

They’d talked for hours, sharing stories about their childhoods, their families, their lives, and Tess felt as if they’d been friends forever. As if by tacit agreement, neither of them talked much about past relationships, which was fine with Tess. When talk had turned to Nana, Ryan had held Tess in his arms, soothing away her tears.

She had expected him to make a move at that point, using the tenderness of the moment to shift the mood, seguing from a chaste, brotherly kiss to a lover’s kiss.

When he hadn’t, she had been at once impressed and annoyed. She liked that he was a gentleman and hadn’t taken advantage of her tears, but weren’t they on a date? She’d been too shy to make her own move, however, and the moment had passed.

The conversation slowly eased into lighter things, and they gossiped for a few minutes about the people they worked with. Finally, Ryan said, “I’ve had a fantastic time, Tess. I can’t believe we didn’t connect before this. I get so bogged down in my work that sometimes I forget what’s really important. I’m so glad we did this. Thank you.”

He stood and held out his arms. Tess stood too, stepping into his warm embrace, her heart kicking up a notch in anticipation. He had kissed her then, his lips sweet and warm against hers, but only for a moment or two.

Hungry for more, she had wrapped her arms around him, pulling him against her as she pressed her tongue against his lips until they parted.

To her complete frustration, after another moment or two, he dropped his arms and pulled away from her. Instead of asking where the bedroom was, he said, “Can I call you tomorrow? I was going to go in to the office, but I think I’d much rather spend the day with you, unless, of course, you have plans.” He had smiled at her, a wide smile that revealed the dimple in his left cheek.

“Sure, that would be great,” Tess had agreed, telling herself sternly that he was behaving sensibly, and she should follow suit. Much better to take their time, rather than tumble into a one-night stand they’d both regret on Monday morning.

They spent a wonderful Saturday, sharing breakfast at an outdoor café, moving on to stroll in the botanical gardens, and then taking in a matinee movie and sharing a late lunch. In the movie theater, Ryan had put his arm loosely around her shoulders, and Tess had leaned into him with a happy sigh.

But after the meal, he’d bailed again, claiming it was his mom’s birthday and he couldn’t get out of going, as much as he would have liked to. At least the goodbye kiss had been long and lingering, leaving her literally weak in the knees.

That night alone in bed, she had masturbated, imagining Ryan naked and rising over her like a Greek god as she rubbed herself to a marginally satisfying orgasm. It was lonely business, but it did the job, at least enough for her to fall asleep.

They barely saw one another over the next week, each of them piled high with caseloads and paperwork. Tess didn’t make it home before ten any night except Friday. They did text and speak on the phone every night, but it wasn’t until the following Saturday that they managed to reconnect.

Ryan was going to take her out this time, to his favorite Japanese place. Tess, never having tried sushi, was a little leery, but willing. She wore a sexy, short skirt and a silky blouse she knew complemented her hair and coloring. She couldn’t remember being this excited to be with someone since… well, ever!

Leaving their shoes at the door, they had sat side by side on silk cushions set directly on the tatami mat in a private room with rice paper walls and a sliding rice paper door. A brightly colored paper lantern hung from the ceiling, throwing off muted, romantic light.

Their waitress was a tiny Asian woman dressed in a kimono. Tess let Ryan do the ordering. The waitress glided out and returned a moment later with hot tea and sake.

The hot rice wine took a little getting used to, but after the third small cup, Tess was feeling no pain. The waitress returned after a while with a beautiful plate of sushi rolls and sashimi that looked more like art than food. Ryan had smiled at the woman and said something in Japanese. The waitress had smiled broadly, nodding and bowing as she retreated.

“Wow,” Tess had said, “do you know Japanese?”

“You just heard the extent of it,” Ryan had laughed. “I said thank you, that looks delicious.” He picked up a pair of chopsticks. “Let me show you how to eat it. I hope you’ll love it as much as I do.”

He gestured toward the artfully arranged fish and rice. “You should try the tuna first. It’s nice and mild.” He picked up a small bowl and lifted a bit of the pale orange vegetable. “You take a little of this, this is pickled ginger”—he placed it on the piece of sushi—“and a little of this green stuff, which is called wasabi. It’s a kind of horseradish, and you have to be careful not to use too much or you’ll get what I call a wasabi rush.”

Tess picked up her chopsticks, hoping she’d somehow manage to pick up a piece without making a complete fool of herself. But, to her relief, Ryan said, “Contrary to some American misperceptions, sushi is considered finger food in Japan.” He picked up the sushi in his fingers and held it out to Tess. “Here you go—food for the gods.”

He brought his hand closer to her mouth, his green eyes smoldering as if the two of them were about to have sex instead of food. The room was charged with sudden, electric tension, and Tess’s lips parted of their own accord, her eyes locked on Ryan’s. His fingers grazed her mouth as he placed the sushi on her tongue.

Tess chewed, trying to ignore the fact she was eating raw fish. To her delighted surprise, an explosion of flavors burst on her tongue—spicy, sweet, salty and delicious, with absolutely nothing fishy about it.

“Wow,” she’d enthused. “This is great. I had no idea.”

Ryan prepared himself a piece and ate it. Tess started to reach for another piece, but Ryan stopped her with a hand on her bare thigh that sent a rush of heat over her skin. “I’ll feed you, Tess. Your only job is to take what I give you.”

A strange shudder moved through her at his words, and she had the thrilling feeling he was talking about more than the sushi.

The food was wonderful, and they ordered twice more. Along the way, she lost count of how many small bottles of sake they’d consumed. While Ryan didn’t seem in the least tipsy, Tess was definitely feeling its effects by the end of the meal. “That stuff is stronger than you realize,” she had remarked. “I don’t even know if I can stand up.”

Ryan rested his hand lightly on her thigh as he drove her back to her place, and Tess’s entire body was thrumming with barely controlled lust. He parked and moved quickly around the car to open the door, which charmed her.

They walked arm in arm to the door of her apartment building. She punched in the code to release the front door and Ryan pulled it open, but made no move to follow her inside. “I had a great time tonight, Tess,” he said with a smile.

“Wait, what?” Tess had blurted, alcohol loosening her tongue. “Aren’t you coming up? What the hell, Ryan? How long am I supposed to wait for you? What is this, the eighteenth century? Don’t you want to fuck me?” As soon as the words had tumbled, uncensored, out of her mouth, she’d blushed to the roots of her hair.

Ryan had just laughed. “Of course I do. Are you kidding me? I’ve wanted to since I first sat across from you in the conference room when we were working on that case together. Even ignoring the fact we work together and that could get sticky, here’s the thing, see…” He’d paused, sobering. “I’ll just tell you straight out. I have the bad habit of jumping into bed too soon. It’s great for a while, but it usually fizzles out when we figure out all we really have in common is sex.”

He had put his hands on her shoulders and stared deep into her eyes. “This feels different, Tess. We’ve got something, you and me. This time I’ve sworn to myself not to blow it. I don’t want to ruin things by fucking you first and getting to know you later.”

Tess had stared back. She was still drunk, but it wasn’t the wine that spurred her on. She had to have him, and she was done waiting, end of story. She’d crossed her arms and shaken her head. “Sorry, dude. Not going for it. Feeding me with your fingers like that was definite foreplay, and you don’t want to leave a girl frustrated, do you? Either you come upstairs with me this instant and make passionate love to me, or I’m going to have to rape you right here and now.”

Ryan had stared at her, his mouth falling open in surprise and, even through the fog of the sake, she suddenly feared she’d gone too far.

But then a slow, sensual smile had lifted his lips. “All right then. We can’t have you arrested for sexual assault—you might be disbarred.”

Tess didn’t remember much after that, at least not the mechanics of going up in the rickety elevator and tumbling into her apartment. What she did remember was the first time he’d entered her—his cock hard and perfect as he lifted his chiseled body over her.

He had made love to her with a kind of wild, exhilarating desperation that had both thrilled and almost frightened her. Though his kisses had been tender, he’d ravished her in the bed, thrusting inside her as he held her wrists above her head in a strong, dominant grip. She had been completely captive beneath him, at his mercy.

And she’d loved every second of it.

They’d made love all night, and she lost count of her orgasms, which he pulled from her with his cock, his fingers and his mouth, until she was nothing but raw, gasping sensation. He seemed instinctively to know just how far to take her until she was teetering over a sharp, sensual edge. Then he would pull her back, denying her the release she craved.

For Tess, the turn-on was as much what he withheld as what he gave. Ryan played her like an instrument, until she was burning with passion, her entire being focused entirely on him and what he was doing to her.

Finally exhausted, they’d lain together in a tangled tumble of limbs, the scent of sex ripe in the air, too spent to speak or even move. “Tess,” Ryan had finally murmured, pulling her into his arms. “I have a confession to make.”

Tess had stiffened, suddenly alert. Was this where he admitted he actually had a girlfriend waiting at home, or worse, a wife? Was that why he’d never talked about past relationships?

“Yes?” she managed to murmur back, trying to keep her voice calm.

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” he said. Then he laughed, the joy in the sound like sunlight warming Tess from the inside out.

She laughed in response. “That’s okay. We’re even, because I think I’m falling in love with you, too.”