Chapter Fourteen
Lady Millicent and her husband, Baron Duncan, of the border Duncans, came to collect Ulric six days later. Nicholaa hadn’t been informed of the guests’ arrival. Quite by chance, she walked into the great hall, her apron filled with spring flowers, and saw them there. She dropped the flowers.
Ulric’s aunt was holding him and cooing, as a mother would to her own son. Duncan stood next to his wife, his hand on her shoulder. He was leaning down toward the baby and grinning like a proud father.
Nicholaa couldn’t seem to remember her manners. She stood there staring for the longest while, trying to gather her composure.
Fortunately only Royce noticed her distress. He walked over to her, just as she was kneeling to collect the flowers. “Leave them,” he whispered as he gently lifted her back to her feet.
Alice stood to one side of the entrance mopping her eyes with her sleeve. Royce motioned for her to pick up the flowers, then took Nicholaa’s hand and pulled her forward.
“Have you ever met Baron Duncan and Lady Millicent?” he asked her.
Nicholaa nodded. “At Thurston’s wedding. They seemed pleasant enough.”
“Did you know they’ve been married twelve years?”
She didn’t know, and she didn’t particularly care. She just wanted to snatch Ulric out of his aunt’s arms and take him upstairs.
But that wasn’t possible. “Do they have children of their own?”
“No,” Royce answered. “Smile, Nicholaa,” he ordered.
She smiled. Baron Duncan was staring intently at her. He was a squat-framed man with a full reddish orange beard. She remembered how kind he was to her when she and her family went to his holding for Thurston’s wedding.
She moved away from Royce and made a curtsy. Her expression was serene now. She wanted to weep with Alice, but she knew she must behave with dignity. Ulric’s welfare was more important than her own feelings. She tried to remember that.
Her voice barely quavered when she spoke. “It’s a pleasure to see both of you again.”
Ulric reached out to her. Nicholaa started to take him from Millicent, then changed her mind. She backed up a step. “He’s a very affectionate child,” she remarked, “and he’s not afraid of strangers. Most babies are, you know,” she rambled on, wishing Royce would stop her. “Ulric’s an exceptional child.”
Baron Duncan nodded. “Aye, he is exceptional,” he agreed. “We know how difficult this parting is for you, Nicholaa. Your husband has told us how attached you’ve become to the babe.”
Millicent handed Ulric to her husband and then rushed over to take Nicholaa’s hand. Ulric’s aunt, his mother’s sister, was a heavyset woman with wide shoulders and wider thighs. She wasn’t very appealing in appearance until you looked at her eyes. Then you forgot about her figure altogether, for Lady Millicent had lovely brown eyes that sparkled with warmth. “We’ll take good care of him,” she promised.
“Will you love him?” Nicholaa asked. “Babies need love. Did my brother explain why he wanted you to take Ulric?”
Millicent turned to her husband, and Duncan walked over to stand directly in front of Nicholaa. Ulric, she noticed, was clearly fascinated by Duncan’s beard. He was tugging on it while he babbled out his new sounds.
“Yes,” Duncan answered. “He did explain, but Thurston isn’t thinking clearly now, Nicholaa.”
“You don’t have to give me excuses for my brother’s conduct,” Nicholaa interrupted. She took a deep breath, then said, “Please sit down, both of you. I shall have a chamber made ready for you. We’ll have a fine supper . . .”
She stopped when Duncan shook his head. The sadness in his expression should have been warning enough for Nicholaa. “We can’t stay,” he announced, “because of yet another outrageous promise your brother made us give him.”
“ ’Tis the truth we would have promised him anything to make certain Ulric remained safe,” Millicent interjected. “If we didn’t agree to his conditions, he said he would take his son up into the hills.”
Nicholaa edged closer to Royce’s side. Just touching him somehow helped her maintain her composure. His mere presence comforted her. “What was the other promise you had to give?” she asked. “You said, ‘yet another outrageous promise,’ ” she reminded Duncan.
“Thurston made us promise you’d have nothing to do with Ulric.” He shook his head. “He had his plans all set when he came here,” he said. “He fully expected you and Ulric to leave with him.”
“Right then and there, in the dead of night,” Millicent interjected.
Nicholaa didn’t want to talk about Thurston’s expectations. “The only important issue now is the welfare of the baby,” she announced.
She turned around to make certain Alice was still lingering in the hall. “You may weep later, Alice. Go and pack Ulric’s things now.” She softened her command by adding, “Please, Alice?”
Nicholaa turned around again to confront the couple. She moved away from Royce’s side, folded her arms in front of her, and then said, “Now I’ll have two promises from you before I let Ulric leave.”
Royce raised an eyebrow over the change in his wife. She sounded like a commander now.
Duncan looked wary. “What are these promises?”
“First, you must promise to treat Ulric as if he is your own son.”
Before she could go into her reasons for demanding that promise, both Millicent and Duncan agreed.
“Second, you will give me your word that Ulric will stay with you. If Thurston comes back and wants to take his son to someone else, for whatever reason, you won’t let him. You will treat Ulric like your own son, and soon he’ll begin to feel . . . secure. He will stay with you two from this moment on. I won’t have him uprooted again. I . . .”
She couldn’t go on. Royce put his arm around her and pulled her up against his side. “They’ve already given me that promise, Nicholaa,” he said.
Millicent and Duncan immediately nodded.
Nicholaa sagged against Royce.
“Thurston won’t be allowed to uproot his son again,” Royce assured her.
“Thank you.” She was stunned that Royce had already taken care of that worry, and she was pleased that he was so concerned about Ulric’s well-being.
An hour later Millicent and Duncan took Ulric away. Royce ordered a full contingent of soldiers to ride escort.
Nicholaa barely spoke a word to anyone for the rest of the long day. She kept busy with a frenzy of cleaning. Royce didn’t know how to console his wife. When she didn’t come to the great hall for dinner, he went up to their room. He found Nicholaa sitting in a chair near the hearth. Without a word, he pulled her up, sat down, and then settled her on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.
Neither said a word for a long while. Then Royce broke the silence. “It was difficult for you today.”
She didn’t remark on that truth.
“They didn’t know how difficult,” he said then. “I’m proud of you, Nicholaa.”
She closed her eyes and let her head drop onto his shoulder.
“Do you remember my order to you?” he asked.
“Which one?” she asked. “There were so many.”
He ignored her sarcasm. “The one about weeping,” he reminded her.
She smiled in spite of her misery. “Ah, yes, rule number three,” she whispered. “You told me I couldn’t cry.”
He kissed the top of her head. “I’ve changed my mind,” he announced in a gruff voice. “You may weep if you’re so inclined.”
It really was ridiculous for him to think that a simple change in orders could bring about her tears. She certainly wasn’t going to cry just because he’d told her it was now permissible. Besides, she didn’t feel like weeping.
She soaked his tunic through before she finished. Then she started hiccuping. He didn’t try to stop her. He just continued to hold her close until she finally quieted down.
“They’re good people, Nicholaa.”
“Yes.”
“They will treat Ulric like their own,” Royce remarked.
She nodded. Lord he hated to see her unhappy. “Nicholaa, you do understand why I let Ulric leave, don’t you?”
The worry in his voice was more of a comfort to her than his hug. He did care about her feelings, if only just a little, or he wouldn’t have been so eager to make her fully understand his motives.
“You don’t want to hurt Thurston because he’s my brother, but you knew he’d come back here if Ulric remained. I understand.”
Royce was surprised he felt so relieved. “I’m not a difficult man to get along with,” he told her.
He fully expected her agreement. He didn’t get it. “Yes, you are difficult,” she countered. “Where will you send Justin?”
“I’m not sending Justin anywhere.”
“Then Thurston will still come back here. He’ll come for Justin.”
“Yes.” He didn’t expound on that answer.
Nicholaa leaned away from him. “Ulric could have stayed . . .” She stopped when he shook his head. “I don’t understand,” she said.
“Justin’s a man, Nicholaa. He can make his own choices. Ulric can’t. I couldn’t allow him to be caught in a tug-of-war.”
“But Justin’s like a child, too,” Nicholaa argued.
“He isn’t,” he countered. “He’s weak now, but each day he’ll improve, in both mind and.body.”
“And if Thurston comes back to get him before this improvement takes place?”
“Justin won’t leave with him.”
Royce didn’t add that it didn’t matter if Justin wanted to go or not. He wouldn’t allow her brother to leave until he was strong enough to survive on his own.
“Has he improved since that first day?” she asked, trying to sound only mildly interested.
“Yes.”
“So everything’s going according to your plans?”
“Yes.”
She let out a loud sigh. “Then you don’t have to kick Justin anymore?”
Royce smiled. His wife had finally managed to bring up the topic he knew she’d wanted to discuss.
“Answer me, please,” she said. “Do you still kick Justin?”
There was a noticeable sting in her voice now. Royce ignored it. “Only when I want to,” he finally answered.
She tried to get off his lap. He held her tight. “You really shouldn’t have watched, you know.”
“Lawrence told you, didn’t he?” She sounded indignant.
“My vassal didn’t betray you, Nicholaa. It was his duty to tell me. Besides, your expression would have told me anyway.”
“It was my right to watch,” she announced. “He’s my brother.”
“That isn’t as important as his relationship to me.”
“He’s just your brother-in-law,” she said incredulously.
“He’s also my vassal,” he patiently explained. “That bond is far more important. Surely you understand that.”
She didn’t understand anything anymore. Everything had been turned inside out since the Normans started running things. King William had set up a rigid power structure in which everyone in his kingdom had a specific place, a specific duty. Aye, from the lowest serfs to the highest noblemen, everyone had a place. Everyone but Nicholaa . . . or so she felt in her heart. She didn’t fit in to this new scheme of things. She was suddenly so frightened that she actually started shaking. For a long time she’d had many responsibilities, but now Royce was methodically taking those duties away from her. She’d made a vow to protect her family in any way that she could. She had once believed that Ulric and Justin needed her to keep them safe. Now Ulric was gone. Soon Justin would leave, too. When her brother completed his training, he would leave to find his own way in this difficult world. Justin didn’t need her even now, she realized. No, he needed Royce to teach him how to be strong again.
No one needed her. The holding belonged to Royce, and so did the servants. They had already given her husband their complete loyalty. It was only right, she told herself, because he was the master of this castle now . . . but where did that leave her?
Nicholaa couldn’t shake the bout of self-pity she seemed to be wallowing in. She let out a sigh, pushed herself off her husband’s lap, and prepared for bed. She barely noticed that Royce was undressing, too.
Damn, she hated feeling sorry for herself, but she couldn’t seem to stop. She felt empty inside—guilty, too. She’d deliberately trapped Royce into this marriage. He was only making the best of his circumstances.
Nicholaa was standing near the bed, dressed only in her white chemise, her mind filled with chaos, when Royce put his arms around her waist and pulled her back against him. He leaned down to nuzzle the side of her neck.
“Royce, you don’t need anyone, do you?”
Since they’d been talking about her brother only minutes before, he misunderstood her question. “I’m a trainer,” he answered. “I’m not supposed to need anyone.”
She turned around in his arms, splaying her hands on his bare chest. “I have a confession to make to you,” she said. “Will you listen to me?”
Her fingers were making circles around his nipples. He put his hands on top of hers. “If you want me to listen, you’ll have to stop that.”
“This is a serious confession,” she warned him.
He quit smiling. “All right. I’m listening.”
She turned her gaze to his chin. She didn’t want to be distracted. “When I chose you for my husband, I was thinking only of myself. I was being very selfish. I realize that now. I didn’t care if I ruined your life.”
“I would never allow anyone to ruin my life,” he countered.
“But you never would have chosen me,” she rushed out. She put her hand over his mouth to stop him from interrupting her again. “You probably think I was just getting even with you for taking me to London, and in part, perhaps that was true. But there was much more to my reasons, Royce. You were so gentle with Ulric. I knew you’d be a good father when I saw how you held him and made certain he was protected. You were gentle with me, too,” she added in another rush. “I came to know you quite well by the time we reached London. You’re proud and arrogant, but also strong and patient.”
She paused to gather her courage to give him the rest of her confession. Royce pulled her hand away from his mouth and kissed her palm. “Are you finished yet? I have something to say to you when you’re done.”
She shook her head. “I have to say all of this, Royce, before I lose my courage.”
His smile was filled with tenderness. “You have enough courage. You can afford to lose a little of it,” he told her.
He was wrong, but she wasn’t going to tell him so now.
“You’d already given me your word you’d look after Justin,” she said, “but that wasn’t enough for me. No, I then forced you to marry me and added Ulric and myself to your burden.” She let out a sigh. “I can’t change what I’ve done to you, but I want you to know I’m sorry I didn’t consider your feelings. I know I haven’t made your adjustment easy. I’ve fought you every step of the way. But that’s going to stop now. I’m going to be the kind of wife you want, Royce. I give you my word. We’ll live in peace and harmony together, just the way you want.”
He gently brushed the hair away from her face. The tenderness in his expression brought tears to her eyes. She ached with her need to tell him she loved him. She wouldn’t give him that confession, though, no matter how much she wanted to, for her pledge would only be one more burden for him to carry around. She knew he didn’t love her, and because he was such a kind, caring man, he was sure to feel guilty over that fact.
“Nicholaa, are you sorry you married me?”
“Oh, no, I’m not sorry,” she answered. “You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you? You’re the one who’s sorry.”
“I am?”
His sudden grin waylaid her concentration. She nodded, but couldn’t remember why. She was overwrought, she decided. She put her arms around her husband’s neck, drawing his full attention, then tugged on his hair to bring his head down to hers. When he complied with that command, she kissed him with all the love and passion inside her.
Royce had planned to sit down with her and straighten out all of her crooked conclusions, but the minute her mouth touched his, he decided to put that discussion aside until later. He only wanted to think about kissing her back.
He went a little wild when her tongue rubbed against his. He growled low in his throat to let her know how much he liked that boldness. His hands shook when he untied the ribbon holding her chemise together. He moved back just long enough to let the garment fall to the floor, then roughly pulled her up against him, his jaw clenching when he felt her soft full breasts press against his chest.
Nicholaa tore her mouth away from his and kissed a wet path down his throat. She pushed his hands away from her waist as she moved lower. Her tongue stroked a circle around first one and then the other nipple hidden beneath the mat of crisp hair covering his chest. Then she moved lower still until she’d reached his hard, flat stomach. His skin was so hot, so appealing to her. Her tongue flicked his navel. He inhaled sharply, telling her without words he liked that caress.
His reaction made her want to please him even more.
Royce’s knees almost buckled when Nicholaa knelt in front of him. His hands turned into fists at his sides. He knew what she was going to do, but the agony of waiting for her to touch him, to feel himself inside her soft, wet mouth was almost unbearable.
And then the wait was over. Her hands stroked him until he was wild, and then her mouth closed around the tip of his arousal. Royce forgot to breathe. The growl deep in his throat turned into a low groan of surrender. He moved against her. Once. Twice. He had to stop her. Her tongue was making him crazed, and he knew if he didn’t stop her now, it would be too late.
“Enough,” he commanded, his voice harsh with his need.
She didn’t want to stop. He forced her to stand up, then wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off the floor. He was out of control now, desperate to find fulfillment, and yet he wanted Nicholaa to surrender with him.
Somehow they got into bed. His mouth slanted over hers even as he was covering her body with his own. He stroked the fire of passion inside her with his tongue and his hands. His fingers thrust inside her and when he felt the moist heat there, his control completely snapped.
She arched up against him. “Royce, come to me now. I don’t want to wait any longer.”
He would have smiled over the demand in her voice if he’d had the strength. Nicholaa was wild now, as out of control as he was. She scraped his shoulders with her nails and moved restlessly against him.
Royce rolled onto his back, taking her with him, then forced her legs apart. She straddled his thighs, but still didn’t understand what he wanted to do. She tried to get him to roll over again.
“Royce!” She shouted her demand this time.
He jerked her head down by pulling on her hair and sealed her protest with a long hot kiss. His thighs came up and the tip of his hard arousal brushed against her. She understood then. She pulled back and looked down into her husband’s eyes. The passion she saw there made the warm knot of longing inside her burst into flames of pleasure.
“We can make love this way?” she asked in a ragged voice.
He didn’t answer her. He showed her instead. He slowly eased into her. God, she was so tight, so hot. She felt so good. Royce closed his eyes in sheer ecstasy. He never wanted the feeling to end.
He wouldn’t let her quicken the pace. He gripped her hips as he slowly penetrated her. Nicholaa’s head fell back, and she let out a moan of pleasure. Her hands gripped Royce’s upper arms.
“Lean back, Nicholaa.”
She did as he ordered, then cried out. She’d taken all of him inside her. Her lower back was cushioned against his thighs now. Heat surrounded her, penetrated her.
“Am I hurting you? I don’t want to hurt you.”
She hushed his worry by taking his mind off the matter. She shifted, just a little and liked that wonderful feeling so much that she moved again.
He grunted with pleasure. He opened his eyes to find her staring down at him. Were his eyes as glazed with passion as hers were? He knew they must be. It seemed a miracle to him that such a beautiful woman would want him as much as he wanted her.
She loved him. The thought cut through his haze of passion and lust. Aye, she loved him.
Nicholaa could no longer ignore the pressure building inside her. She felt as if she might explode with her need to find release from this sweet torture. She wanted it all now. She wouldn’t let Royce set the pace, couldn’t stop herself from moving, ever so slowly at first, and then more forcefully until she was mindless to everything but finding release.
He helped her find fulfillment. He knew just what spots to touch, to caress, to drive her beyond the brink.
His fingers were as magical as the rest of him. Her whole body suddenly tightened around him. Royce couldn’t hold back any longer. He poured his seed into her with a shout of surrender. Nicholaa’s release was every bit as consuming, just as shattering. She didn’t shout; she wept.
She collapsed against her husband and held him tight. She never wanted to let go.
It took a long, long time for Royce to recover. He gently stroked Nicholaa’s shoulders, her back, her arms. He couldn’t stop touching her. She felt so good pressed up against him. Each time he made love to her, he was left feeling stunned by the beauty of her response to him. She never held a part of herself back from him. Royce had never experienced such bliss or felt such contentment.
It was a miracle, a gift. His wife could make him feel weak and powerful at the very same time. He knew that contradiction didn’t make any sense, but neither did the fact that he was now married to such a gentle, beautiful woman.
He couldn’t believe she could love him. He’d never expected such a thing could happen to him. On the day he was disfigured—Lord, was he only fifteen years old then?—he’d accepted his lot in life. The looks of revulsion on women’s faces as they openly stared at him . . . yes, he’d learned to accept.
But Nicholaa loved him.
“Royce?”
“Yes?”
“Was it . . . all right?” Her voice was hesitant, filled with embarrassment. “What I did?”
He knew what she was talking about of course. “Oh, yes, it was all right,” he answered. “What made you—”
“I wanted to,” she interrupted.
A long minute passed before Royce spoke again. “Nicholaa, did you make love that way because you were trying to be the kind of wife you thought I wanted, or did you take me into your mouth because you wanted to?”
She was thankful he couldn’t see her face. She was burning with embarrassment. “I already told you I wanted to,” she whispered into the darkness. “And you said you liked it. My, I’m tired. I believe I’ll go to sleep now.”
He wrapped his arms around her to keep her warm. He took the hint, of course, that Nicholaa didn’t want to discuss the intimacy.
She fell asleep minutes later. Royce stayed awake much longer. What an innocent charmer his wife was. He recounted her confession over and over again in his mind. She really believed she’d forced him to marry her.
Something else was bothering her, too. Something in the way she’d spoken told him she was harboring another worry or two. Nicholaa had looked so vulnerable, he remembered, and there had been a desperate edge in her voice.
Hell, he hoped she didn’t have a couple more brothers she hadn’t mentioned to him yet.
That possibility made him smile. He wondered how long it would take him to really understand his wife. Royce decided he’d have to sit down with her and discuss these concerns. He didn’t want her to worry about anything. She was going to be happy, he vowed, and he wouldn’t stop prodding her until she was.
Royce woke up in the middle of the night when Nicholaa rolled away from him in her sleep. He followed her. He would have fallen back to sleep if her backside hadn’t rubbed up against his groin. That enticement was too much to ignore. He had to touch her then. One caress led to another and another, and before he was fully awake, he was making slow, sweet love to her.
Their mouths melted together in long, lazy kisses, and their lovemaking was filled with tenderness. And when they’d both found fulfillment, they fell asleep hugging each other.