When I wake up the next day, Elliott is gone but my phone is sitting on the other side of my bed, a single text on the screen: I’m still here. His caribou pendant lies next to my pillow. It’s a sweet gesture, but there’s no way I’m keeping it, not after he explained what it means to him. Still, looping the pendant around my neck does make me feel like Elliott is with me in spirit.
My dad is supposed to be home by early afternoon, but he calls Rachael to let her know he ended up staying late to monitor the patient’s cardiac output for a few hours.
“He’ll be home by dinnertime,” Rachael promises me.
“How did the surgery go?” I ask.
“He said it was over twelve hours long, with different teams scrubbing in and out to tackle different areas of the tumor. He sounded exhausted.”
“That’s intense,” I say. I hate that I’m going to dump my troubles on him after he’s been working so hard, but the truth can’t wait any longer. It shouldn’t have waited this long.
I go for a run and then spend the rest of the day pacing back and forth in my room, replaying everything that’s happened since the accident in my mind. Outside, a small parade moves down the main street of Springdale, people on floats throwing candy and waving tiny American flags.
Dinnertime comes and goes and Rachael calls Dad again, just to make sure he’s okay. She talks to him for a few minutes and then hands the phone over to me.
“Hey, hon,” he says. “Sorry I’m missing out on the entire holiday. I was hoping I’d be home in time for the parade.”
“No big deal.” I clear my throat. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“Is everything all right?” I can hear the concern in Dad’s voice.
“Yeah, there’s just something I wanted to talk to you about.” My mouth goes dry.
“Well, this traffic doesn’t seem as if it’s going to be thinning out anytime soon, so you might as well go for it.”
“Uh, no. That’s okay. I’ll wait and talk to you when you get home.” I don’t want to distract my dad while he’s driving.
“Okay. If you’re sure,” he says. “I didn’t schedule any surgeries for tomorrow just in case I got stuck in Salt Lake City, so I’ll reserve my whole morning for you . . . unless you’d rather stay up and wait for me. They’ve apparently closed the highway due to some kind of oil tanker spill, so I’m not sure how long it’ll be before they get the road moving again.”
“Tomorrow is fine.” There’s no point in canceling on Halley and Elliott just to ambush my dad when he’s exhausted. I’m sure we’ll have to talk to a lawyer before I can make any kind of public statement, and it’s not like we’ll be able to get ahold of one in the middle of the night. I feel a tiny bit of relief that this whole mess is almost over. Soon I’ll be able to tell everyone. Then the Kades can cancel their wrongful death lawsuit. Then I can finally answer that email from Brad Freeman. After tomorrow, we’ll all be able to get on with our lives.
Elliott picks me up at nine p.m.
“Tell me again why Halley wants to go to this party so badly?” I ask. I slide into the passenger seat of his truck, checking my hair and makeup in the reverse camera on my phone. I’m still wearing a headband every day. My hair has started to grow back in around my scar, but it’s still only about a half inch long.
The scar along my cheekbone has faded from a red line to a pink one, and all it takes is a bit of concealer to hide it almost completely. The only thing standing out as unusual about my appearance is the emergence of blond roots at the crown of my scalp. I meant to re-dye my hair, but I haven’t gotten around to it. Hopefully no one will notice them in the dark.
“I think because her parents are so protective of her they don’t let her go out much. But she’s worked at the park for so long that they don’t mind letting her go to anything that’s an official Zion function.”
I snort. “A party back by some dark river is an official function?”
“Hell no,” Elliott says. “But I’m guessing Halley doesn’t get too specific with them when it comes to the logistics.”
“I get it,” I say. “I’m just nervous because this will be the first time all summer that I’ve been around lots of people.”
“Everything is going to be fine. Trust me when I say they’re going to be more interested in drinking and fooling around than in trying to figure out who you are.” Elliott pats me on the leg as he turns into the parking lot for the Springdale Family Kitchen. He pulls into an empty spot, grabs his phone from the center console, and taps out a quick text.
A couple of minutes later, Halley ducks out the front door of the restaurant. She’s wearing a floral sundress that hangs just past her knees, a thin pink cardigan, and her trademark cowboy boots. Her blond hair is braided into two pigtails as usual. She opens the door and hops into the cab next to me. “Ready to party?”
I force a smile. “Let’s do this.”
Elliott pulls back out onto the main street of Springdale. A few minutes later, he drives through the entrance to Zion. “I’m surprised you’d want to go to something like this,” I tell Halley. “Won’t there be a lot of people drinking?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I have to drink. And there will also be a lot of people listening to music and eating snacks and wading in the river, all things I like to do.”
“And Nephi will be there, right?” Elliott glances past me to Halley.
Halley blushes. “His sister said he was hoping to make it. He just got back from his mission last week.”
“Well, then he’ll definitely be looking for a little fun. Mormon missions are really strict,” Elliott explains to me. “The missionaries have about a million rules they have to follow.”
“It’s not that bad,” Halley says. “I want to do it someday, but not until I’ve completed a couple years of college.”
Elliott stays on Zion Canyon Scenic Drive until it ends at a parking area with a shuttle stop marked: #9 Temple of Sinawava.
“So who’s Nephi?” I nudge her in the ribs as Elliott parks the truck in a spot at the edge of the parking lot.
“He’s Tazmyn’s older brother. I know him from her house and also from church,” Halley says. “But it isn’t like that.” She shoots Elliott a glare.
He snickers. “Sure it isn’t. Halley and I started out in the gift shop here together and Nephi was a park guide. Her eyes turned to cartoon hearts whenever he came around.”
“That was like three years ago, Elliott.” She sticks her tongue out at him. “I’ve grown up a little since then.”
“Is this guy hot?” I tease.
“He is sooo dreamy.” Elliott smirks.
“Quiet, you.” Halley reaches across me to punch him in the leg.
Elliott grimaces. He cuts the engine to the truck and removes the keys from the ignition. “Let’s go so you can see for yourself, Jen.”
We follow a group of boys who look a few years older than us down a dark but paved trail that leads out to the Virgin River. The area is partially illuminated by a string of lanterns along the shore. Cottonwood trees cast eerie shadows over the surface of the water.
The boys in front of us point at a soft glow coming from around a bend in the river. “Over there,” one of them says. They wade into the water, exchanging exclamations about how cold it is.
“Can you get those boots wet?” I ask Halley.
“Yep. These old things have been through it all. They’re indestructible.” She points at a pile of thick tree branches near the end of the trail. “Grab a walking stick. It makes it easier to move around in the water.”
We each take one of the sturdy branches and then wade into the river. The temperature difference between the warm air and the frigid water is enough to make my heart stutter. The water laps gently at my knees, just deep enough to cover the scar on my calf. I pick my way carefully, the bottoms of my tennis shoes slippery against the riverbed’s mossy stones.
Halley squeals. “Something touched my leg,” she hisses.
“Probably just a cattail or some kind of weed,” Elliott says. “Or a snake.”
“What?” I say, freezing mid-step. “There are snakes in here?”
Elliott laughs. “Just kidding.” He rests one hand on my lower back.
“The park has a few snakes, but none of them are swimmers,” Halley assures me.
Ahead of us, one boy is holding his cell phone out in front of him, using the light of his screen to navigate the dark water.
“Almost forgot.” Elliott pulls a flashlight out of his pocket and directs the beam down at the surface of the water. “See. No snakes.”
Halley points at the glow from around the bend, which is getting brighter. “We’re almost there.”
When we come around the bend, I hear music playing. There’s a clearing off to one side of the water—a small beach of smooth pebbles and cast-ashore driftwood. Beyond it, a wall of rock partially covered with moss rises high into the sky. A tinny dance tune emanates from the speaker of a portable music player set safely back from the water. A line of lanterns placed along the edge of the rock wall illuminates a couple of large coolers and about thirty kids standing in small clusters or sitting on various logs. The river continues forward, disappearing into a narrow slot canyon, the red rock cliffs rising hundreds of feet in the air.
I scan the group of kids. I recognize a few of them—there’s a girl who works the cash register in the Zion Lodge Gift Shop, and two girls I’m pretty sure work the hotel front desk. Away from the main group, three boys stand in a semicircle, their forms all in shadow except for the glow from the end of their cigarettes.
Halley’s eyes are drawn to a couple of kids sitting on a wide log at the edge of the gathering. “It’s Tazmyn and Nephi,” she says, unable to keep the excitement from her voice. “I’ll be right back.” She drops her walking stick on the ground and picks her way across the overlapping rocks.
The two girls hug and Nephi gives Halley a big smile. He scoots over so she can sit down too. She twirls one of her braids around her index finger as she looks up at him.
“She’s not coming back, is she?” I ask.
Elliott grins. “Probably not.”
He takes my hand and leads me over to the coolers. One of them is filled with soda and water, the other with beer. We each take a can of soda and find an empty spot to sit down on one of the pieces of driftwood. I watch as Nephi pulls a box of sparklers and a book of matches out of his back pocket. Tazmyn and Halley each take one of the sparklers and giggle with delight as Nephi lights them. The girls spin around, the fireworks cutting sharp lines in the darkness.
“I set my phone alarm for eleven-thirty so we can be sure to get her home by midnight,” Elliott says.
Halley’s sparkler burns out and Nephi offers her another one. “So what do we do in the meantime?” I ask.
“I mean, it’s no Ninja Warrior gym, but we can just hang out or wade in the water or walk farther up the river if you want. It’s amazing how dark it gets inside the slot canyons at night.”
I start to tell Elliott a walk sounds good, but then Halley bounces over with Tazmyn in tow. “Come meet my new friend, Jennifer,” she says.
I try not to wince at the incorrect name. Elliott stands so the two girls can sit. Tazmyn and Halley squish into the spot he vacated, with Tazmyn ending up next to me. My eyes are drawn to the piano key bracelet on her wrist. I swallow hard. “Nice to meet you,” I say.
“Halley says you just graduated from high school, too,” Tazmyn chirps. “Are you starting college in the fall?”
“Yeah. I’m going to . . .” I have to think for a second to remember what I told Halley back when I first met her. “Northwestern.”
Tazmyn cocks her head to the side. “You look familiar. Where did you go to high school?”
My heart starts pounding and I resist the urge to get up from the log and run away. I look down at my lap. “I went to a school in Illinois,” I say. “A small town. You’ve probably never heard of it.”
She snorts. “Doesn’t get much smaller than this. I thought maybe we played you in tennis or something.” She leans in close to me for a better look.
I plaster a smile on my face. “Nope. I’m not much of an athlete.”
“Tazmyn played doubles for Hurricane High,” Halley says. “She and her partner went to State.”
“Where we got creamed in the first round by some girls from Salt Lake City,” Tazmyn says.
“You know, you don’t always have to add that part,” Halley says with a grin.
A new song starts playing. Someone cranks the volume extra high.
“Woo.” Halley jumps up from her seat. “Let’s get this party started.”
She grabs Tazmyn’s hand and the two of them scamper across the rocks and start dancing with each other right in front of the music player. I exhale a sigh of relief.
“Come on.” Elliott grabs my hand and at first I think he wants me to dance with him, but then he leads me toward the river.
I glance over my shoulder. “What about the walking sticks?”
“I won’t let you fall.”
I grip his hand tightly as we make our way into the water. Once again, the chilly temperature makes me gasp. “Where are we going?”
Elliott points upstream. The river disappears between two impossibly high walls of rock. “In there,” he says.
We follow the river into the dark crevasse. He’s right. I can’t see anything in here. Craning my neck, I look up at the sky. It’s just a ribbon of navy blue against the blackness of the cliffs.
“This is amazing,” I say.
“I wanted to get you alone so I could tell you I’m proud of you.” Elliott reaches out and takes my other hand too.
“Don’t be proud of me. I should’ve told the truth a long time ago.”
“I don’t care. I’m still proud of you.”
I turn to face him. “Thank you for not judging me,” I say softly, pulling him into a hug.
“You did the wrong thing,” Elliott says. “But now you’re doing the right thing. We can’t define people by their worst actions, you know?”
“Yeah,” I say. I do know that. It’s why I forgave Dallas, why I forgave my dad. But does the rest of the world know that? I’m not so sure.
Elliott and I stand there, our bodies tight against each other while the water laps at our legs. Neither of us seems to want to let go. Finally he pulls back and kisses me on the forehead. “I’m glad I got to know you this summer. Even if you didn’t want to be stupid with me.”
I’ve still got both arms wrapped around his waist. “Trust me, I wanted to. I just didn’t want you to regret things after you found out who I really was.”
“And now that I know who you really are . . . ?” Elliott trails off.
My face gets hot. “I guess I thought the moment had passed, you know? That it was too late.”
Elliott laughs lightly. “It’s never too late to be stupid.” He presses his lips to my forehead again and I feel his mouth curl into a grin.
I laugh. For the first time all summer, I feel happy. I’m going to do the right thing, even though it’s hard. It’s terrifying to think about, but it’s also freeing. “Good to know,” I say.
His lips move from my forehead to my cheek and then the crook of my neck. “So is that a yes?” he murmurs. His mouth drags hot across my exposed collarbone.
My knees buckle and I almost end up in the river. I tighten my arms around him. “It would seem so,” I say.
Elliott presses my body back against the rock wall for support. He rests one hand on my waist and the other on the side of my face. His lips brush gently against mine. “I’ve missed you,” he says.
I reach up in the darkness and trace the contours of his face, my fingertips making their way from his chin, to his jaw, and then up into his hair. “I’ve missed you too.”
Emotions I’ve been working hard to hold back all summer start to spill out of me and I pull Elliott’s mouth toward my own. I’m so eager and impatient that our noses bump and teeth knock together before our lips slide into place. The frigid water is still lapping at my legs, but I can’t feel it anymore. My entire body is flush with heat, with desire. If it weren’t for the faintest hint of dance music from the clearing, I’d think that the two of us were completely alone.
I wish the two of us were completely alone.
I coax his mouth open with my tongue. It doesn’t take much coaxing. Elliott pins one of my hands back against the rock, his other hand tracing the waistband of my shorts, his fingertips hot against my skin. I close my fist around a handful of his hair and arch my back against the canyon wall. I forget everything but the feel of Elliott’s lips on mine, the feel of his hands caressing me.
And then there’s a flash of light.
I freeze, confused, disoriented. I’m temporarily blinded by the flash. I realize the music has changed from dance music to something slower. My stomach drops low as I realize what song it is, the second single from Dallas’s album. The love song he wrote for me.
Elliott doesn’t seem to recognize it. “What are you guys doing?” he asks.
My vision has returned to normal. Tazmyn and Halley stand at the opening of the slot canyon. Tazmyn has her phone out, pointed at Elliott and me. She clears her throat. “I remember why you look familiar now, Jennifer.”