CHAPTER 5
On Monday morning, Regan was up early, a song on her lips. In a few hours, the first furnishings would be delivered to the house on the hill. With her payment deposited, she would dash to an auction in Pennsylvania scheduled for that afternoon.
It would be well worth closing the shop for the day.
She put the coffee on, popped bread into the toaster. Then turned and nearly jumped out of her slippers.
“Oh, Connor.” Laughing, she pressed a hand to her speeding heart. “You scared me.”
“I’m sorry.” The boy was thin, pale, with big eyes the color of shadows. His mother’s eyes, Regan thought as she smiled at him.
“It’s okay. I didn’t know anyone was up. It’s early, even for a school day. Want some breakfast?”
“No, thank you.”
She bit back a sigh. No eight-year-old boy should be so apologetically polite. She lifted a brow and took out a box of the cereal she’d learned was his favorite. With a wink, she gave it a shake.
“How about joining me for a bowl?”
He smiled then, so sweetly shy it broke her heart. “I guess if you’re having some.”
“Why don’t you get the milk out, put it on the table?” Because it hurt to see how carefully, how deliberately, he performed the simple chore, she made her voice bright. “I heard on the radio we’re in for some more snow. Maybe a big one.”
She carried out bowls and spoons, set them down. When she lifted a hand to brush it over his tousled hair, he went very still. Cursing Joe Dolin, she kept the smile on her face. “I bet they close school tomorrow.”
“I like school,” he said then bit his lip.
“I always did, too.” Brisk and determinedly cheerful, she breezed into the kitchen again for her coffee. “I never minded a day off now and again, but I really liked school. What’s your favorite subject?”
“English class. I like to write things.”
“Really? What kind of things?”
“Stories.” He hunched his shoulders, looking down. “Just stupid stuff.”
“I bet it’s not.” She could only hope she wasn’t making a mistake, moving into territory best left to the experts. But her heart simply moved her hand. She cupped it under Connor’s chin and lifted it gently as she sat beside him. “You should be proud. I know your mother’s proud of you. She told me you won a prize in your English class for a story you wrote.”
“She did?” He was torn between wanting to smile and wanting to let his head drop again. But Regan had her hand on his face. It felt good there, warm. The tears were in his eyes before he could stop them. “She cries at night.”
“I know, baby.”
“He was always hitting her. I knew it. I could hear them. But I never did anything to stop it. I never did anything to help her.”
“You’re not to blame.” Letting instinct rule, she lifted him onto her lap, cuddling him close. “You’re not to blame, Connor. And there was nothing you could have done. But now you and your mother and your little sister are safe. You’re all going to look after each other.”
“I hate him.”
“Shh…” Jolted by how such fierceness could spurt from someone so small, so young, Regan pressed her lips to his hair and rocked.
In the hallway, Cassie stepped back. Torn in a dozen different directions, she swayed there a moment, a hand over her mouth. Then she went back into the little spare bedroom to wake her daughter for school.
* * *
Regan arrived at the Barlow place just ahead of the van and movers she’d hired. The cheerful noise of construction blasted her the minute she opened the door. Nothing could have lifted her mood higher.
The hallway was draped with tarps and drop cloths. But the spiderwebs and the mustiness were gone. The dust that lay now was fresh, and somehow clean.
She supposed it was a kind of exorcism. Amused by the thought, she studied the stairway. As a kind of test, she walked toward it, started up.
The cold slapped her like a fist, sending her back two steps. She stood, one hand gripping the rail, the other pressed to her stomach as she struggled to get back the breath the icy air had stolen.
“You’ve got guts,” Rafe murmured from behind her.
Though her eyes were still wide in shock, she looked down and met his levelly. “I wondered if it had just been my imagination. How do the laborers go up and down these steps without—?”
“Not everyone feels it. I’d say the ones who do grit their teeth and think about their paycheck.” He walked up the steps to take her hand. “How about you?”
“I’d never have believed it if I hadn’t experienced it.” Without protest, she let him lead her down to the main level. “It should make for some interesting breakfast conversation among the guests, once you’re open.”
“Darling, I’m counting on it. Give me your coat. We’ve got the heat for this part of the house up and running.” He slipped her coat off himself. “It’s on low, but it takes the edge off.”
“You’re telling me.” Pleased that it seemed warm enough to make shivering unnecessary, she flipped back her hair. “What’s going on upstairs?”
“A little bit of everything. I’m putting in an extra bath. I want you to dig up one of those claw-foot tubs, a pedestal sink. Reproductions’ll do, if you don’t have any luck finding originals.”
“Give me a few days. Well.” She rubbed her hands together, not from cold, but nerves. “Are you going to show me, or do I have to beg?”
“I’m going to show you.” He’d been itching to, looking out the window every five minutes to watch for her. But now that she was here, he was nervous. He’d slaved for more than a week, twelve-and fourteen-hour days, to make that one room, that one spot, that one step, perfect.
“I think the paint turned out.” Rather than reach for her hand, he tucked his in his pockets and walked into the parlor ahead of her. “It’s a nice contrast with the trim and the floor, I think. Had a little trouble with the windows, but I just had to diddle with the framing.”
She didn’t speak. For a moment, she merely stood in the doorway. Then, quietly, her boots clicking on the floor, she stepped inside.
It gleamed. The tall, elegant windows, with their graceful arches sent sun streaming over the newly polished floor of lovely old pine. The walls were a deep, warm blue against creamy carved trim in the most delicate of ivories.
He’d turned the window seat into a charming alcove, scrubbed the marble on the fireplace until it shone like glass. The molding along the ceiling bloomed with delicately carved florets that had been smothered and choked by the grime of decades.
“It needs furniture, drapes, and that mirror you picked out for over the mantel.” He wished she would say something, anything. “I have to replace the pocket doors, yet.” Scowling, he jammed his hands deeper into his pocket. “Well, what’s the problem? Did I miss some vital, authentic detail?”
“It’s absolutely wonderful.” Enchanted, she ran a finger down the glossy trim of a window. “Absolutely perfect. I didn’t realize you were this good.” With a quick laugh, she glanced back at him. “That wasn’t meant as an insult.”
“It wasn’t taken as one. I was pretty surprised myself, the first time I realized I had a talent for putting something together.”
“It’s more than that. It’s bringing something to life. You must be proud.”
He was, he realized, moved, and just a little embarrassed. “It’s a job. Hammer and nails and a good eye.”
She angled her head, and he watched the sun beam through the window and glow golden on her hair. His mouth watered, then went bone dry.
“You’re the last man I’d expect to be modest about anything. You must have killed yourself to get so much accomplished in so little time.”
“It was mostly cosmetic in here.”
“You’ve done something,” she murmured, and looked around, turning a slow, graceful circle. “You’ve really done something.”
Before he could comment, she was on her hands and knees, running her hands over the floor.
“It’s like glass.” She all but crooned over the golden planks. “Oh, look at the grain in this wood! What did you use? How many coats?” When he didn’t answer, she tossed her head and sat back on her heels. The dazzled smile faded when he only stared at her. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Stand up.”
His voice was raw. As she rose to her feet, he kept his distance. He didn’t dare touch her now. If he did, he’d simply never be able to stop.
“You look right in here. You should see yourself, how right you look. You’re as polished and perfect as this room. I want you so much I can’t see anything else but you.”
Her heart did a long, unsteady cartwheel in her chest. “You’re going to make me stutter again, Rafe.” She had to make a conscious effort to pump air in and out of her lungs.
“How long are you going to make me wait?” he demanded. “We’re not kids. We know what we feel and what we want.”
“That’s exactly the point. We’re not kids, and we should be adult enough to be sensible.”
“Sensible’s for old lady’s shoes. Sex may have to be responsible, but it sure as hell doesn’t have to be sensible.”
The thought of wicked, completely insensible sex with him numbed every nerve ending in her body. “I don’t know how to handle you. I don’t know how to handle the way you make me feel. I’m usually good at handling things. I guess we need to talk about this.”
“I guess you need to. I just said what I needed to say.” Unbelievably frustrated, irrationally angry at his own helpless response to her, he turned to the window. “Your truck’s here. I’ve got work upstairs. Put the stuff wherever the hell you want it.”
“Rafe—”
He stopped her, froze her before her hand could reach his arm. “You wouldn’t want to touch me right now.” His voice was quiet, very controlled. “It’d be a mistake. You don’t like to make them.”
“That’s not fair.”
“What the hell makes you think I’m fair?” His eyes slashed her to ribbons. “Ask anybody who knows me. Your check’s on the mantel.”
With her own temper sizzling, she stomped into the hall after him. “MacKade.”
He stopped on the steps, turned back. “Yeah?”
“I’m not interested in what anyone else thinks or says. If I were, you’d never have gotten within three feet of me.”
She glanced up as an interested laborer poked his head into the stairway. “Beat it,” she snapped, and had Rafe’s lips twitching reluctantly. “I make up my own mind, in my own time,” she continued and turned on her heel to open the front door for the movers. “You ask anybody.”
When she looked back, he was gone, like one of his ghosts.
* * *
Nearly blew it, Rafe thought later. He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d reacted that way. Anger and demands weren’t his usual style with women. Maybe that, he mused as he troweled drywall compound on a seam, was the problem.
Women had always come easily.
He liked them, always had. The way they looked, thought, smelled, spoke. Soft, warm, fragrant, they were one of the more interesting aspects of life. Frowning, he slapped on more compound, smoothed it.
Women were important. He enjoyed cultivating them, the companionship they offered. And the sex, he acknowledged with a thin smile, he enjoyed that, too.
Hell, he was human.
Houses were important, he reflected, coating another seam of drywall. Repairing them was satisfying, using your own hands and sweat to turn them into something that lasted. And the money that came from the end result was satisfying, too.
A man had to eat.
But there’d never been a single house that was specifically important, as this one had come to be.
And there’d never been a single woman who was specifically important, as Regan had now become.
And he calculated that she would slice him into dog meat if she knew he was comparing her to stone and wood.
He doubted she would understand that it was the first time in his life he’d ever focused on something, and someone, so entirely.
The house had haunted him for a lifetime. He hadn’t set eyes on her a month before. Yet they were both in his blood. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he told her that he couldn’t see anything but her. She was haunting him, just as the restless ghosts haunted these rooms and hallways.
Seeing her there that morning had turned him on his head, set his hormones raging, and he’d fumbled. He supposed he could make up ground. But this was the first time he could remember being tackled by emotion—emotion double-teamed with desire—and he wasn’t at all sure of his moves.
Back off, MacKade, he told himself, and scooped more compound out of the bucket. She wants room, give her room. It wasn’t as though he didn’t have time—or as though she were some sort of life-altering encounter. Maybe she was unique, maybe she was more intriguing than he’d counted on. But she was still just a woman.
He heard the weeping, felt the stir of chilled air. With barely a hesitation, he leveled his seam.
“Yeah, yeah, I hear you,” he muttered. “You might as well get used to company, ’cause I’m not going anywhere.”
A door slammed. It amused him now, these endless little dramas. Footsteps and creaks, whispers and weeping. It was almost as though he were part of it all. A caretaker, he decided. Making the house livable for those who could never leave.
He thought it was too bad none of the permanent residents ever made an appearance. It would be quite an experience to see, as well as hear. An involuntary shudder worked up his back, as if fingers had trailed along his spine.
And feel, he thought.
Footsteps echoed down the hall outside as he moved to the next sheet of drywall. To his surprise and curiosity, they stopped just outside the door. He watched the knob turn, just as the work lamp behind him went out, plunging the room into darkness.
He’d have suffered torments from hell before admitting that his heart skipped several beats. To cover the lapse, he muttered oaths under his breath, rubbed his suddenly damp palms on his spattered jeans. From memory, he fumbled his way toward the door. It swung open fast and caught him full in the face.
He wasn’t muttering oaths now, but spewing them. Stars were revolving in front of his eyes. And, with disgust, he felt blood trickle from his nose.
He heard the hoarse scream, saw the ghostly figure in the shadows of the hall, and didn’t hesitate. Pain and fury had him shooting forward like a bullet. Ghost or not, anything that gave him a bloody nose was going to pay.
It took him several furious seconds to realize he had warm flesh wriggling in his arms, and little more to recognize the scent.
She was haunting him all right, he thought bitterly.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Rafe?” Her voice squeaked out. In the dark, she threw up her arms, one flailing hand catching him sharply on the chin before she managed the wholehearted embrace. “Oh, my God, you scared me to death. I thought—I don’t know. I heard… I came up. Oh, it’s you.”
“What’s left of me.” Swearing, he set her firmly aside. There was enough light from the lamp hooked at the top of the stairs for him to see her pale face and huge eyes. “What are you doing here?”
“I picked up some things at auction and thought I’d put them—You’re bleeding.”
“No kidding.” Scowling at her, he swiped a hand under his nose. “I don’t think you broke it again. Quite.”
“I—” She rubbed a hand over her heart to make sure it hadn’t exploded from her chest. “Did I hit you with the door? I’m sorry. Here.” She dug in the pocket of her jacket and found a tissue. “I’m really sorry,” she repeated, and began to dab at the blood herself. “I was just…” Helpless, she tried to disguise a laugh as a hiccup. “I didn’t realize.” She gave up, wrapped her arms around her aching stomach, and slid to the floor.
“It’s a real laugh riot.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t stop. I thought—I don’t know what I thought. I heard them, or it, or whatever. I just had to come up and see, well, if I could see. Then you came barreling out.”
“You’re lucky I didn’t punch you,” he said, with relish.
“I know. I know.”
His eyes narrowed as he watched her fold with mirth. “I still could.”
“Oh, help me up.” Still chuckling, she wiped at her eyes. “Let’s get some ice on that nose.”
“I can take care of it myself.” But he took hold of her wrist and hauled her, none too gently, to her feet.
“Did I scare you?” She tried to keep her voice meek and apologetic as she followed him to the stairs.
“Get real.”
“But you heard—you heard it, didn’t you?” She braced, held her breath as they passed through the cold spot.
“Sure, I heard it. Goes on every night. A couple times during the day.”
“And it doesn’t…bother you?”
It boosted his ego to be able to flick a disdainful glance over his shoulder. “Why should it bother me? It’s their house, too.”
“I suppose.” She looked around the kitchen. It was all but bare, and still grimy. There was a small, dented refrigerator, a stove that was down to two working burners, and an old door propped on sawhorses that served as a table. Rafe went directly to the pitted cast-iron sink and ran cold water. “Do you have a clean rag?”
In lieu of an answer, he bent over and scooped icy water onto his face. Adopting a shamed pose, Regan folded her hands.
“I’m really terribly sorry, Rafe. Does it hurt?”
“Yes.”
He snatched up a frayed towel and dried his face. Without another word, he strode to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer.
“It’s stopped bleeding.”
He twisted off the top, tossed it aside, then downed a third of the bottle. Regan decided that, under the circumstances, she could try again.
“I didn’t see your car. That’s why I didn’t think anyone was here.”
“Devin dropped me off.” He decided that, under the circumstances, he could give her a break. “I’ve been putting in some extra time at night, camping out here. We’re supposed to get hit with a snowstorm tonight, so it didn’t make any sense to have the car. I can walk into town if I need to.”
“Oh. Well. That explains it.”
“Want a beer?”
“No thanks, I don’t drink beer.”
“Fresh out of champagne.”
“Well, then, I really should be getting back. Actually, it’s already starting to snow.” Feeling awkward now, she pushed at her hair. “Ah, there were these candlesticks, and a really wonderful set of fire irons I bought today. I just wanted to bring them by, see how they looked.”
He lifted the beer again, watching her. “So, how do they look?”
“I don’t know. I set everything down in the hall when I came in and heard the, ah, evening performance.”
“You decided to go ghost hunting instead of decorating.”
“Looks that way. Well, why don’t I set them up now, before I take off?”
Taking the beer along, he went with her. “I guess you’ve cooled off since this morning.”
“Not exactly.” She spared him a brief look as she headed to the main hall. “Though giving you a bloody nose, even inadvertently, was satisfying. You acted like a jerk.”
His eyes narrowed as she picked up the box she’d left in the hall and sailed into the parlor. “I was giving it to you straight. Some women appreciate honesty.”
“Some women like jerks.” She set the box on a drum table she’d had the movers place at the window. “I don’t. I like simplicity, manners, tact. Which, of course, you’re completely without.” Then she turned, and smiled. “But I think, under the circumstances, a truce is in order. Who broke your nose before?”
“Jared, when we were kids and fighting in the hayloft. He got lucky.”
“Hmm…” She supposed she would never understand why brotherly affection meant bloody noses to the MacKades. “So this is where you’re camping out.” She gestured toward the sleeping bag tossed in front of the fire.
“It’s the warmest room in the house right now. And the cleanest. What circumstances equal a truce?”
“Don’t set that bottle down without a coaster.” Heaving a sigh, she walked over, took one from the silver-plated basket and offered it. “You can’t treat antiques like…”
“Furniture?” he finished, but he used the coaster. “What circumstances, Regan?”
“Our ongoing business relationship, for one.” Because her fingers were tense again, she busied them by unbuttoning her coat as she walked back to the window. “We’re both trying to accomplish the same thing with this house, so it doesn’t make sense to be at odds. These are nice, aren’t they?” She took the fire irons from the box, stroked a finger over the curved handle of the coal shovel. “They could use some polish.”
“It ought to work better than the crowbar I’ve been using.” Tucking his thumbs in his pockets, he watched her carry the irons to the fire, set them carefully and individually in their stand on the stone hearth.
“Whatever you used, it’s a nice fire.” Torn between courage and doubt, she stared at the flames. “I’m still looking for the right screen. This one doesn’t really suit. It would be better in one of the rooms upstairs. I imagine you’ll have them all working. The fireplaces.”
“Eventually.”
He’d only known her for a few weeks, he realized. How could he be so sure she was arguing with herself? With the firelight flickering over her, her back so straight, that sweep of hair curtaining half her face, she looked relaxed, confident, perfectly at ease. Maybe it was the way she had her fingers linked together, or the way she wasn’t looking at him. But he was certain some small inner war was being waged.
“Why are you here, Regan?”
“I told you.” Dragging her fingers apart, she went back to the box. “I have some other stuff from the auction in my car, but you’re not ready for it. But these…” With care, she unwrapped heavy crystal candlesticks. “I could see them in here, right on this table. You’ll want flowers for this vase. Even in the winter.”
She fussed with the arrangement, placing the candlesticks just so on one side of the Doulton vase she’d already sold him.
“Tulips would be lovely, when you can get them,” she continued, carefully unwrapping the two white tapers she’d brought along. “But mums would do, and roses, of course.” She put a smile on her face again and turned. “There, what do you think?”
Saying nothing, he took a box of wooden matches from the mantel and walked over to light the tapers. And watched her over the delicate twin flames. “They work.”
“I meant the whole effect, the room.” It was a good excuse to move away from him, wandering the space, running a finger along the curved back of the settee.
“It’s perfect. I didn’t expect any less from you.”
“I’m not perfect.” The words burst out of her, unexpected on both sides. “You make me nervous when you say so. I was always expected to be perfect, and I’m just not. I’m not carefully arranged, like this room, with every piece in place, no matter how much I want to be. I’m a mess.” She dragged nervous fingers through her hair. “And I wasn’t, before. I wasn’t. No, stay over there.” She backed up quickly when he stepped forward. “Just stay over there.”
Frustrated, she waved her hands to ward him off, then paced. “You scared me this morning. You made me angry, but more, you scared me.”
It wasn’t easy for Rafe to keep his hands to himself. “How?”
“Because no one’s ever wanted me the way you do. I know you do.” She stopped, rubbing her hands over her arms. “You look at me as though you already know how it’s going to be with us. And I have no control over it.”
“I figured I was giving you control, laying it out for you.”
“No. No,” she repeated, flinging up her arms. “I don’t have any control over the way I’m feeling. You have to know that. You know exactly the way you affect people.”
“We’re not talking about people.”
“You know exactly the way you affect me.” She almost shouted it before she fisted her hands and fought for composure. “You know I want you. Why wouldn’t I? It’s just as you said, we’re adults who know what we want. And the more I backpedal, the more stupid I feel.”
His eyes were shadowed in the shifting light. “You’re going to stand there and say these things to me and expect me to do nothing about it?”
“I expect to be able to make a sane and rational decision. I don’t expect my glands to overwhelm my brain.” She blew out a breath. “Then I look at you and I want to rip your clothes off.”
He had to laugh. It was the safest way to defuse the bomb ticking inside of him. “Don’t expect me to stop you.” When he stepped forward, she jumped back like a spring. “Just the beer,” he muttered, lifting the bottle. “I need it.” He took a long, deep gulp, but it didn’t do much to put out the fire. “So, what have we got here, Regan? Two unattached, healthy adults who want pretty much the same thing from each other.”
“Who barely know each other,” she added. “Who’ve barely scratched the surface of any sort of relationship. Who should have more sense than to jump into sex as if it was a swimming pool.”
“I never bother testing the water.”
“I do. An inch at a time.” Ordering herself to be calm, she linked her hands again. “It’s important to me to know exactly what I’m getting into, exactly where I’m going.”
“No detours?”
“No. When I plan something, I stick to it. That works for me.” She was calmer now, she told herself. Rational now. “I had a lot of time to think, driving to Pennsylvania and back. We need to slow down, take a look at the whole picture.”
If she was calm, why couldn’t she stop fiddling with her blazer, twisting her rings?
“It’s like this house,” she continued quickly. “You’ve finished one room, and it’s beautiful, it’s wonderful. But you didn’t start this project without a complete plan in mind for the rest of it. I think intimacy should certainly be as carefully thought out as the renovation of a house.”
“Makes sense.”
“Good.” She drew in a breath, released it. “So, we’ll take a few steps back, get a clearer view of things.” Her hand was still unsteady when she reached for her coat. “That’s the sensible, the responsible route to take.”
“Yeah.” He set down his beer. “Regan?”
She gripped her coat like a lifeline. “Yes.”
“Stay.”
Her fingers went numb. Her breath came out in a long, shuddering sigh. “I thought you’d never ask.”
With a jittery laugh, she threw herself into his arms.