Becca

 

“Lilly, you can go over there.” I popped a fry into my mouth as I watched her moping over Scarlett. She was eating alone again. It made the third time this week, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. Lilly, on the other hand ...

“Just go over there already. I know you’re dying to.”

She blew out a frustrated breath. “No way. What she did to you, to us, was so wrong. I’m Team Becca all the way.” Lilly nudged me with her elbow, and I said, “I appreciate it, I do, but you don’t have to cut her out for me. It’s cool.”

Lilly glanced back over at Scarlett and her pity party for one. “She just looks so ...”

“Pathetic?”

“Becca,” Lilly scolded, and I took that as my cue to leave. Kicking my legs over the bench, I rose and said, “I’ll catch you later. If you want to go say hi to her, go. She looks like she could use a friend.”

Her wide doe eyes darted back and forth between us, and I knew by the end of the day she’d no longer be just Team Becca. But it was okay. Lilly was Scarlett’s friend first, and although I knew Lilly felt some betrayal over what Scarlett did to me, she would give in eventually.

“Call me later.” Lilly’s parting words floated through the air as I headed inside the main building. I kept my head down and my pace quick as I joined the steady stream of kids moving from the lunchroom to their lockers. Their lockers to the courtyard. A couple of girls snickered as I walked past them, but I didn’t give them the satisfaction of a reaction.

I was done hiding.

I’d given myself the rest of the week. Three and a half days of wallowing—although Mom thought I was sick—and two days of mentally psyching myself up to return to Credence High as if nothing had happened.

But it had.

No amount of pretending in the world could erase the memory of walking into the school to find my face plastered on lockers and walls. The whispers, the stares—my biggest secret laid bare for all my classmates to see. Well, except that secret. No one knew that, not even the person who had pinned the photo of me and Kane to the back of my locker. The look of satisfaction on Kendall’s face as she watched me flee from school was imprinted on my mind. And although she’d outed me and my privileged past to our entire school, she still didn’t know the truth. She couldn’t, so even though things seemed crappy now, I knew they could be a lot worse. Besides, since that day, she hadn’t so much as looked in my direction. No smug glances and no snide comments as we passed in the hallway.

Nothing.

She’d crushed any hopes of me having a normal life at Credence High, and now she had moved on. Good for her. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t see the person step out of the men’s bathroom until it was too late. My foot landed on a dark scuffed boot, and when I looked up, my gaze settled on a face I wanted to forget.

“Becca.” Evan rubbed the back of his neck, looking all kinds of awkward.

“I’m not doing this,” I said flatly and immediately changed my direction to move around him, but he caught my arm.

“Please, just give me a chance to explain.”

My eyes traveled over his face. The guilt shone in his eyes, swirling with regret and something else I refused to acknowledge. Because, for as much as the expression on his face was somber, it was still the face of a liar.

“Goodbye, Evan.” I barged past him and kept walking. Because if I stopped, if I gave myself time to think about things, I would break.

And this time, I would shatter beyond repair.

~

“Becca, sweetie, is that you?”

I rolled my eyes. Of course, it was me. Who else was she expecting?

“I’ll be in my room.” I swung right, but my foot hadn’t even hit the first step when Mom appeared in the hallway. “I made dinner. I thought we could eat together?”

“I’m not hungry.” I grabbed the handrail, but her heavy sigh made me pause.

“I know you’re upset, but he’s sorry. Your father was only trying to protect you. He knows it wasn’t the right thing—”

“Stop, just stop.” I inhaled a deep breath, and my eyelids fluttered. “Dad should have told me. He lied, Mom. He lied to us both. You might be able to let that fly, but I can’t.”

“Becca.” Her voice cracked, but it didn’t work. I didn’t feel bad for Dad; I couldn’t. He’d known. All this time, he’d known that Kane Larson was lying awake in the hospital.

He had tried to reassure me that nothing had changed even though Kane was awake and showing no signs of permanent damage. That the deal Kane’s father had accepted—a hefty payout with all medical expenses taken care of in exchange for their silence—still stood. It didn’t reassure me, at all, and we’d argued when I realized that Dad only had one way of getting that information—talking directly to Robbie Larson. Mom had intervened at that point, insisting we were safe. Insisting that I was safe. Kane Larson wasn’t going to talk, and Credence was hundreds of miles away from Montecito. But what they didn’t realize was that my past had caught up with me. Although Kendall didn’t know the whole truth, she’d uncovered enough about my past to make it impossible to forget. And even though I knew Mom and Dad just wanted to keep me safe, they had no idea what it was like for me now.

Moving from Montecito to a place like Credence had been hard enough. A new school, new friends, even a new image. Throw in a mean girl whose life mission was to make my life hell and friends who weren’t ever really my friends, and the next eight months were going to suck.

I left Mom standing there and went up to my room, where I busied myself with schoolwork. Halfway through a math problem, I heard my cell phone vibrate, and my hand reached out to grab it. But I hesitated as my fingers hovered over the screen. Scarlett stopped texting days ago, but Evan still sent at least one a day. I really needed to tell him to stop, but it would mean engaging him in conversation, and I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. He’d betrayed me in the worst kind of way; sleeping with me when all along I was just some charity case.

 

I’m sorry. E x

 

Anger pulsed through me. Didn’t he realize sorry wasn’t going to cut it? Before I could stop myself, I’d typed out a reply and hit send.

 

Stop. Texting. Me.

 

It pinged back.

 

I can’t. Not until you give me a chance to explain.

 

You had your chance.

 

And you didn’t take it. I threw the cell phone down on the bed and followed it down, face first. Curling my arm underneath my pillow, I hugged it closer. I would not cry. Not anymore. He didn’t deserve my tears, and Kendall O’Hare certainly didn’t. They could both go to hell. All I had to do was get through each day. I still had Lilly and Jay, Malachi, and even Vin. They were in my corner. People only had power over you if you let them have it. I knew that. I’d lived it. And I didn’t intend to live it again. I couldn’t change the past, but I could change my future.

~

“I bet she tastes good. Like that expensive shit my mom buys.”

I glanced back into my hair, careful not to make eye contact. If I acknowledged them, it would only get worse, but something burned in me. They didn’t know me; they didn’t know a damn thing about me.

“I heard she gave it up to Porter, but I’m guessing she was a shit fuck since he dumped her.”

“Not what I heard, man. I heard she dropped him. Prissy rich girls like her don’t end up with guys like Porter. Now me, on the other hand—”

“Dude, you work at the dime store on the weekend.”

“Fuck you; at least I’m earning.”

The low rumble of their argument bristled against my skin, and I gripped the edge of the desk.

“Gentlemen,” the teacher said, glaring in our direction. “Textbooks open, please.”

They grumbled, and I heard the telltale rustle of pages turning. “I wonder if she has a golden pussy.”

My head whipped around, and I narrowed my eyes. “Why don’t you just ask her?” I snapped, causing Question Guy’s jaw to drop open while his friend clutched his stomach in amusement.

“I … hmm, I …”

“Didn’t think so.” I tilted my head as I became aware that the whole class now focused in our direction.

“Miss Torrence, is there a problem?”

“Ask limp dick,” I said flatly. Someone gasped, and a couple of people snickered.

“Principal’s office now.” His face flamed a crimson that made him look ready to explode.

“Fine.” I slammed my textbook shut. Hoisting my bag off the floor, I headed for the door, slamming that too.

Okay, so maybe calling him a limp dick wasn’t my best move, but I was so sick of people talking about me like I wasn’t there. If it wasn’t in class, it was in the hallways or in the lunch line. I’d only been back three days, and if I had a dime for every time I heard my name in a sentence, I could have put myself through college.

I dropped into one of the seats outside Principal Garraway’s office and folded my arms over my chest. The secretary glanced over her glasses at me, judging. She made me wait for five minutes before she announced, “In you go.”

“Thank you.” I smiled sweetly and knocked before entering.

“Ahh, Miss Torrence, do come in.” She motioned to the empty seat, and I sat down. “What can I do for you?”

“Mr. Simons sent me.”

“Was there a problem in history?”

“Nope.”

“So he sent you to my office for no reason?” Her eyes creased with frustration, and I couldn’t blame her. I was being awkward.

I smashed my lips together and held her gaze. She sighed heavily, pressing her palms to the desk. “Look, Becca, if something is going on—something you want to discuss—that’s what I’m here for. I’m here to help.”

Oh, really, I wanted to say. When I’d returned to Credence on Monday, the events of that day had been brushed under the carpet in the eyes of the faculty. It was all kids were talking about, but not one teacher asked me about it.

Not. One.

“I know Credence must be very different from your old school, but it’s a good school. Keep your head down, study hard, and you’ll go far.”

I guess it was easier to turn a blind eye to what was really going on in the classrooms and hallways than to tackle the issues. Scarlett and Lilly told me as much when they explained how the school didn’t intervene in Kendall’s vendetta against Ami. Maybe Principal Garraway feared the O’Hares, or maybe she just didn’t care, but I knew better than to come clean to her.

When she realized I wasn’t going to cooperate, she said, “Fine. I’ll speak to Mr. Simons. I’m sure detention Friday will suffice.”

“Friday, got it.” I grabbed my bag and left without so much as another word. I couldn’t trust her or Mr. Simons or any of the teachers in this godforsaken place. Kendall and her minions were untouchable, and I just hoped she was done with me.

Even if a little voice inside me knew better.