CHAPTER 17
Scarlet
I stared across the table at Tobias, trying to make sense of the varying emotions I saw darting across his face until he grew perfectly still, as if my words had frozen him. It was almost like he had turned into a statue; I could hardly even tell if he was breathing.
Well this was going about as well as I expected.
“Tobias?” I said, leaning forward. But he seemed to have suddenly grown just as deaf as he was motionless. He didn’t even so much as blink, his gray eyes wide open but unseeing.
My heart pounded in my chest, wondering if I had made a terrible mistake in coming here to tell him this kind of news. But what other choice did I have? The babies growing inside me were just as much his as they were mine. If things had been reversed, I would have wanted the mother of my children to have the decency to deliver this kind of news to me face-to-face. It just wasn’t the kind of thing that should be said through a text message or even over a phone call, as far as I was concerned. But now that I was seeing Tobias’s reaction firsthand, I worried that a more non-personal way of relaying the news would have been better after all. It would have at least spared me from having to witness how startled he was about becoming a father.
Four months ago, after our passionate two-night fling, it hadn’t taken long for me to realize something was wrong. My period had always been like clockwork, so when I was more than three days late, I knew. Shortly thereafter, the morning sickness had started, confirming my suspicions. And then then pregnancy tests put the final nail in the coffin.
While I had accepted that I was pregnant, it took me considerably longer to accept it when I found out that I was having twins. A baby changed everything. But two? It was still hard to wrap my mind around at times.
Granted, the whole time, I’d gone through my share of denial, wondering how I could have possibly let this happen. I’d thought Tobias and I had been careful, but apparently, not careful enough. There was no denying that in the heat of passion, maybe some unwise choices had been made. All in the name of fun, we had both been reckless and now we were here. Being pregnant with twins made it feel like I was being held responsible for both nights I’d shared with Tobias those months ago.
After learning that I was pregnant, the shame had hit me quick and fast. I had been perfectly willing to let my friends continue believing I’d just briefly entertained a fling with my high school sweetheart, but now that I was pregnant, I was going to have to explain the truth to them at some point. My body’s timer was ticking and I was going to have to come clean before my expanding body told on me instead, making things more awkward than they already were. Then again, it wasn’t like I didn’t sometimes have an unfortunate habit of making things worse for myself.
I just hadn’t been able help worrying what my friends and family would think of me when I finally did come clean, especially after four months of me pretending like nothing was wrong. I knew it was technically too late to have those kind of reservations though. The deeds I’d done couldn’t be erased or reversed.
It had been a hard decision, but I figured the first person who had the right to know about the pregnancy was Tobias since he was the second parent in the equation. But I quickly grew cold feet and ended up telling Mila first instead. After hearing the whole story, she had been just as shocked as I’d expected her to be, but in the end, she’d been surprisingly understanding and even promised not to tell the rest of our friends.
“I would never do that to you,” she had said. “It’s up to you to tell them when you’re ready. But you do have to at least tell him. He deserves to know.”
While I hadn’t known what to expect when he found out the news, it certainly hadn’t been for him to freeze entirely.
“Tobias, please say something,” I pleaded, fighting back the tears threatening to form in my eyes. “This is hard enough on me already.”
Yet, he still acted as if he couldn’t hear me.
After what seemed like an eternity, Tobias finally showed signs of life. A whoosh of breath escaped from between his lips and he leaned all the way back in his chair. His neck seemed to momentarily give out on him, leaving him staring in disbelief at the ceiling. “Scarlet,” he said, eventually lowering his gaze and looking at me. He shook his head and wordlessly opened and closed his mouth for an instant before sputtering out, “I…I…I don’t know what to say…”
I swallowed, not liking his tone. Not liking his speechlessness. Not liking the way he was making me feel…
Under the table, I balled my hands into fists to keep them from trembling.
He cleared his throat and leaned forward, his eyebrows raised so high that they nearly disappeared into his hairline. “Are you sure?”
I clenched my fists even tighter, my fingernails digging into my palms as I willed myself to not get offended by the question. “Yes, I’m sure,” I said, my voice clipped and harsh.
Tobias flinched. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I know you’re probably…I mean, if you haven’t been with anyone else…I…And…it’s been confirmed…twins?” His voice faltered and he shook his head again. He anxiously ran a hand through his thick dark hair and swore several times in a row. “How long have you known? And how far along are you?”
“I’m four months. Right on schedule with the last time I saw you.”
Tobias nodded absentmindedly. And then, to my frustration, he appeared to relapse back into another state of shock, sitting motionless while his eyes clouded over, his thoughts clearly far away.
I didn’t know how much longer I could stand waiting for him to come back to Earth. “Are you going to say anything else?” I demanded, my patience growing thin. “I mean, are you…happy? Upset? What’s going on in your head right now?”
He blinked at me, but couldn’t seem to give an answer. More than likely, he didn’t know the answer.
“Excuse me,” I said standing.
“Wait. Scarlet! Scarlet, where’re you going?” he asked, finally capable of speech once more.
“I have to the ladies’ room,” I muttered over my shoulder. “My bladder isn’t what it used to be these days, you know.” I stormed away from the table, catching the eyes of several neighboring diners. One older couple in particular openly stared at us, riveted by our drama.
I entered the ladies’ room, where a mother was helping her daughter wash her hands. Feeling a sob threatening to leave my mouth, I bit my bottom lip, holding it in. The mother and daughter glanced at me and smiled on their way out. I did my best to hold it together, nodding and smiling at them in return before locking myself into a stall and trying to simply catch my breath.
Tugging at the roll of toilet paper, I tore off some and gently wiped my eyes. In that moment, I realized I couldn’t return to the table with Tobias. I couldn’t take being around him anymore. I simply couldn’t handle it. He was clearly shaken up, and his anxiety was too much for me. Maybe it was my maternal instinct already kicking in, but I felt that anything that was too much for me certainly couldn’t be good for the babies. If there was ever a time for me to avoid stress as much as possible, it was now.
Besides, as the one whose body was going through all the changes, my attitude could be blamed on hormones. If I didn’t want to stick around for what had quickly become a stressful situation, I felt I was perfectly at liberty to leave.
Deciding that I might as well relieve my bladder, I used the toilet, washed my hands, and then pulled my phone from my purse to call for an Uber driver. I knew on some level I was being childish to leave Tobias so abruptly after delivering such monumental news, but I just couldn’t handle sticking around for the aftermath anymore. I understood that I had been naïve to think he would have been happy to find out that a random woman he’d had a two-night stand with had popped up pregnant by him, with twins, no less. Although I didn’t know him well either, I could tell that he was a decent man who would have never wanted or anticipated starting a family under such dishonorable conditions. But hell, neither had I! So, the least Tobias could have done was show me that he was willing to be supportive.
I wonder if he thinks I intentionally got pregnant because I knew that he clearly was well off?
I suddenly felt nauseous, and my pregnancy had nothing to do with it.
Knowing a considerable amount of time had gone by, I left the restroom and peeked out into the restaurant, looking in Tobias’s direction. He was still sitting at the table right where I’d left him. His head rested in his hands and his eyes were closed.
I hurried across the restaurant, heading straight to the door, and he was none the wiser.
When I stepped outside, my Uber was already waiting for me.