I floated to the surface and blinked. That simple movement took about an hour, my eyelids weighted with iron bricks. Something gripped my left hand and held my fingers straight, though I couldn’t see exactly what. There wasn’t any pain, just an un-naturalness to it that I didn’t really care for.

The taste of metal danced over my tongue, zipping every cell awake with an iron-fueled high. Except for those cells in my eyelids, which had fallen shut again. The parasites inside me twirled and bounced, urging me to swipe my tongue over the iron cube tucked in my bottom lip.

I did, and whoa. I sprang my eyes open at the rush of energy galloping down to my toes. The zing also awakened the hunger gnawing at my belly. I was ravenous.

Ellison had her head bowed over the gurney for a long moment. Praying? No, that wasn't an Ellison thing to do unless she'd borrowed Feozva from me. She'd long given up on everyone else's gods and goddesses. Might as well see what an imaginary one created by her deranged sister could do. She was more likely counting the stitches in the blanket. Up close so she didn't miss one. Wow, she must've been bored. Or going blind.

I wondered at the speed with which my mind was taking all these left turns. Pretty sure I wasn’t just high on iron-addicted parasites, but also on whatever pain medication Ellison had given me.

"Eight… Three… Two hundred twenty-six," I said to throw Ellison off her stitch-counting.

She lifted her head, her cheeks splotched red, her gray eyes glistening, and rubbed her nose. “You’re awake.”

“I’m counting.”

Her gaze sharpened. "Not very well. Start again. With one."

I sighed. “It's called drugs. I have some. Probably a lot since you’ve become my dealer. But you can relax. I'm not brain damaged.” My mind went sideways for a moment, considering. “Much.”

“Yeah, well, you could have fooled me.” With her mouth pushed together in a thin line, she shoved to her feet and swatted at her tear-streaked cheeks. “What did you think would happen, Absidy? Going up against the doppelganger the way you did? Mase and I told you it wasn’t a good idea seconds before you waltzed in there and did it anyway. Every finger on your left hand was broken, and you’re covered in bruises. How much more of this heroic nonsense are you planning? Because I can’t take any more of it.” The volume of her voice rang off the metal walls inside the infirmary and split open one of the many dull aches in my head.

I winced. “I liked it better when we were talking about counting and you weren't yelling.”

“I'm not...” She dropped her head into the palm of her hand.

“What about my video? Did it get sent to the Ringers?”

“Yes,” she said. “No word back yet. We have another four days until we get to Orin.”

Four days of nothing safe to eat. We would live, but it would be uncomfortable.

“And the doppelganger’s ghost?” I asked. “Has anyone seen it?”

“No.” She sniffed. “Not a trace.”

“Then why are you crying, Ellison?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from trembling with fear. “Is someone hurt? Besides me? Tell me.”

She gazed at the floor, fresh tears streaking her cheeks, while her mouth moved but nothing came out. After she cleared her throat, she swallowed, and crossed her arms across her white smock as if to keep herself together.

I squeezed the blanket on top of me with my good fist, bracing myself for the news of yet another death on this ship, that the Saelis had ended the Black War permanently, or something else just as catastrophic I hadn’t yet considered.

“You're pregnant,” she whispered.

I sucked in a breath and blinked down at my feet tenting the blanket, digging the crease between my eyebrows deeper and deeper to help draw that word inside. Pregnant. A mix of emotions warred inside my heart until I didn't know what to feel. Pregnant, now, in the middle of a war while so many things hunted me, haunted me, while the future of humanity hung by an unraveling thread.

It was terrifying. It was… No, it was just terrifying.

Ellison threaded her fingers through mine on my uninjured hand. I held tight to her so I wouldn’t drown with fear.

Pregnant.

“You have to tell him,” she said, voice soft.

I barked out a laugh that twisted into a sob. My Mase, a father. I had no trouble imagining him with a child clinging to his neck, chasing after the little patter of feet, kissing ten little fingers and toes. He was caring and playful enough to make it work like a complete natural.

But me. A mother? What about the parasites crawling through my blood? And all the iron that had been a regular part of my diet since I was sixteen? I thought I'd accepted who I was meant to be, but this changed everything. My body wasn't fit for childbearing, and even if it was, what kind of life could I give it? I attracted malevolent ghosts wherever I went. I was a fugitive likely on a one-way trip to the prison planet. With me as its mom, the baby would live in constant danger.

Tears burned down my face as I looked at Ellison, who covered her mouth to hide her trembling chin as more tears tracked down her cheeks.

"Is it okay?" I asked, because despite everything, that seemed to be the only thing that really mattered.

She nodded, her tears falling harder. With a shaky breath, she wiped her face, then blew out a long stream of air to collect herself. "You can’t take any more risks like you did. You have to think of the baby first, you hear me?”

No more risks. But if the Ringers hadn’t responded to my video, then Plan B had failed. Plan C was the only other idea I could come up with, the one with “engine trouble,” which would allow Parker to board us so we could steal his ship, and Poh could turn me in—but not really—under the guise of making the Ringers tremble under the blackmail threat until they caved and let us through the rings. If this child had any chance at a future, at knowing Pop and Moon Dragon, we had to go through with it. We had to stop the Saelis.

But I couldn’t say any of that to Ellison, so I just nodded. She would try to talk me out of it. She wouldn’t understand, and I didn’t either, because it was a stupid, reckless plan. But I knew it was something I had to do.

"You have to tell him," she said again. "Soon, before it becomes obvious."

I gazed down the length of my body and hesitantly rested my gloved, splinted hand on my stomach. How would Mase react to creating a life with me? Would he be terrified, too, or would he break out into a devilish smile that always stuttered my heart while his mismatched eyes lit with happiness? Would he even still want me, us, once he found out I’d deliberately orchestrated Parker coming aboard this ship armed with the tantalizing He? No, he could stand against Parker if he knew he was coming. I had to tell him. But even if I did, I was about to put him and the captain, not to mention my own sister who’d more than proved she would literally go to the ends of the universe for me, in so much danger that I didn’t think I could forgive myself. I needed to tell all of them about the engine trouble plan. They needed to be ready.

But between Ellison’s overprotective nature and the crew’s “Keep Absidy alive” mantra, they would probably physically tether me to a pole before they’d let Poh turn me in to the police. Especially now that I was pregnant. Ugh, this constant waffling back and forth was making me hurt.

“I'll tell him," I said, grazing my broken, gloved hand across my belly. I would tell him afterward, once the Ringers promised they would let us through and Poh and I came back aboard.

Ellison absently picked at the fibers on the blanket next to my arm. "And when you tell him, you both need to decide whether you want to keep the baby."

I zeroed in on her red-rimmed eyes and the set of her jaw for an indication of what she thought. But other than the tears drying on her face, the only thing that showed emotion in her usually stoic persona was her firm grip on my hand.

“What do you think I should do?” I asked.

She shook her head. “That's not my decision to make, Abs.”

“But...” Panic gripped my chest. “What if we make the wrong one? What if it grows up to be just like me?”

Ellison's eyes filled with fresh tears. "That's what you're worried about?"

“I'm worried about everything," I said, my voice cracking.

She leaned over and pressed her lips to my forehead, her tears slipping and mingling with mine. "I can think of much worse things than if your baby grows up to be like you."

A baby grew inside me while numerous threats wanted to end me, including those who’d been hired to look like me. Poh would soon turn me in to the police, and if we failed to blackmail the Ringers to let us through the rings, the rest of humanity would be wiped from the universe. Not to mention that I was a fugitive ghost magnet with an iron addiction.

Maybe Ellison could think of worse things than the baby being like me. But I couldn’t. Not now.

“When were you going to tell me about this?” Ellison asked.

At first I had no idea what she was talking about since she’d only just told me I was pregnant, but then I saw where her gaze pointed. My hand she held tight to was now empty of the old rags I’d wrapped around my wrist. The tiny gray scales that I’d tried to hide from existence had inched up my arm halfway to my elbow and down almost to my knuckles. I flopped my head back down on my pillow, too weak, too shocked, too everything, except to pray to Feozva for a fucking break every once in a while. Was that too much to ask?

“I don’t know,” I said, the words thick in my mouth. “I really don’t, but just cover it up, will you?”

I half expected her to poke and prod at that topic with more questions, but she simply did as I asked with a worried pucker between her eyebrows.

“No one else saw it,” she said, binding a fresh bandage to me. “I tucked your arm under the blanket every time Mase came in to check on you. You…you might want to tell him about that, too. I wish you had told me.”

More tears rivered down my cheeks into my ears as I shook my head. “I was too afraid. I am so afraid, Ellison, more than I’ve ever been in my entire life.”

She stopped her bandaging and gripped my arm tight with her head bowed. “We’ll figure it out. Together. Please don’t be scared.”

“But…I invited the ghost on Orin into me, and it couldn’t come in. What if…what if all the ghosts I thought I’d passed through to the other side…didn’t pass through? What if they’re still inside me, and there’s no more room. What…” I gazed at Ellison until she looked up at me. “What if?”

She frowned. “That doesn’t explain the scales.”

“I invited hundreds of Saelis females into me, and if they’re still inside me, maybe they’re…pushing outward or…evolving into something other than a ghost. Inside me. With the baby.”

“Listen to me, Absidy. If anything medically wrong happens to you or your baby, I will know about it.” She heaved a wet, hysterical laugh. “That’s something I can actually help with. Maybe the ghosts didn’t pass through to the other side. Maybe they did. Either way, you were put here for something bigger than anyone ever imagined. You, Absidy. I will never forgive myself for dragging you out to deep space to find me when all I wanted you to do was be safe, but now I’m beginning to think this is part of your journey. I don’t envy you for one second, but I will help you, I will do anything you ask, just please…”

“Keep Absidy alive.”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Whatever you have to do. Even if it means putting others at risk.”

“Is my purpose stopping the Saelis from finishing the Black War?”

She took a breath and continued wrapping up my arm. “That’s probably a large part of it. You were able to figure out the truth about this ship and the real history about the Black War because of your ability.”

“If that’s the case, then who made me what I am? Who cares about humans so badly that they don’t want to see them destroyed for good, even though… Well, let’s be honest, humans don’t have the greatest track record at not fucking everything up.”

“We’re not all bad. Look at Pop. Look at you.” She smiled down at the blanket. “And Josh.”

“So maybe there’s like ten people who aren’t assholes, is what you’re saying.”

A smile flitted across her mouth. “I guess so, yes.”

“You’re a doctor, so I know you’ve thought about this,” I said. “What happens when we die? Who put us here in the first place?”

“I used to not believe in anything, but… I have to believe something did put us here, but maybe it’s something that doesn’t have a name, something we haven’t even considered. Everything exists for a reason, but I don’t think we’re meant to understand everything. Humans, Saelis, the universe—it’s all so complex that it can’t be just blinked into existence and then forgotten about. As for what happens when we die… I think you know more than I do since you can see ghosts, and I only see what they do to you.” She shrugged then heaved a sigh. “That’s about the best I can do on an empty stomach, Abs.”

“I guess that’ll do,” I said, squeezing her hand. “So, when can I blow this joint?”

“Whenever you feel up to it, but watch the hand and…” She glanced away and swallowed. “Keep an eye on those scales.”

“Now there’s a sentence I never thought you would say to me.” I stared up at the dull metal ceiling, letting the last of my tears trickle into my hairline, then hefted myself upright with Ellison’s gentle hands at my back.

“Okay?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Can you go boil yourself some water, or do you need my help? You need to stay hydrated. The captain and I have scoured the ship for food that wasn’t in the stasis pantry, but all we found were some stale crackers. I can go get you some if you want.”

A wave of dizziness struck me, not from whatever meds Ellison had dosed me with or my singing parasites, but from the pieces rapidly clicking together inside my head. I glanced at my sister, who never cried until lately, and her tear-stained face. My memory flitted through her no-show the morning we’d gone to Orin because she’d felt ill.

“Ellison,” I hissed.

The accusation in my voice jerked her head back. “What?”

“You’re pregnant, too, aren’t you?”

“Damn it, Absidy.” Her mouth tipped into a resigned frown. “I…didn’t want you to worry about me.”

Was that her weird way of admitting it? I gently tugged on her long braid that had fallen over her shoulder. “I know my own sister. Speaking of not telling each other things…”

She heaved a breath and rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. “You don’t have enough to worry about?”

I swung my legs off the bed and threw my arms around her, willing myself not to cry anymore. “I always have enough room in my worry banks for you. Always.”

We clung to each other, two pregnant sisters on a stranded, haunted ship with crackers as our only safe food source, caught up in a two-hundred-year-old war.

“You’re not the only one who’s scared,” Ellison whispered into my hair.

I squeezed her tighter, allowing our combined fear to sharpen my senses before I walked out that door to face the unknown. “I know.”