The day I lost her…
“Admit it! You planted that ammunition in my wall locker,” I accused, stepping up until Kurt and I were nose to nose.
“Stop it. Both of you!” Mira cried, her voice trembling as she attempted—and failed—to shove her way between us.
His lips lifted into a slow smile. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Oh, but he did. And the moment my platoon sergeant had found them, I’d wished he’d shot me with those bullets instead.
It was no secret that rules and I didn’t get along. I’d been in and out of trouble from the time I was ten. I’d cleaned my act up for the most part, but I was far from the star soldier on post. I’d earned my way onto the radar of every member in my chain of command in one way or another. So, with a history like mine, when a two-hundred-round SAW drum had come up missing, my room was one of the first they had searched. I’d thought nothing of it. I’d had nothing to hide. But lo and behold, there it was, sealing my fate as a former member of the U.S. Army.
“You couldn’t stand that I was getting my shit together,” I snarled. “I was finally soaring and you couldn’t handle it.”
He laughed. “You think I give one flying fuck what you do? You could fall off a bridge tomorrow and it wouldn’t faze me. Hell, I might be willing to give you the final shove. But make no mistake about it: You will be falling off that bridge without my woman.”
My body locked up tight, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mira’s do the same.
He bumped his chest with mine. “Yeah, that’s right, motherfucker. I know you have your eyes on my girl. You poor, pitiful bastard. You really thought you could take her from me.”
I didn’t think I could take her. I had taken her. Numerous times. And, right then, I wasn’t leaving until I’d taken her from him permanently.
Yeah. I knew the rules. Technically, you weren’t supposed to fall in love with your best friend’s girl. But, if we’re talking technicalities, he wasn’t supposed to be cheating on her every time his dick got hard, either.
He treated her like shit. And, for reasons I would never understand, she took it as if she had no idea how much better she could do. Not even when I was standing right in front of her.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that a part of me reveled in the nights I saw him sneaking off with whatever girl he was sleeping with at the time. Because I’d spend those nights sitting by the phone, waiting for her call so I could pick up the pieces of the most amazing woman I’d ever met.
“I don’t have to take her,” I spat into his face. “She always comes willingly.”
It was a dick thing to say, especially with her standing right there, but I was sick of being the only one who lived in silence.
Every story has two sides.
But, in our case, it had three.
Countless nights, I’d spent hours on the phone with Mira, learning all about Kurt through her eyes. And, by all accounts, he was a selfish prick who didn’t even try to hide his cheating ways—but she loved him.
Countless days, I’d spent hours with Kurt at work, learning all about Mira through his eyes. And, by all accounts, she was a jealous, overbearing bitch who wouldn’t get off his ass about some bullshit—but he loved her.
And, during every single minute between those exchanges, I tried to figure out a way to make her mine without losing the only family I had left—because I loved them both.
Kurt Benton and I had grown up in the same small town of Driverton, Illinois, albeit in very different income brackets. His was upper class. Mine was somewhere around the poverty line, depending on how often my dad’s gout had acted up that year. We’d met in sixth grade, when the school district had decided to mix things up by bussing some of the poor kids to the public school across town. Kurt was the big-mouthed king of campus who wanted the entire world to bow at his feet, and I was just a kid from the wrong side of the tracks who stirred up shit because it was the only way I knew to make people pay attention to me.
The two of us were a match made in hell. But, somehow, it worked. Kurt kept me from getting into too much trouble, and I kept him in enough to keep him from being bored. The Bentons eventually adopted me. Well, not literally, but his mom took to making me lunch every day and his dad started driving me to and from school. Throughout high school, I spent more time at the Bentons’ house than I did my own, which was probably the only reason I didn’t end up in jail.
When we graduated, Kurt had the whole world in front of him, while my options were limited to follow in my father’s footsteps and get a job at the chicken plant or join the Army. It was an easy choice—for me anyway.
Kurt’s parents lost their mind when he told them that he hadn’t gotten into a single college he’d applied to. Secretly, I knew that was because he hadn’t applied to any, but I sure as shit didn’t mention that to the Bentons.
We went to Basic Training together, struggled through Ranger School together, and got assigned to the same battalion together. Up until then, the farthest we’d been apart was when he’d been sent to Charlie Company while I was two barracks over in Alpha Co.
We were as tight as two people could get.
Or had been.
Before Mira.
If only I’d found her first. We all could have been spared.
Kurt had met Mira York one fated night after he’d gone solo “dumpster diving.” This was what he’d not so affectionately called hitting the shithole bar next to the low-income housing on the other side of town. He loved to prey on the broken ones. The ones who were eager for a way out and acted like they’d seen Jesus because he’d pulled up in a fancy truck, throwing his parents’ fifties around like pennies.
Yeah. Okay. He was an asshole. I’d known it even back then, but he was all I’d had. And, because of that, he was all I couldn’t afford to lose.
It’s crazy how one person out of the billions on this planet can change the entire trajectory of your life. But that was exactly what had happened the day Kurt walked into my room in the barracks with Mira on his arm. She was young, nineteen to our twenty-three, but she had this way about her that was so damn cool. She was gorgeous, but she was also funny and down to earth. She made it feel like I was hanging out with one of the guys, but she looked like my wildest fantasy.
However, she was Kurt’s. Off-limits. And I never would have crossed that line.
Until the line got so blurred it became unrecognizable.
The three of us started hanging out—a lot. Sometimes the other guys from our squad came with us. Sometimes she brought her friends and tried her hand at setting me up. None of those girls worked out. They always had one major flaw I couldn’t get over.
They weren’t Mira.
It didn’t take long before she and I started hanging out on our own. She didn’t have a car, so I’d occasionally give her a ride home from her job waitressing at the bar when Kurt had CQ or Staff Duty. And then it became more common, like dinner and drinks, when his company went out for weeklong field exercises. It wasn’t a secret that we were close. The two of us had more in common than either of us had with Kurt.
We were cut from the same cloth. Laughed at the same jokes. Dreamed of one day rolling in a pile of cash.
We used to drive out to the woods, drop the tailgate, stare up at the stars, and discuss how we’d spend the imaginary millions we were going to make one day.
Our relationship was innocent—at first.
And then it wasn’t.
One day, while Kurt was in the shower, she found pictures of him with another woman. She brought them straight to me and demanded answers as if I could control the man’s dick. Yeah, I’d known he wasn’t exactly the most faithful guy in the past, but it had never mattered to me before. I was his friend, not his keeper.
I subtly told her to leave him.
The following day, I not so subtly told him to leave her.
They both ignored me—until the next time.
And, with Kurt, there was always a next time. It got to the point that I didn’t even feel bad for wanting her the way I did.
I kissed her one night while we were throwing back beers at our spot in the woods. She slapped me. I lied and told her I was drunk. Considering I’d had one beer, she didn’t buy it, but she let it go.
Two weeks later, same place, more beer, heat lightning flashing all around us, she kissed me.
“In another life, we would have been soul mates,” she murmured against my lips.
I wasn’t sure why we’d have to wait for another life. We had a perfectly good one in front of us. But, as she moved her hands under my shirt, I didn’t bother asking questions.
After that night, we didn’t discuss it. We didn’t label it. We just kept going back to that place where only the trees and the thunder witnessed our betrayal.
I fell in love with Mira York in the back of that truck, one stolen kiss at a time.
The only problem was: She kept going back to him.
And nothing changed between them.
They’d get into a fight. He’d go downtown trolling. She’d inevitably find out. She’d call me crying. I’d go pick her up. It’d start with us talking and laughing. It’d end with her soft, naked body pressed to mine. The next day, Kurt would tell me all about his night, explaining in great detail how he’d gotten the claw marks on his back. I’d smile and pretend that I cared. And then, the following weekend, when they’d show up at the bar, arm in arm, stealing kisses while I stole side-glances, I’d silently wonder how long I’d have to wait until we could start the process all over again.
For six months, I swore the next time would be different.
For six months, I swore to myself I’d take her from him once and for all.
For six months, I was a coward, too afraid to risk losing my best friend, even if it meant gaining her.
Until the night when I’d had enough.
In the span of twenty-four hours, the whole world had rained down on my shoulders. The only identity I’d ever had to be proud of had been snatched away from me. And, like most things in my life, Kurt was responsible.
So, with nothing left to lose, I’d gotten drunk, driven to the apartment they shared, and dumped what felt like an eternity of lies and deceit at the feet of my former best friend.
Mira once again tried to push between us.
A sinister grin grew on his lips as he cocked his head to the side. “You already fucked her?”
I swayed away from him, the effects of the alcohol in my system finally burning through the adrenaline. “More times than I can count.”
“What the hell, Jeremy!” Mira yelled, shoving hard on my shoulder.
I kept my gaze leveled on Kurt. His shoulders tensed, but his grin never faltered, not even as his fist soared through the air and landed square on my jaw.
I vaguely remembered Mira screaming as I stumbled back and landed on my ass. The pain in my face didn’t register amongst the clusterfuck going on in my head.
“Kurt, stop!” she yelled.
His lean body followed me to the ground, and his fist once again smashed against my face.
I had him in size, always had, but the bottle of Jack I’d downed on my way to their apartment gave him the edge.
“You son of a bitch. I should have left your ass in the trailer park where you belong.”
I rolled to the side, flipping him off me. “You think you got us here?” I slammed my hand into his mouth, splitting his lip. “I got us here.” I straddled him, pinning him to the ground with my weight, and pounded down on him again. “You’d still be jerking your dick in your parents’ basement if it weren’t for me.”
He tried to defend himself, but I was too far gone to let anything slow me.
Kurt Benton had everything I’d always wanted in life.
Yet he’d stolen away the little I’d had left.
My hands flew through the air, connecting punch after punch, driven by a blinding rage even as his body fell limp.
It was like an out-of-body experience. The day before, I would have murdered a man if he’d so much as looked at Kurt wrong.
But there I was, releasing the fury of the unfair universe on his face.
“Jeremy, please!” Mira cried, pulling on my arm. She dropped to her knees and moved into my line of sight. “Just look at me.”
My drunken eyes shifted on command.
Even with tears streaming down her face, she was easily the most beautiful woman I would ever see. She was tall and thin, but her large breasts and round ass had more than enough curves to keep a man busy for the rest of his life. And, every day for the last six months, I’d hoped that man would be me. Her long, dark hair hung over her shoulders, and I knew all too well the way it felt when it brushed my chest as she curled in close.
But, with Mira, it was all about her eyes. She had these big, innocent, brown eyes that drew you in and held you captive. They were surrounded by thick, black lashes that could seduce you with a single blink. It was the most amazing combination of sweet and sexy that made men lose their fucking minds.
And God knew she’d made me lose mine.
“Get off him!” she pleaded. Her hand shook as she lifted it to her mouth, her gaze drifting to Kurt’s bloody and battered face. “Oh, God.”
I swallowed hard, my chest heaving and my heart racing, but there wasn’t an ounce of guilt to be found.
Pushing off his unconscious body, I struggled to keep the adrenaline shakes out of my legs as I stood. “Come with me.”
She scoffed, tears rolling down her cheeks as she backed away. “Are you insane?”
“Yes.” I took another step toward her. “Mira, please. Let’s go, baby.”
She shook her head. “Go home, Jeremy.”
I barked a humorless laugh. “I don’t have a home anymore. All I have left is you.”
Her eyes nervously flashed down to Kurt before she choked out, “What are you talking about?”
I slapped a hand over my heart. “Me. You. We can finally be together.”
She blinked, her whole beautiful face transforming with confusion. “What?”
“Come with me. We’ll go to the mountains and start a life. Leave him and all this other bullshit behind. Let him suffer for a change.”
Dawning hit her eyes. “So he can suffer,” she repeated. “Because you think he put that ammunition in your wall locker?”
I stepped forward. “I don’t fucking think, Mira. I know he did. He found out about us, and he set me up. He’s taken everything from me. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him keep you.”
“Keep me?” she whispered. Pressing her lips together, she stared up at me, her dark-brown eyes filling with tears. “Riddle me this, Jeremy. If today hadn’t happened, would you be standing here right now? Asking me to come with you? Telling Kurt exactly how easily I come? How you’ve fucked me more times than you can count?”
With two long strides, I closed the distance between us. Her body flashed stiff when I curled my hand around the back of her neck. “No, but—”
And then I lost her.
“Then no!” she exploded. “You’ll have to forgive me for not rushing inside to pack my bag with an offer like that.”
“Oh, because his offer is better?” I shot back. “Fancy apartment. Fancy clothes. Fancy car. Forget about the fact that he’s out cheating on you every weekend. You’ve finally found your first-class ticket out of town, huh?”
Her glare became murderous. “That is not fair!”
I swung my arm out to the side, anger radiating through me with every slam of my heart against my ribs. “Then get in my fucking truck, Mira. Show me I’m wrong.”
She barked a laugh, tears rolling from her eyes. “Are you seriously standing there, calling me a gold digger, and then asking me to come with you in order to prove I’m not? Wow.” She shook her head, pausing to use her shoulders to dry her eyes. “Every girl’s dream.”
Guilt corroded my insides. “Mira, baby, I didn’t mean it like that.”
She rolled her shoulders back and lifted her chin high. “I don’t give a fuck how you meant it. You don’t know me as well as you think.” She walked over to Kurt and kneeled beside him. “Goodbye, Jeremy.”
“Mira,” I whispered, my chest constricting until I could barely breathe.
“Leave!” she screamed. Cradling Kurt’s head, she settled on the ground until it was in her lap. “Make your own life. Do something great with it. But stay out of ours.”
“Mir—”
“Go!” she roared, her voice echoing off the surrounding buildings.
My stomach knotted, and I stood there, blinking at her. My heart screamed for me to drag her into my arms and force her to come with me and live the rest of her natural life by my side—where she belonged.
But it was my mind that told me she was right to choose him. I had nothing to offer her. Kurt had made sure of that.
But, damn it, nobody in the world could love her like I would.
It just wasn’t enough.
“Mira,” I pleaded one last time.
She looked up at me, but she didn’t utter a word.
Her silence was the loudest answer of all.
Numb, and not because of the alcohol, I walked back to my truck. My head pounded and my gut churned, but it was the hollow ache in my chest that I knew was going to be permanent that hurt the most.