“You’re not leaving that note.” Rohan tossed a corner of the triple-layered, blue plastic tarp to Ari which they unrolled on the living room floor.

“That’s incredibly short-sighted of you,” I said.

He and my brother dragged Oskar’s body on to it. “Are you seriously criticizing my decision-making skills in front of the man you just massive coronary’d to death?”

“Don’t you dare define me by the one time I killed someone.”

The guys tied off the corners so Oskar lay in a little tarp packet like fish in aluminum foil.

“One murder, one assist,” Ari said. “As you didn’t pull the trigger on Ilya.” He kicked the dead man in the gut. “And you had no choice with this one.”

“Oh, I had a choice,” I said. “I could have memory wiped him and he’d never have remembered I was here.”

“He still would have tried to kill you,” my brother pointed out.

“Regardless. I wanted him dead. Still believe I’m not a monster?” I said to Rohan.

He sliced the Rasha’s head off with a savage blow. “Still believe you are?”

“Nice thought, Snowflake, but catch-up decapitation doesn’t count. Your hands are clean.”

Could you regret something and still not want to change it?

I ran to the bathroom and threw up, heaving until there was nothing left inside me but the dark taint on my soul. I slammed on the tap, rinsed out my mouth, then squeezed half the bottle of aloe vera soap over my hands, furiously scrubbing my skin like I could wash away the symbolic blood as easily as the real stuff. Out, out, damn spot.

I scrubbed until my skin was red and raw and would have kept scrubbing except Rohan yanked my hands away, gently encasing them in a towel.

“Stop.”

I pulled my hands away from the compassion in his touch, avoided the sympathy in his eyes.

Did it count as regret if, despite feeling like I’d lost an essential part of myself, I’d kill Oskar all over again if faced with the same choice? Would I have killed him if it meant Esther would survive?

I threw the towel on the vanity and marched back to the living room, locking down all my horror and disgust. Next Thursday. I’d collapse under the weight of what I’d done then. Right now, I had a war to win.

“Esther’s death is not going to be in vain.”

“I give up,” Rohan muttered, right on my heels.

Kane stepped inside the tarp with the body. He’d arrived, glared at me, then wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and stayed by my side. “This entire system has broken down into utter fuckery.”

“I wasn’t the one to unleash the slaughter.” I placed the note asking Sienna to contact me at the phone number I’d left on the dining room table. “That’s on Mandelbaum. And Sienna. I just embraced the bloodletting.”

Kane’s hands turned iridescent purple. Grimacing, he rubbed them over Oskar’s naked chest. “I’m talking about the fact that I’ve been relegated to some kind of marinade. You’re lucky I’m a good person, babyslay.”

Ari froze. “What?”

He didn’t speak with snark or sarcasm, just disbelief. Like Ari had grown up constantly being told by someone that the world was flat, and no matter how many times he patiently tried to prove otherwise because it was an important basic concept, it had been to no avail. But now that flat earther had done a 180 and Ari couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that maybe he wouldn’t have to fight this battle anymore.

“Babyslay. It’s been my nickname for your sister for literally months now, catch up.”

“No,” Ari said slowly, “the other thing.”

“I’m a good person,” Kane repeated. “Obviously. No one but a good person would melt an entire unsexy evil henchman for a friend.”

Rohan gathered up Oskar’s clothing and stuffed it into a trash bag. “You’re not leaving your phone number for Sienna. Stay away from her.”

I watched my brother for a moment longer, but he shook his head at me and moved over to the window. “I thought you gave up.” I said.

“I gave up trying to get you over your warped self-image,” Rohan said. “I’m not half-done on this.”

I frowned at the smear of blood I’d left on the edge of the note. “It’s not ideal, but I have to tell her about Esther.”

Or had I really seen her for a second and she already knew?

“She doesn’t deserve that consideration,” Rohan said.

Kane rolled the body over. “Could his ass be any hairier? This is not how I like my men.”

“But dead and headless is okay?” Ari asked.

“If you’re going to be all logical about it.” Kane massaged his poison onto the body with sulky vigor.

“Think practically, then,” I said. “Sienna might know where the compound is. If it’s faster to ask her than have us track it down, we have to try.” I left out that I had a magic back-up plan in case the note didn’t work.

“And you think that after you tell her the Brotherhood killed her friend that she’ll be in a sharing mood?” Rohan tied the bag of stained clothes closed.

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” I crossed my fingers that having killed Esther’s assassin would buy me some goodwill.

“Done.” Kane stood up, cracked his neck, and stepped out of the tarp. His poisons were already kicking in, eating away at the Rasha’s flesh.

“How long for the bones to dissolve?” Ari zipped up the protective chemical suit he’d brought and slid on the gloves.

“About a day?” Kane said.

“That works.” Ari sealed the tarp with a ton of duct tape before slinging the body over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry.

“Careful.” I pointed to a spot where Kane’s poison had eaten through.

“Back in a sec.” Ari jumped into the shadows and entered the EC, where he was going to leave the body. We didn’t know if anyone else had the ability to access the shadows like Ari did, but in case someone did, we didn’t want proof of this crime to exist, hence the poisonous finishing touch.

Nothing like body disposal to show you who your true friends were.

Kane went into the bathroom to scrub the poison off.

I moved the area rug back into place. “Crime scene cleaned. I’ll grab Esther and we can get out of here.”

I entered the kitchen and crouched down beside the body bag Rohan had put her in. I reached for her shoulders, but pulling her to her feet when she couldn’t stand on her own wasn’t going to work. I attempted to scoop her up, but that was weird, too. Maybe the answer was to sling her over my shoulder.

“Do you want me to take her?” Rohan said.

I love for you trying to spare me.

“She was my friend. I’ll carry her.” I stared down at the black body bag. “It looks like a garment bag, doesn’t it?”

“Not really.”

Esther’s unseeing eyes.

“Hangers are vaguely people-shaped, so I’m right. I could unzip it and find a beautiful ball gown.”

Her throat, eaten away by magic.

I gripped the counter.

“Nava?” Rohan clasped my shoulders.

“I can’t…” I clawed at the neckline of my tattered and acid-burned shirt, hyperventilating.

“Sweetheart, you’re in shock. You can breathe. You’re not a monster. You saved yourself and you’ve suffered a huge trauma with Esther. Watch and breathe with me.” Rohan planted himself in front of me, taking exaggerated deep breaths. “Your body knows what to do.”

Yeah, it did, but it wasn’t in control. I tried to tell Rohan, but the world and my oxygen supply fell away and all was black.

* * *

I came around at the tug of my pendant being pulled off.

“You’ve got the fucking Bullseye. Use it!” Rohan held me in his arms, the only part of him not outlined in sharp, deadly blades.

“Wait.” Raquel retrieved the vessel from Esther’s purse. “The others will be here within the half hour. I need them all.”

She wasn’t blinged out and dressed to kill. She wore a denim mini, with a measuring tape slung around her neck and a handful of pins stuck haphazardly to the front of her green cap-sleeve shirt that brought out the red in her puffy eyes.

She wiped her eyes with an already soaked tissue, then stared at it, like she had no idea why it was in her hand.

“No Bullseye,” I croaked out. I pushed against Ro’s chest to make him put me down and when he ignored me, I wriggled onto my feet.

“You can’t even stand. Stop fighting.” Rohan retracted his blades, slid his arm around my waist and held me close. My wobbly legs had no issue with that.

I snatched the pendant back. “You’re not using the Bullseye.”

Rohan and Raquel gave me identical “yes, we are,” scowls.

I needed to buy myself a couple of minutes to formulate my plea deal. I had one shot to convince these judges. “Where am I?”

Bolts of fabric from rich hand-dyed silks to the palest laces leaned up against walls, while one wall was essentially a giant corkboard, filled with sketches. A red dressmaker’s dummy stood in one corner, with dials to adjust the bust, waist and hips. The long table against the wall underneath the cabinets was exploding with fashion magazines and spools of thread in every color.

“In my studio.” Raquel lay a cool hand on my forehead. “You’re not blue anymore. That’s a step up from how you were half an hour ago. And you’ll be in perfectly good health, when we use the Bullseye on you.”

I stroked a half-stitched corset in black satin, draped over the sofa next to me. “You’re a lingerie designer? Don’t you run a coven?”

“That’s not exactly a paid position and stop changing the subject. How do you not kill her?” she said to Rohan.

“With great difficulty,” he ground out.

“Do you want some clean clothes? I’ve got some sweats you can wear and you could help yourself to some lingerie samples.” She sounded as muted as I felt.

It was a generous offer, and yesterday I would have jumped at the chance to get my hands on all these pretty, girly bras. Periwinkle and pink, silk and lace, I would have put them on and paraded them for Ro.

Now, they’d chafe as badly as the still-healing burns on my skin.

“Thanks, but I’m good.” I clutched the pendant. “You’d have sold that bribe if you hadn’t glanced at the Bullseye. I’m keeping it and you’re not using it.”

“Really? Can you sense how close Lilith is to breaking free?” Rohan pinned me in his laser focus like he was trying to invoke X-ray vision.

I shrugged. “It won’t happen today.”

“Do we have a day? A week? Nava, your throat was rippling like something was trying to strangle you from the inside.”

I sat down. “Oh.”

Kane and Ari strolled out of a back room. My brother’s eyes were red as well.

“What’s wrong?” I said.

“I never got to meet Dr. Gelman when she was alive and if it hadn’t been for her?” He shook his head.

Kane stepped closer to my brother and draped an arm around his shoulder.

“We took her body back to her sister,” Ari said. “EC transport.”

“When’s the funeral?” Raquel said.

“Rivka is going to let us know,” Kane said.

I pressed my index finger against my lips, shoving my grief back inside. Allowed myself three breaths.

“Talk sense into your sister,” Rohan said. “She’s refusing to let us do the extraction.”

“Have you asked her why?” Ari said.

Raquel and Rohan exchanged guilty looks.

“Thank you.” I stood up briskly. “Mandelbaum and Sienna are going to throw everything they have at us. Help me figure out how I can access Lilith’s magic without waking her, because right now, I can only tap into the wisps she discharges and it’s not enough. Let me be the weapon that tips the scales in our favor. I’ve said from the start that we needed the advantage Lilith’s magic gave us. It’s time for me to stop dancing around the issue and embrace it.”

Ro’s blades slid out again, but words were beyond him.

“And if taking on that much dark magic destroys you?” Raquel said.

“Then I go out in a blaze of glory.”

Ari started to speak, but Rohan jerked up a hand to cut him off. “Do you hear yourself?”

“Even with my regular magic I could die. Not like Rasha have long lifespans. I want to make a difference. I want to matter.”

Ro slammed the side of his fist onto the table. “You matter.”

“I want to matter to the world.”

“That’s Lilith’s ego talking, not you,” he said.

“Maybe mattering is where this path started for her. Maybe she and I aren’t that different. I promise you, I don’t have a death wish. I want to be around for years.” I cut a sideways glance at Rohan. I want to tell you I love you.

“You have a plan?” Ari asked.

“My own magic allows me to manipulate brain waves and make people unconscious. With Lilith’s magic amplifying mine, I could do it in one giant wave that would take all of Mandelbaum’s men out simultaneously once we find this compound. Then our Rasha could secure them without any fighting. Without any loss of life.”

“We can take them,” Kane said.

“But why should you have to? Why risk even one more person when I can do this without anyone else getting hurt?”

Why force anyone else to have human death on their conscience? Why force anyone else up against their monster-self? If I could fully embrace Lilith’s magic, I could allow my friends, my family, my love to keep their moral compasses intact. I could embrace the worst to allow them to show off their best.

“And don’t forget, we’ve got Sienna who can turn anyone of us against each other,” I said. “She’s proven that. I need magic that’s stronger than hers to take her down.”

Raquel fiddled with the end of her tape measure. “Okay.”

“Really?”

“Okay, I’ll talk to the others and see if it’s even possible for you to dip into the box and access the magic without releasing Lilith. Just don’t hold your breath. We discussed a lot of possibilities when Esther first mentioned you to us, and this never arose as one of them. If none of us know how to do it, I don’t know who would.”

She started crying again, muttered, “fuck” and reached for a tissue.

I bit down hard on my lip so I wouldn’t do the same, because if I let my anguish over Esther out I wasn’t sure if I could stop. I had to keep it together until Sienna was contained.

“Is there some kind of test run?” Ari said. “How will we know you’ve solved how to keep Nava safe versus letting her access magic that immediately kills her?”

I glanced at Rohan, standing rigidly on the far side of the room, refusing to make eye contact. Hopefully, he was taking some much-needed processing time. A cooling off and any second now he’d come back to my side like he’d promised.

Raquel blotted her eyes. “Accessing the magic is simple. But we won’t know if we’ve found a way to protect you until you actually do it.” Raquel gave a thin smile. “If you don’t drop dead, we’re good.”

“How is that any better than doing nothing and Lilith waking up and killing her in a couple weeks?” Kane demanded.

“It’s my choice,” I said. “I’m willing to risk it. My life versus all of humanity. Isn’t that essentially the Rasha code?”

Rohan had come up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. “What are you going to do with Sienna?”

He had my back and was respecting my choices. I allowed myself a spurt of hope at how far we’d come.

“There’s got to be something that can imprison her,” I said.

Kane flicked a finger against the pendant. “Could you use the Bullseye to put Sienna in the vessel?”

Raquel tossed her tissues in a small trashcan. “It would kill her. Lilith is, well, we don’t know what she is anymore, but she can’t be alive in the normal human sense and we can contain her. Sienna is still very much human.”

I nodded. “No killing Sienna. Plus, if I become a danger or this somehow all goes sideways, then you need to use the Bullseye. Oh. What happens if Lilith wakes up and breaks free of the box before we extract her?”

“She’ll still kill you,” Raquel said. “Your only chance to stop Sienna and make it out alive is to tap into Lilith’s magic in a way that doesn’t kill you when you overpower Sienna, find something to imprison her in, and then use the Bullseye to extract Lilith from you before she breaks out of her magic prison. Any of those things don’t happen in the correct order, either Sienna or Lilith will eviscerate you.”

“When we win, you’ll let us use the Bullseye on you immediately afterward, right?” Rohan said.

“Fifty percent chance I lose my magic, Snowflake.”

Raquel cleared her throat. “Not anymore. You’ve been tying your magic to Lilith’s. We pull her out, you lose your magic for sure. No ifs, ands, or buts.”

My hand tightened on the pendant.

“But you live,” Rohan said. “Promise me. You get through the battle and you allow the extraction.”

Without any magic, I’d be an ordinary girl. Rohan wouldn’t be an ordinary guy. Would we still be able to have a happily-ever-after or would I resent him for his magic?

“I promise,” I swung my gaze between them all. “Provided you find a way for me to get Lilith’s magic that also doesn’t kill me in the process.”

Raquel sent off a text. “I’ve put the others onto it.”

“You still need something to contain Sienna once you take her down.” Kane looked at Ari. “Remember the night we broke into the Brotherhood library in New York?”

“Ari Katz, you scoundrel,” I chided.

“I was drunk,” he said.

“Even better.” I wagged a finger at him. “Share, so I can repeat your failings as an upstanding young man at our next family dinner.” The wobble in my voice betrayed my attempt at pretending all was normal.

My brother, bless him, didn’t show any pity or sympathy. He knew it would undo me.

“You’re thinking of the Tomb of Endless Night,” Ari said.

Kane fired a finger gun at him. “Got it in one.”

“That sounds promising,” I said.

Raquel sniffed. “I’ve never heard of it.”

“You don’t know everything? Le gasp.” Kane smirked at her.

“It’s a cage that nulls all magic,” Ari said. “Even dark magic.”

I started laughing. “Esther.”

The dam broke. Tears were pouring down my face and I couldn’t catch my breath, but whether from the manic laughter or the sobbing was anyone’s guess.

“Babyslay?” Kane inched closer. “You cracking up?”

I gasped for air. “Esther kept threatening to throw me in a Faraday cage that would do exactly that.”

“This isn’t the same thing,” Ari said. “And it’s a sarcophagus, not a cage. The Tomb is coated in dark magic. Lilith created it centuries ago.”

“Built to take out the competition?” I grabbed a tissue and dabbed at my eyes, while Rohan rubbed my back.

Kane shrugged. “Who knows? But the demons got hold of it about seventy years ago.”

“Which means there is only one demon who would have deigned to get it for you. Baskerville.” Raquel stared pointedly at Rohan, who glared back at her.

“Fuck off,” he said. “We didn’t know.”

“Damn,” I said, my voice still watery. “Seems I was a bit too clever tying up that loose end. You’ve got to have other demon leads. Try them. I’ll try my contacts as well. The Tomb sounds like our best and only way to contain Sienna.”

“What a bunch of dismal options. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t,” Kane said.

Or just damned.

Ari smacked him.

“Like we weren’t all thinking it,” Kane said.

He wasn’t wrong.

* * *

There was something about being immersed in water, be it stretched out in a bathtub or floating in the ocean, that was intensely calming. The fact that this comfort zone had an infinity edge and an epic view of the city didn’t hurt. Too bad I could barely see it with my swollen, damp eyes.

I drifted across Dev and Maya’s pool on my inflatable lounger, the early evening shadows lengthening. The waterfall in the connecting hot tub had been turned down to a mere trickle.

“Is it my fault Esther’s dead?” I shook the Magic 8 ball I’d taken from the bungalow. “Reply hazy. Try again.”

Ari jumped in, splashing me.

I paddled backward.

“Quit asking it that question,” Ari said.

“Fine. Are more people going to die?” I shook the ball. “Signs point to yes.”

Ari swiped the ball away.

“Ask it if I need to moisturize.” Kane floated past on an air mattress, wearing mirrored shades despite the sun almost having sunk below the horizon. He also wore a hideous cheetah-print speedo that left nothing to the imagination.

Generally, I was all for realities as impressive as his, but this was the dude I wanted for my brother, so nope.

Ari shook the ball. “Without a doubt.” Kane whipped the glasses off to glare at Ari, who shrugged. “I’m just the messenger.”

My brother tossed the ball into the water, where it bobbed, floating.

I turned my lounger around to face the view once more. “I’m tired.”

“Take a nap.” Kane slid gingerly into the water.

Ari snagged Kane’s mattress and hefted himself on to it, laying on his stomach. “She meant existentially, idiot.”

Kane pushed him halfway across the pool. “Save me from angsty twins. What will be will be, Katzes. There’s no point worrying about it.”

I hooked my foot onto the pool deck to keep me anchored in place. “I’d been so certain I had this all under control. That I could outwit and outplay everyone.”

“That only works on game shows,” Ari said.

The ball floated by. I grabbed it and shook it. “Ask again later.” I tossed it back in the water. “Stupid ball.”

“Divination tools ain’t what they used to be,” Kane said.

“Ask what again later?” Ari asked.

“The prophecy. I keep circling around to whether Ro and I being together has sped up the timeline. Not like I’d have stayed away from him even if it had, but there’s the first part of it. Blood to bind the might.”

“The blood used to bind demons,” Ari said.

“What if it has another meaning?” I pulled the pendant back and forth on its chain. “Blood’s been spilled. Is the Brotherhood in a stronger position because they killed Esther? She was a powerful player and they took her out. And what about Sienna? She spilled blood and hurt the Brotherhood. Did that make her stronger? What about when she finds out about Esther?”

“You’re assuming she cared about her,” Kane said.

“She loved her. Just like I did.” My heart ached but I’d cried myself dry.

Kane headed for the stairs. “It’s war, babyslay. There are going to be casualties and shit is going to get dark. Your only real choice is how you want to live your life in the face of that.”

“Yeah?” Ari said. “How do you want to live yours, Kane?”

Kane bowed his head, his shoulders rising and falling on a deep breath. Then he slammed a sheet of water halfway across the pool and marched up the stairs, his back ramrod straight as he got out.

Ari watched him leave. “Guess I got my answer.”

“Ace.”

“Don’t.” He jumped onto the stairs and left.

I glanced over at my bungalow, lit from within with a warm, candlelit glow. What did I want? I wanted to reaffirm life and prove that the darkness didn’t get to win.