(Noah)

My face throbbed. My dick throbbed. My heart raced.

I felt like everything was coming to an end. Marcos knew I was helping Penny. He probably had the apartment surrounded. Waiting for me to emerge with Penny so he could take us both out. We were trapped and the only thing we could do was run together.

I had about twenty-three hours to figure it out.

I should have been worrying about it then, but as I held Penny, I wanted to open myself to her. My face bled from what Marcos’s goons had done to me. My bed was soaking wet from our shower sex that turned into bed sex. She was naked, her left leg draped over me. I could feel her body against me, a soft, silky feel that was going to drive me insane.

The only two people that knew what happened was me and Seth.

“Her name was Emily,” I whispered.

“Jesus Christ, you killed a woman?” Penny asked.

I took a breath. “Let me talk, honey. Because if I close up now, it’ll be for good.”

“Sorry.” Penny kissed my chest. “My lips are sealed.”

I stared ahead, not wanting to look at Penny.

“She was the only woman I truly loved. I can say that and not feel shame. She was short, naturally pretty, and had a really tough life. Of course I met her on the street. Seth and I argued over who was going to ask her out. She was cute as hell and blushed when we talked to her. Seth told her he could steal her any car she wanted to drive. I told her I would beat anyone up that she needed. You know what she told me?”

“What?” Penny asked.

“She wanted me to beat up her old man. Because he used to beat her up. And her little sisters. So I did. I barged right into her old house and smacked her father around. He was this skinny weak, old man. A dirty alcoholic who somehow had fear in his family. That’s what I did to win her over. But when I went to tell her what I’d done, she was in the backseat of a stolen sports car with Seth. They were… together.”

“Ouch.”

“My first love and heartbreak right in the same event. I never stopped loving her. No matter how good or bad Seth was, I never walked away from her. Anything she needed, I was there. I knew who I had become. I was the third wheel. I was the best friend. Shit, I was the backup plan.”

I stopped and thought about it all. At the time, I thought I was being a good friend to Emily. Maybe even to Seth. But deep down, I knew better. I knew I was waiting, hoping, praying they would break up. And it was pathetic.

“The anger got to me,” I said. “That’s when the fights got serious for me. I channeled everything. I started winning a lot of fights. Seth saw opportunity and started putting money into it. That’s where it all started for me. A group of ten guys betting money. We’d approach bigger gangs and motorcycle clubs, challenging them. And I’d win. I remember one time after a fight, Emily came up to me. I was standing there, shirtless, sweating, in pain. I almost lost the fight. She put both hands to my chest and dug her nails at me. She told me it turned her on to watch me fight.”

“That’s nice,” Penny said. “While she was still with Seth?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I never said she was a good person. Somewhere I wondered if the three of us could figure something out. An arrangement. It was so dumb to think about but it settled me. Then they broke up. Seth fucked up and fooled around with some woman. It broke Emily’s heart. It broke my heart. I actually punched Seth. I knocked him out. But the problem then was that there was nothing stopping us. I mean, I’m sure there was some kind of guy code or girl code bullshit, but we didn’t live normal lives. My next meal came based on how hard I punched another guy in the mouth. I didn’t have time to worry about petty stuff. So one night me and Emily got a little drunk and…”

“You slept with her.”

“Yeah. Not just once either.”

I saw the look on Penny’s face. This was making her jealous. Her cheeks got red and nostrils flared. It was almost cute to see. Something like this making her jealous.

“I’m telling you this for good reason,” I said.

“Okay. I believe you.”

“I felt guilty. And then I found out she was going back with Seth. She started to use us. Playing with our emotions. To put it simple… Emily was a hustler. She knew how to get what she wanted. And what she wanted was an escape from the life. Not that I could blame her. All she wanted was a normal life. She told me that once. We were on the hood of my car, looking up at the stars. She told me she wanted a house. A husband. A kid. For me, hearing that, yeah, maybe it was nice. But it didn’t seem possible. By then, Marcos was in mine and Seth's lives and we had the chance to really make some serious money. What I didn’t know was that Emily had a thing on the side. Besides me and Seth. There was this guy named Aiden. He was normal. They weren’t fooling around or… you know what? I don’t even know. What I do know is that one night Emily came to me and Seth, crying her eyes out.”

“Why?” Penny asked.

I looked at Penny. “She said Aiden… forced himself on her.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. From that second on, Emily wouldn’t let me or Seth get close to her. She pulled away. Rightfully so, I guess. I begged her to let me help in any way I could. When she wouldn’t talk to us, me and Seth started planning our own revenge.”

“No.”

“Yeah,” I said. “I didn’t plan on having him die. I wanted to send a message. A clear fucking message. Somewhere in my head and heart I thought if he suffered bad it would ease up on Emily a little bit. But the thing is this… I went to beat him up. Seth brought the gun.”

Penny popped up. “Jesus Christ. Seth killed him?”

I slowly nodded. “Yeah. We showed up and I went after him. Right at Aiden. He didn’t realize what we were there for. He thought we wanted to talk about Emily. I always found it weird. It always bothered me. But the second I saw him I thought about everything Emily had said to me. What he had done to her. Touching her. Just… I lost it. I just fucking lost it on him. I beat him senseless and then propped him up and sat him against his car. I knew if I hit him in the head hard enough he would die. That’s when Seth took out the gun. I freaked out. I didn’t want it to go that way.”

I thought about the next part. I hated to live through it again.

“It’s okay,” Penny said. “I’m sure whatever happened…”

“I started to fight with Seth,” I said. “I wanted to get the gun out of his hand and talk him out of murder. But we started struggling. I saw his wrist. I saw his hand. He swung and punched me in the face. My hand covered his hand… and then the gun went off. Of all damn things, even with struggling, the gun ended up pointed right at Aiden. The bullet went through his stomach and he bled out. There was no saving him.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Penny said.

I grinned and touched Penny’s face. She was beautiful. She tried to keep a sense of innocence and hope about her.

“It was my fault,” I said. “I didn’t talk to him before I hit him. I just went for it. And I beat him to where he couldn’t get out of there.”

“Jesus, Noah. You just said you didn’t know what Seth was planning. You tried to help. You have to see it that way.”

“I don’t. I never will. And want to know the worst part?”

“What?” Penny asked.

“Emily used what happened to get out of there. There were never formal charges because the gun was stolen. There was no proof or connection of us to him. Even with the way I beat him up. It was all bullshit, Penny. In my heart, I believe Marcos stepped in and took care of the evidence.”

“Sounds like what happened with my father,” Penny said. “Two sets of police reports.”

“My guess is that Erik got himself high enough in the department and he’s snooping. He found something and wants revenge.”

“He should go after Seth, not you.”

“Seth is dead, honey.”

“Then…”

“I’m as guilty as Seth. There was murder in my heart that night. I didn’t need to pull the trigger to kill him.”

“Noah…”

“Emily got herself out of there. She talked to the cops and she got herself some help and was gone. I never went after her because I wanted her to have a better life. Last I heard she was living in middle class suburban heaven.”

“I think you’re better off,” Penny said.

I laughed. “Why? Because I’m the one fucking you? And I’m not fucking someone else?”

“I never said you couldn’t fuck someone else.”

“Is that so? That wouldn’t bother you?”

Penny bit her bottom lip. “It would kill me.”

“Good.”

I pulled at her and needed to taste her lips. I fucking hated telling that story. Because the truth wasn’t there. There were too many holes in it. I thought it would just die out and be gone. But with Aiden’s brother wanting my head, I guess skeletons were sometimes able to walk.

I kissed Penny.

I fucked Penny.

I held her as she slept.

Nothing ever felt so real in my life, and yet I was going to lose everything.

* * *

When I opened my eyes, I swore I heard a noise. For a second I thought maybe Marcos had come back into the apartment to check on things. If that was true, he would have found me and Penny in bed and just shot us. I wouldn’t have heard a thing.

Penny was curled up tight and I slid out of the bed. I left the bedroom and saw a glow coming from the kitchen. It was my cell phone, on the counter. The screen lit up.

It vibrated again and I realized it was a text message.

The clock on microwave was a neon green, stating it was just after six in the morning.

I looked at the phone and read the message.

Then I stood at the counter and watched the minutes collect.

“Noah?”

I looked back and Penny had the blankets around her. Goddamn, she was the most perfect thing I’d ever seen as she stood like that. It ripped me up.

“Can you call Erik?” I asked.

“What?” she asked.

“The detective. Can you call him. Ask him to come here. Tell him you’ve got me.”

“Noah, what the fuck are you talking about?”

I walked to Penny. “Honey, it’s the only way out of this. I’ll give myself up to Erik. You did what he said. You’re free to go. You could tell him about Marcos. He’s got to have…”

No, it wouldn’t work. Marcos and his family were deep. They had police on the payroll. Everyone worked for his family.

I lowered my head. “Shit. If Erik doesn’t protect you, Marcos will get you in a heartbeat.”

“Why are you freaking out right now?” she asked. Her hand ran through my hair.

I grabbed at the blanket and pulled her to me.

I couldn’t even look her in the eyes.

“Marcos just sent me a text message. It’s time to meet him.” I swallowed. “I’m sorry, Penny.” I finally got the nerve to look her in the eyes. “He’s outside waiting. For us. He’s going to kill us.”