What the hell did I get myself into?

Even with a bit of a beer buzz, I couldn’t believe my audacity. A couple of hours earlier I’d run away from Evan at the club, but somehow he was inside my house, presumably planning to fuck me just a couple of hours later. I knew inviting him in had to be a horrible idea, one that I would regret in the morning. But since becoming a cop after college, I hadn’t had nearly enough wild nights.

What could be wilder than fucking a man for the first time?

Even if he wasn’t Trey.

I forced myself to slow down and take in the moment. So what if he wasn’t Trey? Truth be told, I knew Trey was an unattainable asshole and I’d probably used that as an excuse to drive my desire for him. What could be safer than a man who would never be interested in me?

Evan was different. He was attainable. He’d asked me. He wanted me. At least for the night.

After locking my back door, I joined Evan in the living room. He’d already tossed his hoodie onto the couch. His black T-shirt was tight enough for me to get a good look at his chest, and I liked what I saw. Thin and compact.

When I’d imagined myself with a man, it was always someone freakishly fabulous like Trey. Watching Evan bouncing around, inspecting everything in my living room, made me realize that there were all kinds of fish in the sea. With his high cheekbones and serious, soulful eyes I looked forward to watching this one nibble on my line.

He swiped at his long, brown hair to tuck it behind his ears. “Nice place,” he said, leaning forward to stare at a picture hanging on the wall. “Who’s this?”

“My sister. It’s us fishing during a camping trip. That’s from right before she went away for college.” She’d tried using college as a way out, but ended up back home after sophomore year, started dating Rick, and ended up pregnant with his baby. If the kid wasn’t so cool, I would have thought she’d have been better off staying in college.

“You had hair,” Evan said.

I rubbed my head and felt the rough stubble. “Yeah. Up until I joined the force. I’d be afraid of bald spots if I tried to grow it out now.”

Everything was going wrong. Instead of rushing to my bed for sex, we were actually talking.

What if he figures out that I’m not interesting enough to be with?

As if reading my mind, he asked, “Got any condoms?”

I wasn’t sure. Nearly in a panic, I pulled my wallet from my back pocket, hoping to find one inside. A wave of relief washed over me when I found one between two bills.

Proud of my trophy, I held it up for Evan to see.

“Just one?” he asked.

Oh, right. He’ll want one too if he wants to fuck me. I swallowed while considering the implications, trying to decide if I was ready to let him penetrate me.

While I was distracted, he grabbed the condom from my hand and checked the date. “Fine. Looks like we’ve just got one, though. Rock, paper, scissors for it?”

Evan laughed when I held out my hand, uncertainly.

“I’m kidding, man.” He tossed the condom back to me. “Besides, there’s nothing better than a nice dick rubbing against my prostate after a long night working. Those orgasms are so intense, right?”

My mouth failed to find words. He was doing such a good sales job for receiving, that I considered handing him the condom. How could I answer, though, having never tried it before?

“Upstairs or right here on the couch?” Evan asked with his hands tucked into his back pockets and his eyes locked onto my chest rather than reaching my face. “Your house. Your rules,” he said while looking at me defiantly and making me feel like he suspected that I would back out.

Damn it, James? What do you want?

Evan cocked his head when I didn’t answer right away. He looked like he’d just figured out that it was going to be my first time and was trying to decide how we’d gotten to the point of staring at each other across my living room. Or maybe I was projecting.

He’s going to make the decision for me and leave if I don’t get my ass in gear. What do I want?

“Upstairs,” I managed to say.

Evan smiled and nodded. “Good. But before we go up there, I think I should make sure we’re clear on something. I’m not looking for anything beyond tonight. Relationships just aren’t my thing. We can fuck, and then we can still say hi when we bump into each other. If you’re wanting more than that, we should just call it off right now. But if you’re down for a fast, hard fuck tonight, let’s have a little fun.”

His words unleashed something in me. A night of meaningless sex with no attachments was exactly what I needed. Keep it simple.

“I thought I told you to get upstairs,” I shouted, playfully swatting at his ass as he bounded toward the stairs with a giggle.

When we got to the bedroom, I groaned. “I don’t have any lube.”

“No lube?” Evan laughed. “What kind of gay guy doesn’t have lube?” When I didn’t reply, his eyes went wide at the realization. “What’s going on here?”

“Does it matter?” I snapped. “One night. Hard, fast fuck, right? No attachments.”

Evan nodded. “True.” He pulled something from his pocket and tossed it at me. “Use this.”

The thing in my hand looked like a packet of ketchup. “Lube in a packet? That’s a thing?”

“Jesus Christ, man. Don’t kill my boner.”

Evan tugged the shirt over his head. His smooth, hairless chest was covered with brightly colored tattoos. With the shirt on, I would have never guessed he was inked since none spilled out past the end of his short sleeves.

I wanted to spend time exploring them, comparing them to my own, and asking why he’d never had any done on his arms, but Evan wasn’t wasting any time. He unbuckled his belt and tossed it to the floor. He sat on the edge of my bed and wrestled out of his jeans. Then he was back on his feet before I’d managed to move.

The bounce of his hard cock reminded me exactly what was at stake.

I had no thoughts of backing down anymore, though. I tossed my shirt across the room. My dick pressed painfully against my pants. I pulled them off to give my dick room to breathe.

“Nice tats,” Evan said.

I grunted in appreciation while tearing open the condom. With well-practiced ease, just never with a man watching, I rolled the condom on. I tore into the lube next, squeezed it on, and spread it with a firm rub that made me groan in need.

“Damn. You’re not fucking around are you?” Evan asked. “Rock on. Let’s do this.” Evan lay down on his back and with his legs closed, pulled his knees close to his chest. “Get inside me, cowboy.”

I was fighting against two very different needs.

On one hand, I wanted to take things slowly, and explore our bodies, and make a real experience of my first time with a man.

On the other hand, his asshole was begging to be fucked.

It felt rude not to comply.

Using my hand as a guide, I pressed against his entrance. The lube did its magic, and it only took a few seconds until I was inside Evan, staring in amazement as I started to make love…no, to fuck his ass.

There was no love, just lust.

Evan matched me grunt for grunt as we picked up the pace.

He grabbed his dick and started masturbating while I continued slamming against his body. Any thoughts I had of trying to take things slowly evaporated when I watched Evan’s hand flying up and down his dick. He hadn’t been joking around either when he’d said he wanted it hard and fast.

Pulling his legs against my chest, I wrapped my arms around his thighs and tried to fuck him so hard he’d forget to use his own hand. It didn’t work, but based on the grunts and moans, I was doing exactly what he wanted.

Each time I tried to make eye contact, he’d turn his head to the side, giving me the reminder that there was no romance between us. Just two men fucking the demons out of their system.

I wondered briefly what his demons were before my balls tightened, giving me a split second’s notice before I exploded. The orgasm shook through my body and forced a wild scream from my lips. I vaguely heard him grunting and groaning as he shot his own load that landed high up on his chest.

After an eternity where it felt like I would never stop coming, I fell onto the bed beside Evan, exhaustion threatening to overcome me before I saw him out the door.

Evan didn’t move, but I was too tired to wonder why, after his earlier bravado about fucking and leaving, he was still there. He looked so peaceful lying next to me. I certainly had no intention of kicking him out of my bed.

Besides, I was wrestling with my own emotions. I’d just fucked a man and wasn’t sure exactly what that meant.

Am I gay now? What about women? I’m still attracted to them. I must be at least a little gay, though.

I pushed aside that line of thinking after acknowledging that I would definitely be interested in sex with a man again in the future. Any further contemplation was silly at that point. It wasn’t like I had any other men lined up. Trey had shot me down, and Evan had made it clear he wasn’t looking for anything beyond the one time.

I knew I’d lied to myself earlier. I wasn’t looking for meaningless sex, and I definitely wanted an attachment. And Evan’s even breathing next to me was the perfect way to calm my soul and help me drift off to sleep.

It was too bad he didn’t want more than just one night.