The evening had worn on her. Jude knew how to play bitchy one-upmanship as much as the next girl in the military, but Tavorn was something else. He’d wanted to humiliate Gerrit, and that was something she wasn’t about to stand for.

Whatever else may be going on between them, Gerrit was a good person, and he clearly cared about his people to the point where he was willing to put himself directly in harm’s way to get them the medicine they needed.

Medicine that fuckwit Tavorn clearly had not intended to hand over.

But she’d fixed that.

And she was proud of that. She was proud that she’d handled the Hylas when Gerrit was so clearly agitated by them. She was proud she’d been able to help him, and she was proud to be the woman on his arm.

When they returned to their hut, a tray of chocolates sat on the table and Jude rushed forward to put one in her mouth.

“Wait, those …” Gerrit said, but she’d already popped one in her mouth and started chewing.

She promptly started gagging as the taste burst across her tongue like an oil slick. She waved a hand in front of her mouth like she could blow away the horrible, acrid taste. Eyes watering, she spat it up on the tray.

“Those are an acquired taste.” Gerrit looked at her sympathetically with his nose wrinkled up as she continued spitting.

“What in the name of all that’s holy under the sun is that?” she choked out.

“You don’t want to know,” Gerrit chuckled.

She had to know. Not knowing was worse. “You have to tell me. Otherwise, I’m going to come up with something way worse than what it could possibly be.”

“I’m betting not.” Gerrit’s chuckles grew into a full-fledged belly laugh.

“I will spank you,” Jude threatened.

“Promise?” He smirked. “But brush your teeth first.”

“Gerrit,” she growled. “Tell me.”

He laughed so hard he had to sit down. Jude was actually worried he might hurt himself as he hyperventilated around the words. “It’s a Hylan delicacy, at least to them.”

“But not to Vilkas.” She narrowed her eyes.

“Not to anyone else.” He sat back, grinning, eyes shimmering. “It’s a kind of mollusk that eats its own waste, and over time, it cannibalizes itself. The Hylas fish them out of the water when the mollusks are nearly dead and then feed them to other larger mollusks. What you just ate,” Gerrit paused to gag, “is the waste of the larger mollusks.”

“No.” Vomit rose in her throat. “No. You’re lying.”

Gerrit pressed his mouth together, shaking his head. He was holding back another laugh. The asshole.

“Are you telling me I just ate a shit-eating cannibal that had been shit out by another shit-eating cannibal?”

“Basically.”

Gerrit’s laughter followed Jude up the stairs as she ran to their small bathroom and gargled salt water in her mouth. And then gargled again. And then again just for good measure.

When she turned around, Gerrit stood in the doorway, huge and imposing, but the smile on his face was so full of affection Jude’s breath caught in her throat.

The look of warmth in Gerrit’s eyes fought against the part of her that longed to be home. How could she possibly leave him when he was so alone? And as much as she liked him, he really needed a little coaching on how to deal with people. She could do that for him—with him. She wanted to do that. And how much she wanted to stay terrified her.

She shook her head and redirected her confusion into frustration. “How could you let me eat that?”

“I did try to stop you.”

“Not very hard. You’re a giant shape-shifting alien wolfman. The least you can do is keep me from putting pooped-out, pre-chewed poop in my mouth!”

Gerrit doubled over laughing again and propped his weight against the doorframe, making it impossible for her to get past, which just pissed her off more. She stood in front of him with her hands on her hips, waiting impatiently for him to compose himself, but every time he looked up at her, he just started laughing again.

“Fine. Glad you’re having fun,” she finally said, pushing against his shoulder until he let her through.

“Oh, come on,” he said, grinning, “don’t be like that. If it were me, you’d have hurt yourself laughing by now.” His voice vibrated with that safe, affectionate warmth that threw her off guard.

The feelings in her chest were terrifying her.

She whirled around, letting her fear turn into anger. “No way,” she growled. “I’d be compassionate and understanding. Not an asshole like you’re being.”

“Woah. What just happened?” Gerrit lifted his hands in submission. “I was teasing. It was funny, but everyone on Kladuu has done the exact same thing at least once in their life. This one time, Nestan and I were out on a hunt and…”

“Stop. Just stop talking.” Jude’s anger left her as quickly as it had come, and suddenly she was left feeling cold and alone. Tears pricked the edges of her eyes and, dammit, she did not want to start crying. What was wrong with her?

“This isn’t about the mollusks, is it?” he asked softly.

She sank down onto to the bed and shook her head.

“What’s going on, Jude?”

“I don’t know.” She slipped her feet out of the soft-soled shoes the Hyla had given her.

Gerrit began taking off his clothes, but she looked away, not wanting to stare at his perfect body just then. He slid under the covers behind her and placed a warm hand on her back. “Are you coming to bed?”

“I’m not really feeling like humping your leg tonight.”

“What has gotten into you?” The bed rustled, and then he was beside her, staring at her face.

“Nothing.” Jude turned away from him. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Clearly it does.”

She glared at him. “Because I don’t want to fuck?”

“Blessed Avilku, no, of course not.” Gerrit ran a hand through his hair, shoving it back from his face, and the line of worry between his brows returned, deep and hard-set like it had been when they first met. “What have I done to make you think that?”

He didn’t deserve her anger, and there was none left inside her anyway. She sighed. “I’m just thinking about home again.”

Gerrit stiffened, but his voice was kind when he said, “I’m sure you miss your sister.”

“And you trust me enough to let me go, even knowing about Kladuu?”

“I told you I do. If I had changed my mind, I would have said so. I am a man of honor.”

His tone had changed, his body leaning away from her and his language turning more formal. She’d done something wrong. This was a mess.

“I don’t question your honor, Gerrit,” she said weakly.

“What is it then?”

“I doubt mine,” she whispered.

Gerrit froze. He hadn’t expected her answer. After a beat of silence, he asked, “You doubt your honor? You think you’ll … betray me?”

His voice turned raspy, and she imagined he was thinking of all the things she could tell Commander Gideon about his home. She took his hand before he could draw out all the conclusions. “I would never betray you, Gerrit,” she said. At her words, his shoulders slumped with relief. “It’s just that I promised my sister I would keep her safe. We’re all we have.”

“You have to have your own life too,” he said.

Jude stared into his bottomless eyes. She imagined she could dive in and sink to the bottom. She could drown in him. And she didn’t think she’d care. She’d die right there in the depths of his eyes, happy. “This isn’t what I was supposed to want. This wasn’t the way my life was meant to go.”

“You have no commitments here,” Gerrit said, but Jude raised an incredulous eyebrow. He shook his head at her. “I told you I wouldn’t hold you to the mating ceremony once we leave Hylan territory. You can go home. What you’ve done here for my people has earned you my trust.”

Jude nodded, but it still wasn’t right. Her heart was still breaking. “It’s just …” she started, struggling to find the right words. “What would you want? If it was your choice?”

“I have no opinion. It’s entirely up to you. I would never stop you from—”

“Stop being so nice. If it were up to you, what would happen now?”

Gerrit chewed the inside of his cheek and then breathed out in a rush. “I would keep you here and take you home. I’d show you to my entire clan and declare you the Alpha’s true mate. I’d make love to you day and night for weeks until we couldn’t move, and then I’d start it all over again. I’d spend my entire life trying to make you as happy as I’ve been these last few days with you.”

Gerrit stopped speaking, but his mouth hung open like he couldn’t believe what had just come out of his mouth. He clearly hadn’t meant to say so much, but she’d pushed him, and now she knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

But what did that matter? This wasn’t her home.

The prickling tears began to roll down her cheek. “I can’t. I can’t stay. I have to go back.”

“I understand.”

“You don’t. You want me to stay, but I can’t. I have to get back to my sister. I can’t leave her. She needs me to protect her.”

“But what do you need?” Gerrit placed a hand on her thigh, his thumb moving gently like he couldn’t help touching her.

“I need to go,” Jude said, her voice cracking. “But until I do, can we just pretend? Can I pretend I could have what I want?”

Silently, he leaned forward, his lips molten hot and soft as they took hers. It was a slow kiss, not the full-burn intensity of before, but it filled Jude’s head with light and air and made her dizzy.

He eased her down so they lay side by side, kissing slowly. He slipped her dress down past her breasts, caressing her skin with his rough hands as he went.

Every part of her wanted to reach out and grab him and flip him on his back. She wanted to ride him and fuck until she couldn’t see, but something in his touch held her still.

He moved to her neck, licking and sucking, pushing her dress lower still and over her hips until she could shimmy out of it. The sheet over his lap was the only thing separating their bodies, but she waited as he moved down, kissing and touching her with reverence. It was a kind of worship, the way he touched her. He moved slowly, holding himself back and teasing her into blissful submission.

“Jude,” he growled before pulling her nipple into his mouth, sucking and nipping at her hardening nub. His arms wrapped around her middle, pulling her against him. She ran her hands down his back, using her soft nails to scrape gently against his skin.

She moaned as he turned his attention to her other breast and maneuvered her onto her back. His weight was atop her, pressing her into the mattress.

Hands ran down her sides and gripped her middle. She bucked up against him as his mouth on her breast sent shivers through her body. His hands settled at the bottom of her back, throwing her hips into movement.

“Please,” she whispered, gripping his shoulders, seeking release. “Gerrit, please. Don’t make me wait. I need you more than you know.”

He lifted so his eyes met hers. He stared at her as he pulled the sheet from between them. Quietly, he said, “I do know.”

Jude opened her legs so he could bring his cock to her core and find her warm and wet for him. With a steady thrust, he filled her, his eyes never leaving hers as her sore body stretched around him, seating him deep inside her.

She wanted to look away from his unblinking gaze. She needed to just lose herself in the feeling of his body inside her, wearing her out and turning off her brain and heart, but his gaze hypnotized her. She couldn’t tear away from the sincerity looking down at her.

She gripped his shoulders and arched her back as he began to move. Over and over he moved, steady and deep, his gaze never wavering.

He pushed in deep and held still, his body pulsing with need.

“What is it?” she whispered, opening herself and pulling him in deeper.

He stared at her, unreadable. “You. It’s you.”

His words undid her. She pulled him down to her and kissed him, hot and desperate, and soon they were moving together, twisting their bodies so that his hardness filled every part of her. He wrapped both arms around her middle, crushing their bodies together as they writhed.

Jude wrapped her legs around his lower back, meeting each thrust with her own intense need to feel him deeper.

He buried his face in her neck, moaning against her hair between kisses.

She clung to his back, giving herself up to him, trusting him to take her to a high she could only begin to imagine, that she’d only just glimpsed when they’d made love before. No. When they’d fucked before.

This time, Gerrit was making love to her, and she shuddered at the realization, knowing she wasn’t holding on to just his body, but also his heart. And she never wanted to let go.

Gerrit’s movements sped up, and he grunted, lifting slightly off her so he could lean his weight on his arm and increase his hips’ already piston-like speed.

Their eyes met, and this time, Jude didn’t want to look away.

Her body was set ablaze. It started where his cock slammed into her and spread along her limbs. She shook, seeking escape, desperate to find more. The fire burned through her defenses, and the flame in his eyes flickered with love.

What had she done? What had she found here? How could she leave? How could she not?

She shook with impending release. Her toes curled, and she threw her head back with a scream, revealing her neck to her mate.

Gerrit slammed into her one last time, roared, and lowered his elongated canines to her neck, where he scraped them along her throat, just enough to draw a bead of blood, but not enough to hurt.

She catapulted over the edge, falling ever further into Gerrit.

Into her Alpha.