Then – February 2016
One of the spotlights was emitting a high-pitch buzz, which rose and fell and for a few seconds would stop, making Ella think she was imagining it, before it started again, the intensity rising, sounding like a hornet was trapped inside the flush chrome casing, battering itself to death against the burning bulb.
It was the light in the corner, set above the low sofa and the modular armchairs, which looked like leather and probably were, because this was the office of someone important enough to demand the best and get it. He hadn’t managed to get maintenance in to fix that bulb, though.
Ella had been directed towards the sofa, told to make herself comfortable, but she’d taken a seat facing the desk. She lowered herself into it gingerly, biting down on the pain in her ribs, holding her palm flat against them as if that would contain the damage done. She wanted to be upright when he came back, show that she wasn’t defeated, that she had stood up to one bully and she would stand up to him as well.
Because she knew how it was going to go.
She’d been here before and had her complaints disregarded. It was ‘part of the training exercise’ or ‘the normal cut and thrust of role playing’.
But there was no excusing what had happened. Not this time.
No passing it off as good-natured joshing or banter. With the CCTV footage there was no chance of denial, even if the other people present decided they’d seen nothing.
Finally, she had the bastard.
And yet, she didn’t feel triumphant. She thought she would, eventually, when she was calmer and when the pain was gone, but now she felt sick and edgy, even through the sedative she’d been given by the doctor who checked her out and assured her there was no internal bleeding and that the rib fractures were hairline, nothing to be done but rest them.
She wondered if her doctor could be convinced to give her a couple more days’ worth of Valium and then dismissed the idea. It would be too easy to hide from this rather than push through it. And too easy to go seeking a medicated escape next time she felt life rushing away from her.
It was tempting, though, as she sat in the office with the sound of the fizzing light and vacuum cleaners along the hall.
Just take a pill and let it smother the unbearable stress Garton induced. The pressure to perform, to succeed, to come out top every time. That’s how it had always been with her, ever since she could remember, right through school and university. She was always top of the class and she had no intention of letting any of her fellow recruits beat her.
She realised that was what had led her to this point, sitting battered and disorientated in her course leader’s office. She’d wanted to be the best and that had made her a target for people who never would be.
The office door opened and ex-DCI Gould came in carrying two cups, placed one in front of her before he went around to his side of the desk.
He looked less troubled than when he’d walked out of the office ten minutes previously to fetch some tea. Calls had been made, she guessed, the first line of enquiry checked out to see if this was another meeting he could bring to a quick close with a promise to speak to the parties involved and keep an eye on them, a suggestion that she ‘rise above it’.
‘Shouldn’t I have a rep in here?’ Ella asked.
‘You’re a trainee,’ Gould said. ‘You don’t get access to a union rep.’
‘So, who’s looking out for my best interests?’
‘I am.’
Ella snorted and the colour rose instantly in Gould’s lightly pockmarked face, red right to the roots of his wetly gelled hair. She could see how much he wanted to shout at her, be the DCI again, throw his weight around. But he was a teacher now, to all intents and purposes, and she was a student with a legitimate complaint he had to pretend to be concerned about.
‘This is a delicate situation,’ he said. ‘I’m sure you can appreciate that.’
‘I was attacked and I want to press charges,’ Ella told him, relieved that she sounded firm even though inside every part of her was churning furiously. ‘It’s not a delicate situation, it’s a very simple one. You have ignored numerous incidents in the run-up to me being attacked today – don’t worry, though, I kept my own records – and you’ve failed to give me even the most basic protection I should be able to expect as a student here.
‘You, and the rest of the faculty, have failed to provide a safe studying environment. Your continued refusal to intervene in a campaign of bullying against me is not something I’m going to accept quietly.’
Gould’s gaze flicked away to the door as it opened and an immediate look of relief spread across his face. He stood quickly, smoothed his hand down over his tie and nodded to the woman who’d come in. She was tall and slim, with steel-grey hair cut into a soft bob and a weathered tan that suggested she wasn’t as comfortable in her severely tailored suit and heels as she would be in walking shoes and waterproofs.
‘Peggy, I’ll leave this to you now.’
She didn’t reply, only stood aside to allow him to bolt from the office. Then she turned to Ella and smiled, warmly, the skin around her eyes crinkling.
‘You’ve been in the wars, pet.’
‘It’s been a long and hard-fought campaign,’ Ella said, watching her carefully as the smile deepened and she shook her head. ‘Who are you?’
‘You can call me Peggy. No need for us to be formal.’
‘But who are you?’
She didn’t answer.
In the corner of the office the light was still buzzing and Ella tried to ignore it and focus on this woman. Peggy walked around Gould’s desk, stood with her hands thrust into the pockets of her suit jacket as she looked over his family photographs, then lifted the lid on a small glass jar containing jelly beans.
‘He ever offered you one of these?’ Peggy asked.
‘No.’
‘Not his favourite student?’ She picked the jar up and rattled it at Ella, who didn’t take one. ‘Don’t blame you. Bet these have been in here since he took the job.’
‘Do you know what happened to me?’ Ella asked impatiently. ‘That is why you’re here, isn’t it?’
‘I know.’ Peggy sat down in Gould’s cream leather chair, leaned back, perfectly relaxed. ‘And I know what you gave out back.’
‘I’ve got two broken ribs,’ she snapped.
‘And Mr Pearce lost a couple of teeth.’
‘His response was disproportionate,’ Ella said firmly. She knew what this was; bring another woman in, play on female solidarity, get her to back away from bringing charges. Like she was stupid. ‘Don’t you even care how it reflects on the force? What he’s done. Do you think that’s good PR?’
Peggy folded her arms on the desk. Ella noticed the discreet watch she wore, leather and gold with a few small stones around the bezel, the wedding ring and a band of platinum and diamonds on her middle finger. Everything expensive but unostentatious.
‘I don’t care about PR,’ she said. ‘I’m just a regular old copper.’
She took a sip of the tea Gould had brought in, pulled a face.
‘Bloody water down this way’s rank.’ She pushed the cup to the edge of the desk. ‘You had a decent cuppa since you been down here?’
This woman was going to talk about nothing until she was ready to get to the point, and Ella realised she had to let her do that. Whoever she was and whatever she was here for, she’d get to it eventually. She started going on about the hard water and the Victorian pipes and how she’d had a softener put in at home, spent a small fortune on the thing, but it still wasn’t like a proper cup of tea made with good Northumberland tap water.
‘So, why did you move down here, then?’ Ella asked.
‘Same reason you did, pet.’ Peggy smiled again, spread her hands wide. ‘It’s where the action is.’
‘I wasn’t looking for “action”,’ Ella said, so fiercely that the pain flared in her ribs again. ‘I wanted to help people. I thought that was why everyone joined up. But it’s not that, is it? Some of them are just thugs who want a uniform to hide behind.’
‘“Them”?’ Peggy asked. ‘Are you not one of us any more?’
‘I can’t be part of a force that allows this kind of bullying and violence to go on.’ She knew she was going to say it, but they’d got here faster than she expected and she felt tears welling as the future she’d always planned fell away around her. She willed down the emotion, told herself to be strong. ‘If Pearce’s done this to me – a fellow recruit – what the hell do you think he’s going to do once he’s serving? He’s an animal.’
Peggy nodded, leaned back in the chair, regarding Ella thoughtfully.
‘There are plenty like him, yes.’
‘Because you don’t stamp on them early.’
‘We need them,’ Peggy said. ‘That’s the simple truth. For every smart, conscientious officer like you, we need a couple of dozen unthinking idiots like Pearce.’
Ella let out a humourless laugh. ‘So you look the other way?’
‘Do you want to be the one stopping and searching lads with knives as long as your arm on the street at one in the morning?’ Peggy asked. ‘No, because you’re educated and it’d be a waste of your talents. But someone’s got to do the dirty work.’
‘He’s going to kill someone,’ Ella told her, thinking of the look in his eye as he loomed over her, his hand at her throat. ‘You all want me to suck it up and keep quiet. Gould has been blaming this on me for weeks. And I’m not having it any more! I will shout this from the rooftops if I have to, but I’m going to make sure nobody else has to tolerate this kind of aggression while they’re trying to train for the most important job anyone can do.’
‘Sounds like you don’t really want to leave us at all,’ Peggy said.
‘I don’t. But it’s the only way.’ Pressure swelled her chest, pushing against her damaged ribs, as she tried not to cry.
Without ceremony the life she’d committed herself to before she was even old enough to consider alternatives was being taken away from her. So quickly she could barely comprehend how it was happening.
At least you didn’t fail, Ella thought, and that scant comfort only made her feel the loss more acutely. She’d done everything right and yet here she was.
‘There are other options.’ Peggy got up and came out from behind Gould’s desk, perched on the edge. ‘We really don’t like to lose students with your grades and your potential.’
Ella felt her face harden. The sadness in her beginning to curdle into something altogether darker and angrier.
‘But I have to keep my mouth shut?’ she sneered.
‘Pearce is gone.’ Peggy put her hands up in a gesture of surrender. ‘Or he soon will be.’
‘You’ll let him quietly drop out of training, you mean?’
‘No, there’s going to be an investigation and he’ll be charged. Adam Pearce will never wear a police uniform.’ She cocked her head, smiled. ‘Well, not unless his next job’s stripping for hen parties.’
‘What about Gould?’ Ella asked. ‘He let it go on. There’s a culture of bullying being perpetuated because he allows it. He’s just as guilty.’
Peggy tucked her hands into her pockets. ‘Gould’s a first-rate teacher and he’s very well liked. He’s not going anywhere. Pick your battles, Ella.’
So, that was why Gould was so relieved to see her enter the office. Whoever this woman was, she clearly held sway high up in the management. She’d been brought in with the ultimate aim of keeping Gould employed, safeguarding his job and the pension he could only be a couple of years off claiming.
They would sacrifice Pearce. Naturally, there were hundreds more where he came from, but not that many Goulds.
Ella thought of how dismissive he’d been, treating her like a whiny brat running to the teacher because her toys had been stolen, rather than a grown adult in fear for her safety. Making her feel like she was inviting the aggression somehow, forcing her to monitor her behaviour and moderate it, to no avail. All rather than simply doing his job and disciplining Pearce.
Pearce was a piece of shit but Gould was his enabler. He saw Pearce as perfect officer material and that made him the dangerous one. The one she needed to expose.
But she couldn’t do that without appearing to give this Peggy-whoever-she-was the right reply. Once the investigation was open, Ella would point the finger at Gould, and if he kept his job then at least she would have shown what a complete and utter disgrace he was and her conscience would be clear.
‘Okay,’ Ella said. ‘I understand.’
‘Good girl.’
Peggy held out her hand. ‘Let’s get you up.’
Ella fought the urge to bat it away and took the help, held her breath as she was brought to her feet, seeing Peggy wince in sympathy with her.
‘Think I’d best drive you home,’ she said. ‘Don’t want you on the bus with those injuries. And we can talk about what you might want to do next on the way.’
They went out past the empty offices and the cleaners working in the corridors, down to the car park where Peggy led her to a black Audi sitting in a visitors’ bay, asking if she thought she could manage a little bit of dinner, line her stomach for the painkillers. Ella played along, said she thought she could, thank you, that’s very kind of you. Thinking how scared they must be to launch this kind of charm offensive and how pathetic it was that they believed she would buy it.
She was out.
She’d seen the force for what it really was, beyond the talk of transparency and cultural sensitivity and noble service. She’d been lied to, ever since she was a little girl admiring the crisp lines and shining buttons on her father’s dress uniform, thinking that one day she would have her own. For every good man like him there were two dozen Pearces, with the Goulds and Peggys defending them.
And she would not become one of them.