After finally finishing cleaning up from dinner and taking a shower, it was time to relax with a little Netflix and Rocky Road ice cream. Lying in my bed, shoving spoonful after spoonful of desserty goodness in my mouth, my brain replayed Ryder’s words in my head over and over. 

He loves me. 

Flutters were crashing around in my stomach as I completely ignored the next episode of Gilmore Girls that had just loaded on my TV. I was startled out of my love-drunk swoon session when my phone blared and vibrated from a text message on my chest.

Ryder: You do know that I meant those words today, right?

My hands shook a little as I typed back.

Me: I meant them too, Ryder.

Ryder: Good. Are your parents at the bar?

Me: Yeah, and Collin just left. He’s sleeping over at Cody’s place again.

Ryder: I’ll be there in ten minutes.

I jumped out of bed and started throwing the dirty clothes that were scattered around into my closet, made sure my makeup was perfect, changed out of my granny panties into a tight lace thong, and threw on a maxi dress because it made my ass look amazing. 

Pacing around the front room of the house for just a few minutes felt like a lifetime, until a gentle knock came onto the front door.

Opening the door to the smiling face of my amazing man sent chills shooting down my arms and legs. Thankfully, Ryder immediately wrapped his arm around my waist to pull me into him—just in time too, because my knees were starting to feel weak. 

“Hi,” he whispered in my ear before planting soft kisses on the nape of my neck.

“Hey babe.” I breathed into his chest as I took in the salty-sweet combination of his cologne and sweat from the muggy, humid night. “How was the ride over?”

“Too long.” He practically growled as he kicked the door shut, pulled me into his arms, and started to make his way up the stairs to my room.

“Did you hide your bike?”

I felt his chin nod onto my shoulder. “It’s around the side of the house next to the shed where your dad’s old truck is parked.” I calmed a little. Even if they came home early, they probably wouldn't see Ryder’s bike.

With my legs still wrapped around Ryder’s middle, he pressed me against my door as he locked it. “Just in case,” he whispered before brushing our lips softly together. “I love you, Raine. I have since the moment I first saw you three years ago in the bar.”

His hands gripped at my sides, making my need for him grow. “I love you.”

Carrying me over to the bed, Ryder laid me down, then pulled off his shirt and jeans. I let my dress fall to the floor. Getting on his knees, he started to slowly kiss the inside of my leg from my knee up my thigh. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” His breath was hot on the sensitive skin of my inner thigh.

“Ryder, I want all of you, and for you to have all of me.”

He hooked his thumb in the delicate lace and pulled my panties down. Gently, his fingers explored my slick lips, making me moan as his teeth softly bit into the tender flesh of my inner thigh. It had been over a year since I had dumped my last boyfriend, and the only other sexual contact I had had was my bright pink, battery-powered boyfriend that hid in a shoebox under my bed. 

My back arched as Ryder’s tongue glided over my folds and started to tease my opening. “Ryder…that feels so good.”

He moaned a little as he grabbed my ass to pull my pussy closer his hungry touch. His flattened tongue explored my slick lips as my entire body started to shake. Goose bumps rose on my skin as he slowly teased and sucked on my clit. 

“Fuck, Raine, your pussy is fucking incredible.” His breath poured over my sensitive skin like molasses as I felt my orgasm start in the pit of my stomach.

“I want to feel you, Ryder.”

He gritted his teeth and sucked in a sharp breath. “Anything you want, babe.”

“Take control.” My words coated the air and I could feel them fill Ryder as his entire attitude changed. His eyes hooded as he dug his nails into the tops of my legs, pulling himself to his feet.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded, arching my back and grabbing my hard nipples to egg him on just a bit more. He let his boxers drop and he climbed on top of me, resting the head of his thick dick right at my opening.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, babe.” He growled, his lips brushing my neck as desire pooled.

Letting my fingers travel down his back, I felt every muscle flex under my touch. “Please, babe. I don't want to have to beg.”

“Say you want this.” He gently bit down on my shoulder

“Ryder, I want you. I fucking need to feel you.”

A low moan built up in the back of his throat as he leisurely thrust into me. My breath caught from his girth filling me. It had been too long. My entire body started to shake from pleasure as Ryder gently loved me. It was the sweetest, most heartwarming moment because right then we weren't two people any more; we melted into one. It wasn’t sex, it wasn’t even making love, it was becoming infinite in that moment together, knowing that our deep feelings for each other were consuming our souls.

“I love you, Raine,” Ryder whispered as I moaned into his ear that I loved him back.

Banging broke me out of the intoxicating feeling of falling for Ryder over and over. “I know he’s in there. Raine, open this fucking door.”

I knew there was no hiding this. We were fucking caught. We made quick work of getting our clothes back on and Ryder’s face had gone pale. Right as I was about to unlock the door, Ryder grabbed my hand.

“I love you. Even if he freaks, I promise we will be together.”

I kissed his cheek. “It’s going to be ok.”

I watched Ryder suck in a deep breath as the door to my room flung open. “You no good piece of fucking dog shit. Ryder, you’re an ungrateful jackass.”

“Daddy, please!” I started to fight tears as I watched my father grab my boyfriend by the throat and throw him against the far wall of my room.

“Raine, go downstairs.” The fire that was lit in my father’s eyes burned into me. I knew fighting it would only make things worse for everyone.

I ran down to the living room where Crickett was sitting on the couch sipping on a glass of red wine. “Oh, Raine.” 

I fell into her arms, crying. “I love him, Mom. I really do love him. Why can’t Daddy just let me be with who I want to be with?”

“He wants more for you than this life, baby girl. You know that.” She started to run her hands through my hair. “Do you really love him?”

I choked out through sobs, “I really do, and he loves me too.”

“Well, then. I will handle this.”

Abel’s grip was getting tighter around my neck and he screamed within an inch of my face. “I should fucking kill you.”

I locked my eyes with my president’s, waiting for his punch to connect with my jaw. One sharp breath in and then a saving grace busted into Raine’s room.

“Abel! Stop!” I heard Crickett’s loud voice boom into the stillness. 

“Go back downstairs, this is for me to deal with.” Abel growled at his wife in a more sinister tone than I had ever heard.

Crickett put her hand on her husband’s shoulder. “They love each other, Abel. You need to talk to your daughter.”

Abel’s fingertips loosened their grasp slightly. “Do you love my daughter?”

I nodded; his hand was crushing my throat a little too much for my words to form.

“Then you’ll do the right thing and not be with her. She deserves more than this life.”

He finally let me go and I fell to my knees.

“Leave.” He turned his back on me and made his way down into the living room.

With pleading eyes, I silently begged for Crickett to do more, but she just shook her head and followed.

I trotted down the stairs, eyes locked on the floor. I knew that if I looked into her eyes she would know sooner than I was ready to tell her. Abel was right: I loved her more than keeping her in this life—my life. I was nothing more than a deadbeat biker, and that was the way things were going to stay. I hadn’t chosen this life, it had chosen me, but that didn't mean that I was going to drag Raine down into the gutter with me. 

As she called after me, crying, I got on my bike and pulled away. I knew I was breaking her heart, but it was for the best. I drove down the mountain to my dad’s house where I knew he’d be waiting. 

With not even one foot on the bottom step on the porch, I heard my father yell, “Get your fucking ass inside.”

“Dad, please.”

A beer gripped in his hand, he spit on the porch in front of my boot. “You’re lucky Abel didn't kill you, son. What were you thinking?”

I walked through the front door, heart on my sleeve, preparing for the worst. “I love her, Dad.”

Holt sank onto the couch, staring at me. “This ain’t just a chick that you fuck and pretend to love, son. She deserves more than this. More than us.” 

“Fuck.” I paced around the living room. “Don’t you think I fucking know that?”

“Then why would you ever think a guy like you could be with her?” I could see his nostrils flaring. Raine was like a daughter to him and he was going to feel just like Abel did, and I knew they were right.

“Didn’t you hear me? I fucking love her. I’ll give it up, all of it. I’ll turn in my cut. I’ll walk away, take her away.”

My dad took a long swig, glaring at me. “Do you know what you’re really saying, Ryder?”

I nodded and sank onto the couch, defeated.

“Then prove it. Fight for her and prove to Abel that you mean it. Win her and show you deserve it.

“How could he do this to me?”

Crickett ambled around my room, staring at some of my stuff on my desk. “Do you remember the first time we met, honey?” My stepmom picked up my yellowing unicorn rubber duck that was my most prized possession from when I was little.

I thought back to that day: hopping into my dad’s big white truck to see a strange woman sitting in the front seat. “I gave you a flower and said you were pretty.”

With kind eyes, she smiled and took a seat on the bed next to me. “You’ve always been very special, Raine. Your dad has always known that and he wants more for you than a dangerous life married to a club member.”

“But Ryder, he’s different. I know that is so cliché to say, but it’s true.”

Crickett put her hand on my shoulder, slowly pulling me in for a hug. “I will talk to your father. I can’t guarantee anything, sweetheart, but I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” I held on to Crickett, trying to choose my next words carefully. “Do you think he’s scared history is going to repeat itself?”

My stepmother pulled away from me, her face fighting back the pain we knew was starting to blanket the entire room. “Honey, what happened to your mother and grandmother didn't have anything to do with the club. You know that right?”

I nodded. “Then why is Dad so scared of me dating Ryder? You and Dad have made it work.”

“All I can do is try to remind Abel of that. Fingers crossed.” 

“Thank you.” I pulled my blanket around my shoulders, wiping the tears away from my soaked face and neck.

“You do know that it is a hard life, right? It’s scary and dangerous and you never know if your man is going to come home to you. Are you prepared to live a life like that, baby?”

I nodded. “If it’s for Ryder, I’ll go to hell and back.”

“Okay then.” She kissed my forehead and that was that.

Crawling under the covers, I shot off a text message to Ryder.

Me: Goodnight babe. Crickett is on our side. Hopefully Dad will come around soon.

Ryder: Goodnight, my love.

I drifted off to what I knew was going to be a restless night’s sleep, but the nightmare that plagued me was one that I hadn’t had in years.

“What are you doing?” My hollow voice begged to scream but nothing more than a cry came. I was frozen in the corner of the room watching the terrifying scene unfold in front of me.

The shadowed figure trudged over to my mother and grandmother as they screamed and pleaded with him to stop. Huddled in the kitchen together, they were completely defenseless.

In a low raspy voice, he laughed. “You can all see me in hell when this is said and done.”

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

They each fell to the ground in succession, soaked in their blood mixing on the kitchen floor.

I was spared, left alone to scream in the corner.

Cold, alone, scared.