Jeremy
“It’s going to be fine.” Kevin had said the simple statement about five times in the couple of minutes we’d been sitting in the parking lot.
Getting coffee hadn’t taken long enough, and we’d had a few minutes to wait before heading into Dr. Sheppard’s office. I was starting to think I should have made up another errand just to kill time. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to make me feel better, or himself, but his constant need to reaffirm that everything would be okay was just making us both more nervous.
“Yes, because the cop wouldn’t have put the meeting off for days if he was going to arrest me or charge me with anything. It would look really bad.” I stretched my arm out and rested it on the back of Kevin’s head, so I could run my fingers through his hair. “I want you to take a deep breath for me and close your eyes for just a minute.”
He gave a short, tense laugh but listened to me and closed his eyes, taking several long breaths. “I think I’m supposed to be comforting you.”
I could push away my worries; it was Kevin’s that concerned me the most. Or maybe it was just that when I could focus on him, it was easier to ignore the fears that were clawing at the back of my head. Shoving them away wasn’t helping. They just kept coming back.
“How about you distract me then? Talk to me about something to take my mind off things.” Maybe it would give me something else to focus on and him some way to feel like he was helping.
He wiggled his head, so I started caressing his hair again. He smiled and gave me a little sigh. “The summer?”
“Sure.”
“I know we’re heading to Bryan’s house over the fourth, but was there anything else you wanted to do? Go somewhere or do something different?” Kevin reluctantly turned his head and opened one eye.
“How about we find some places to go hiking or canoeing?”
One eyebrow went up, and he looked suspicious. “Outdoors?”
Laughing, I nodded. “Yes.”
“How outdoors? I’m not camping. Not unless it involves that condo we stayed at over Christmas.” The expression on his face made it clear he wasn’t going to be talked into anything crazy.
“We’ll start small. Hiking. Didn’t Maddox say there were some trails not far from the campus? We’ll ask them to go with us, make a day of it.” Kevin was starting to warm up to the idea, because he was nodding, and I could see him start turning it over in his head.
I knew he’d been thinking of something bigger or something more like a real vacation, but I had to keep him away from that idea. Kevin didn’t know it, but I’d already made reservations for later in the summer at a nice hotel down at the beach.
We didn’t exactly have a traditional anniversary date that we could celebrate, so I’d chosen something that was important to me. The one-year anniversary of our first kiss. There were so many firsts I could have picked, and I even thought about picking the night he stripped down in front of me to change his pajamas just to be funny, but I wanted something sweet. I wanted to give him wonderful memories that we would have for a long time.
I’d gotten a good deal, but a beachfront hotel in the summer wasn’t exactly cheap, so there wasn’t a lot of wiggle room in the budget for a second full vacation. I couldn’t exactly tell him that, though, or it would spoil the surprise.
“That sounds good.” Kevin was clearly starting to get into the idea. “And there are some canoes and stuff you can rent from that state park toward Bryan’s house. You know, the one with the big sign about half an hour outside town.”
“That would be fun.” I’d originally started the conversation to distract him, but it was actually beginning to sound like a good plan.
“Am I calm enough now to go in?” Kevin grinned and looked over at the clock on the dashboard. “We’re going to be late if we don’t head in now.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I gave him my best innocent smile and leaned over to kiss him. A quick peck was all we had time for, but when we were done, I would make it up to him. “You’re going to make us late.”
“Suuuure…I’m the one who’s dragging their feet.” Kevin reached out and squeezed my hand. “Let’s get this over with.”
We exited the car with more fake resolve than anything real. We managed to look calm though. I wasn’t sure if that actually counted for anything, but it made me feel better. Walking up to the door, I saw Kevin using the reflection in the glass to look around the parking lot.
Leaning close, I whispered low. “There are no cop cars. I already checked.”
He laughed and gave me an embarrassed smile. “You weren’t supposed to see me look.”
“There’s nothing to worry about, remember?” I tried to sound more convincing than he had in the car.
Kevin nodded, but the expression on his face made it clear he didn’t believe it either. Forced confidence never looked the same as the real thing. I tried to remind us both of the facts that were in our favor. “The cop didn’t seem worried after Dr. Sheppard talked to him, and Dr. Sheppard told us not to worry. The police officer also wouldn’t have waited days to talk to us in person if he was going to arrest me or if he thought you were in danger.”
When Kevin nodded again, it was firmer and more decisive. I was right. I knew I was; it was just hard to keep it in my head. All the things that could go wrong were easier to focus on for some reason. Being the bitch to some guy named Bubba was at the forefront of my mind.
So was being branded a child rapist in prison.
“You’re right. He wouldn’t have put it off. That would look bad in court.” I got another fake smile.
We’d gone through the same lines in every conversation, which was why we’d tried to avoid it. “I’m always right.”
His smile grew into something honest and he squeezed my hand. “I’m not agreeing to that. Come on, we have to be late now.”
As we opened the door and walked down to the therapist’s office, I could feel the tension grow but refused to acknowledge it. We would be fine. Kevin’s little pep talk started again, but before we could go more than one round, we were heading into the office.
The receptionist was on the phone, but she smiled and waved us through, whispering that Dr. Sheppard was expecting us. Bryan was nowhere around, so we just headed toward the door. I wasn’t sure how much longer the cop would be before he arrived, but I hoped we’d have time to talk through a few things with Dr. Sheppard first.
With a quiet, “Thanks,” we went through the door into Dr. Sheppard’s office. “Hello? We were told to—”
I stopped mid-sentence. The cop was already there.
The other man wasn’t in a uniform and didn’t have a badge out, but something about the way he held himself and the way he took over the room screamed cop. Kevin must have thought so too, because his hand was gripping me so tight I was losing feeling in my fingers, and he was beginning to look a little like Bryan right before he’d start to pass out.
I wasn’t sure what to do.
I didn’t want to give us away, but Kevin looked ready to either throw up or faint. Letting go of his hand seemed like a bad idea, even if I could have gotten him to relax his hold, so I moved to stand in front of him, blocking his view.
“Kevin?” He was staring at me but didn’t seem to see me. I lowered my voice, trying to keep the words private, but it was such a small room I knew they might hear. “Baby? I need you to take a deep breath for me.”
Nothing.
It was time to fight dirty. I had to get him to snap out of it or the cop was going to think I was torturing him or something. “The guys will never let you live it down if you pass out like Bryan.”
He blinked.
His eyes started to focus, and he shook his head like he’d been lost in thought. Giving me a reluctant smile, he relaxed his hand enough that I could feel the blood running back to my extremities. “That’s just mean.”
There was no denying that. It was mean, but it’d gotten him to stop panicking so I was fine with that. “You okay?”
“I’m sorry. It was…” He peeked around me like he was making sure the cop was really there. “I was just surprised.”
Dr. Sheppard walked over while we were talking quietly. “Kevin, are you okay? Detective Davison got here earlier than he expected. I’m sorry we surprised you.”
Kevin took a deep breath and tried to look calm and together for the cop. “I’m fine. I apologize for overreacting.”
Dr. Sheppard looked understandingly at Kevin but shook his head. “You did not overreact. You were startled by an unfamiliar situation. It was a perfectly reasonable response given your history and stressors.”
Kevin bit his lip, probably to hold back another apology, and gave Dr. Sheppard a curt nod of his head. Dr. Sheppard gave him a calm smile and then looked over at me. “Would you both like to sit down? I want to introduce you to Detective Avery.”
It felt a little like we were walking toward a cliff or into a cave filled with bats or spiders…hell, something creepy. Dr. Sheppard’s office had never given me those kinds of emotions before, and I had to keep reminding myself that it was all in my head. Nothing was going to happen.
Even I didn’t believe it.
The room was back to its usual layout, and Kevin kept a tight hold on my hand as we walked over to the chairs near Dr. Sheppard’s desk. The detective waited quietly while we moved over and seemed to be trying not to upset us because he stayed still and looked remarkably calm. He was younger looking than he’d sounded on the phone. For some reason, I’d pictured him being older. But he was probably in his late thirties at most, with short dark hair, almost military looking, and wearing a button-down shirt tucked into dark jeans. I’d probably have considered him attractive if he wasn’t the only thing standing between me and jail.
When we couldn’t ignore him any longer, we both kind of nodded at him awkwardly and mumbled unintelligible sounds that tried to pass for greetings. He slowly extended one hand out to me and I reluctantly shook it. He didn’t try to touch Kevin, but he gave him a warm look and nodded. “Nice to meet you both. I’m sorry this is so stressful, but unfortunately, I have a few questions I need to ask you both.”
So far so good, but I wasn’t holding my breath that it would continue. “We um, understand that you got a phone call about us?”
Dr. Sheppard stepped up and pointed to the seats. “Let’s sit down so everyone is more comfortable.”
His gaze was mainly focused on Kevin; he seemed to be afraid that Kevin would pass out. I had to admit, he was starting to look a little pale again. Sitting was probably a good idea. That raised another issue though. Seating arrangements.
The fact that we were still holding hands was obvious, but considering how stressed we were it wasn’t out of the ordinary. Hopefully. Probably. Hell, who was I kidding? We looked like scared lovers. I wasn’t sure there was any way around it.
As we sat, Kevin tried to discreetly scoot his chair closer to mine and both Dr. Sheppard and the cop both looked away, pretending not to see. Neither one of us was willing to let go, so our clasped hands rested on the arms of the chairs.
Yup, nothing out of the ordinary.
The detective cleared his throat and looked at Dr. Sheppard who nodded before turning to us. “I want to start out by telling you that this is not on the record. The department would like to keep this as private as possible considering the nature of the phone call. Provided I’m convinced no one is being injured or coerced,” he paused and gave us a pointed look, which I couldn’t decipher, “then nothing will go on the record.”
It wasn’t making sense.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.” I wasn’t going to sit here like a moron. I wanted to know what was going on. There were procedures for things and thousands of rules and regulations that had to be followed.
He nodded like he understood my confusion was reasonable. “We received a call that made some serious accusations. Normally, the information would have gone to an officer to look into, but my boss realized that something felt off with the caller, so he brought me in.”
Still not getting what the hell was going on.
The cop must have realized that because he kept going. “The person who called used the right words to trigger an investigation, but there were some details that didn’t add up. I can’t give you specifics right now, but the department understands that we have a variety of lifestyles in our community. We do our best to keep the people we serve safe while protecting privacy whenever possible. Many times, I’m called in to review potential cases to see if there is something criminal going on and not just a confused stranger or neighbor who saw something they didn’t understand.”
So this was the cop that got the kinky calls to make sure they were just having fun and nothing was actually going wrong? There really were cops for everything. Traffic cops, school cops, kink cops…the variety seemed to be endless.
“So what do you need to know from us?” I was starting to feel a little defensive. It felt better than being scared, so I was going to run with it.
He started off kind of vague. “Having Dr. Sheppard here makes things easier for me.” The cop glanced over at Dr. Sheppard. “It’s not just my opinion about anything criminal that may be going on, so it’s going to be simpler for me to clear things up.”
He was being too nice. It was making me even more nervous.
“Now, I have not spoken with the doctor about you at all. He has given me no information about your personal situation or lifestyle choices. While most of the caller’s accusations were regarding your relationship preferences, the part that does concern the department are charges that Kevin was being coerced and abused.” Detective Wilson paused, probably to watch our reactions.
I wasn’t sure what to think. We’d expected something like that. She’d threatened to, but I just hadn’t thought she’d actually do it. She knew I wouldn’t hurt him. I wasn’t sure if the cop got what he was looking for or not, but he suddenly started talking again like there hadn’t been a weird pause. “Normally, I would ask to speak with Kevin alone, but I think in this case having you both here will be easier on him.”
How much did the cop know, and how much was he guessing?
“Jeremy has to stay.” Kevin’s voice was firm, and it was the most decisive I’d heard him speak since he walked in the room.
Detective Wilson nodded and gave Kevin and understanding look. “I understand he saved you when you were a child.” Kevin nodded, so the cop kept going. “He makes you feel safer, right?”
Another nod from Kevin had the detective sitting back in his seat. Was he trying to appear casual, or was he really that calm about everything? Before I could figure it out, he started speaking again. “Now I want you to remember that this is not on the record, but I just need to know if you’re safe and if you need any help.”
Kevin nodded and his grip on my hand tightened even more. “I’m fine.”
The cop glanced over at our therapist. “Can Dr. Sheppard talk to me?”
Kevin looked at me and I wasn’t sure what to say. Reluctantly, I had to agree. It was the only way. “Yes, but just to tell you if Kevin’s safe. Nothing about our personal life.”
Yeah, that didn’t sound weird at all. Way to go, genius.
Thankfully, Dr. Sheppard stepped in before I could sound any more like an idiot. “Kevin and Jeremy were referred to me by a colleague who felt that I was better able to help them. I’ve spoken with them about a variety of topics since the beginning of the school year, and I am confident that Kevin is not being coerced, and that he is safe in his current home life. I’m not willing to go into any more detail without their permission, but in my professional opinion, Jeremy is not a danger to Kevin.”
I’d do anything for Kevin. Even walk away if that’s what he’d needed me to do. I’d never hurt him. There was no way to explain that to someone else. They’d never understand how much he meant to me. “I don’t care what anyone else said. I wouldn’t hurt him.”
The detective gave me a long look, but his expression was more like someone who understood what we were going through and less like a cop. Dr. Sheppard said he knew the guy, but I was starting to think we should have asked more questions.
“Sometimes people make choices that others don’t understand. Kevin, I just need to make sure that you are not being abused and that you are not unwillingly in any kind of relationship with Jeremy.” The cop looked down at our hands and then back up to Kevin. He clearly knew about us, but I didn’t get the impression that he was shocked or even that he cared about the taboo nature of our relationship. He was, however, focused on making sure Kevin was safe.
I could appreciate that even though the whole thing had given me ulcers.
Kevin took a shaky breath but didn’t back down. I was so proud of him. This wasn’t anything I could protect him from, but he was doing a wonderful job. Unfortunately, for me, it brought back memories of watching him talk to the police when he was younger. I wasn’t sure if he was having the same flashbacks, but it was probably safe to assume he was.
His hand kept mine glued to his, but he sat up straighter in the chair. “I am not unwilling in anything that we do. I’m not being abused, and nothing is happening against my will. I just wish she could see that. I’m sorry she called you, but my mother already knew nothing was going on. She lied to you.”
He blinked.
“Calls that come into the station are confidential and anonymous without a subpoena, so I can’t say anything else about the identity of the caller.” The words were careful and almost stilted.
Shit.
If she hadn’t been the one to call, who was it?