Tucker:

“Can you make them stop?” I ask the doctor. “The flashbacks.”

“Oh, son,” he chuckles. “You want me to erase your mind? You’re already very fortunate that you’re not a vegetable or dead.”

It was worth a shot. I know it seems silly, selfish, even crazy, but until I started having these visions, until I started living in two different realities, my life was really good.

Our life was really good.

If I could do it all over again, I’d make up a totally different story. I’d tell her a different version of the truth. That I’m a man who wanted a fresh start and that my past is completely irrelevant. How I got there is nobody’s business. Back to square one, where I am just a random mountain man who wants to hunt and fish and love his woman.

I’d stifle all the noise. All the flashbacks and weird shit coming out of my mouth. I’d blame it on dreams. Or my imagination. I’d sweep it under the rug.

“Honestly,” the doctor says, “and this is my professional opinion, all these visions and dreams you’re having right now, you’re doing the right thing. You need to write them down. You need to figure out what’s triggering them.”

“So I can find out who I was?”

“That, or…” He doesn’t finish his sentence.

“So I can figure out how to stop doing those things.”

“I didn’t say it. I don’t know what you’re hiding from, Tucker, but sometimes people just need a fresh start. I don’t think you sustained any sort of trauma to your head, but I do think this amnesia is your way of repressing things. Things you don’t want to face.”

It’s kind of a relief knowing that a professional doctor, or at least someone who used to be one, thinks I’m healthy.

“I’m sure you’ve thought of the repercussions of your choices to go unfound, though. First of all, if you’re going to ever legitimately function in society, you’re going to need ID. There’s ways to get those things.”

I nod. I understand that this guy might not be 100 percent on the up and up, but I get what he’s saying.

“Then there’s the morality of it all. That’s something you’re going to have to be willing to either accept or let go of. Did you leave behind any children? Do you want them to have to go through life not knowing what happened to their father?”

I really don’t think I have children. The only relationship that I keep coming back to is mine with Mary. Mary would never go for kids. Mary would only go for Mary.

“If not kids, are there people in your life that you were close to? People that rely on you? Maybe a parent or a friend or a wife?”

In my initial dream, I was helping my dad hunt for an elk to provide for our family. But the more I started falling down that hole, the more ‘recent’ the visions, I seemed to be in great financial shape.

“There ARE people in my life that I AM close to,” I say. “People who rely on me now. Those are the people that I worry about.”

“Well, it’s not my job to be the morality police. And I can’t help you get a fake ID, so don’t even ask,” he chuckles. “It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. It sounds like you’re a happy guy. I don’t think the old lady is too fond of the whole situation, and smoothing that out is going to be all on you.”

I don’t know how I’m going to make this right with Molly. I can’t string her along much longer. She wants answers more than I do. I need to figure out a way to show her that our life can be perfect just as it is.

I think I do know a way I can buy a little time though while I figure out what my next move is going to be. I thank the doctor and pay him with a handful of cash.

She’s sitting on the couch in the living room, looking a little happier than I expected after pushing her out.

“I’m sorry,” I say to her. “I just had to talk to him about some man stuff. You know.”

“Tucker, I’ve seen your dick. You wanted to talk to him about some stuff you don’t feel comfortable talking to me about. I get it. It’s not like we’re married. I’m not entitled to every single detail of your life.”

I’m surprised at how well she’s taking it. She sounds sincere. I hold her hand in mine as we walk out the door.

“What now?” she asks.

“I’m going to go get your gun back.”

“You sure you don’t want to just go to the police? I don’t like the thought of those guys being mad at you.”

“Who cares?” I ask. “Since you’re not doing the story anymore, and it’s not like we have any really important ties here, I was thinking maybe we could consider moving.”

“Moving?” she asks.

“You’re the only person that’s important to me,” I tell her. “Maybe some traveling might jog my memories a little more. None of these flashbacks started happening until I went on that trip. Maybe I need to see some more places to get some more ideas.”

She looks kind of skeptical and I don’t blame her. I’m sure she’s wondering what my motives are. She’s probably wondering what my endgame is, because after I said all that out loud, I realized how ridiculous it sounds, even to me. My only endgame is to buy some more time. Get her so distracted that she lets this whole missing person thing drop for a little bit. Go to a place where the two of us can start all over again, get back to that first day I met her. The innocence.

Go through all the things normal couples go through when they start a relationship. I’ll find work no matter where I go. I’ve proven my skills. She can work wherever she feels like. We do fine in the bus. We can stay there until we decide to settle down.

“Anywhere you want,” I say.

While I’m up on the mountain trying to buy Molly’s gun back, I’m going to see how I can go about getting a fake ID. I’m sure if anyone has connections to that sort of seedy activity, it’s one of the guys.

“What do you think about a fall wedding?” I ask her. “I mean, we can go to Vegas now, but I think you deserve a little more than that.”

“What the hell did that doctor do to you?” she laughs.

“He helped me realize that YOU are the only thing that matters. I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you.”

“I’m not saying no,” she says. “But there are a lot of things we need to take care of before we can get into getting actually married. How can I take your last name when you don’t even have one?”

“We’ll figure it out as we go, Molly. I promise I’ll get you a ring soon.”

“I don’t want a ring,” she giggles. “I want something I can hyphenate Hill with.”

“How about I just go get you your gun?” I ask, shrugging.

“That’ll do for now.”

“And when I get back we can practice consummating our marriage.”

She rolls her eyes at me and pecks me on the cheek. We split ways, her heading off to the campground and me heading towards the mountains. It’s going to be a long hike, but it’ll be worth it. When I get back, we can start plotting our next move.