It was the promise of seeing the ‘friendly wolves’ that got things moving in the end. I feel sluggish and a bit grubby as we make our endless way down towards the coast road. There’s a path here somewhere, which I have been promised will lead to the sea.
Amber is silent now and I wish I could coax one of her beautiful giggles. When I take her hand to cross the road, she shrinks from me in a way that breaks my heart. It’s as though she is a little frightened of me. I should never have shouted. But her ghastly mother seems to shout all the time and it’s apparently water off a duck’s back. One rule for me and one for everyone else, as usual.
The school holidays haven’t begun yet and the sky is grey and oppressive. But there are still a few individuals and families walking along the main road in wetsuits and sarongs, sandy feet in flip-flops and sandals. I scrunch my toes inside my tights and court shoes and think about treating myself to some pretty sandals. But the thought doesn’t feel as pleasurable as it did when I pictured it all from home. None of this is quite as I’d hoped it would be.
We find the entrance to the coastal path and my goodness it’s steep. We start to walk downwards and I almost have to jog in order to stay upright. Small stones skid under my feet. There is a wire fence separating us from the drop on the other side. A tunnel of dark green trees seems to enclose us and I can see patches of sea through gaps below.
When someone shouts my name, I half-imagine my silly Terry thoughts are getting out of hand, and I turn, in an almost dreamlike state.
I can’t believe what I see. I touch my cheek, just to be certain and then Melissa … Melissa … is running and stumbling down the path towards us. She almost trips, just managing to grab the wire fence to right herself. She is breathing hard; her cheeks bright with spots of colour and her eyes wide.
‘Hester! Oh thank God!’ she says and stops, placing a hand on her chest to get her breath back.
I reach for Amber and pull her toward me. She doesn’t resist and leans her dense, warm weight against my hip. I stand tall, protecting her.
‘What on earth are you doing here?’ I say. I have never wanted to see someone less and distaste curdles in my mouth. ‘This is none of your business. Go away and leave us alone.’
A blonde-haired family dressed in wetsuits pulled to their hips comes into view and regard us warily as they pass. The mother has a pink bikini top on and the father and son are bare-chested and tanned. The teenage boy is all gangly limbs and glasses. Their curiosity is almost palpable and I have to glare until they look away. Melissa seems oblivious and starts shouting.
‘You can’t just snatch her!’ she cries. ‘The police are probably looking for you; don’t you understand what you’ve done?’
I glance in alarm at the family, who are hurrying away, heads bowed in towards each other in furtive conversation.
We have to get away from this witch who has brought me only pain.
‘Come on, Amber,’ I say and take her hand, pulling her with me. Bertie, frustratingly, has stopped to do a wee and I have to yank his lead to get him to move.
But Melissa won’t be shaken off so easily.
‘Hester!’ she shouts. ‘Haven’t we done enough? Don’t you think we need to put things right now?’
Anger rises like mercury then and I let go of Amber, marching back to Melissa. I thrust my face towards hers. Because I am lower on the incline, I feel even smaller in size than usual but my frustration and fury are a mighty thing and I see something nervous flash, gratifyingly, in her eyes.
‘That’s what I’m doing!’ I hiss. I don’t even care that a little drop of spit hits her face. She doesn’t seem to notice. ‘You can just let it go, Melissa!’ I say and wave my hand like a magician producing a dove from a handkerchief. ‘Poof! There! All your guilt is absolved! It was all me! I did it! I was the one! Now will you leave us alone? And anyway, that’s what I’m doing, can’t you see? Making it right?’
Melissa’s mouth opens and closes like a fish. I’ve never seen her look less appealing than she does now, and I realize I don’t even hate her anymore. She is nothing to me at all.
‘What do you mean?’ she whispers. Her skin looks wan and almost greenish in this odd light.
Reaching up on my tiptoes, I whisper into her ear. Her hair tickles my face and it feels unpleasant and smells dirty.
‘I killed him,’ I say. ‘Not you! So why don’t you leave us alone and get on with your life!’
She makes a sound that is neither a gasp nor a groan but something in-between. Her hands fly to her cheeks and tears begin to squeeze out over her lids and run down her pale, bony cheeks.
‘You’re a fucking monster,’ she whispers but then her attention is snagged by something beyond me. She yells, ‘No!’ and shoves me out of the way.
I turn to see Bertie’s tail disappear through a gap in the fence that leads to the open cliff. And then Amber, moving faster than I have ever seen, is squeezing through after him.