Fluorescent lights lined the ceiling. Tim blinked at them, trying to place where he’d seen them before. Neither his apartment, work, nor Rylan’s house had such awful ceilings. He squeezed his eyes shut and reopened them, hoping the scenery would change. Everything was the same.

“You’re awake.”

Kano’s familiar English accent only confused Tim more. He lifted his head, searching for the owner of the words. Kano sat in a dark-beige chair beside him. A beeping monitor nearly blocked him from sight. Reality sank in. Tim was in the hospital. He tried to speak. His voice came out sounding raspy. “What happened?”

“You were stabbed,” Kano reminded him.

The memory of Eddie’s blade sinking into his gut hit him as soon as the pain did. “Seems like I remember something like that.” As fast as the agony hit, so too did the panic. He tried sitting up. “Where’s Rylan? Is he okay?”

Kano pushed him back down. “He’s fine. They had to stitch up his hands and repair some of the muscle. He’s in a room two floors up. Adam is staying with him.”

Tim settled back down. “What about Eddie?”

“Hmm,” Kano hummed while fluffing the pillows around Tim. “There was no fixing the extra hole in the head Rylan gave him.”

“I think I’m going to throw up.”

Kano patted his chest. “I can’t imagine it was pretty.”

Tim tried pushing the blankets aside. “No. Really. I think I’m going to throw up.”

Kano moved faster than Tim had ever seen him move before. He snagged a nearby kidney-shaped bucket in time for Tim’s round of dry heaves. It was like having his insides ripped to shreds, but nothing came up.

“Breathe through your nose,” Kano urged while rubbing his back.

Tim gave it a shot. “Fuck me. Why do I feel so bad?”

“That bloke pierced your intestines, poisoning your blood. You had some extensive surgery.”

After easing back down onto the pillows, Tim squeezed his eyes closed. “Jesus, I can’t remember ever feeling this bad. It makes me want to add another hole to what’s left of Eddie’s head.” Goddamn it. Rylan was probably a mess, and Tim was stuck here, feeling like death. “Find me a wheelchair and take me to Rylan.”

“No,” Kano said, settling back into the chair beside him. “Adam tells me they still have him heavily sedated, and you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.”

Rage had Tim’s head snapping around in Kano’s direction. “Fuck that noise. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for some crazy fucker obsessed with my man. That’s not Rylan’s fault in any sense of the word.”

“I wasn’t victim shaming,” Kano said with a chuckle. “If you hadn’t been inside a bar, waiting for Rylan to get home from jet setting, you would’ve been armed. You wouldn’t have had to hold that wanker off while Rylan unlocked your truck, unlocked your gun safe, and came to the rescue. I tell you, it’s a good goddamn thing you put your jacket on him when you did, or Rylan wouldn’t have had your keys to do all that. Otherwise, you might be dead and Rylan whisked off to some third world country to be some crazy dude’s sex slave.”

Tim tried focusing on Kano’s words. The pain and meds kept trying to pull his mind in other directions. “How do you know all this?”

“I wouldn’t let Rylan answer any of the police’s questions until my lawyers and I were present.”

Fuck. He hadn’t even considered the legal ramifications. All he knew was pain and the need to see Rylan. “Thank you for that.”

“Of course,” Kano said as if it was nothing. “The four of us are family, and it’s our responsibility to take care of one another. I’ve been assured no charges will be filed, by the way.”

Relief over knowing Rylan was okay and wouldn’t be charged mixed with the massive drugs pumping through Tim’s system, making his eyelids heavy. “That’s great. Rylan’s been through enough.” Tim heard the slur to his voice but couldn’t control it.

“He has. I wish we’d known how much.” Kano sounded like he’d moved far away.

Tim couldn’t open his eyes. “He deserves the world.” Tim opened his eyes again and it was dark. The room was empty. His mind had a hard time reconciling how it had been daylight seconds earlier and was now dark. The wonderment didn’t last. He closed his eyes again, only to find it was daylight when he reopened them. The pain wasn’t as bad. The familiar sight of his mom’s dark hair and light eyes met him.

When she saw he was awake, she jumped from her chair and rushed to hug him. “You’re awake. Thank God.”

“Hey, Mom.”

“You fucking scared me,” she said, pulling away. He half expected her to punch him. His mom wasn’t known for being motherly. She was more like those loud crazy mothers that got thrown out of little league games.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” she said, reclaiming her chair. “You’ve always been the protective sort. There’s no way you’d stand aside and let someone get hurt. That’s one of your best qualities. I raised a good man.”

“Have you seen Rylan?”

His mom nodded. “I helped Adam get him settled at home when he was released two days ago.”

Two days? “Jesus, how long have I been here?”

“A week.”

Tim’s head swam. “Fuck. You’d think I’d be all slept out, but I can hardly keep my eyes open.”

She pulled her chair closer and rubbed his arm. “Don’t worry over it, baby. Your body needs to heal. Go back to sleep. I’ll watch over you.”

Tim closed his eyes. When he spoke, his voice came out sounding weak. “I want to see Rylan and tell him I love him.”

“I’ll tell him for you.”

That was the last thing Tim remembered before the darkness swallowed him again. A sharp pain startled him awake. He blinked at the ceiling. For the first few seconds awake, he did what he did every time—wondered where the fuck he was. The memory was always slow to come but hit with a vengeance with the pain. He gasped as another wave rocked his body.

“Do you need something for the pain?”

At the sound of Rylan’s voice, his pain level decreased tenfold. Tim came awake like he hadn’t since getting stabbed. The sight of Rylan fixed more than any medicine could. Unfortunately, the man looked like hell. Dark circles marred Rylan’s eyes. While his hair looked brushed, it wasn’t styled. Rylan looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, and both hands were wrapped in white bandages. Tim wished Eddie could be deader.

“Hey, sexy. I’ve missed you.” Even to Tim’s ears, his voice sounded ragged.

A gorgeous half smile touched Rylan’s lips before slipping away again. “Me too.”

“Come here.” He needed Rylan’s body against his. He was completely convinced the moment their skin met, he’d be healed.

Rylan shook his head. “You wouldn’t be here if not for me. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.”

A growl rose in Tim’s throat. Rylan could be so fucking maddening. “I feel too bad to argue. You have nothing to do with why I’m here. In fact, I’d be dead if you hadn’t been there to save me. Now come here.”

Rylan didn’t budge. “If you knew the whole story, you’d have me thrown from your room.”

Irritation crawled over Tim’s skin. Rylan should fucking know by now how much he meant, and how Tim couldn’t be driven away, but he didn’t. “Then tell it to me so I can prove that’s not true, and I can fucking hold you.”

Rylan dipped his chin, giving in. The man’s pinched expression made Tim wonder if Rylan would puke. His voice came out shaky. “I owe you that. When I met Eddie, I was fifteen. I was at the mall, where my mom dropped me off every Saturday night so I could hang out with friends. It never crossed my mind to ask his age. I knew he was older, but I thought he was around eighteen. My mom loved him.” Rylan smiled. Tim had never seen such a sweet and innocent expression on Rylan. It was a punch to the gut. Rylan kept talking, but it was like he wasn’t there. He’d gone back to those days inside his head. “Which really wasn’t surprising,” Rylan added, pulling Tim back on topic. “My mom loved everyone.” Rylan’s smile fell, taking the sunshine with it. “When I found out how old Eddie was, it was too late. Seven years difference meant nothing. I already had it bad.” For a moment, Rylan seemed to slip away, losing himself before snapping back to life. “He was perfect. So fucking perfect. Flowers, phone calls, and every gentleman-like thing you can imagine. And so, I lied. I lied all the time to everyone, especially my mom. As far as she knew, Eddie was seventeen and went to school across town. If I’d thought things through, I would’ve realized I’d eventually have to come clean if we planned to be together forever.”

Rylan stopped and slipped away again.

Tim spent a few minutes wondering if he should intercede before Rylan focused on him once more.

“Then, Eddie changed. Even though he was still every bit as good to me, he could be scary too. I was only allowed to have female friends, and that was only if they didn’t interfere with our time together. I had one male friend since childhood. Since he was straight, and we worked together, Eddie tolerated him. That is, until Stephen gave me a ride home after work one night. Eddie was at my house—waiting. He snapped. If I hadn’t gotten between them, I don’t know, but the damage was done. Stephen called my mom. He told her everything. Eddie’s age. The fight. Everything.” Rylan scrubbed at his bandages. Red tinted the white cloth, making Tim wonder if Rylan had ripped out his stitches. He wanted to check, but Rylan’s dark expression froze Tim’s lungs and throat.

“She said I couldn’t see Eddie anymore, and if I tried, she’d call the police and have him arrested because he had no business with a minor. I was devastated. She grounded me from going anywhere and the phone, but she didn’t know Eddie had given me a cellphone. The moment I was alone, I called Eddie and told him everything. He told me not to worry. He’d make everything right.”

Rylan stared at his hands where the blood soaked his bandages. His expression never wavered. “The next day, I went to school. In fifth period, the police came for me. Stephen was found outside our work, beaten and half-alive, but conscious enough to identify his attacker. They caught up to Eddie when he tried checking me out of school. The receptionist told him to wait while she had me paged. She called the police instead, because he was covered in blood. The blood was my mom’s.”

Tim had no words. Goddamn, Tim hurt. He couldn’t understand how one person withstood so much internal pain and held together their seams. Even though he didn’t see his parents often, he couldn’t imagine losing them so horrifically at such a young age. Much less their deaths being at the hands of someone he’d brought into their lives. He wanted to know every detail, so he could make it better.

“Bryan.”

At the name, Rylan glanced up and nodded, as if it had been a question. “Bryan Sanchez is my real name. I legally changed it after the trial, hoping to disappear.” A tear slipped down Rylan’s cheek, paralyzing Tim. He never knew a single tear could be so powerful. Coming from Rylan, it rendered him completely useless. “I’m sorry. The thought of you being in this place because of me—”

“I’m not here because of you,” Tim said, cutting him off. “You were badass. If not for you, I’d be dead. I’ve never seen anyone braver.”

Rylan’s expression never changed. “None of it would’ve been necessary if not for me. That’s why I’m going away.”

Tim’s heart sped. Rylan couldn’t mean what he thought. Panic set in. It was like a tunnel closing in on him. “Going away? To where?” Tim thought the pain meds might be fucking with him a little, but Rylan had definitely said he was going away. “Wherever it is, just give me time to get checked out of here, and we’ll go together.”

“You don’t understand,” Rylan said, cutting off Tim’s desperate plea. “You don’t know what this is like. He was my first love, and it was real. I was wrecked when my mom said I couldn’t see him any longer. Then, this man who’d completely stolen me wiped out my whole life. You can’t know what it’s like to realize you love a monster—to still wake from dreams about making love to someone evil. There’s no coming back from there.”

“That’s not true,” Tim argued. He needed Rylan to understand that none of this changed a thing. He was still the love of Tim’s life. Always would be. Wherever Rylan was in his head, Tim could find a way to pull him back, if Rylan let him.

Rylan shook his head. “I’m sorry, but it is. It’s a permanent scar. There will never be a day when it’s not my fault. You can tell me I was a teenager or that I had no control over his actions. It’s not like counselors haven’t tried to convince me I couldn’t have known. The fact is, I loved him. I let him in. Now you were hurt too.” Rylan lifted his hands before dropping them in his lap again, proving he had nothing. “It’s like my love is poison, so I’ll go away and keep it to myself.” Before Tim could work his way past the heavy dosage of pain medication running through his veins, Rylan stood and headed for the door. He stopped and turned before making it to the hall. “By the way, thank you for loving me and making me laugh again. In case you think I don’t realize how much I’m losing, you’re wrong. This is ripping my heart from my chest.”

“Then don’t go,” Tim said before Rylan could get away. Rylan had to stay. The pains in his chest rivaled the stab wound in his gut. If Rylan left, the ache would be permanent. Tim couldn’t live with that.

A sad smile touched Rylan’s lips and he was gone. All Tim could do was stare at the place where he’d been and wait. Rylan had sworn he’d never go far. The man had to keep his word. Otherwise, Tim would never be the same.

A nurse appeared in the doorway where the love of Tim’s life had stood minutes earlier. “Your friend said you were in pain. I brought you some meds.”

Tim closed his eyes and let her drug him into oblivion. After all, he was in pain. A shattered heart was more excruciating than anything he’d ever experienced, and Tim didn’t see any hope in sight of healing.