“I can’t stay here.”
“I know it’s not much,” Beau said, “but we’ll make it comfortable for you.”
Not much? Talk about the understatement of the century.
The overhead lamp cast a dim glow through the open room but I could see enough to know that I’d never be comfortable here. Beau’s footprints were visible in the thick layer of dust coating the floor. Every one of his steps sent echoing creaks and squeaks through the uneven floorboards.
On my left was a small kitchen circa 1972. The pea-green counters clashed fantastically with the mustard-yellow refrigerator and stove. Dead-fly carcasses were scattered across the counters. The fridge’s door was opened slightly and there were suspicious brown droppings in the bottom.
In the back corner was an old, black wood stove with a pile of wood blocks at its base. Next to it was a log chair that looked about as comfortable as sitting on a gynecologist’s exam table with your feet in the stirrups. Besides the chair, the room was empty.
“If you need to use the bathroom tonight, you’ll have to go in the biffy,” Beau said. “I’ll get the well pump running in the morning so the water works.”
“Biffy?” I asked.
“Outhouse.”
“Oh my god.” I was going to faint, and if not for the fear of touching the floor, I would have. I had walked right into my own personal hell. Prison inmates were given better accommodations than this. I didn’t know whether to start laughing or crying.
In a nightmare flash, I pictured myself in six months, wearing the same clothes I was in now. My hair had become ratted in dreadlocks and I had befriended the mouse that came in and out through the gaping holes in the dirty floorboards to share my moldy bread.
“I can’t stay here,” I repeated, my voice cracking.
Beau grumbled something before running a hand over his beard. “Let’s get some shut-eye and worry about the place in the morning.”
I didn’t care that he sounded annoyed. I’d dealt with a lot today and wasn’t going to try and hide my objection to living in this hovel. There was only so much this girl could put up with before she broke.
Tears filled my eyes and I looked over my shoulder to the truck. If I begged and pleaded, would he take me back to town?
Probably not.
“Listen.” Beau’s tone softened. “I know this isn’t your thing. Tonight will be the worst. I promise tomorrow we’ll get it all cleaned up and livable. Just think of it like camping for one night. Haven’t you ever been camping before?”
I shook my head. The closest thing to camping I’d ever done was a stay at a beach cottage on the Oregon coast.
“Camping is fun.” His smile held actual magical powers. One flash of those pearly whites and the angry bees swarming in my stomach returned to their hive. Beau should model for Colgate. He’d sell more toothpaste than Michael Phelps sold Wheaties.
I can do this. I took a breath. Then another. Don’t be a baby, Sabrina. “Okay,” I whispered. My head and shoulders fell as another wave of exhaustion crashed against my battered body.
“Hey.” He crossed the distance between us. My eyes stayed on our feet. His brown boots looked at least twice the size of my size eights. With a finger hooked under my chin, he tipped my head back so my green eyes were locked on his stormy blues. “I wouldn’t have suggested this place if I didn’t think you could cut it. You took on the mob. A cabin in the woods will feel like child’s play.”
“You don’t know me well enough to say that.”
His finger left my chin to slide a lock of fallen hair off my forehead. “Oh, I think I’ve got a pretty good read on you.”
My pulse quickened and my chest swelled, the wrap around my cracked ribs compressing even more tightly. When his hand dropped, I wasn’t sure if my sigh was from relief or disappointment. My life was such a cluster right now. Starting something with Beau was the epitome of stupid, but damn, his fingers had felt good against my face. And that spark in his eyes was a beacon calling to my soul. Telling me to dock my fucked-up ship in his port and he’d make sure it didn’t sink.
He took a step back, clearing his throat and breaking our stare. “I’ll start unloading supplies.”
Right. Time to move into my new home.
“I can help.” I spun to follow him out the door but he held up a hand.
“I’ve got it. Take a load off that ankle.”
Beau disappeared to the bed of the truck while Boone bounded out and ran inside. The hound plopped down next to the chair and I hesitantly followed. Doing my best to clear the dust from the seat, I eased onto the log chair.
“Not as uncomfortable as I’d thought, Boone.” Lovely. I was talking to the dog now. “This doesn’t mean I like you.”
Boone dropped his head to his paws and ignored me as he watched his master bring in load after load, setting bags, coolers and boxes on the dirty floor.
When the truck was unloaded, Beau worked with efficiency to start a fire in the stove. “The heat is set pretty low, just enough to keep the water pipes from freezing. I’ll get it all checked out in the morning and we can crank it up. For tonight, this will have to do. Hope you can sleep with the light and noise from the fire.”
“Sure.” I doubted I’d get much rest anyway. Between my aches and anxiety over the new location, I was in for a fitful night’s rest.
“Let me make sure this won’t smoke us out and then I’ll set up your cot.”
I watched him quietly, listening to the cracks and pops from the fire. It was the first time I’d ever been around a real wood-burning fire. The only fireplaces I’d ever seen were run by gas and fake logs. The smell of smoke and burning wood filled the outpost and chased away the must.
“So what do you use this place for anyway?” I asked. “Besides hiding reporters who are on the run from gun smugglers.”
He grinned and tossed another log on the fire. “These were set up mostly for forest fire crews. Biologists sometimes use them if they’re doing field study. If there are public access trails, crews will use these while they do trail maintenance. Actually, there are outposts like this scattered throughout the mountains. The government built a bunch of them in the seventies, ran power lines and dug each one a well, so they’re pretty self-sufficient.”
“Is there a chance we’ll get unexpected visitors?”
He shook his head. “There’s a bigger station just south of here that’s easier to get at from town. Since there hasn’t been a forest fire on this side of the ridge in years, no one comes up here but me.”
“Why would you have to come here?”
“For my job. I make sure all the outposts in the county are in good shape. Basically, that the power still works and the pipes haven’t busted. Jess and Silas came up with me once to go hunting, but that’s about all the traffic this place has seen in five years.”
His definition of “good shape” was different from mine, but at least I was hidden. When he’d said that I’d be off the grid, he hadn’t been kidding.
“There.” He stood from the floor and swiped the wood bits off his hands. “That should keep us warm tonight. Let’s head on out to the biffy and then I’ll set up your cot.”
Outhouse? No, thanks. “I’ll just hold it.”
He bent low and captured my hand, pulling me up from the chair. His tug was gentle but firm. I was going to the “biffy” whether I liked it or not.
“Fine,” I grumbled. I needed to pee and would be even more uncomfortable if I tried to hold it all night.
He didn’t let go of my hand as we walked across the room. My fingers looked dainty and childlike in his meaty grip. Nabbing a flashlight from the kitchen counter, he led me into the night, pulling me behind him as he followed a narrow footpath toward the outhouse.
The foul odor hit me when we were five feet away and my free hand flew to my nose.
Just get in and get out. Pee faster than you’ve ever peed in your life.
Beau dropped my hand to open the door and handed me the flashlight. Breathing through my mouth, I stepped into the small wooden room and lifted the lid on the hole.
“Oh my god.” I gagged. “I’m in an outhouse.”
I set down the flashlight, hovering over the seat to do my business. Mortification turned to horror when I realized that Beau could definitely hear me peeing. Men were so lucky. I’d kill for the ability to pee standing up right now.
I finished, foregoing the nasty toilet paper by the hole and yanked up my leggings before bursting out the door, walking back to the outpost as quickly as my ankle would allow.
Behind me, Beau chuckled.
“I’m so glad you find this entertaining.”
“Don’t get all riled up. I’m not trying to torture you.”
But torture was exactly what this was. The back of my throat started to burn as my eyes filled with water. A hiccup escaped and I swallowed hard, forcing down others. I’d never felt so embarrassed. Anton had beaten away most of my self-confidence this morning. I’d been holding on to one last remaining sliver but Beau’s laughter at my outhouse reaction had just shredded it to pieces.
“Hey,” Beau said softly, clamping a hand on my shoulder and stopping me on the trail. The heat from his broad chest was at my back. “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you, just the situation. I’m used to this type of stuff and I’ve never really been around someone who wasn’t. I apologize if I hurt your feelings.”
I was grateful for his apology but it did little to lift my spirits. He saw me as a foolish city girl who would never fit into his raw and rugged world. I was the spoiled princess who required indoor plumbing and a dirt-free abode. He was the rough and tough guy who would be the only man standing after a zombie apocalypse.
Of course he would laugh at me. Of course he would pity me. I was ridiculous here.
“Please,” I whispered. “Can we just go inside? I want this awful day to end.”
He squeezed my shoulder. “Sure.”
Back inside, he worked quickly to set up a metal-framed camping cot and roll out a thick canvas sleeping bag for my bed. From my duffel bag, I tugged out the pillow I’d borrowed from Felicity and pressed the fluffy down against my face. Her familiar scent brought back the lump in my throat. The floral smell would soon be replaced with campfire, the clean white cotton soon smudged with dirt. The good tainted with the unfamiliar.
I contemplated changing into pajamas but quickly dismissed the thought. I barely had the energy to sink onto the cot and toe off my shoes. Tucking myself into the sleeping bag, I burrowed deep, taking a few long inhales of Beau’s woodsy scent, which lingered on the red flannel lining. Hugging my pillow tight, I watched as Beau laid out his own sleeping bag on the floor.
“Don’t you have a cot? Or a pillow?” I asked.
“I’ll be fine.”
Silly me. Mountain men didn’t need trivial things such as cots and pillows.
Beau stoked the fire one last time before settling into his bedding and crossing his arms behind his head.
“Night,” he said.
“Good night.” I closed my eyes, willing sleep to find me quickly. Maybe with some rest, I wouldn’t feel the urge to curl up and cry for days.
“Tomorrow will be better, Sabrina,” Beau whispered.
I believed him.
Because really, how much worse could it get?
A loud cracking sound caused me to jerk awake. The sudden movement sent blinding pain through my ribs and I collapsed back onto my cot, clutching my side. When the white spots in my vision cleared, I opened my eyes to see the sunshine trying to peek inside. There were only a few windows in the outpost, one in the kitchen and two high up in the pitched roof, but all three were filthy. Their heavy coating of dirt blocked out more light than it let in.
Beau’s sleeping bag had been rolled up and stowed by the stove. Neither he nor Boone were anywhere in sight.
Slowly, I pushed myself up to sitting and did a quick assessment of my injuries. My face was puffy and no doubt an alluring shade of bluish purple. The lack of a mirror wasn’t overly upsetting since I really didn’t want to see how hideous I looked. My ankle was stiff and incredibly sore. The pain radiating from my ribs was excruciating and would likely kill me within the hour.
But if I died, at least I wouldn’t have to use the outhouse ever again.
I sucked in a fortifying breath and stood from the cot. Another loud crack sounded outside and I shuffled across the dusty floor to squint out the kitchen window.
Oh, boy. Beau, the sexy lumberjack, was outside chopping wood. The vision was swoon worthy. His white T-shirt strained against his cut biceps as he swung the ax above his head. When it came slamming down to split the log, his thighs strained against his faded jeans. The only way to describe his legs was beefy. Those thighs could no doubt thrust with incredible force and I bet he could fuck a girl into oblivion.
“Phew.” I leaned back from the grimy window and fixed my ponytail, giving my hormones a few seconds to settle before I went outside. I’d told myself last night that I’d eliminate sex from my thought loop and I had every intention of trying. But with him looking all manly and sexy? The struggle was real. When I was sure the flush had left my cheeks, I pushed out the door.
“Hi,” I called.
Beau’s ax stopped mid-stroke and he set it against a big stump. “Hi. Sorry if I woke you.”
“It’s okay. What time is it?”
“A little before noon.”
Whoa. I’d slept a lot longer than I’d thought I could. Once I’d gotten settled into my cot, it had been surprisingly comfortable. The heavy sleeping bag combined with the warmth from the wood fire had created a cocoon-like bed. That, combined with my exhaustion, had made me dead to the world for almost nine hours. I hadn’t slept that long in years. Six hours was usually my max.
“Have you been up for long?” I asked.
He nodded. “A few hours. I turned on the water pump so the bathroom should be working for you now.”
“There’s a bathroom?” I asked in shock. Last night, he’d said there was water but I’d assumed it was only for the kitchen sink.
“Yeah. Didn’t you see the door in the back corner?”
I’d thought that was another exit. The prospect of an actual toilet that flushed had me turning and practically sprinting inside. Ankle and rib pain be damned, this bathroom I had to see immediately.
Beau’s thudding footsteps followed and Boone appeared from somewhere to trot at my side.
“It’s not much,” he warned as my hand reached for the bathroom’s doorknob.
“Who cares? It’s not an outhouse.”
His chuckle echoed off the log-wood walls.
Pulling open the door, I stuck my head into the outpost’s bathroom. The toilet was old and the once-white porcelain had yellowed. The shower was no bigger than a standing coffin. The mirror above the pedestal sink was warped and cracked in one corner. The green tiles were about as clean as you’d expect to find in a dive bar.
Tears of joy filled my eyes. It was the most beautiful bathroom I’d ever seen.
“Thank you,” I said, turning around to Beau.
His face softened. “Not a problem.”
“I’m sorry about last night. I know you’ve sacrificed a lot to bring me up here and keep me safe. I don’t mean to be ungrateful. It was just . . . a shock.”
There were very few people in the world whose opinion of me mattered. In just one night, Beau had added himself to that list. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I was an ungrateful brat.
“You had a rough day,” he said. “I get it. Coming here couldn’t have been easy for you. I should have done a better job explaining what you’d be getting yourself into.”
He was such a nice guy. The anti-Anton. “Well, thank you for all you’re doing for me.”
“You’re welcome.” His eyes locked with mine and I fought the urge to move into his arms. To press my nose against his damp shirt and pull in an intoxicating breath. His broad chest was so tempting. I could just make out a smattering of chest hair beneath the white cotton. I was a sucker for chest hair, that one defining trait that separated the men from the boys.
I was just about to inch closer, to give into the tractor beam that was his body, when Boone started licking my fingers. I gasped, yanking my hand away from his tongue’s reach.
“Boone.” Beau snapped his fingers and the dog instantly retreated to his side.
“He’s fine. Sorry. I’m just not used to pets.”
“It’s okay.” He rubbed the back of his neck before bending to scratch behind Boone’s ears.
I shook off the haze of attraction and summoned up a smile. Beau and I had electricity, no doubt about it, but acting on our chemistry would only court more complications. I needed to keep reminding myself of that until the lust faded.
The giant backward step he took told me that he must have been thinking the same thing.
“All right, Goliath. What’s the plan for today?”
He rolled his eyes.
Why did everyone react so negatively to my nicknames? Didn’t they realize I was kidding? Well, I was kidding when it was someone that I liked. My nicknames for assholes tended to be a little on the evil side. Felicity’s ex-boyfriends had received some of my more creative monikers.
“The plan is you’re going to eat while I clean out the bathroom,” he said. “Then you can take a shower if you’d like. The water should be heated up by now.”
“I can clean the bathroom,” I offered.
“You can, but you’re not going to. In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s more to do than just the bathroom. Never fear, you’ll get your chance to clean in there, but I don’t want you on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor with cracked ribs. Let’s take it easy. You can help me with the lighter stuff today.”
I decided not to protest. My ribs were so sore that it hurt to breathe. I didn’t think I’d physically be able to clean behind a toilet and in the cramped shower.
“Okay. Food sounds good.”
“What do you feel like?” he asked. “The menu’s limited until we can get the kitchen cleaned out and dishes washed. Today, your choices are granola bars or Pop-Tarts.”
I chose a granola bar and followed him toward four huge plastic tubs, watching as he rifled through the dry goods he’d purchased last night. Next to the tubs were three large red coolers.
“How long will all of this last?” Beau’s superhuman physique must require at least four thousand calories a day.
“Probably three weeks with the two of us.”
“Then what?” My hopes soared at the prospect of going into town to refill foodstuffs. Even if it was just a day trip, I would gladly welcome a quick reprieve into civilization.
“Well, that gives us three weeks to teach you how to hunt and fish. I’ll give you the quick and dirty about which berries and roots you can eat. I’ll head back to town and you’ll be on your own. I should be able to come back before winter though and bring you some supplements.”
My mouth fell open as panic seized control of my major organs. He wanted me to become a hunter-gatherer? That was never going to happen. I’d rather take my chances with the Federovs. I started mentally calculating how long it would take for me to walk back to Prescott.
“Relax, Sabrina. I’m kidding.”
I closed my mouth and frowned as my heartbeat went back to normal. “You should have taken up a career in politics. I’ve never heard anyone deliver such a convincing straight-faced lie.”
The fact that Beau had all but convinced me I’d be scrounging through the wilderness for my own food was quite the feat. In my job, I’d learned quickly to sniff out a bluff.
“So really, what happens when all this stuff runs out?”
“You are going to be on your own at times. I’ll have to get back to town for work but I’ll come up every other week or so and bring you groceries.”
“Right.” An uneasy feeling rolled in my stomach. I knew Beau couldn’t hide out with me forever but the reality that I’d be alone here was unnerving.
“Here,” he said, handing me my breakfast. “Eat that and stop worrying. You won’t be alone for long.”
“Uh-huh.” One day alone would be too long. A couple of weeks? I’d be crawling out of my skin. What I really needed was the internet. If I could just find out whether the Federovs had been immobilized by the FBI, then this nightmare would end and I could go home.
Beau left me to my granola bar while he disappeared into the bathroom with some cleaning supplies he’d unearthed from under the kitchen sink.
When he was done, he offered me the shower but I opted to help clean first. We spent the afternoon working our way from one side of the outpost to the other. Though the space was small, it took a while to sweep and mop the dusty floors, wipe down the windows and sanitize the kitchen.
But once it was clean, the place wasn’t all bad.
While Beau stocked the refrigerator and freezer, I washed the pots, pans and dishes that had been collecting dust in the kitchen’s cabinets. While everything was drying, Beau and I started unloading the dry goods.
“I don’t suppose there’s a washer-dryer hiding somewhere around here?” I took the box of rice Beau was handing up to me from his crouched position by a plastic tub.
He shook his head. “You’ll have to hand-wash your stuff. I can take laundry back and forth to town though.”
“Okay. I’m gaining a new appreciation for modern appliances.”
“That’s not a bad thing.” He tossed me a loaf of bread. “I like that about roughing it from time to time. Makes you glad to be home.”
I missed home. “Once I get back to the city, I don’t know if I’ll ever leave again.”
Holding out my hand while shuffling boxes in the cupboard, I waited for Beau’s next deposit but it never came. He was staring, unfocused, at a bag of pasta.
“Beau?” I called.
His eyes snapped to mine and he shook his head out of wherever his thoughts had gone. “Here.” He set the last few items on the counter and stood, disappearing outside with the now-empty tub.
“Ooh-kaay.” What had that been all about?
I went back to unpacking, organizing the cramped kitchen as best I could. Beau came back inside and dragged over another tub, setting its contents on the counter in silence. I decided to give him a bit more space and turned to leave the kitchen but my bad ankle gave out.
Stumbling to the side, I braced for a hard collision with the floor but Beau rescued me first. He caught me around the waist and spun me so quickly I ended up cradled between his knees. My heaving chest pressed up against his. His soft beard just centimeters away from my forehead.
Tipping up my chin, I looked into his eyes but didn’t make a move to leave his lap or strong arms. I just wanted to savor this fleeting moment for a few more seconds. Then I’d let him go and resign myself to putting some barriers up to block our magnetic connection.
“Are you hurt?” he asked.
I shook my head but couldn’t break from his gaze. Those stormy ocean pools were as dangerous as the undertow.
The intensity of his stare snapped and in one powerful movement, he picked us both up off the floor. When I was steady on my feet, he took a step away, running a hand over his beard and then raking it through his hair.
“I’m just going to lay it out there,” he said. “You’re beautiful.”
Those words, ones that should have elicited a beaming smile, made me brace. His tone was dreadfully serious. The next statement was certain to ruin his pretty words.
“We’re from two different worlds. Let’s not get wrapped up in this physical connection, or whatever this is, and do something stupid.”
“Sure,” I said, swallowing my disappointment. “I agree.”
He was right, obviously. Beau was the type of man who needed someone with much less baggage than I was carting around. Nothing could happen between us. A fling would certainly lead to disaster.
But somehow, his rejection hurt worse than the kick Anton had landed in my side.