“I’m heading out,” Xanathen announced on his way to the front door.

Barry was sitting complacently on the couch, lazily scrolling through his phone. Xanathen lingered as he internally shook. If Barry would just turn around and meet his eyes, he would count it as a personal victory. A small one, of course, but a win was still a win to Xanathen.

His eyes were fixed on the back of Barry’s blond hair and he felt like he could pierce a hole through it if he just continued to stare. He scowled as Barry remained unmoving in his position, tapping away on the smooth screen with the occasional chuckle.

Barry, why won’t you listen to me? Xanathen thought as he let his hand slide from the doorknob.

He stood motionless in the doorway, seemingly caught in his own thoughts as he looked back towards Barry. His sturdy brow was sunken over his eyes, as what felt like hollow echoes clanged in his empty chest. They only got louder the longer he looked. His feet began to move softly in the direction of the couch.

“I said I’m heading out,” Xanathen repeated in a low grumble as he stood over Barry.

“Oh. Sorry,” Barry replied, glancing up for a second.

“I’m heading out.”

“I know, I heard you.”

“I’m going to make more of those videos.”

“Have fun.”

Have fun. Xanathen couldn’t help but scowl at those words. As empty as they were, he knew they were scathing and toxic. His face curled in on itself and the emotion that crossed it fluctuated as he thought about that response, then he sat beside Barry with a heavy thud. Barry’s eyes flicked back to him as the shock of his impact’s rocked him out of his place.

Xanathen’s head hung low over his broad shoulders as his body arced over his long, muscular legs. His fingers dangling like dark icicles between his thighs twitched with anticipation. The usual brilliance of his golden eyes had been dimmed, replaced with a lifeless stare that could only bare to focus on the floor beneath his feet.

Barry’s eyes widened as he looked at Xanathen, taking in this new manner. He had never sat like that before. He looked like he was slumped over from the weight of something piled on his back. The look in his eyes almost seemed apologetic. Barry turned his phone over silently, keeping his expectant gaze on Xanathen. The two sat choking in the awkward silence.

“Do you really want me to have fun?” Xanathen asked softly.

“I mean…,” Barry trailed off, his expression souring. “You already know my feelings about this.”

“I’d have more fun if you came with me,” his posture straightened as he suddenly looked Barry in the eyes.

His large hands reached out for Barry’s and folded over them with tenderness, as if holding a baby bird. At his touch, Barry felt goosebumps ripple across his skin, from his hands all the way through his body.

I want to spend more time with you again, Xanathen thought as he looked deep into Barry’s blue eyes.

“I think you’d like the guys. They’re a fun group of people.”

I just miss you.

“And you can be in the videos, too. The people would like you a lot.”

Please say yes.

“No thanks,” Barry said sternly, with an air of disappointment to his voice, as he grabbed his phone again. “The whole thing creeps me out. I don’t like the idea of everyone knowing who I am.”

“I don’t get that. Why wouldn’t you want to be acknowledged for your talents?”

“I do. But not by every creep with a smartphone,”

“So you like keeping everything a secret,” Xanathen concluded plainly.

“No.” Barry simmered. “I just think there’s a time and a place for everything and you don’t need to go exposing everything about yourself.”

“But if you’re proud of what you do or who you are, then why hide it? Not everyone’s going to like you, but there’ll be plenty of people that will. At least it shows you like yourself.”

“Because some of those people that might not like you could be crazy and dangerous. Or worse, people you already like.”

“Not everyone’s terrible, and if people start disliking you because of who you are and what you do, then maybe they’re not worth it.”

“I don’t know.” Barry rolled his eyes. “Maybe I’d be more open to the idea if the people I knew in real life were—”

Xanathen’s eyebrow arched curiously as Barry burrowed himself deeper into the couch, refusing to finish the rest of his thought. As much as Xanathen pried, Barry wouldn’t answer, claiming he forgot what he was going to say. Even if the sentence wasn’t complete, the sentiment was still there, sitting right between the two of them.

This had been the most involved conversation the two of them had engaged in for a while, at least that either could remember. Between the busy hours at work and the trivial chats about nothing, the two hadn’t had much to say recently. They kept all their real words bottled up behind a glass wall of spite, for fear of hurting each other. This had been the most real discussion they had and as much as their pride stung as they sat in silence again, there was a warmth to it. They had forgotten how it felt. They even quietly craved for it to continue, to at least feel that connection again.

Barry looked over at Xanathen and his eyes softened. As frustrated as he felt, he could never deny to himself how much the dragon’s face warmed his heart and left his pounding. He admired his enthusiasm and curiosity; he often wished he could have the same traits. There was a part of him that was happy for Xanathen and was cheering him on with all the loud bravado of a stadium crowd. Even if that were so, he wished Xanathen would listen to him and understand where he was coming from. He was so recklessly brave in whatever he did, it was almost like it didn’t matter. If he would just apologize, Barry would melt in his arms and focus on the future.

Xanathen’s eyes glanced over to Barry’s round face and felt his frustrations subdue. He was stubborn as hell, of course, but Xanathen had admired that about him from the start. To him, Barry was a wall of fiery strength and tenacity that no mortal man could break down. Any human that could stand to bust a dragon’s chops was so much more than just a regular person, and Xanathen knew that as a fundamental truth. Barry wasn’t malicious, just protective. While Xanathen felt he was the sword, Barry was the matching shield. Still, there’s only so much protecting a person can do before a haven becomes a prison and Xanathen had begun to loathe his own home as a result. A part of him even began to question whether Barry was ashamed. Ashamed of the love he had for Xanathen, or even himself. Xanathen longed to hear Barry say he was sorry. If he heard those words, he could finally sleep peacefully.

“So…You’re not coming with?” Xanathen repeated, hoping Barry had changed his mind.

“No thanks,” Barry said again.

Before Xanathen got up, Barry leaned in with a swift peck on Xanathen’s lips. Xanathen cherished that small act of affection as he rose to his feet and made his way to the door. So today wasn’t the day, they both thought as they separated. There’s always tomorrow.

Barry remained on the couch as he browsed the internet in silence, watching Xanathen’s videos for himself. The views had exploded into the six digit bracket in no time, a feat that, while Barry certainly wasn’t a fan, he couldn’t say wasn’t impressive. It felt like everyone with access to a computer was sharing these videos and posting them around. Even at the base, when they weren’t working, someone had saved the videos to their phone just to be able to share them with the rest of the team.

The most important thing to him had become the comments. He scrolled through and browsed them repeatedly. His anxiety lessened a little as he read them, seeing that no one seemed to actually suspect the truth. Everyone seemed to think it was all editing tricks.

He paused to think. Maybe he had overreacted. Until he met Xanathen, he never believed that dragons actually existed. Aside from a few strange people that seemed to only exist on the internet, no one would actually believe Xanathen was a dragon. He began to chuckle a bit at his own paranoia. How silly could he have been? He looked at the closed front door and winced; Xanathen had already long since left. He could possibly find him if he-

No. He eased himself up as he looked away from the phone. Chasing after him would only drive him crazier, even if it was to apologize. He looked out the window at the clear, sunny day and smiled to himself. If Xanathen wanted to have fun with his newfound friends, who was he to get in the way of that? He’d been cooped up for long enough.

He felt his phone vibrate and looked down.

Hey. I got today off. Wanna get a drink?

It was Guy. He smiled a little to himself as he typed back:

In the afternoon?

It doesn’t have to be now.

Barry read over the message a few times over. He hadn’t seen Guy since the night at the bar. Since then, it had only been friendly texts here and there. He accepted Barry’s rather hectic schedule. Barry wondered what his job was. Guy barely talked about his own job and when he did, he gave vague answers or sent photos to emphasize how bored he was at work. He seemed bored to tears just talking about it. From the way Guy described things, it must have been data entry or at the very least something in a cubicle. Barry liked to imagine he worked some soul-crushing office job and did stand-up comedy at open mic nights as a form of free therapy.

It was a nice way to get Barry’s mind off all the little things. He appreciated being able to make a joke without having to explain the punchline. More than that, he felt more at ease having someone else making him laugh, even if it was just for a little bit. He wasn’t sure if he was doing it on purpose or if the way Guy talked was just naturally funny to him. Even in a digital format he could feel a dry sarcasm behind so much of what he said that he found it amusing, though he sometimes had to wonder if he was actually being serious. As small as it was, it was a relief to have a friendly person willing to listen and spin things for the positive for a change.

Barry smiled as he thought about it. It was good for both him and Xanathen that they were making friends. After all, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’, or however the expression went. He sat and typed back: I’ve got some errands to run if you really wanna come with.

The shopping carts were the exact same factory-assembled, bent metal rods on top of squeaky wheels, but as the two men strode side by side their carts couldn’t be more different. The metal that made them may be identical but the contents told a completely different story. Barry looked down at his cart as he travelled down the isles, wheels squealing desperately as it swayed back and forth wildly. It seemed determined to escape his control and slam into whatever display was closest. He had barely been through the store (he had only heard a couple of songs from the store’s easy listening playlist) and already the cart was filled with an abundant pile of prepackaged fish.

Nearby, Guy pushed his cart with one hand; it seemed to mostly glide under his control. On closer inspection, Barry noticed his arm swiveling along with it to keep it in line.

“I take it you like fish?” Guy asked as he glanced over at Barry’s cart. He tried to avoid eye contact with the fish, staring up at him from beneath their glossy plastic wrapping.

“I think it’s okay,” Barry replied as he put one last package in the cart. “My boyfriend’s the one that likes it.”

“Ah,” he replied, his gray eyes dimming as he immediately focused elsewhere. “It’s weird, but unless it’s sushi I can’t eat fish. Never could.”

Barry chuckled as he watched Guy’s face grimace at the thought of eating fish, “My boyfriend’s the exact opposite. Last time we tried it he said it was ‘too small’. He wasn’t a fan of wasabi either.”

“Let me guess: he smothered the whole thing in it?”

“Yeah,” Barry laughed as he remembered. He felt horrible for laughing but it wasn’t even the pain Xanathen went through that made him chuckle, but the sincerity of it all. “Now he won’t eat it at all, even without the sauce. But, nah, I don’t usually buy this much. I just wanna be nice to him tonight.”

“Oh? Just tonight?”

“Nah. I mean…” Barry sighed as he continued around the deli, barely paying attention to things on the shelves. “We’ve been goin’ through kind of a rough patch recently. I’m thinking I should be the bigger person and apologize.”

“And the fish is your peace offering?”

“It won’t hurt.”

“That’s adorable,” Guy grinned as he turned away from the variety of cheeses. “Maybe that’s why no one ever apologizes to me. All my favorites are too complicated. But what are you making? Like, specifically?”

“Just…fish.”

Guy shook his head, his chestnut waves swaying gently along with him until he focused a stern, knowing look at Barry. His thin lips formed a wicked smile as he began to form an idea in his mind. “Listen. If there’s anything I’ve learned in life it’s that if you want to make a good apology, you need to pull out all the stops.”

“That’s what I’m doing, though,” Barry replied and thought to himself, This is more effort than Xanathen would go through.

“Well that’s a start, but you gotta do more than just that. Candles, tablecloth, maybe a little wine. Actions speak louder than words. Call me old fashioned but I like to be shown I’m cared for, don’t you?”

Barry looked away modestly at the question, feeling his cheeks turn slightly red. He certainly wasn’t anything anyone would remotely call a foodie, or even a huge fan of fine dining, but he couldn’t deny the appeal of a lavish home cooked meal. He thought about how thrilled he’d be if Xanathen tried it. Regardless of the quality of the food or if something went wrong, he would love just to feel that he was worth the effort. Then again, he couldn’t picture a man from a deserted island even considering something like that. He hadn’t been surrounded by movies and shows his entire life like Barry had. His idea of romance was different.

“See?” Guy concluded as he led Barry along patiently. “Listen, I know some recipes that’ll knock both your socks off. Even I can eat fish if they’re cooked like this, they’re that good. We’ll make this work.”

From that moment, the grocery store instantly transformed into a hall of greater learning. They seemed to stop at all the things Barry would normally pass by without a second glance. Guy introduced him to new ingredients he’d never noticed before. It seemed like every little thing had a rich purpose behind it. There was a method for preparation, for picking out what goes with what, and finding exactly the right thing to compliment another.

Barry found himself in awe as Guy calmly pointed out the appropriate spices and carefully explained them with gentle but clear passion. His interest wasn’t dictated by the loudness of his words or by how determined he was in letting someone else know he liked it. His method was that of a calm, collected teacher. His voice made Barry think of a burgundy leather chair in a well-furnished study. He explained everything with enthusiasm, even letting a smile creep across his face as he watched to see if Barry understood. He would give a knowing grin and move on once he did. If he didn’t, he would stop and explain it in another way until Barry got what he meant. Barry felt a little foolish. He must have been completely obvious if Guy could tell when he understood things without him even saying. Still, there was something a little liberating about not having to be the one to be doing the teaching for a change.

He had been in this country, in this world, for as long as he could remember but he never even thought about little things like food pairings or the proper way to eat cheese. He thought just cooking the food was enough. To Guy, no, food had to be an experience. Like putting on glasses for the first time, Barry could see all the little details in the world around him. There were so many things he had just passed by before and felt a shocking wave of disbelief that he never actually tried any of it.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Guy would laugh warmly, “I’m just a little older. I probably started trying this around your age.”

“I never told you my age,” Barry said, raising an eyebrow.

“True. I was guessing, what about…twenty-five?”

“Yeah. Right on the money. Wait, older? You look around my—”

“Thirty-four,” Guy interrupted.

Barry was silently stunned. He certainly didn’t look that much older. There wasn’t much in the way of wrinkles or lines on his face, save for some small folds around his heavy eyelids and the dimples surrounding his smile. As he concentrated on him quietly, he began to see him as older. While he physically didn’t give much away about his age, his mannerisms and the air he kept about him suggested years of experience.

Barry’s cart filled up with new things he never thought he’d needed before, as he himself became filled with excitement. He glanced over to Guy’s cart. It rattled with the sound of clinking glass bottles with several varieties of wine piled on top of each other. He swore by a couple of the vintages (even throwing a couple in Barry’s cart), while a couple he chuckled at saying he had never tried them before as he dumped them haphazardly in the cart with the rest. He seemed intrigued by their labels. As Barry looked over, there were a couple that he didn’t remember picking up.

“You drinking all that by yourself?” Barry asked cautiously.

“Ha! Nah,” Guy shook his head, “If I was gonna drink any wine by myself, it wouldn’t be the stuff here. This is stuff I get for company.”

“You must get a lot of company.”

“A little here and there, small gatherings for work mostly. You wouldn’t believe how much these people drink. But I like to taste the wine just for fun.” He pulled a tiny booklet from his back pocket and handed it to Barry. As he flipped through the pages his eyes ran over a maddening quantity of notes, all scrawled in chicken scratch. From what he could make out, it was a list of wines, all followed with some sort of grading system. As Guy took it back he added, “It’s a little hobby of mine. You should join me sometime!”

“I’m not much of a wine guy, but yeah sure. Sounds interesting.”

“Great. I’ll let you know when the next one is,” Guy concluded as he pushed his rattling glass collection onwards.

The cars were loaded with groceries and the two stood near their respective vehicles. Barry looked at Guy’s car and chuckled internally. It was an old station wagon, complete with the wood paneling. It had been worn from years of use, nearly faded away and the bottom was tinged with a hint of rust. He was pretty sure he had seen old photos of his parents with a car just like this one.

“Right. Sending you that recipe now. I like that page. It’s super easy to follow.” Guy said as he clicked one last button on his phone before sliding it into his pocket. “Let me know how it goes, alright?”

“Yeah, I will.”

“Catch ya later, then,” Guy gave a friendly wave along with a smirk. His steely eyes glinted in the setting sun.

Barry nodded and waved as he piled into his now fully-loaded car. As he drove home, he was filled with a kind of excitement he had never felt before, as he continued to glance back at the food. There were so many new things he was going to try; he’d never felt so keen to cook before. He wondered if it would all taste as good as Guy said it would. It certainly sounded like it would. It was explained with such conviction, he couldn’t believe it wouldn’t. Most importantly, he hoped it would show Xanathen how much he cared. Hopefully this could be the start of a new page in their relationship.

The sun had already set by the time Deryl and the others dropped Xanathen off in front of the building, their car squealing as it peeled off into the distance. Xanathen blended in with the darkness for a moment before entering and making his way through the hallways. He steered away from the elevator like he always did, instead opting to walk up the stairs.

His mind wandered with each flight of steps.

First floor. Deryl says those videos are becoming more popular.

Second floor. If that monetization goes through, I can get some money out of this.

Third floor. What would I do with money?

He stopped in the stairwell as he thought, then continued up at an even faster pace.

I could use money to get something for Barry! Would that make him happy?…What would he want?

Fourth floor. Would he be happy if I just gave him money?

He energetically climbed up the last of the stairs, emerging past the door and the elevators and reaching home. He paused at the door with a feeling of trepidation. Will he be happy at all? he wondered. With a grunt, he opened the door into the dark apartment. He frowned with disappointment. It seemed like Barry wasn’t even home.

His nostrils flared as they were greeted with an unfamiliar, but pleasant, smell. He flicked the lights on, the living room flooded with light and he was greeted with an exclamation from Barry.

“Oh! You’re home! Turn those back off!”

Xanathen’s eyebrow arched but he did as he was told, once again cloaking the room in shadow. A flurry of footsteps greeted him and he felt a small warm hand grab his. He could just about see the silhouette of Barry’s figure in the darkness as he pulled him along and sat him down at a chair. He could see the outline of the table and chairs and still let Barry do as he wanted but now with a level of amusement.

There was a flash of light from a lighter, igniting two long candles and filling the room with a dim glow. Their faces were illuminated in a warm yellow light. Barry had cleaned up since he last saw him that morning. His white button-up shirt hung over his chest, free of any wrinkles or stains, and was met with black slacks. He scrubbed up rather nicely. Xanathen’s gold eyes flickered in the candlelight as he looked at Barry, his pupils expanding just a little.

Barry turned around and faded into the kitchen, followed by the sound of his voice and the beeping of the microwave.

“You got home later than I expected, so I gotta nuke dinner. It’ll be ready in just a second,” Barry called out.

“That’s alright,” Xanathen replied, still taking in the area around him. His eyes narrowed as he looked down at the table and the white cloth that was draped over it. “Why the candles? Are we having trouble with the lights?”

“Nope, lights are fine.” The microwave beeped again and Barry returned, placing a plate filled with food in front of him. He continued to scurry back and forth, getting things out of the kitchen and placing them on the table. The table was soon filled with small portions of all sorts of new foods he had never experienced before. Barry wore a soft smile as he pulled out a bottle of wine and poured some into each of their glasses.

“Oh. Alright. Thank you,” Xanathen said as he reached for his silverware.

“I did this because, well, I…” Barry trailed off, trying to find the words he wanted to say. Xanathen looked up from his food and gave Barry his full attention. “…I’m bad with words. I…I’m sorry. I acted like an ass. I could’ve explained myself better and…We could’ve talked this all out like adults. I mean…” He gritted his teeth as he put his face in his palm.

I hate what you did around my parents, he thought. I hate that they still won’t talk to me. I wish you’d take my concerns more seriously. I just wanna go back to the way things were.

He knew he had to say these things. At least, he felt he needed to. As ugly as they were, they were the things that were eating away at him. His eye peeked through his fingers, revealing Xanathen’s face framed by his two blurry fingers. His golden eyes dazzled as the candlelight reflected in them, and they widened with a sense of awe but also tenderness. Barry felt himself melt from the sweetness of that face.

“I just wanna go back to the way things were,” Barry said simply as he looked up from his hand. “I wanna get past all of this. I’m sorry. About everything.”

“Barry,” Xanathen’s face stretched as he smiled, reaching out for Barry’s hand. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to. I wanted to show that I’m sorry, and that I care about you,”

“Just the apology is enough,” he laughed as he pushed himself closer to Barry, pressing his cheek to his. “I accept. Thank you. This is very touching.”

Say sorry back. Barry thought, letting his body go limp at Xanathen’s touch. Say sorry back. Apologize.

“Here,” Barry said, reaching for some of the other food on the table. “You gotta try this first. A friend of mine introduced me to it. You gotta eat it like this. It makes the flavor pop.”

Barry began to demonstrate and show Xanathen everything he had learned that day. From the little bits he remembered about the wine, to why it goes well with the fish, and everything in between. He felt silly trying to reiterate all that Guy had taught him, when he still felt he knew so little. It was the same as telling a joke he had heard and not being able to remember the punchline. Still, he continued to try his best to teach Xanathen. Despite feeling slightly awkward, Barry gave into it willingly and let himself bask in the tastes and aromas. Xanathen humored him as he mimicked his actions. He was only playing along with it. It was plain to see he didn’t really savor the tastes or understand any of what Barry was trying to accomplish. As soon as anything hit his tongue, it was ravenously snapped up and gone.

The dim lighting grew softer as the evening unfolded. The two chatted about silly things like nothing had happened, relaying sweet nothings back and forth over their reheated dinner. It almost felt like things had gone back to the way they once were.

The hungry grin on Xanathen’s face showed that he wasn’t satisfied just yet. His large hands grew more agile as they began to trace over Barry’s body. He pulled him close and onto his lap, entangling him in his strong embrace. Barry’s eyes flashed over to the candles, which had burnt down to waxxy puddles, as his lips met the moist lips of Xanathen. He never felt he had been able to relate to something as much in his entire life. He could feel all his inhibitions give way as the two of them let themselves caress each other. It had been so long, it was almost nostalgic. He felt his skin erupt in a heatwave as Xanathen’s hands tenderly grazed along his smooth body. He felt at home in the loving grasp of his dragon and felt his toes curl in excitement as Xanathen gently gave a low, rumbling growl. Everything seemed right; almost.

Even as Xanathen got to his feet, scooped Barry into his arms and carried him off to bed, Barry could barely hear the nagging voice in his head. As he was laid down on the mattress and stripped of his clothes, he felt nothing except a sharp feeling pricking at his mind. As wild and skillful as Xanathen was when it came to setting Barry’s libido aflame, his focus still wandered elsewhere. Xanathen had torn off his shirt to reveal his sculpted muscles, a sight Barry drooled over with giddy excitement, he could feel himself giving in to a carnal desire. His body ached with a fiery want to have Xanathen explore his tired, stressed body and make it feel whole again. It seemed to move of its own accord the more Xanathen played with him. He was possessed by desire alone. As he cried out in ecstasy as Xanathen thrust strongly into him and continued to pull him onto his mighty loins, he was brought out of the moment with the annoying thought:

You should’ve said something.

The two lay sprawled out on the bed in a deep haze of satisfaction. Xanathen’s arm, like the trunk of a tree, lay heavily across Barry’s waist as he slumbered contentedly. The consistent, but loud, snoring kept an easy tempo as Barry looked back at him with a peaceful smile. There was a wavering look of concern in his eyes as he watched his beloved man sleep.

I really should say something… Nah. I’ll be the bigger man and get over it, he thought as he drifted off to sleep along with him.