Chapter 61
Gemma looked absolutely terrible as she walked towards Lew. She had swollen eyes and appeared totally battered by life in stark contrast to twenty-four hours ago when he’d met her in Tesco and she’d looked radiant, beautified by her secret pregnancy and was looking forward to having a fun evening with some of the people she loved best in the world.
Lew stood up to greet her and kissed her on the cheek, but her arms wrapped around him and she held on to him tightly.
‘Come on, sit down, Gem,’ he said, pulling the chair out from under the table for her. He’d picked a quiet corner one on Higher Hoppleton Garden Centre’s terrace. ‘You all right?’ he asked, though it was a daft question.
‘Lew, I’m so sorry,’ said Gemma. ‘The one person I shouldn’t have hurt was you. You didn’t deserve it.’
‘I got us a pot of tea,’ said Lew, pouring it out. ‘Hope that’s okay.’
‘Fine, thank you.’
They both drew comfort from the warmth of the cups as they cradled them in their hands. Neither of them knew what to say.
‘So, where to start?’ said Lew eventually because otherwise they would have been sitting there in silence for ever.
‘Have you spoken about it to . . .?’ asked Gemma. She couldn’t bring herself to say Charlotte’s name.
‘No. Have you and Jason talked?’
‘We haven’t done anything but talk,’ said Gemma.
‘Does he know you’re here with me?’
‘Yes. I think he’ll try and get in touch with you . . .’
‘Tell him not to bother,’ said Lew, jaw tightening. ‘We have nothing to say to each other.’
‘I’m so angry,’ said Gemma, ripping a serviette out of the holder on the table in preparation for the tears that were pressing against the back of her eyes. ‘I punched him after you’d left.’
‘You need to remember you’re pregnant, Gem.’
‘I don’t want to be a single mum,’ said Gemma, lowering her head and Lew saw tears splash on the surface of the table. ‘I hate him, I hate him so much. What a mess.’
Lew reached over and squeezed her arm. ‘You don’t have to make excuses, Gem. It’s not up to me if you leave him or not.’
‘Will you leave Charlotte?’
‘I don’t know,’ he lied, because he did know.
Gemma sighed deeply. ‘It was supposed to be his day off yesterday. I was going to surprise him and do a pregnancy test as soon as we woke up so we could sit and watch the lines appear together but he got up early and went into work. So I did it alone because I couldn’t wait to find out. I’ve kept thinking, if only I’d woken up earlier, I’d have persuaded him not to go in, we’d have had such a great morning, we’d have gone to tell our parents and I’d have missed Regina calling. I’d never have known . . .’
‘Let me stop you right there,’ said Lew. ‘Regina would have told you at some point.’
‘Do you think?’
‘Of course she would. She must have been desperate for an opportunity and she’d have made one if she hadn’t found one.’
Gemma said resignedly, ‘Yeah, you’re probably right.’
‘So what exactly did she say to you? Please don’t hold anything back, Gem. I need to know it all.’ He knew that Gemma was the type to soften things at the edges so they didn’t hurt so much. Usually. ‘Please. Don’t do me any favours.’
Gemma nodded. ‘Then I’m so sorry for anything I’m going to tell you today. I will try to say it all exactly as it happened.’
‘Thank you.’
Gemma took a fortifying breath. ‘Regina was waiting for me when I came back from the supermarket. She said she was just calling by. I knew she must be desperate for company because she had never done it before. I told her that she and I were not friends because she’d always treated me like a lesser being and then she started spitting like an old cobra. That was when she told me that Charlotte wasn’t my friend either because’ – Gemma drew speech marks in the air – ‘ “She’s been screwing your husband for months.” My heart stopped, Lew. I asked her what the hell she was talking about because my first thought was that she was lying, shit-stirring, being Regina, but too many things rang true. She told me that when Charlotte stayed over after Patrick walked out, they’d both got pissed together, played some daft truth and dare game. Charlotte decided to share her big secret that she could be every bit as wild and wanton as swinging Regina. She was probably so hammered she thought it might impress her. I don’t know why she did that to me – and you – but I do know why Jason shagged your wife, at least I do if he’s telling me the truth.’
Jealousy. He wanted some of what Lew had, it was obvious to him. A modern-day equivalent of a cannibal eating someone to absorb their qualities. Plus daring, laddishness and a soupçon of excitement with an attractive, well-preserved woman. Even though he had a beautiful woman of his own, who was a much nicer person than Charlotte.
‘He told me everything,’ said Gemma. ‘It started about six months ago. Just after his business had really begun to take off. It was just sex, no-strings thrills, they didn’t actually go out on dates or anything. I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.’
That they risked hurting their partners for something they could both have had at home . . . that made it worse in Lew’s book, but he didn’t say it aloud. Something danced on the edge of his thoughts about the dinner party at Patrick’s and Regina’s: Jason and Charlotte talking about cars: I need something more satisfactory than I have at the moment. A little less conservative and more racy. They’d been flaunting it in plain sight, enjoying their sordid little secret. Come in my office.
‘I don’t want to ever see Charlotte again,’ said Gemma. ‘I know that it takes two to tango but I have to hate her for the both of them. I expect you feel the same about Jason.’
Lew gave his shoulders the merest shrug but if he was honest, the ‘affair’ paled into insignificance against the other truth he’d learned. He was wounded by Jason’s duplicity and petty jealousy and he knew that if he suddenly appeared in front of him, Lew’s testosterone levels would spike and his fists would bunch, but everything was drowned under the weight of what Charlotte had done to their child.
Lew’s voice was a croak when he spoke next. ‘Tell me the truth about my baby, Gemma.’
‘Oh God, Lew, I am so sorry. I couldn’t tell you, I swore to her that I’d keep her secret. She put me in a terrible position when she asked me to go with her to the clinic.’
‘You went with her?’ Lew’s tone was disbelieving, laced with disappointment.
‘Please don’t look at me like that, Lew. I was her best friend and I was there for her but – I know this sounds really bad – until yesterday, until I saw those two lines on the test, I didn’t really grasp the full impact of what she’d done.’
Lew put the cup on the table before it fell out of his hands. ‘Why did she do it?’
‘Oh God.’ Gemma shook her head slowly from side to side. ‘This should come from her.’
‘How can I trust her to tell me the truth?’ said Lew. ‘Tell me, Gemma. No lies. I’ve had years and years of them.’
‘She changed her mind.’ Gemma blurted out the words as if they were too hot for her mouth.
Lew let the words sink in. ‘Changed her mind? Like it was a handbag?’
Gemma licked her lips nervously as if lubricating the way for the words which would come out next. ‘She said that she didn’t want to be left alone with a baby whilst you were working away all week. She said she’d mistimed this pregnancy and she would be better off having a child later on.’
‘But we talked about what would happen. She wouldn’t have been alone. I would have got another job, come back up north . . .’ Gemma raised her eyes to him and Lew thought how strange it was that you could read so much in two round circles of colour, almost a psychic message. Gemma didn’t need to say anything; her stare said it all. ‘I would have come back up north . . .’ The penny dropped. ‘. . . for less money. That’s why, isn’t it?’
‘I told her, Lew. I told her that it wasn’t right. I’m so sorry. You are the loveliest man I know. You deserve better.’ She slipped her hand into Lew’s and felt how cold and limp his fingers were. Dead as the rest of him was. Dead as his marriage because there was no way back from this.