"Is everything all right?" Ryan asked.

I took a moment to gather myself before pushing off the wall. Ryeth was gone again. "Everything's fine, I guess. Ryeth is tired."

I rubbed my hands on my pants. I felt listless and out of place. This baby delivering gig had been Ryeth's responsibility. I didn't have the least clue.

Thankfully, Phoenix seemed to sense my uncertainty. "We should be fine now, Simon. I have witnessed enough births that I'm fairly certain I can direct Ryan for anything we need in the near future."

"Do you need help getting home?" I asked. The clinic was sparse, just the hospital bed, a sink, a couple cupboards, and a few stainless-steel rolling trays, really. Ryeth hadn't been certain what to expect with Phoenix's labor. 

"You look worn-out," Phoenix said. "You should go rest. Ryan can call for someone if we need them."

It seemed out of place for the man who had just given birth to be telling me I looked like I needed rest, but I couldn't argue. I felt jittery without Ryeth's presence lingering in the back of my thoughts. In the last three months, the only time I'd truly been alone had been directly after we'd recovered the children. 

I was surprised to discover I didn't like feeling alone.

I had been very apprehensive of the idea of having someone listening in on all my thoughts, but I rarely felt as though Ryeth was being intrusive. It was more like when Asher and I had been children, sharing a room, always having someone to tell the stupid, disconnected thoughts that crossed your mind. 

I trudged back to my home. It felt half-empty these days. Asher had finally decided to open up communication with several of the shifter families and return the children to them. The entire pack had been concerned about Wamp or the Black Dragon tracking the children down again, but shifter families were not defenseless. We'd made sure each guardian was aware of the danger. We had been laughed at. Many times. But the laughter died slowly and awkwardly when the children revealed their powers to their families.

Not every reunion had gone positively. That was part of the reason why several children still remained with the pack. Several of the others were from dangerous situations where there was a proven pattern of abuse, and there was no way we were going to release the children back into their care. Those families we had not contacted at all. Only a few families had evaded our search entirely. We were looking for aunts and uncles, grandparents. Either these children were truly orphaned with no remaining family, or something had separated their families so thoroughly, even Kurt couldn't find the connections.

Only three children sat in the living room today, working studiously on homework with the TV on in the background.

James looked up. "Are the babies here?"

I nodded. “They’re tiny, and red and sleepy. Ryeth said they’re griffins.

"What are griffins?" Mila asked. She was about eleven, with straw colored hair.

"It's an eagle mixed with a lion," James told her.

"But if Phoenix is a phoenix and Ryan is a lion... wouldn't the babies be a phoenix or a lion?" 

James shrugged, looking to me for further information.

I had about as much clue as the kids on that matter. "I guess that's just how it works for Phoenix. Why don't you all hurry up and finish your homework. I'm sure there will be a celebration tonight."

Without Ryeth. 

I retreated to my room. How was it that everything seemed so much larger and emptier right now? It wasn't as if Ryeth had a physical presence that I would feel its absence.

Enough with the moping, I commanded myself. Ryeth would be back, just like before. He would be back before I knew it. I should relish this time. When was the last time I'd had a true moment to myself? The last time I'd jerked off without wondering what Ryeth would think of my current fantasy?

Now there was an idea. Of course I should take advantage of this opportunity. There were certainly things, people that I avoided thinking of, knowing that Ryeth couldn't help but listen in.

Before taking my personal time, I jumped in the shower, washing away the sweat and the weird astringent smell of disinfectant. The whole process of birth still seemed unnatural to me, even though it was technically the most natural thing in the world. I supposed that someday I would have children of my own. I liked the idea. The actuality seemed rather far from me at the moment, however, and I was content with the adopted strays and half dozen little cubs my pack seemed so keen on producing the last few years.

I slipped from the shower to my room with the towel wrapped around my waist, feeling almost guilty, as if one of the children would see me and know exactly what I was about to do. None of them would have thought anything of my quick dash from the bathroom to my room, though. It was just my brain, feeling as if I were sneaking around, finally having some alone alone time.

I let the towel fall to the floor as soon as the door closed behind me. The vague sense of guilt followed me, however, even though I had no logical reason for the emotion.

I settled onto my bed, plumping my pillows just so. My hand settled on my cock and I teased myself, brushing the soft skin and rolling my balls between my fingers, I found myself staring at my popcorn ceiling once more.

I don't think I'd actually focused on the ceiling since the first time that Ryeth… assisted me. With him, my eyes were always closed, blocking out any distractions from my mental world.

I pulled my thoughts away from memories of Ryeth. This was my chance to explore fantasies that didn't include him.

I took things slowly. I had no need to rush and I'd always appreciated a slow buildup.

Twenty minutes later, however, I was more than ready to pass the buildup stage and get into the getting off stage, but something was holding me back. Physically, everything seemed to be on track. My cock was hard, my hand was moving at the right pace, with the perfect grip, but that tightness in my chest, that spiral of energy at the base of my spine that signaled everything was ramping up, all of that was missing… And I couldn't fucking stop thinking of Ryeth.

Fuck it.

This was getting ridiculous. I let my mind go where it obviously wanted to. I imagined Ryeth coming into my room and seeing me so evidently frustrated, lying on my bed. His physical form was absolutely gorgeous, and when he was in my mind, everything felt so real. With Ryeth in charge, I could feel his long hair touch my skin, I could feel the heat of his skin on mine, the smooth, wet pressure of his tongue on my cock.

My memory of him, my imagination, was good, but it wasn't as good as Ryeth's. 

My imagination was enough to finally get my mind in the right mood, and it didn't take long for me to find my release.

I wasn't satisfied, though. The sensations of my orgasm hadn't shot to my toes and my fingers and my nose the way it did with Ryeth.

I knew all this meant something, but I was reluctant to explore those thoughts. I wanted more in life than just an imaginary friend in my mind. And yes, Ryeth was not imaginary, but he wasn't here, in the flesh. I wasn't sure that he ever would be.

With a frustrated sigh, I dressed, and went to see if the kids needed any help with homework. If things went the same as they had before, I had a few days before Ryeth returned. I certainly wasn't going to spend them moping alone in my room.