Five months into her pregnancy, Eva went to her OB/GYN to determine the gender of her baby.

She was nervous. Not just because she cared about the result, but because she thought the news might pull Filipe from his ongoing silence—and she wasn’t sure if, at this point, she wanted him to come back anymore.

Filipe still hadn’t gotten in contact with her. The night before her ultrasound, Eva had called and left a voicemail. It was the first time she’d said anything since the last round of ultrasound photos via email.

“Hey,” she’d said. “Listen, your baby is five months along and you haven’t been here once. I’m going in for another ultrasound today, and I should find out the gender. If you care at all, you better call me tonight.”

As an afterthought, she continued.

“If I don’t hear from you by next week, I’m going to assume you aren’t coming back for it.”

She’d hung up the phone, shoved it into her purse, and called Joseph.

Joseph had become her only friend. Car rides with him were the things she looked forward to most. Once, she’d called him sobbing and he’d come to drive her upstate. They did nothing but drive and talk and eat food for an entire day.

It hadn’t taken long for Joseph to guess what was going on. She’d been nervous at first, worried that she’d blown Filipe’s cover, but Joseph had assured her he would never tell a soul. Now, he was the only person she could talk to about her feelings.

He was much older than her—at least forty-five, if not more. He had three children and a wife at home, all of whom Eva knew by name. She admired Joseph. He had his life together. Maybe you didn’t need to be rich to be successful. Maybe you just needed people to love.

The next morning, Joseph came to pick her up, right on time.

“Nervous?” Joseph asked as she stepped into the car. “It’s a big day.”

Eva shrugged.

“He didn’t answer?”

Eva shook her head.

“I’m sorry,” Joseph said. “It’s hard to believe that Filipe would do something like that.”

“Five months ago, I would have thought so, too.”

Spring was starting to bloom, now. Eva had gotten pregnant in early November. It was the fifteenth of April, and she had never been more emotionally exhausted in her life.

“I think I’m going to leave,” she said. “He’s not coming back. I think maybe he’s fallen in love with her. With Luiza.”

“Where are you going to go?”

“I’m going to find a place upstate. Somewhere nice for the baby and me.”

“Are you sure you’re ready for that kind of responsibility?”

“I don’t have a choice,” Eva said with a sigh. “I didn’t think he’d leave me high and dry, but he did. I guess not financially—but physically and emotionally. I’m going to have to do this alone.”

“Are you relieved?”

“Why would I be relieved?”

“Well, this way, you don’t have to worry about giving your baby up.”

“I honestly hadn’t thought about it.”

“You must be awfully sure he isn’t coming. What if he does?”

“Then he’ll be too late,” Eva said, being careful not to snap at Joseph. “There isn’t an excuse in the world that explains being away this long. He’s avoiding me. He’s chosen her. He doesn’t care about us anymore. He doesn’t even answer the phone.”

“You’re going to take the money and run?”

“Can you blame me?”

Joseph shook his head.

“Honestly, I can’t blame you for anything. This was his choice.”

They pulled up to the clinic. Eva opened her car door.

“I appreciate you being my friend, Joseph. You’re the only person I’m going to miss when I’m gone.”

“If you move upstate, we’ll find ways to see each other,” he said. “I promise.”

“People love to make promises they can’t keep,” Eva said with a shrug. “But I hope we do.”

“I’ll be back for you in an hour.”

Eva walked toward the door of the clinic as the car drove away. She felt completely and totally alone.

* * *

The appointment was routine, at best. There were blood tests. The ultrasound showed a normal heartbeat. Over the past month, Eva had reluctantly begun to admire the process and care for the baby. She had started to identify with it. It was her child.

That was why, now, she wasn’t sure if she wanted Filipe to come home. Could she turn off the feelings now that she’d turned them on? Could she change her mind about raising a baby when she’d already accepted the possibility?

She didn’t think she could handle more emotional turmoil. If she fully immersed herself in being pregnant and raising a child, she wasn’t going back. She thought Filipe had a matter of days—maybe less—before she was too far gone to return.

It was his own fault, really. If he’d been present, she never would have let herself get attached. But the constant worry about whether she’d have to raise the baby alone had brought up a series of serious questions. She’d considered the possibility at length. She’d come to terms with it. He was running out of time.

Her doctor broke into her thoughts just long enough to make her smile.

“It’s a girl.”

Eva’s heart skipped a beat. She wouldn’t have openly admitted it, but she’d secretly been hoping for a girl. They could dress up together and curl their hair together. They could talk about boys and fashion. Girls were easier for her to understand. She needed that right now. If she was going to raise a child at twenty-five, she needed that desperately.

For the rest of the afternoon, Eva felt better than she had in months. Even Joseph said she was glowing. She completely removed Filipe from her mind.

Who needs him?

She started looking at houses and cars. She started picking out baby clothes and blankets and accessories. She was really going to do this. She was going to make it happen.

And then, the phone call from her doctor came.

“Hello?” Eva said.

“Eva Nightingale?”

“Yes, this is her.”

“This is Dr. Phillips from your OB/GYN office,” the woman on the phone said. “I want to talk to you about some medical anomalies we noticed in your test results.”

The smile faded from Eva’s face. She shut her laptop and stood up from the couch.

“What?”

“You should probably know…”

The voice continued, but Eva didn’t hear anything.

What if something had gone wrong? Was she losing the baby? What was she going to do? She couldn’t tell Filipe. He never answered his phone. But he’d want to know, right? He might know what to do next. Maybe, if there was something wrong, he’d finally call her back.

He won’t and you know it. Besides, if he does, you’ll have to give up the baby.

Maybe that wasn’t true. They could work together and come up with a solution. She had to believe Filipe cared enough to keep his child safe, even if Eva wasn’t willing to give her up.

Then again, maybe giving the baby up was best. Eva couldn’t even handle a medical anomaly on her own. What else would she come across that she couldn’t handle?

“I’m sorry,” Eva said, pulling herself together. “You’re going to have to repeat that for me.”

“Your test results showed that you aren’t getting enough nutrients in your diet. You should eat more fruits and vegetables—preferably greens. Otherwise, there’s a chance it could start to affect the baby.”

“Oh,” Eva said. “Okay, I can do that.”

Two minutes later, the conversation was over. But Eva was still shaken.

With sweaty hands, she dialed Filipe’s number. Of course, it went to voicemail.

“Filipe,” she said shakily. “You need to come back. You need to call me. There’s some kind of problem, some kind of medical anomaly.”

Eva took a deep breath. She knew leaving the message was a mistake, but she couldn’t stop herself. What came next was a result of five months of unanswered questions.

“Are you coming back or not? Because, at this point, I’m keeping my baby. You haven’t been here for more than half of my pregnancy. You promised she’d be important to you, and she clearly isn’t. So, if you even want to be part of this child’s life, you better get back here. Because I miss you more than I’ve ever missed anyone. More than my parents, more than my friends. I miss you, and I think I love you.”

She stopped herself.

“But I can’t love someone who abandons me. And I’m not going to let you raise my child that way.”

She hung up and dropped the phone on the floor.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she told herself.

She wanted answers. She deserved answers. She’d never planned for any of this. She’d never wanted to be a single mother. She wanted Filipe to come home and fix everything. If he didn’t, she wasn’t sure what she would do.

And, if he didn’t come soon, she would probably lose her temper when he finally did.

Did I just tell him that I love him?

Eva didn’t care anymore. Of course she loved him. She loved him, and he’d abandoned her. There was something wrong with her baby. Or, at least, there would be, if she didn’t get her act together.

I want this to be over.

She grabbed the television remote and threw it as hard as she could. It hit the wall across from her, leaving a crack but otherwise not doing any damage.

I should never have agreed to this.