Chapter 9 – Lola

I feel like I’m skipping on air, the way that I have been for the past few weeks since Brandon first rocked up into my life out of the blue. Despite the fact that we both know exactly what this is and neither of us have any expectations, we’ve fallen into a bit of a boyfriend and girlfriend role. I work all day on the farm, while taking care of my father in between, he works his hours on the building site and he comes to watch me every single time I play in the bar, and when all those times are over, we hang out, just me and him. Sometimes we eat out in the diner, sometimes we have dinner and watch a movie at my place, occasionally we go for a walk through the town, just for fun…

I do have to keep reminding myself that this moment is only fleeting, and I’m absolutely certain that when Brandon has to return to his real life, forcing me back into mine, I’ll miss him like crazy. I suppose that at least I’ve proven to myself that I can make room for someone in my life. As long as it’s the right person. I can’t imagine anyone like Brandon passing through my life anytime soon, but maybe when he does I’ll be much more open to it.

As I step out of my shower and I glance at my reflection in the mirror, I can’t help noticing how bright my smile is. I barely even look like the girl I once was, the one who had the world weighing on her shoulders. My red hair looks shinier, my skin is glowing, my eyes are sparkling… I wish I could be this version of myself forever.

“Right,” I mutter to myself as I riffle through my drawer. “What shall I wear today?”

Usually I don’t bother to care too much about how I look. I toss on whatever I can get my hands on without much thinking about it. The only time I consider my appearance is when I’m up on stage. I like to look good for my fake Madison Square Garden audience. Now though, I can tell that Brandon likes it when I look like a cowgirl, so I enjoy playing that role for him. It’s just a whole lot of fun, just like all of this…

As I stare into my drawer, my mind wanders off. I keep trying to stop it doing this, but the dreamer side of me won’t leave however much I want it to. In my mind, I take away the restrictions surrounding me and Brandon, I rid us of the fact that it won’t ever become something long term and I imagine him holding me in his arms, living inside my home, being with me forever. It’s a nice idea and it fills my chest with an intense warmth that I would love to cling onto… but eventually I have to let it go. I have to shake my head and bring myself back to the present moment. It’s a nice idea, but that’s it.

“Knock, knock.” I spin around in shock as I hear the all too familiar voice ringing out from behind me. A chocolaty smooth wonderful voice, “Can I come in?”

“Well, I am naked,” I say with a smirk as I tug my towel up higher around me. “But I’m just about to get dressed so I suppose you can come in.”

“You don’t have to, but I suppose I need you to if we’re going to go out today.”

“We’re going out?” I tug some panties up around my ankles, hoping I look at least a little dignified as I do so. “But it’s so early. Shouldn’t you be at work? Doesn’t the whole building site fall apart when you’re not there?”

“Apparently not.” Brandon flops into one of my chairs like he belongs there, only bringing my fantasy back out once more. I would love it if he could belong there! “Since I’ve got the rest of the day off. I thought after I’ve helped you around the farm and with your father, we could go for a walk. But a really long one where you can show me all your old haunts. Nothing teaches me more about a person than were they used to underage drink something that tastes like paint stripper.”

“Oh, the dump,” I say with a grin. “That sounds fun. And actually, I’m finished on the farm today which is why I’m getting showered and dressed so early.” Now that I actually have my clothes on now, I can claim that. “So that works out well.”

“Do you want to go and check on your dad?”

I pause for a moment, wondering what I should do. I don’t want to keep the most important parts of my life separate, but at the same time I still haven’t mentioned Brandon to my dad and I don’t think now is the best time to introduce them. He’s doing well today anyway, so I don’t have to go and see him if I don’t need to.

“No I’m all done. Let’s just go.” I reach out to his hand to grab it in mine.

“But your hair is still wet…” His words trail off as I grab hold of my hat. The cowgirl hat that I know he loves. “Okay, fair enough. Let’s get going.”

As we leave my cottage, I actually grow excited about this trip. I can still tell after all this time, Brandon doesn’t see the positives to the town, he still likes the city so much better and while I don’t think I can change that, I can make him see why I do like it here… even if I feel like I’m in a rut. I want to leave, but I also don’t want to leave.

“So, this is the famous dump I was telling you about,” I start as I point to a few discarded car and truck tires. “Where we used to buy some foreign, cheap brand beer and drink it until we were sick. Yes, before you ask, even me. I was a bit wild at times.”

“This isn’t a dump,” Brandon declares with a laugh as he squeezes my hand in his. “But I can picture you as the wild child, leading others into all sorts of trouble.”

I was for a while, until Mom got sick, but I don’t want to bring all of the serious stuff back up again. This is supposed to be fun. I need to forget for just a while.

“Well, to bring back some memories, I brought a couple of cans with us so we can have a drink.” He pulls some tiny tins out of his pockets and squints at the label. “Although I think it might be cider, not beer. Will that work? Sorry, I just grabbed whatever.”

I giggle and take one from him before I move over to the tire where I always used to sit. A lot of the time it was next to Rory, but I don’t want to think about him now. I want to create some new memories with another man who won’t be around forever. “That’s fine.”

Brandon sits opposite me and we drink in silence for a moment. I watch the sun setting behind the trees behind him, giving him an awesome twinkle that manages to make him even more handsome. If I could come back to the teenage version of me and show me the man that would actually be interested in me, at least for a while, I don’t think I would’ve believed it. Mind you, I definitely thought that Rory was the one so maybe I wouldn’t have cared.

“So where did you drink?” I ask, changing the subject quickly.

“The park near my house. Me and my buddy, Landon. We used to think that we were wasted off of two cans. Silly really, looking back. We did think that we knew it all, but we were just foolish. I suppose all it was about then was impressing the girls.”

“I guess you’ve changed so much,” I tease with an eye roll. “Now you’re so much more mature. How about Landon? Is he still the same?”

“I don’t know, actually,” he says wistfully. “Somehow, even with the world of social media, we managed to lose touch.”

I nod slowly, knowing that feeling well. But then again, I’ve purposely lost touch with people because I don’t want to see what they’re doing. I don’t want them to know what I’m doing either. “Yeah, I see.” I screw up my nose and put the can down. “So is there anything else you’d like to see? There’s much more to this place than just the dump.”

“I suppose I’d like to see your old school, if that’s okay? And anywhere else that’s important to you.”

“Hmmm, well the school has moved building now, so there isn’t much I can show you there…” I tap my finger thoughtfully on my chin as I try to work out what might be suitable right now. “But what about the lake?”

“There’s a lake?”

“Damn right, there’s a lake. It’s awesome too. I can’t believe you haven’t seen it yet. Come on, let’s go.”

I grab his hand excitedly and tug him along with me. The lake is a beautiful, incredible place, it’s impossible not to like this town once you’ve seen the lake. This is perfect, Brandon will absolutely love it, I cannot wait for him to grow as excited as me…

“Oh,” I say in shock as we stand by the lake. “I guess I haven’t been here for a long time. It used to be so much nicer. There used to be flowers, and… other stuff.”

“It’s nice,” Brandon lies as he wraps his arms around me from behind. “Or at least, I can see that it used to be. Did you use to hang out here a lot?”

“I remember feeding the ducks here with my mom,” I reply softly, forgetting all about keeping the serious stuff at bay for a day. There’s just something about Brandon that makes it far too easy for me to open up to him. “It was so lovely then.”

Brandon’s lips move over my neck, making me shudder slightly. Butterflies flapped all over me. “And I’m sure it will be again someday.”

“Yeah… maybe.” I don’t want to hold out too much hope because aside from Brandon’s little project which isn’t improving the town it’s changing it, no one seems to care about here anymore. “We’ll see.”

Brandon spins me around to look at him with a cheeky glint in his eyes. “You know what we should do?” he gushes excitedly. “We should go swimming in it.”

“Are you serious?” I laugh. “It’s probably freezing! And the water looks quite dirty. And also we have no swimming stuff. There’s no way we can go swimming in there.”

“No, I know that, we could skinny dip…” But his words trail off as he looks at the water, finally seeing what I see. “Oh, maybe not. You’re right. It does look a bit grim. Maybe we should just sit beside it instead. Drink in the atmosphere, and not die from probably radiation poisoning… although maybe we would end up with super powers.”

“Yeah okay. Let’s do that instead. I think all the powers are gone.”

Brandon sits down and I perch on his lap with my arms around his neck. I glance down at him before dipping my head in to kiss him gently. Despite the dirty water and the tainting of my memories, it’s actually a perfect moment. The sun is dipping down, giving the world an orangey glow, and I’m here with the most amazing man I’ve ever met in my life.

I could fall for this man, I think with his lips against mine. I honestly could fall in love with him.