Chapter 4
Shelby
I wouldn’t take no for an answer. I’d decided it at work, wavered on the way home, then set my darn shoulders and trooped up the stairs to Tyler’s apartment. Christian had slipped me the address over a week ago after he’d requested I ask his brother to come back to work.
I halted in front of his door and fiddled with the buttons on my blouse – made sure they were all done up. I dusted off my black pencil skirt and took a deep breath. This was it. He couldn’t deny what he’d done face to face.
He’d have to admit it, and I’d make him promise to leave me alone if it came to that.
I knocked on Tyler’s front door and held my breath.
The lock clicked. Tyler appeared in the crack. His eyes widened and he gave a little shake of his head. “Shelby? What are you doing here?”
“I came to talk,” I said. “You can’t shut me out.” Well, he could shut me out, but I hoped he wouldn’t. It would make life so much easier if I didn’t have to break his door down. Or at least camp out here until he left.
“I’m – uh, Shelby.”
“No, you’re Tyler. Let me in, please,” I said.
“I didn’t expect you. Can you give me a sec?”
“I guess.”
He slapped the door shut. Noises echoed from inside the apartment, bangs and clatters, a muttered curse. God, was he hiding his cable ties and hack saws? That was a terrible though. I choked out a laugh.
A second of silence and then the chain rattled and the door swung inward.
Tyler wore a pair of faded jeans and a cotton t-shirt, loose at the abs but tight around his biceps. The tattoos which crawled down his arms still bore the same effect they’d had on me when I’d first seen them.
“Please, come in,” he said, and ruffled his hair.
I walked into the apartment, my sensible heels clacking against the wooden boards. “Nice place,” I said. I didn’t want to ask how he could afford the rent on a place like this. I didn’t want to know.
“Thanks.” He shut the door and locked it. Didn’t pull the chain into place, though. Maybe he thought our chat wouldn’t last long. “Can I get you anything to drink?”
I turned on him then, anger flushing through me. “No. You can’t. I know it was you who sent that email, Tyler. And I know you’ve been hanging around outside my apartment. I know about all of it.”
“Wait. What?” Consternation wrinkled his brow.
He was shocked. But why should he be? He had sent the mail. It couldn’t have been anyone else but him.
“Don’t try to fake your way out of this one,” I said. “I’ve had enough of your lies. I came here to give you a chance to fess up and cut the bullshit. You’re better than this. You’re a good guy. If I thought for a second you weren’t, I would’ve already gone to the police.” In the back of my mind, I still couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I’d had this effect on him.
I’d pushed him over the edge and that meant it was up to me to sort it out before it was too late and he lost it all.
“Hold the bus,” Tyler said, and put up one of those magnificent palms. The same ones that had wondered over the planes and curves of my body and brought pleasure I’d never thought possible. Oops, bad time to think about that. “You’re accusing me of what, now?”
“Stalking me. Hanging around outside my apartment building at night in a hoodie. And you sent me a threatening email.”
“Show me the email,” he said.
I clipped open my handbag, brought out my cell, then flipped through to the emails. “Fine. Read it for yourself.” Maybe he didn’t remember writing it. Maybe he’d been drunk or something.
Tyler took the cell from me. His fingertips brushed mine and sent sparks of electricity through my neurons. I forced myself to ignore the sparks.
“I thought you understood what was meant to happen between us. I gave you everything and you threw it all away. I thought we were going to be forever but I know you have other plans. I know he's replaced me. I won't let you go, Shelby. Remember that. You are mine.” Tyler read it out loud and it didn’t fit his mouth.
“That email,” I said. “I can’t deal with this, Tyler. I need to focus on work and I can’t keep –”
“I didn’t write this email,” Tyler said. “And I sure as hell didn’t hover around outside your apartment. You’re everything to me but I wouldn’t stalk you. I wouldn’t scare you. Don’t you know that by now?”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“I want what’s best for you, Shelby. I get that I wasn’t it.” He handed the phone over. “I won’t give up hope for us, but I’ll never force it. I’d never try to bully you into loving me.”
I lost my breath.
“And I would never threaten you,” he said.
I put the phone in my bag to avoid looking at him. I actually believed him. I’d had my doubts about him threatening me since I’d gotten the email. I’d figured it couldn’t be someone else but there had to be another explanation for this.
If Tyler hadn’t sent the email and stalked me, then someone else had and that was an alarming thought.
“I – sorry for wasting your time,” I said.
He caught my forearm before I could leave. “You came over here thinking I’d been stalking you,” he said. “Shelby, are you crazy? That’s dangerous.”
“Apparently not. You’re not offended.”
“No,” he said. “How could I be? It’s you.” He towered over me and I inhaled his unique scent. Nostalgia rushed through my veins, clouding out the blood and fogging up my thoughts. Good god, I couldn’t withstand my attraction to him.
I pulled my arm free and took a step back. “I shouldn’t have come,” I said. I hesitated to leave, though. Christian had asked me to speak to his brother about returning to Abernathy and Banks. That was my reason for staying. Nothing else.
Liar. My thoughts betrayed me and my face must’ve, as well.
Tyler didn’t back off. He consumed me with that stare. It trailed over my body, down to the tips of my pumps. “I’ve missed you,” he said.
“I miss you too,” I said. I didn’t want to miss him but I did and there was no use lying. “Tyler, are you okay?”
“I’m – wait, why are you asking? You still think I’m your mystery stalker?” Tyler’s expression darkened. “We need to talk about that, by the way. If you need protection, I can help you out.”
“No,” I said, quickly. “I don’t need anything like that.”
“Why are you asking me if I’m okay, Shelby?”
“I didn’t handle things well after we broke it off,” I said. Finally, the guilt tumbled out. “I shouldn’t have ignored you, Ty. I should’ve told you how I feel.”
He closed the distance between us but didn’t touch me. I didn’t flinch away.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“How do you feel?” Tyler raised his index finger and brushed it down the side of my face, skin on skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake.
“Your brother asked me to talk to you about coming back to work,” I said. Anything to keep from talking about those feelings again.
Tyler stiffened. “I don’t give a shit what my brother wants, Shelby. Besides, I never fit in there and you know it. I was the ugly fucking duckling with my high school degree.”
“You were doing well,” I said.
“I was doing nothing but fantasizing about you.”
And we were right back to our feelings again, which was where I didn’t want to be. I sucked my bottom lip and looked at my feet, lined up with his. He wore socks. No shoes. I focused on that arbitrary fact to keep my pulse in check.
“How do you feel?” he asked for the third time, and I couldn’t avoid it anymore.
“I love you. I told you that.” I couldn’t look away, now. “But that doesn’t mean we should be together. It’s never going to work.”
“Why not?”
“You know why. You couldn’t be with me. I don’t know why you couldn’t commit to me, Tyler, but I deserve better than being stood up on my birthday. And many times before that,” I said. “I lost sight of everything because of you. You cloud my vision. I can’t think with you around.”
He cupped my cheek in his hand, warming me to the core. “Can you think now?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I’ll give you something to think about.” He pulled me into a kiss. He seared my doubts away, parted my lips and tasted my breath, my mouth. Tyler devoured me with more than his gaze, this time.
I leaned into him, forearms pressed against his chest, but hands limp. I couldn’t fight this attraction no matter how much I wanted to.
Tyler breathed life into me. Without him, I was a collection of documents, pencil skirts, and ambitious sayings. I couldn’t be work and nothing else. But I couldn’t be all Tyler and no work. I had to find a balance and I wasn’t sure I’d find it in this kiss.
But god, did that matter, right now?
His fingertips grazed the soft flesh beneath my ear lobe, and worked around to the back of my neck. He grasped me, tilted my head back and gave me more of himself. His erection pressed against the front of my skirt.
I needed him, but not like this. I sighed into his mouth.
He slowed the kiss, stroked his palm down my spine, and rested it in the small of my back.
Every move he made sent prickles of desire through me. Prickles which demanded I take this further and fulfill all the tense fantasies I’d had about him over the past few months. Dreams of us together again, which I’d denied myself.
Finally, Tyler broke the kiss. He dipped his nose to mine and touched it gently. He rubbed from side to side. “I love you too,” he said. “Please give me another chance.”
“Tyler, I’m scared.” I hadn’t meant to say that. I’d had the ‘no’ prepared but it wouldn’t come, now. “I don’t want to lose myself again.”
“What do you mean?” The worry in his gaze almost broke my heart. He cared about me. No one could act that well. Tyler had always worn his heart on his sleeve. His intentions seemed clear enough, but the lies he’d told? Ugh, what was that about?
“I mean, I forget everything except you. It’s like you’re the sun and I’m orbiting you. Everything that happened between us affected me. My emotions were sky high one second and low the next,” I said. “And it – it fucked me up. Okay?”
Tyler placed his forehead against mine, bending to make the connection. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“How could you not?” Tears came suddenly and I couldn’t blink them away fast enough. “You didn’t feel that, too? The need to revolve around me? Around us?”
“I did,” he said, and his voice cracked. “Fuck.” He cleared his throat. “I definitely did, Shelby. I just figured I was the only one.”
I shook my head.
“That was why I left Abernathy and Banks,” he continued, “I saw you and Anthony together and I couldn’t take it. This isn’t love. This is something else.”
“Obsession?” I asked.
“No. It’s not skin deep. I know that sounds corny as fuck, but it’s not. There’s something inside you and that same thing is inside me. It’s like we’re – man, I sound like a total fucking goof.”
“You don’t,” I replied. I’d had those thoughts a hundred times. The intensity of our connection scared me half to death. “And I was never with Anthony. I never would be with Anthony. He’s just a friend.”
“Let’s not talk about him,” Tyler replied. “Ever.” He looped his arms around my waist and pulled me close.
“We don’t have to,” I said. “But that doesn’t change the fact that this can never work. It will go wrong again, Ty.” It was rich of me to say that after we’d just made out.
“Look,” he said. “Look for a second. When this started we didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into, right? We liked each other and we went on dates and we fell in love and this connection kind of rode right over us. It steamrolled us.”
“Yeah,” I said. Couldn’t argue with that.
“But now we know what we’re up against. If we focus hard, we can overcome the bad stuff and focus on the good. Without going into orbit.”
“I don’t know.”
“We’ve got to try.” Tyler squeezed me gently. “I can’t lose this again because being without you is worse than anything I’ve experienced in my life. And I’ve been through a lot.”
“What about all the missed dates?” I asked.
“That’s not going to happen anymore,” he said. “I’m going to be here for you. I’m going to be yours.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek. I could still taste him – the sweetness of chocolate. “All right,” I said. “I guess we could try again.”
“We’ll start slow,” Tyler replied. “A date. Tomorrow night. How does that sound?”
I answered him with a kiss that shattered the pleasure of the first.
This might be a mistake, but it was one I was willing to make. Life without him was more balanced but it was bland as white rice. At least, this way we could handle the crazy together.