ON THE DRIVE TO THE university campus, my exhilaration turned to growing suspicion. “So, Sam works at the same campus we’re going to?” I asked Ryan as he drove at a ridiculously dangerous speed down the freeway.
“Yes,” he replied, shifting gears again.
“Stop showing off,” I snapped. “I hate guys who are into cars. Tell me again what other acceptance letters I got?”
“Brown, Cornell, Washington State, UC. All on a full scholarship. Stanford, Yale, Columbia. All on full–fee programs.”
“And you just decided that UCLA was the best choice for me?”
Ryan glared at me, and my eyes began to water at the power that was in his gaze. It was because of his age, I realized. Because he had lived for so very long. But I refused to look away, even as my eyes burned.
“UCLA is the only choice for you,” he growled. “You are being hunted by the most powerful vampire in all existence. You should be at home, under lock and key.”
I folded my arms and stared straight ahead. “At home, your home, under lock and key? I might as well be –”
“Dead, I know,” Ryan finished my sentence for me. How considerate. “Which is why I’m taking you to your orientation at UCLA, something I’m probably going to regret when we both get killed.”
“Right,” I scoffed.
“Is there something else wrong?” Ryan asked. “Something other than the obvious fact that you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you,” I muttered. “Well, sometimes I do. You just frustrate the hell out of me.”
“I would hate me,” Ryan answered, “If I were you.”
“What would have happened to you, if you had just Turned me and kept going working for Caleb?”
Ryan shrugged. “Nothing, I guess. Life would have just been normal for me.”
“And if Caleb finds you now,” I asked, “what would happen?” I looked at the steering wheel, noticing Ryan’s knuckles turning white from squeezing it so hard.
“He wouldn’t kill me right away,” Ryan answered calmly, too calmly. “He would likely torture me, throw me in a hole for a couple of months with no blood, until I went insane. Then, he’d probably throw someone down for me to try not to kill. Like a kid, to make it as bad a s he possibly could.”
His voice, the way he was sitting, looked perfectly ordinary—too ordinary. I felt the fear that held tight in his throat. And he was terrified.
I put my hand on his arm. I hated that he was right. I hated that, despite how much anger I felt for him, it wasn’t the only emotion he made me feel. “That’s why I don’t hate you,” I replied.
“But?” Ryan prodded.
“But I’m afraid of you,” I admitted. “Last night? Something definitely wasn’t normal. It’s like you were compelling me to respond to you. I would never do that in a million years.”
“I didn’t compel you,” Ryan replied, his face tight with worry. “I don’t know what happened. I’m attracted to you, sure, but I can generally restrain myself from taking advantage of teenage girls.”
My cheeks stared to burn. I’m attracted to you, sure.
“Is it because we’re bound?” I asked, remembering how Ryan had explained our link through his blood that had Turned me.
“I don’t know,” Ryan replied. “But hey, You’re not the first girl I’ve Turned, not by a long shot. You are the first one I’ve risked everything to rescue. So maybe there’s something in that.”
It made me wonder, for the next twenty minutes as we sailed down the freeway: Did Ryan have feelings for me? More importantly, did I have feelings for him?
Half an hour later we were sitting in an open–air amphitheatre, listening to the dean’s opening address, when I noticed Ryan wasn’t paying any attention to the speech. Instead, he was paying a lot of attention to a hot blonde student sitting a few rows down from us. She was wearing a UCLA t-shirt that looked brand new, and denim cutoffs that showed off her long, tanned legs. She had obviously been keeping up her running schedule over the summer, while I had been sitting in a dungeon and then falling through a plate glass window and dying.
“Oh my God,” I said, elbowing Ryan hard in the ribs as the dean walked off stage and everyone around us clapped. “You are not allowed to eat my classmates.”
Ryan rolled his eyes endearingly. “Relax, kitten. Go, find Sam’s office. I’ll be a gentleman and introduce myself to this young lady.”
I shook my head. “Whatever. I’ll meet you back here in ten?”
“It’s a date,” Ryan smiled.
“I wouldn’t date you if you were the last vampire alive,” I replied. “Stop acting like we’re a couple.”
“Would you prefer I went back to being awkward and distant?” Ryan offered.
“Yes,” I breathed. “That would make life much easier.” I eyed the blonde again. “I mean it, Ryan. Be nice to her.”
“I’ll be a gentleman,” he replied, already checked out of our conversation and striding away.
Sam’s office was pretty easy to find.
“Professor,” I drawled, knocking on the open door. “Mind if I come in?”
A huge smile broke out on Sam’s face, and I couldn’t help but smile back. “Mia!”
“I like your office,” I said, looking around at the mahogany bookshelves that lined the walls and the huge window that looked over the main quadrangle. “It’s … cosy.”
Sam stood up from where he was sitting behind a computer screen, and circled around to the front of his desk.
“You look happier,” he said, studying my face. “That’s good.”
“This place is awesome!“ I gushed. I wouldn’t admit it to Ryan, but I loved this place. The architecture, the chilled–out vibe, the temperature. Even the fact that Sam worked on campus was reassuring, even if slightly suspicious. I told Sam all about my orientation session, how the Dean had said so many inspiring things, and how good my class schedule was.
“Have you told Jared and Evie yet?” Sam asked casually.
I felt my face fall. “No. Ryan only just told me we were coming this morning.”
“You should call them,” Sam said. “You must miss them a lot.”
I smiled painfully. “Like you wouldn’t believe,” I said quietly.
“You should speak to them,” Sam repeated. “It’s not too late, you know. I spoke to Ryan, we want you to go home as soon as possible.”
I immediately got defensive. I mean, all of these people, making decisions—major life decisions—for me? Wasn’t I supposed to be doing that?
“What’s it got to do with you?” I said rudely.
Sam stopped smiling. “I’m sorry, I didn’t –”
“Did you have something to do with me coming here?”
Sam’s shoulders sagged. He looked at the ground as if searching for the right answer. “Ryan told me that you got in to lots of colleges. Including this one. He didn’t want you going anywhere for a long time. I convinced him that you were going to leave altogether if he didn’t let you take control of your own life.”
I thought about that for a minute. “Fair enough,” I conceded. “Thank you.”
Sam smiled again, and I felt my whole body relax. The guy might be brooding and serious most of the time, but when he did smile, it lit up the whole room. “You don’t need to thank me,” he said.
I grimaced as a wave of nausea snaked through my belly, reminding me that I had yet to eat any breakfast. “Is there a McDonald’s nearby?” I asked, clutching my stomach. “I need some grease.”
“Big night?” Sam guessed.
I nodded. “Something like that. I swear, I had two glasses of red wine, and I was stoned.”
“Your metabolism is much different now,” Sam said. “Don’t forget that.”
“How can I?” I replied. “I basically throw everything up that’s solid. I’m like a baby.”
“That’s exactly what you’re like,” Sam said, smiling.
“Yeah,” I said, suddenly feeling small and immature. “Okay, well, I better get back before Ryan kills someone.”
Walking back to meet Ryan, I felt a small surge of hope blossom within my chest. I could call Jared. Maybe even Evie and my mother. I could go to school. I could still get back on track and have a life, my life, and most of the things I had dreamed of since I was a little girl.
Almost everything.
My hand slipped down to rest over my stomach, and below that, my barren womb. I suddenly felt a heaviness sweep through me at the knowledge that while I could still act like the old Mia Blake, I was kidding myself if I thought I could just forget everything that had happened and go back to my old life. I felt a longing for the past, and a hollow pain inside my stomach throbbed in time with my aching head.
Ryan and I want you to go home as soon as possible.
Yeah, right. After last night, the crazy bloodlust and the sex, I doubted I’d ever be able to look Jared in the eye again.