---

The weather was clear and crisp. People were jogging around the perimeter of the park; others were sitting on the benches, chatting. A squirrel ran across their path. Jenny started to relax a little. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad, after all. Buggy Bootcamp was surely an ironic title. No one was expecting aerobic activity from people who had recently given birth. She mocked herself for being so frightened on the way over there.

Then she saw them.

In the distance, a circle of mums. They were limbering up. They were stretching. They were wearing Lycra.

‘Let’s hurry up,’ said Naomi. ‘We’re going to miss the warm up.’

Warm up? Jenny hadn’t bent her body into shapes like that since Year 9 PE lessons. Was it going to get more difficult?

‘I’m not sure this is a good idea.’

‘You can’t back out now. Come on.’

Naomi picked up the pace and Jenny had no choice but to follow. Purposely pushing the buggy firmly over any large bumps, she prayed for Henry to wake up and save her. Or for a wheel to fall off the pram. Whichever.

A tall, blonde woman in a vest and leggings turned to them with a smile. ‘Hi. You must be our new ladies. Welcome to the group. We’re just waiting for a couple more and then we’ll start the warm up.’

Start the warm up? So what were they doing now? Warming up for the warm up? Jenny turned around to speak to Naomi and found that she was standing with her legs splayed, rocking from knee to knee. Jenny tried to do the same but her thighs weren’t happy about it. She jiggled Henry’s pram again. Now he sleeps.

The other buggies were very different from hers. They all had three wheels and tyres that looked as though they belonged on a small car. She had seen buggies like that when they were buying Henry’s pram. The shop assistant had told them how they were suitable for ‘all terrains’. Dan had laughed uproariously when Jenny had asked whether that meant both carpet and lino.

Two more all-terrain buggies appeared, followed by more Lycra. It was time to start the warm up.

It wasn’t as if Jenny had never been to an exercise class before. Over the years, she had pretty much tried them all: either from choice, or as research for the column. She had tried Zumba (couldn’t follow the routines), step aerobics (kept falling off) and she’d even tried the cycling one, where she just got shouted at by the man at the front whatever she did. But she had never really stuck at anything because, basically, she hated exercise.

Now it was serious. She needed to do something about this flabby expanse around her middle. There was no way she was going to stand alongside Lucy at the lunch with a muffin top.

It started out simply enough, with a walk along the path. Then the pace picked up until they were actually jogging. Jenny sent a silent apology to her breasts. As if they weren’t getting enough abuse as it was. Thankfully, the jogging didn’t last long and they collected around the instructor, who took them through some bending and stretching. Jenny leaned over to Naomi. ‘This isn’t as bad as I thought.’

Naomi looked puzzled. ‘The warm up?’

‘Oh, yes, the warm up.’ Jenny felt a rise of panic.

‘Okay, ladies, now we’re warmed up and ready to go. Let’s get those bodies back to their best!’

They actually cheered.

What followed was torture. Jumping and hopping and lunging and skipping: Jenny could only assume the session was being sponsored by Tena Lady. The only reason she stayed was that her car was a long walk away. If she left, they would all watch her traversing the length of the park with her tail between her legs.

Naomi, on the other hand, seemed to be in her absolute element. She called out to Jenny mid-star jump: ‘This is great, isn’t it?’

Jenny tried to smile back, but she found it was quite difficult to smile when she was trying to remember how to breathe.

Then, praise the lord, Henry woke up and started to cry. It was more of a gurgle, but Jenny seized it as an opportunity to stop. Unfortunately, this strategy didn’t work.

‘As we’ve got one awake, this is a good time for us to do our arm exercises.’ Instructor Woman beamed at Jenny. ‘Use your baby like a dumb-bell. He’ll love it. Just make sure you support his head.’

Who was going to support her head? And the rest of her.

Childbirth had taught Jenny that even awful experiences come to an end, and eventually they were ‘cooling down’ and saying their goodbyes. She listened politely as Instructor Woman gave out information about all the different classes and different times.

She’d be coming again when hell froze over.

---

‘Wasn’t that fun?’ said Naomi, for probably the seventh time that morning. They were sitting on a bench, enjoying the sunshine. ‘Shall we make it a regular thing?’

‘Hmm. Maybe. I’ll have to see how it goes.’ Hell. Freezing. Over. ‘That was more strenuous than I expected it to be.’

‘Really?’ Naomi looked surprised. ‘I was disappointed that they didn’t push us harder.’

Jenny wanted to push Naomi a little harder.

‘So how are you and John finding parenthood?’

Naomi fiddled with the straps on her changing bag. ‘Yeah, it’s great. Being a parent is great.’ She emphasised the word ‘parent’.

‘Everything okay?’

‘I guess we’re just getting used to it all.’ Naomi stopped fiddling with her bag and looked at Jenny. ‘Daisy wasn’t planned, did I tell you that?’

First Gail, now Naomi! She would google later and find out just how many pregnancies were unplanned. ‘No, I didn’t know.’

‘John and I met when we were both travelling last summer. It was just a fling, really. But I got to bring home a souvenir I hadn’t purchased.’ She leaned into Daisy’s pram and untangled the pram toys so that they were once more hanging in a neat row. ‘Not that I regret it for a second.’

‘Wow. I thought Dan and I had been quick off the mark, but I think you beat us. How did you end up getting together?’

‘We had swapped emails, and I contacted him after we got home. He was amazing.’ She rubbed her eye.

‘And now you’re living together and you have a baby. Great to get a happy ending.’

‘Mmm. Yeah.’ Naomi retucked the blanket around Daisy. She got up and started to stretch. ‘Fancy going for a quick run before you go?’

Jenny pretended to consider it. ‘If “quick run” is code for cake, then yes. Otherwise, I think I’ll leave you to it.’

She watched Naomi run off, pushing the pram. She wasn’t even doing the half-jog mum-run; that was proper marathon-runner-in-training stuff. How had she got a body like that so soon after the birth? Whether it was the downward dog or the fact she was a decade younger, she’d popped back like a piece of elastic. Whereas Jenny’s body felt like a pair of Lycra leggings which had visited the washing machine too many times: there was definite saggage.

Her boobs were starting to feel a little heavy, so she took out her phone, intending to look at the app which told her whether it was time to feed Henry, which boob she should use and that also allowed her to log how long he fed for each time. It was comforting to have the confirmation that she was doing it right.

She’d had two text messages: one from Lucy, one from Ruth.

She opened Lucy’s first. It was a photo of her. With Mark.

Jenny’s stomach flipped. Was Lucy trying to psych her out? What were they saying about her? Lucy looked fantastic. So did Mark. Jenny looked at Naomi in the distance and then down at her own wobbly stomach. Maybe she should have taken Naomi up on the offer of a run. Or maybe Naomi could just body-double for her at the event?

Mark McLinley. At one point, Jenny had thought she was actually in love with him. They had had a great time together: swanky lunches, product launches, concerts – all on his expense account, of course. It had been fine for quite some time. Until her thirtieth birthday had made her begin to talk about their future. Then she hadn’t seen him for the expensive dust coming off his Italian leather shoes.

She opened Ruth’s text.

That was good; she’d been worried that Ruth might cancel. At least her impending face-off with Lucy and Mark would give her something to talk about. Something other than babies. She needed to steer away from that.

Somehow, Naomi had completed a whole circuit of the park and was back at the bench.

‘I thought you were leaving?’

Jenny hadn’t even got around to checking the app, but her burning boobs told her that it was time to wake Henry for a feed. ‘I was. Just got caught up.’ She waved her phone at Naomi. ‘I got a text from Ruth. She’s still on for tomorrow.’