Walking in the front door of my house, Ava nearly jumps into my arms.

“That was quick. How is she?”

I honestly have no words for what just happened. I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around the last twenty-four hours and everything Jess is experiencing. I’m so confused, she’s pushing me away one minute, then pulling me back in the next, then pushing me away again. I shrug at Ava as I watch the confusion settle in on her face.

“I don’t know. I honest to God, just don’t know,” I mutter, feeling the back of my throat tighten.

My worst fears settle in, I’m afraid I’ve lost the girl that I’ve always known, the sweet, innocent girl I’ve fallen in love with. She’s emotionally broken; a shell of the Jess I knew. Mom and Dad walk into the living room where I’m standing with Ava. Mom pulls me into a tight embrace, holding me just like she used to do when I was young. It’s amazing that a mother’s embrace can still have the same affect when you’re an adult.

“Mijo, how is she?” Mom whispers to me as she continues to hug me.

She only calls me Mijo when she’s concerned. Shrugging my shoulders, Dad moves in on our hug and wraps himself around both mom and me. I allow myself to cry again, not for me but for Jess. For that broken spirit I just left crying in her bathroom, for everything that has happened to her and everything I couldn’t do to protect her.

Pulling myself together and wiping the stray tears off of my face, Mom gently tugs my hand and leads me to the couch. I throw myself down, sinking into the soft leather couch and stretching my legs on the coffee table. Ava quietly sits down next to me and leans her head on my shoulder.

It’s so quiet in here. None of us know what to say or what to do, so we sit silently, deep in thought. I realize that in some instances there are no words to be spoken. The mere presence and support of your family is all the comfort and love that you need.

Finally breaking the silence, I explain every detail of what happened, as best we know it. Mom sits and cries as does Ava, who is holding my hand. Everyone just sits and listens to me talk and cry.

“Jessica has been through a very traumatic physical and emotional experience,” Dad says, shifting in his seat. He knows that anything he says to me will not truly bring me peace, but he tries.

“She needs time. She is going to be erratic with her emotions, you have to accept that and be patient.”

Nodding my head in agreement, I know this, but I want her better. I want my Jess back. Standing up from the couch, I head to my room to try to sleep, when all I want to do is be lying in bed, curled up next to her, breathing in the smell of her coconut scented skin. I think of her lying in her bed all alone, wondering if she’s afraid, what she’s thinking, and if she’s missing me as much as I miss her.

Looking out my bedroom window, I can see the front of her house, including her bedroom window, which is dark. Chief’s pick-up truck is in the driveway, and the porch light is on. I consider going back over there to try to talk to her and explain myself better, but I talk myself out of it. ‘She needs time,’ I hear my dad saying. Lying back down, I close my eyes and try to let sleep come to me. I’m beyond exhausted.

I wake up to the sun peeking through my blinds, and it startles me. I am almost always awake before the sun is out. Rolling over quickly, I look at my alarm clock and it reads ten-thirty. Jumping out of bed, I get myself together quickly and am easily ready in fifteen minutes. My stomach is in knots, and I just want to get to her house. Throwing on jeans and a t-shirt, I run down the stairs, leaving without speaking to anyone. I could hear Mom, Dad, and Ava in the kitchen, but I’m too nervous to talk to anyone. I need to see Jess.

The walk across the street is almost unbearable. Chief’s truck is gone, and I hope that she is home. He most likely is back to work already.

“Bastard,” I say under my breath as I knock on the door.

I can hear the lock click, and the door slowly opens but only halfway. Jess is standing there in a black tank top and a pair of black underwear. Her swollen bloodshot eyes bring out the bright green color of her irises. Even swollen, bruised, and crying, she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Taking a deep breath, I collect my wits and gather my strength.

“Can I come in?” I ask quietly.

She opens the door all the way, and steps back, allowing me in. I walk into her living room and she closes the door. Taking a seat on her couch, she drapes a large cream blanket over her long bare legs.

“Can I sit down next to you?” I ask, careful to ask her for permission. Jess still hasn’t said anything to me, she just watches me with those cautious, swollen eyes.

“Yes,” she finally says.

I move next to her and sit down, reaching out to push her long hair back off of her shoulder. She flinches when my fingers brush the top of her shoulder, and I pull my hand back immediately. The thought of my touch hurting her, or upsetting her, sends bile to my mouth.

“Um, Jess…” I say, pausing when she pulls her eyes from mine and looks at her hands that are folded in her lap. “There are a million things I want to say to you and to tell you…” She still won’t look at me. Fuck. “I love you. I have always loved you...”

“Stop. I need you to listen to me for a minute before you say anything else.” Jess says, interrupting me mid-sentence.

Giant tears roll down her face. I reach out slowly, pausing for her permission to wipe them off of her cheeks, and she pulls back from me again. What the fuck?

“I need you to let me go,” she says.

My stomach clenches and my heart is racing. I feel like I might vomit.

“Two days ago changed who I am and who I will be forever.”

I can’t even listen to this.

“Are you breaking up with me?” I ask angrily. I’m not angry; I’m hurt. Before I even let her answer, I continue, “You are not leaving me, Jessica. You do not get to throw us away because of what happened to you.”

She raises both of her hands to cover her face. The tears are leaking out from underneath her hands, running down her arms, and her entire body is shaking.

“I love you. But please stop pushing me away. We will work through this together.”

She shakes her head no, never letting her hands leave her face. She gasps for breaths in between her sobs. My body is shaking from my emotions that are fluctuating between sadness and anger. Why is she pushing me away?

“Is that what you really want? You want me to let you go? Say it again. Mean it.” Her face is still buried in her hands, and her entire body is trembling.

“Tell me right now that you really want me gone, for good, and I’ll leave you alone. Is that what you want?” Dropping her hands from her face, they fall into her lap almost lifeless.

“Look at me,” I whisper. She raises her head slowly, looking directly at me. “Do you really want me to leave you?” I take one of my hands and slowly reach it out to touch hers. She doesn’t pull back from my reach this time. I tighten my hand around hers, squeezing it lightly, and she squeezes mine back gently.

“I need you to leave,” she chokes out, pushing my hand away. My heart stops in this moment. I swear to God, the world stopped moving. I gather what little strength I have, and on wobbly legs, stand up.

“If that’s what you want, Jess, I’ll go.”

She drops her head forward and wraps her arms tightly around her waist. Her body is limp as she quietly nods her head yes at me. I don’t know how my legs carry me to the front door, but they do. Reaching for the handle, I pause, turning back to look at her. Opening the door slowly, I step onto the front porch.

I offer up the few words I have left in me. “I will love you forever. Forever. Don’t you ever forget that.” I summon the energy to slowly shut the door on everything I have ever loved and walk away to the sounds of her loud sobs inside the house behind me.