CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Afterward, Marie thought, well, we’re out of practice. Just because her heroines always enjoyed incredible, intuitive sex with orgasms flying around like tossed popcorn didn’t mean it was always roses in real life.
Although it had been amazing at first. Like being a teenager again, when sex was the most forbidden and exciting thing in the world. When it was all you could think about, and when you were finished, you couldn’t wait to do it again. She and Joe had been like that way back when—curious, insatiable.
This time, they both had some years under their belt. They certainly weren’t kids anymore. And they both had their own condoms and, in Joe’s case, a truly amazing selection of lubricants.
And then it had taken forever for him to finish. Argh, whiskey, you’ve betrayed me once again. It had been ten minutes of non-objectionable friction, which left her vaguely unsatisfied. So, not exactly fireworks. But that was all right. They had years to get it right. Hell, they had the rest of the day to get it right. What mattered was, Joe had finally realized they were meant to be together, it was fate, destiny, it was...
“This was a terrible mistake.”
“What?”
“I am so sorry.”
“What?”
“You must be so pissed at me.”
“I’m starting to be.”
“I know, I know. I don’t blame you.” He sat up and looked at her, shaking his head. “Like things weren’t bad enough. Then we had to go screw up a perfectly good friendship. No pun intended.”
“Joe, this just makes our friendship better. I love you and you love—”
“Stop trying to make me feel better! The last time you did that I took advantage of the best friend I’ve ever had. It was stupid, stupid.”
“I thought it was okay. No bells and whistles, but...we’re a little out of practice.”
“A lot out of practice.”
“Well. Let’s get back into practice. Try not to call out another man’s name this time.”
“You’re joking, right?”
She said nothing.
“Are you insane? I’m gay, Marie.”
“I’ve heard the rumors.”
“Last night didn’t change that. Nothing will change that. See, this is what I mean—all I’ve done is make things worse and add to the general confusion.”
“Don’t you have any feelings for me at all?”
“Have any—I love you, idiot! You’re my best friend. But we’re not going to be lovers.”
“Again.”
“What?”
“We’re not going to be lovers again.”
“Right. You got it. We’re not.”
“I can’t think why not.”
“God, I’m so sorry. I’d give anything to go back in time and un-do last night. I’d be on board with retroactive sex.”
That did it. Bad enough he was denying her, denying them . But then to wish what had given her happiness—well, a general feeling of well-being and vague sexual dissatisfaction—had never happened...
“Well, I wouldn’t un-do it! I thought it was wonderful. You’re talking like I poured hot water on your gonads.”
“You’re great in bed, Marie, but I prefer my partners with a little less estrogen.”
Everything inside her froze. Before, she had been so happy. Now, five minutes later, she had never been so humiliated.
“You son of a bitch.”
“That’s the spirit.” He started to leave the room, then stopped and whirled like an angry (naked) cat. “Goddammit, Marie! Why isn’t my friendship enough for you? It’s never been good enough. You’ve always wanted more—always. To be published. Then to be published again. Willingly signing contracts and then constantly bitching about the terms even as you cashed the checks. Then more respect, more time to write what you want to write, more of me. And none of it was ever enough for you. Not once, not once.”
Stunned, she sat there as he pulled on his clothes with fast, furious motions. He strode to the door, yanked it open, paused, and turned for one last shot.
“And you know what? I knew you could never be satisfied, but I loved you anyway. And what I could give you, I did. But you took everything and it wasn’t enough. That’s like spitting on fifteen years of friendship. I love you more than anyone...and it’s never been good enough for you. And after today, I see it won’t ever be good enough. So go spit on somebody else for the next decade.”
The wall shook when he slammed the door on the way out. When she was sure he wasn’t coming back, she lowered her head to her knees and cried.