Elijah followed Noah out the back door off of the kitchen. He noticed Maria had brought in the wine glasses from last night and covered the hot tub, which he was grateful for. Elise had just been informing him that she would wait for guests at the front door and escort them to their various rooms to rest and refresh before the opening greeting, so he had time to take a short walk with Noah. He decided to walk out to the barrel room, where all of the massive commercial barrels sat, aging and ready to be shipped. They had just entered the barn when Noah stopped and turned around.

“I want to tell you something. I haven’t been entirely honest with you, and the thing is, it hasn’t felt right. Before you hear it from someone else, I thought I should come clean.”

Elijah felt his stomach drop. After he had opened up a little and shared himself with Noah in a way he hadn’t with anyone, he had worried about this. “What is it?” He let his hand rise to the logo of Lascivious Libations, and he traced the swirls on the logo.

“Please look at me, Elijah. I want you to know that, despite the whirlwind that this past night has been, I just feel connected to you somehow. Does this make sense? I can’t explain it, and I know it’s crazy, but I want you to know that.”

“Okay, please just tell me.” Elijah looked at Noah, and he could see the earnest look on his face. The man looked distraught, like what he was about to say was going to cause a rift that wasn’t amendable in the next few moments.

“I knew who you were last night when I arrived.”

Elijah felt the shock register in his mind and take over. He had lied to him? Why? After everything Elijah had divulged to him. After telling him that he needed to find someone he could trust and open up to, why would he lie to him? Elijah wanted to turn around and run out the door, and at the same time, he wanted to demand an explanation. Noah seemed to sense this reaction, because he held out his hand.

“Please let me explain. I knew who you were but only because of media and public imagery. I didn’t come here to try to make a deal and invest in anything or mess with what you built. I saw you on a TV interview on a food show, and you were talking about your brand and I just—your whole face lit up, and I had to meet you. I know that’s crazy, but your smile on the show, it just—you took my breath away. So, I friended you on social media in hopes that my pages would pique your interest, and you might talk to me. When you didn’t, I wondered if maybe you had an assistant who manages those channels. Then I got the invite to come to the retreat, and I decided to take a chance and come early and feign ignorance about knowing who you were and mixing up the dates.”

Elijah couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had come to him because he had his one moment of celebrity shine? He had come to him and built their date on a lie, knowing everything he had told him last night about how he built his business but letting him prattle on nervously anyway. Elijah couldn’t understand the hurt that he was feeling. What did he care if Noah had tricked him. This weekend was about meeting lots of people. He didn’t have to be the only person Elijah showed an interest in. He just couldn’t understand why he felt betrayed right now. He had only known Noah for less than a day. He should have listened to himself when that nagging little voice told him to be careful with this. Elijah wanted to run away, and he turned to do so, but Noah put his hand out to shut the door.

“Please, Elijah. I wanted to tell you so we wouldn’t base last night off of a lie. Please, forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I really didn’t. I…I think I’m falling for you.”

Elijah’s eyes widened as he turned to look at Noah. He had intended to holler at him to let him out, and if that didn’t work, he was going to start shouting for Elise, Ray, or Liam. What he saw in Noah’s eyes was fear. He realized he was afraid of what he had just said.

“Noah, what happened to you? What was so horrible in your past that you thought that lying to me was the best way to meet me? You could have just said you saw me on TV. I know people tell little white lies all the time, but there must be some reason you acted like this. Explain it to me, please. I don’t want to believe you are that kind of person, but I just can’t understand why you would have done something like this.”

“Explain, um, okay. I’ll try. I don’t want to lose you. Gosh, what am I saying? It’s been all of two seconds, and I already feel like you’re mine. I know that sounds crazy. Okay, I told you about the breakup, the really bad one, right?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“That man, his name was Ralph Emerson. I mean, I know his name isn’t important. The thing is, Ralph and I dated in college. He was my first everything. First boyfriend, first love”

“First loss?”

“Yeah. Ralph wanted kids in the worst way, and I am just the kind of man that doesn’t want kids. I never have. I’ve taken more flack for it my entire life in addition to my sexual identity, but this seems to be worse. People seem to think that men who don’t want kids are to be abhorred. It isn’t that I don’t like kids. I just always viewed myself as successfully being someone’s rich uncle.”

That earned Noah a small smile despite himself. He could definitely see Noah as being the eccentric uncle to show up to family functions and spoil the kids rotten, then go home on the grumbles of the parents.

“People don’t understand. They think I’m some kind of snob or something because of it. I do like children. I just don’t want any of my own. I like my lifestyle. Does this make sense?”

“Yes, and to be honest, I’ve never given kids much thought either, not with the way my family is. I don’t want to turn out like them, you know?”

“I can understand that, although if you decided you wanted them, I would understand. You would make a great dad because, just look at your dedication to building this vineyard and caring for the vineyard. It shows dedication and love, and I think those are the qualities any good dad should have.”

Elijah recognized the effort it must have taken for him to say that. Noah was giving him an out from this conversation right then and there, but Elijah wanted to hear what he had to say.

“Thanks, but the vineyard and the farm are my babies. Maybe I’ll get a dog someday, but otherwise, I’m good. So, Ralph?” It took Noah a moment to process the segue, and then he tried to hide the smile. Elijah noticed it and returned it to encourage him.

“Uh, yeah. Ralph. He wanted kids, and he wanted me to cave and agree to a surrogate mother. I refused, and things didn’t end well. I had a carefully crafted future for us. We were going to travel the world together, and I was going to show him things he had never seen before. There was no need for him to work unless he wanted to. I make enough that money has never been an issue. I wanted to give him the world, and he was content to stay in this corner of it and raise children to bring into it someday. It crushed me. All of my planning, my hopes and dreams. I was a fool when I didn’t see that he thought I would cave, and also that I didn’t recognize that kids were a hard line for him. We bumbled along through college, never talking about the cloud hanging over us in the room, and then when graduation came, it kind of forced us to face the issue.”

“I can imagine how that went,” Elijah murmured. He wanted to give Noah a hug, but he stopped himself. He needed to understand how this applied to the fact that he had lied.

“He went his separate way, and I was devastated. I think he found someone to spend his life with. I guess he has two kids, but the man he was married to turned out to be scum. I, on the other hand, dove into the investment business with full force. I made the money I wanted and crafted the contracts and won the negotiations, but life still felt empty. I would go home at night, and it was horrible.

“I started bringing home men for one-night stands and thought they could fill the void. I never let myself deal with the fact that he was gone. I knew he was, but I never grieved the loss of the relationship. I just made it worse with hollow liaisons. I was safe, mind you. There is nothing to worry about there. Anyway, I was alone one night. My usual hookups were all busy, and I had to face the evening alone. I turned on the TV and thought, like every other American, I could just get lost in the mindlessness of television. And as I was channel surfing, there you were.”

Elijah was chewing his bottom lip. He felt like the big reveal was coming soon, and he was the center of it. It made him feel special and loved, but it had the shadow of something looming over it, threatening to knock the dream down.

“That smile. When you spoke, I was riveted. I DVR’d the show so I could watch it over and over. I know that sounds so strange.”

“You mean creepy?” He hadn’t meant to blurt it, and he regretted it the instant he said it. The hurt on Noah’s face was unconcealable.

“Yes, you could say that, but despite my actions, please believe me when I say, I would never hurt you. Ever.”

“Okay, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Please go on.”

“Okay, thank you. It’s just, I sat there, and I felt alive again. It’s so hard to explain. The way you spoke and how in love with this vineyard you were—I wanted that to be directed at me. I wanted you to notice me too. And then I thought, why would anyone in their right mind take a look at me, the player, and say, that’s who I want to date? But I had to meet you, just to see if we hit it off. I desperately wanted you to like me, despite my past. So I worked on friending you on social media and waited to see if you would make the next move. Then I got the invitation for this weekend, and I thought about how to introduce myself. I knew there would be people here that I know, maybe even some I have been with. I knew that they would talk, and you might hear it. I wanted to come to you, just as myself, and let you decide and not let my reputation decide for me. I know it was wrong. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I really didn’t. I just—I wanted you to smile at me like that.”

Noah fell silent and shoved his hands in his pockets. Elijah wasn’t sure what to make of it all. Before him stood a man who had been rejected for his dreams and goals in life. He had been shunned by the one man he thought he could share it all with, because that man’s vision had been different. Neither man was right or wrong, they just were. But Elijah could feel for Noah. He understood the pain of that rejection. He had faced it at the hands of his own family and chosen to walk away. He knew how much it hurt, because he still carried that pain with him every day. He was no different from Noah. If faced with having to introduce Noah to his own family, he might have done something similar. He had no intention of introducing anyone he decided to date to his family, though. Wasn’t that a lie in itself?

Elijah began pacing around Noah in a circle. Like Noah, he had thrown himself into creating the lifestyle he wanted, and he had forgotten the part of himself that made him human to others. He had purposefully distanced himself from everyone, and the only difference was, Noah had been so alone, trapped inside himself, even though he was still surrounded by bodies.

On the other hand, the deception was hard to see past. Elijah knew Noah was experienced with men. He didn’t want or need to know how many. He did believe him that he had been safe and careful. There was no reason not to be. He understood now why Noah had refused to have him, fully, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Was he a guinea pig? The test subject? He didn’t want to be that for Noah, just to prove to himself that he could meet and make connections with someone and not sleep with them. He wanted Noah in a way that he couldn’t understand. It didn’t seem fair to him that he should be denied what he wanted because it might be considered falling off the wagon for Noah’s unusual addiction. He could understand the lie now. He could probably forgive it too, but he was having a hard time getting past the rejection, again.

“I won’t be anyone’s test subject.” Elijah said softly. It hurt him to say this. He wanted Noah to understand that. “I can forgive the lie, and I can overlook the past. We both have baggage. What hurts is that you still don’t believe you could be with me and not fall back into your past ways. I feel like just a test for you right now.”

“No, please!” Elijah held up his hand.

“I feel like a test, but I also feel like there is something there. Something we could build on. What scares me is I’m not sure you are ready to explore that. That in itself is a rejection, and you know how much I suffer with that.”

“Please, Elijah. You aren’t a test. I know how crazy it is. God, I’m a broken record saying it over and over. I think I fell in love with you that day I saw you. I can’t describe it. I know it doesn’t make any sense at all, but please give me a chance to prove it to you.”

“I’m going to have to think about it.” Elijah felt like his voice was flat. He needed to walk away and be strong right now. He needed some space to think and to get through this day, which suddenly seemed like a farce to him. But he also wanted Noah to understand he wasn’t completely casting him off. “Why did you finally decide to tell me?”

“I wanted to come clean. With the detectives digging in to everything, I decided while you were working with Elise to show them my luggage. I wanted to prove to them that I am innocent. Then I realized I wanted to prove the same thing to you, that I am not a bad person. I guess I just seem to be making bad decisions lately.” He looked down at his shoes, and Elijah was reminded of a guilt-ridden child. His strong figure was hunched, and he looked dejected. Elijah knew the feeling well.

“I appreciate that. I suppose it would seem ludicrous to ask you if you took the bottle.”

Noah looked up quickly, his eyes were sharp. “Never. I swear to you. You can ask the detectives. I only had eyes for one thing when I came here.”

Elijah suddenly felt like a prize. Like he was worth more than anything to Noah that he had ever invested in or fought for. He wanted to run to Noah and hug him and tell him all was forgiven, but the practical part of his brain forced him to say,

“Okay, here’s what we are going to do. I want to take the day and get through this madness. Talk to people and show them around. I want to touch base with Elise and the detectives and see if they have come up with anything. It suddenly seems so moot, that bottle. I just can’t help it though. It feels important.”

“That’s because it is important, to you.”

“Yes, it is. I suppose your decision not to have kids is important to you, and just because people can’t understand that doesn’t make it wrong.”

Noah nodded, and the pinched tension in his face seemed to lessen a little.

“I want you to make an effort at this retreat. If you meet someone who gives you the same reaction that my smile did on TV, I want you to talk to them, get to know them, invest some time in them. You don’t need to move out of the bedroom right now. How about after dinner, we meet there, and we can talk some more?”

Noah nodded, but Elijah noticed the apprehension in his face.

“This isn’t finished, Noah. I want you to know that, I just need some time to think, okay?” Elijah made sure his voice was soft. He wanted Noah to sense the empathetic tone.

“Okay, I think that’s a reasonable plan.” Elijah nodded. Noah understood situations in plans and actions. He was glad he had phrased it in such a way that gave Noah some hope. Even though it was peculiar to him to think of himself as a goal at the end of the night, something to work towards throughout the day and navigate the situations that would present themselves, he could see how Noah would view it, not in a negative way, but in a way that made sense to him.

Elijah was about to turn and go back out the door when he heard a rustle from the back of the barn behind some of the older barrels.

“What was that?” He looked at Noah, who looked around, startling from his reverie. He must have been navigating the day in his head. He followed Elijah who began walking towards it.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” he asked. He put a hand on Elijah’s arm, and he looked down at it. Noah quickly retracted it, and Elijah felt the loss of the pressure. It had felt protective, safe for him.

“It could be an animal has gotten in. I can’t have that if the health inspector makes a surprise visit. If it is, I need to have Elise call the exterminator immediately.”

“Or it could be someone else,” Noah pointed out. Elijah turned back to the area where the noise had come from.

“We’ll go together and check it out.”

They walked side by side, and when they rounded the corner to the back row of barrels, Noah shoved Elijah out of the way just in time, as a black gloved hand came swinging at him. His head snapped back when the fist made contact, and it whipped to the side in time to see Elijah crash into one of the barrels because he had shoved him so hard.

When he hit, Elijah’s hand knocked the spigot on the barrel, opening the tap, and sweet wine began pouring out all over the floor as he crumpled. He watched as a hooded man in black went racing out the door, and Noah also fell to the barn floor.

Elijah saw stars where the impact of the barrel had knocked his head back into the hard, wooden slats, and he felt the cool wine begin to pour down over him. He managed to raise himself onto his elbows and crawl to Noah, who wasn’t moving. His forehead was bleeding, and Elijah began to feel light headed from the aroma of the wine and the possible concussion. He was dazed, but lucid enough to begin shouting for help. He was just laying his head down on Noah’s chest because his voice had gone raw, when the light from the door spilled over him and he saw the shadow of a man racing towards them.