Laura
Charlie’s face when he came out of the school was the first unexpected part of my day, assuming that I didn’t count the 1-in-the-morning phone call. The second was still to come, when I went inside.
Most days, I waited for him to come to me. After all, I had no business inside the school. My responsibilities were all at the house. But today I had to go inside, so I’d always planned to get out.
Thoughts of how to efficiently route going through the building and getting a few minutes of face-time with the teacher fled my mind as I walked over.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
I sucked in a deep breath and tried to tell myself that there was nothing to worry about. After all, there were a thousand things that could go wrong, but relatively few of them were really something to worry about. Right?
Charlie pressed his lips together and shook his head.
“Come on, Momma’s got to go back inside and talk to Mrs. Val, okay?”
I grabbed his hand and started walking towards the school. He pulled back against me. I turned and looked at him.
“Did something happen at school?”
“No,” he said. But something had happened somewhere. That much was clear, at least.
“Well I have to go talk to Mrs. Val, so…”
“Can I wait in the car?”
I’d hoped that I could get him to tell me what had him so upset, or to move past it, by just trying to keep going with what I needed to do. At the very least, I hoped that I might be able to get some clue, even if he wouldn’t say out loud what had happened. Maybe I could make a good guess.
I took a deep breath. “Of course, baby. You promise you’re alright?”
“You have to be careful, okay?”
I raised my eyebrow. “I’ll be careful. Why, are you worried about something?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, and made a face. The face said first and foremost that he wasn't’ going to talk about it; the rest was just a lot of things I guessed at. I didn’t know what to think. But if he wasn’t going to tell me, then I wasn’t going to push it.
“Okay, sweetie.” I clicked the button to unlock the door, and he climbed into the back. “Keep the door locked, okay?”
He nodded and I clicked the button to re-lock them, and shut the door. He was buckling himself into the rear passenger-side seat when I turned away to head inside.
A boy looked at me as I walked. He was nine, maybe. The same age as Charlie, or a little older. He had a look on his face that I would have expected from a kid that was a little older. Like he was looking at a woman, not just a mom. I brushed it off. After all, he was nine.
I recounted the classrooms in my mind. I’d been here in the first couple of days, and it was still going to be a couple of weeks before the trimester ended and I had a meeting with the teacher to discuss performance.
At least, I hoped so. I couldn’t imagine that it seemed like he was doing well at home and then he was doing that poorly in class. And if he was doing exceptionally well, then I would imagine that could wait the three weeks for parent-teacher conferences.
Halfway down the hall, on the right, a room said ‘Mrs. E. Valentin’ on it. The door was open and I invited myself inside.
“Hello?” There was a woman, perhaps a foot shorter than me, as thin as I had been in high school. She could have fit into my pocket, it felt like. She smiled, her grin wide. She had ears that made her wide face seem even wider. I noted with some displeasure that she had a ring on her finger, one that I most certainly didn’t have.
“Oh, hi. Can I help you?”
I furrowed my eyebrows in an attempt to look as dumb as possible. In my experience, when you’re intruding into someone’s space, the first and most important thing to do is to make sure that you look like you made a mistake somehow.
“I think I got an email from you yesterday? I’m, uh, Charlie’s mom.”
The chairs were all arrayed out through the room around islands of tables pushed together into three large clusters. She settled into it, and though it was sized for someone who hadn’t yet found out what the real differences between boys and girls were yet, she didn’t seem to be dwarfing it the way I’d expect.
“Oh, hi. Yeah. Do you have a minute to talk?”
I’m here, aren’t I? I kept myself from saying that. She sounded as sincere as anyone I’ve ever heard, which seems to be a constant trait of elementary school teachers. “Charlie’s waiting in the car, but yeah. I can wait.”
“How’s he doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, how does he act at home? Does he seem to be enjoying class?”
“I mean, it’s not like he’s coming home bragging about it, or anything, if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t know. He does he homework, and we talk about it if there’s anything that he’s not understanding. Does that answer your question?”
“I guess what I’m asking is, does he seem to like it here? Has he talked to you about any friends, or anything?”
I thought about it. I couldn’t think of a specific time that he had. Then again, I couldn’t think of a specific time that he hadn’t, either. Was I just not paying attention to the right things? I didn’t think of myself as a bad mother, but maybe I was stretched too thin.
“I can’t think of anything, I’m sorry. Is there a specific reason you’re asking, or…?”
“Well, I’m just having some… trouble, maybe. That might not be the right word. I’m just seeing a little bit of what I’m worried might be… negative behavior.”
“From Charlie?”
“Oh, no! Not at all. He’s a darling.” Elizabeth Valentin’s wide monkey ears made her smile seem that much wider. Like a cartoon character, almost.
“So, what, then?”
“Well, I don’t know. He seems to get very upset sometimes, playing with his friends. He assures me, and all of them assure me, that it’s all just friendly fun and games, but…”
“But you’re worried it’s not?”
“I don’t know what else to think. I’d think it’s bullying, but if he says it’s all just between friends, then…”
“And what about these other kids? What do they say?”
“Of course they’re going to deny it, aren’t they?” The teacher smiled sadly. “I just don’t know what to do, and I wanted to see if you’d noticed anything.”
I played back the past several weeks in my mind. I couldn’t think of a time that I’d heard him say anything good about something that had happened at school. I couldn’t think of anything bad, either, so on the balance it was even, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was just missing something.
“I’m sorry, I haven’t noticed anything. Did you want me to talk about it with him?”
“I don’t suppose it would be a bother?”
I took a deep breath. No, it wouldn’t be a bother. The bother was that I didn’t know about it sooner. “No problem,” I said.
I forced a smile for a moment before I started towards the door. I hoped that it looked convincing, and Mrs. Val didn’t show any sign that she was worried. But the truth was, I had a lot to think about. And a lot to talk to my son about.
Which presented me with the second really big surprise of the day when I went back to the car, because he wasn’t in his seat when I got there.