Chapter Ten
Confusing, contradictory, infuriating woman.
Her moods changed on a whim. She said one thing while feeling exactly the opposite. She wanted him. She wanted him to want her. Yet she only came closer if he maintained distance. As soon as he revealed any true feelings, she turned the tables on him and shut down. He saw through it, of course, but until Audrey dropped her guard and let him in, he would never get the chance to prove he deserved her trust.
It wasn’t just the chemistry between them or the way his throat ached in sympathy when her grief and loneliness swamped her. He felt a sense of duty to prove to her that not all people were bad, that the Synod could be trusted, and that she could belong here among the Zyne if she wanted.
You mean she could belong with you.
Corvin had half a mind to give in to his instincts, to release his desire to claim her with the force of his unleashed passion and empathic powers. She would succumb, at first, because she’d been perceptive about one thing—it would be intense. But afterwards she would be furious at him for getting under her defenses.
None of that matters if you can’t find her.
He’d thought Audrey might just need some time to cool off and would come back on her own. He’d finished his work and re-dressed the eagle’s wounds while Smoke circled the woods around the tower, searching for any sign of his headstrong novice. As night fell, his stomach soured with guilt. He didn’t like how they’d left things. He sent Smoke to search in a bigger radius while he checked if she’d returned to the dormitory. She hadn’t. He searched the kitchen, the practice room, the baths, and the library. None of the other novices had seen her since the first class of the morning, before she’d sought him out and he’d put her to work.
Had he pushed her too far?
It had been his goal to make working with him so toilsome that she would see her classes as a welcome reprieve and stay away. Yet she’d been exceedingly stubborn, taking on whatever task he assigned her like a personal challenge, usually while she talked to him. Talked to him, but without opening up about her past at all. When it came to Audrey, his gifts seemed to hinder more than help. She would pursue him, flirting and joking to lull him into a sense of openness—for her own purposes, no doubt—but whenever he genuinely reached out on an emotional level, she closed herself off.
He often gave himself a headache trying to sort out all of her conflicting feelings, which were almost always in opposition with how she acted. She frustrated, intrigued, and challenged him all at once. Still, they had so many moments of genuine connection. Shared jokes. Even their disagreements were entertaining. Enlivening. Life had rarely been dull with her around.
Not to mention the fantasies. Ever since he’d seen her naked, it had been difficult to think of anything else when he had a moment to himself. He regretted how he’d reacted to her earlier. He’d been surprised and embarrassed, but then she’d dared him, taunted him. A primal part of his brain had taken over. He could not back down. He’d wanted to take her then and there, to dare her to deny the charge between them. To force her to surrender and open up her heart to him.
Only his sense of duty had stopped him. But he’d failed in that duty anyway.
You are the worst mentor in history.
Though he’d given her the ability to do so, he was certain that Audrey would not leave the grounds with her powers bound. Still, he was concerned that she may have crossed paths with an immortal, and in the tumultuous state she’d left in, that was a recipe for disaster. Most of the Kinde guards under Roderic’s command were disciplined and trustworthy, but there was no telling what they would do if provoked. The Hohlwen were another matter entirely. He’d never trusted them. They were opportunistic, with a disregard for the rules and a general disdain for the “puny” mortals they were forced to serve. The Synod’s control of them was tenuous at the best of times.
She’d been gone for hours.
You could be too late.
Which was why he was down to his second-to-last resort before admitting to his mother that he’d lost his novice and needed her to lend her Oracle powers and scry for him.
Roderic had to bow his head when he answered the door to his private chambers, which was built for an average-sized man. When he saw Corvin standing there, his eyebrows shot up. “This is a surprise.”
“I’m sorry to disturb you,” Corvin answered.
“No need to apologize. Come in.” He stepped back and opened the door wider.
“Actually, I was hoping you would come with me. Audrey is missing.”
The moon was high in the sky as Corvin followed Roderic along Audrey’s scent trail from his tower to the side entrance of the fortress and then around to the north. She’d made a complete circle around the perimeter, maybe more than one, since the wolf led him back around again to a small door that opened into a dark, unused cellar on the west side.
What was she up to? Trying to throw them off her scent, or something else?
The sable-haired wolf changed into his human form in a cloud of silver mist, and the battle-hardened warrior Corvin had known his whole life appeared before him. “This is the freshest trail. She’s somewhere in the fortress.”
That was reassuring. She was less likely to get into trouble there than out in the woods alone. “Perhaps we should question the guards. I already checked all the obvious places.”
“No need. I’ll find her.” Roderic conjured a ball of flame to light their way.
Corvin couldn’t help needling him. “This is the biggest workout your nose has had in a while, eh, old man?”
Roderic issued a wolfish snort and set back to his task. “You never said why you gave her the charm.”
“True, I didn’t.”
“I see.” His old friend raised an eyebrow in interest—Wolfkinde were meddlesome by nature and liked gossip almost as much as birds. “Just between the two of you?”
“It’s not like that. Not yet, at least.” There was no point in denying he wanted it to be. The old wolf could probably smell his bottled-up desire. Corvin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “She is difficult to get along with.”
Roderic chuckled. “Did you ever think it might be you who’s difficult to get along with? Your social skills are abhorrent.”
Corvin paused as Roderic continued down the narrow passage before him, turning to smell the air down each intersecting hall. “But I am the one trying to be sensitive to her feelings. She won’t let her guard down.”
“No. You are trying to control the situation.”
Corvin doubled his pace to catch up. “Trust me, she cannot be controlled.”
“Of course not.” His old friend smirked at him, his eyes glowing like golden fire in the dimness. “She’s wild. She has to come on her own.”
He clenched his jaw and exhaled out his nose. “No matter how much I show her she can trust me, she won’t.”
“So you decided to try trusting her first?”
He nodded. “You can see how that worked out.”
Roderic answered with a grunt, then paused and listened intently to something behind them before he continued toward the faint outline of a doorway ahead. “Perhaps you should stop trying so hard.”
Oh, he’d thought of that. He’d avoided her as much as he could, but she’d still found ways to get under his skin. “I don’t really have a choice, do I? Patricia was quite clear on that.”
If he didn’t succeed at bringing Audrey into the fold, his mother would win. His whole way of life would be stripped away. What would he do then? Where would he go? Because he certainly wouldn’t just fall in line with her plans for him. He believed in the Threefold Path and protecting the sanctity of magic and the Legacy, but in his eyes, the Synod often corrupted the very ideals they stood for.
They approached the doorway, which was a stairwell dimly lit from above. Roderic stopped at the bottom of the steps and turned to Corvin. “Just as you don’t like it when your mother makes choices for you, you cannot take Audrey’s choice to trust you away from her. Trust means nothing if it is not given freely and equally. Stop trying to use her feelings against her and listen to your own instead. Remember, your powers give you an unfair advantage. You must open up as well to put you both on an even footing.”
Corvin said nothing as they followed the glowing ball of fire up the spiral staircase toward the main level. He had spent his life surrounded by immortals, and he respected Roderic’s age and wisdom, but he wasn’t sure if he could fully open up to Audrey. Whether she embraced the Legacy or not, a few months from now, she would be gone.
He had rehabilitated many beautiful and wild creatures in his tenure as falconer. He never had to hard of a time releasing them.
It was the way of nature, of his calling, to give what he must, expect nothing in return, and then let go.
This was different. Audrey awakened a longing in him he was not prepared to face. The same longing he felt echoing deep within her. Opening up and allowing someone else into that dark, hollow place would require more strength than he thought he had. Letting her go, after? It could break him. Yet he couldn’t just leave her alone. He was already too attached. Had been since the first moment he saw her, held her. So strong, and yet so fragile. His golden-haired wildcat.
The stairwell led two levels up directly into a broom closet near the kitchen. From there, she’d taken the eastern stairs to the fourth floor, which connected to the outer walls surrounding the fortress and the four main towers via a series of covered bridges.
What the hell was she thinking?
Hohlwen swarmed the rooftops, rafters, and outer walls at night. His heartbeat throbbed painfully in his throat at the thought of where her encounter with one of the hollow ones would lead. They could drain her to death in a few seconds and fly away to deposit her remains somewhere in the middle of the forest. No one would know what had happened. Very few would care. Audrey kept everyone at a distance.
But you would care.
His own mother would probably only chide him for losing his charge and move along as if nothing had happened, without ever realizing that he’d lost someone…important to him. A slow-burning anxiety blossomed in his chest at the thought of how Audrey would react to being suddenly surrounded by Hohlwen. His palm started to sweat where he gripped his staff. The roof of the first bridge was unusually empty, and what he could see of the tower roof was clear. He wished Smoke were there to scout ahead and give him a report. Without his eyes in the sky, it felt like hunting blind. He opened his senses wider, searching for any trace of Audrey’s familiar energy. He sensed nothing.
“No Hohlwen,” Corvin said.
Roderic growled low, nodding at the tower ahead of them. The shadows under the eave had darkened and grown. As they approached the doorway, the shadows coalesced, and a Hohlwen stepped in front of them, barring their way. “State your business.”
Roderic’s eyes glowed brighter as he came almost nose to nose with the other towering immortal. “We’re looking for a girl—one of the new recruits. We know she was here. I smell her.”
The Hohlwen’s cloak floated behind him on an ethereal breeze, melding with the shadows. “The north tower is our territory. Any witch who wanders here unsanctioned is trespassing.”
“If you’ve hurt her—” Corvin lunged forward, but Roderic stiff-armed him and held him back.
“Trespassing or not, novices are off-limits. Give her to us, and no one on the council has to know about this oversight.”
White teeth flashed from the shadows under the Hohlwen’s hood. “She’ll be returned no worse for wear. We’re just having a bit of fun.”
Corvin’s blood flashed hot. A rushing sound filled his ears, and his instincts hot-wired his brain. In a blink, he charged his staff with a stunning spell and slammed it into the guard’s chest. The Hohlwen fell back against the door and slid to the ground.
After staring at him for a moment with his eyebrows raised, Roderic dragged the body to the side. Corvin swung the door open and barreled in with his staff charged and braced to attack.
They emerged onto a narrow ledge along the perimeter of the circular tower. Above them were three more stories of balconies. Pale, diamond-studded faces with glittering dark eyes flashed from the shadows. Two levels below them was a wooden floor lit by gas lanterns burning low, and in the center of the floor was a ring of Hohlwen surrounding Audrey.
She was on her knees, and it took a moment for Corvin to register what was happening. During that time, Roderic stormed in behind him and was immediately flanked by two more Hohlwen. He held one by the throat while he picked up the other and tossed him off the ledge, sending him crashing into the small crowd gathered below.
All of the spectators who had been focused on Audrey turned to look at them, but both Corvin and Roderic had frozen in place, transfixed by the action at the center of the room.
Audrey pointedly ignored them as she tossed a pair of dice against the makeshift backboard of a wooden crate. Collectively, all attention returned to the floor. A series of groans echoed through the room, punctuated by laughter and jeers. Audrey popped to her feet, a wide smile spreading across her face.
“Pay up, suckers!” Her eyes sparkled with triumph as her palm filled with diamonds collected from the immortals surrounding her. She spoke to them with a singsong lilt. “Not you—I’ll take the shades instead. Yeah, those are nice, I like those. Thanks much, gentlemen. Pleasure doing business with you.”
Roderic sidled up to Corvin’s shoulder as he lowered his staff to his side. “That is not what I expected.”
“Me either.” Relief and frustration swirled through him as Audrey saluted them and exited the tower through a door below. There were no stairs to get down to her from inside. He spun on his heel and marched back across the outdoor walkway toward the stairwell at the other end, planning to cut her off.
Roderic’s low chuckle from right behind him caught him by surprise. “I wish you could have seen your face.”
“This is not funny.”
“That’s a matter of perspective.”
“I suppose if you like seeing your friends suffer, it’s hilarious.” That woman was fraying his nerves in every possible way. He wanted to shake some sense into her, crush her to his chest, and kiss her, and then possibly lock her away in his tower and tie her to his bed for days. He’d spent his whole life mastering his emotions, but she had an uncanny knack at stirring him up. At the same time, he was in complete awe.
She was maddening.
“She’s ballsy and quite enterprising. I like her. You need someone to shake you up.”
Corvin had no time to formulate a reply as they emerged into the hallway just a few paces behind Audrey.
She glanced over her shoulder, sighed, and waited for them with her hands tucked in the pocket of her sweatshirt, managing to look annoyed. “Don’t tell me—gambling is against the rules, too? Can’t a girl have any fun in this place?”
“What the hell were you thinking, going there? You could have been killed!”
She scowled at him but didn’t back down. “You said I could go anywhere on the grounds that I wanted. I was just exploring.”
“Didn’t anyone tell you to stay away from the north tower?”
She cocked one eyebrow with a pointed look at him. “Nope. My mentor is a little too busy getting on my case all the time to tell me anything useful.”
Corvin took in a breath to rebut her, but Roderic elbowed him and cleared his throat loudly.
Open up—right.
He took a deep, calming breath and tapped into his own feelings instead of trying to control the situation. He was angry with her but also at himself for not handling things better. And he was afraid at the thought of something happening to her. He sighed, releasing his anger. “I am glad you were not harmed. Stay away from the north tower. Please. While I have your attention, don’t go into the woods alone either. I was worried.”
“Okay.” She sounded put-upon as she shrugged one shoulder. “Can I go now?”
He clenched his fists. He wanted to say no. He wanted to order her to return to the tower. Not just so he would know she was safe. Not just so he could talk to her and make amends for his earlier behavior. He hadn’t realized it, but in just a few weeks, he’d gotten used to Audrey. He would… miss her presence.
She’s wild. She has to come on her own, he reminded himself.
So be it.
“Yes. But meet me at the tower at dawn. We have new training to begin.”