Chapter Thirteen – Cynthia

Despite what she had said, Cynthia had no desire to badmouth Tyrell in front of Tamara. The little girl thought the world of her father, and even though he had been a real idiot, she knew he was a good dad. In a way, she could sympathize with what he had done since it was to ensure that Tamara didn’t hear the things she had been screaming—come to think of it, she had been very profane.

Besides which, the blame didn’t lie with him. It was Smith, and what he had done. She shuddered as she remembered the black glare he’d given her, the way he kept coming after her. What was it that he wanted?

Still, it did leave her wondering what to tell Tamara. The worry ate her up inside as she parked Rex’s car and headed into the cafe where she and Tamara had agreed to meet up. It was a cute little establishment with lots of delicious dessert options. Cynthia had already decided that she was going to buy Tamara whatever she wanted. This was a tough situation for her, and she needed to know that despite what happened, Cynthia still loved her.

Was it just her imagination that everybody started giving her the stink-eye the moment she walked in? Cynthia ducked her head, choosing a spot near the back where she and Tamara would have more privacy.

Okay, she had freaked out when she found out but it was more the way she found out than anything else. She had been attacked; didn’t any of them understand that? If Tyrell had simply sat her down and shifted, she would have been shocked but wouldn’t have been so terrified as she had been. She wouldn’t have freaked out. But after being attacked by a bear with the terror and adrenaline still in her system, what did they expect?

Moments after she arrived, Ruby came in holding Tamara’s hand. Cynthia pushed aside her thoughts, concentrating on the here and now. That was what was important. Ruby’s gaze narrowed in on Cynthia, sitting in the booth, and she led Tamara over. Ruby’s face was carefully blank, but Cynthia could see the stress in her jaw and the tension in her shoulders.

“Thank you for coming,” Cynthia said to Tamara, then glanced at Ruby. “Is it okay if we talk alone?”

Ruby opened her mouth but shut it again to smile at Tamara. “Whatever you want, sweetie.”

“Then I want to talk alone,” Tamara whispered.

Ruby scowled briefly, then smiled again. She pressed a quick kiss to Tamara’s forehead and left them alone. Cynthia smiled softly, although her stomach was doing all sorts of flip-flops. How did one apologize to a child for screaming bloody murder at something they did? She had never lost her cool with kids before.

“You can get anything you want,” she started, handing Tamara a menu. “Anything at all… Sweetie, about when you showed me what you can do… I’m sorry. I shouldn't have screamed like that. I must have scared you pretty bad, huh?”

Tamara, her eyes on the menu, nodded. Her lip wobbled and tears started to run down her cheeks.

Cynthia moved to sit next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. “You want some cheesecake?”

Tamara shook her head. She glanced up, her eyes big and full of worry. “I want you to come back home.”

Cynthia winced. “Honey… I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“But what if I promise not to be a bear anymore? I can be like you. I just want you to come home and be happy again.”

Tears burned in Cynthia’s eyes as she hugged Tamara close, wanting to comfort her but not having the words. Even if she was still getting used to this whole bear thing, she knew such a promise must be taking a terrible toll on Tamara. Rex had explained that kids didn’t start shifting until they were about Tamara’s age, but once they did there was a huge celebration, to mark the milestone.

For Tamara to push that all aside? Because of her bad reaction? “It’s not because you can be a bear, Tamara. What you can do is beautiful. Okay? I don’t want you to ever stop being who you are, and when you shift into your bear, it’s who you are, right?”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

Cynthia pulled away and looked down at her seriously. “But it is. You might as well say that you’ll never open your eyes again or you’ll stop talking. It’s important. I don’t want to take that away from you. The reason I’m not with you guys hasn’t got anything to do with you being a bear.”

Tamara peered up at her, her brow puckered. “Then why? Why won’t you come home?”

Her chest tightened. Cynthia was glad for the excuse of the server stopping by to see if they were ready to order to get some time to think. She didn’t want to lay all the blame on Tyrell. How could she explain everything though? His actions were the reason why she wasn’t returning to the ranch, even if it was Smith who instigated everything. She took a gulp of the ice water while Tamara stared at her, her eyes big and questioning.

Finally, Cynthia sighed. She couldn’t put it off any longer. “It’s complicated.”

“Weren’t you happy with us?”

“Yes… Yes, I was.” Happier than she had ever been before in her life. She finally felt like there was a place where she belonged, where she fit in and didn’t have to pretend to be someone other than who she was. Everywhere she had gone, she had hoped to find a place like this. And now it was being taken away… or was she giving it up? “I just… Sometimes adults do things and it changes stuff between them.”

“That’s what Daddy said. He said he did a bad thing and that you were right not to come back.”

Cynthia sighed. This wasn’t going the way she had hoped. For starters, they didn’t have any desserts to soothe the sting of the conversation. But then, maybe that was more for her own benefit than Tamara’s. Even the creamiest cheesecake couldn’t stop this heartache from barreling in and destroying everything.

“What did Daddy do?”

Oh, she was not going to explain that. Tamara was too young to understand all the nuances of what had happened and why. Cynthia shook her head instead. “It wasn’t just your dad. I did some things, too. Like how I started screaming when you shifted, only worse. And I’m sorry, sweetie. I really am. But it’s one of those adult things that can’t be fixed.”

“But it can be.” Tamara straightened, her face growing serious. “My Daddy says that everything can be fixed. You just need enough duck tape.”

“Oh, Sweetie...” Cynthia sighed and shook her head. “It’s not like that. You can’t fix something like this with ‘duct’ tape.”

“Crazy glue?”

Cynthia shook her head again. She held Tamara close, trying desperately to find the words to ease this sting. Her eyes flooded with tears and she hid her face in Tamara’s red hair. You couldn’t fix a broken heart with duct tape or crazy glue.

And that was the truth of the matter. Her heart had cracked wide open and now she wasn’t sure how to put it back together. It was her own fault. She should have known going into things with Tyrell that it wouldn’t be so simple that she could just live with him, sleep with him, take care of his daughter, and think she wouldn’t develop true feelings for him. She should have been smarter. She shouldn’t have even entertained the notion of sleeping with him, even if he was the hottest man on the island.

It wasn't love—she wasn’t so stupid as to think that love could have developed this fast (could it?) but it was deep emotion nonetheless. And knowing that Tyrell had been lying to her while they slept together hurt even worse than him shoving her into the root cellar. Even if she sort of understood the reasons behind his lie, and that technically he didn’t lie so much as simply keep a secret, it didn’t stop her from feeling like she was bleeding all over her life.

And sitting here with Tamara thinking of all the deep emotions that weren’t just going to disappear no matter how much she might want them to, she made a decision. Rex thought she was his mate. He had declared his undying love for her and had been nothing but sweet and compassionate since this whole thing had started.

It was grossly unfair of her to lead him on when she already knew that nothing could come of it. No. She needed to simply break ties. Leave the island, stop this childish fantasy that what she had with Tyrell was real…

“I’m going back to my home,” she said slowly. “But I just need you to know that I love you, Tamara. And nothing is ever going to change that.”

“Don’t go,” Tamara sobbed, clinging to her.

“I’m sorry. I have to. But I love you and I want you to always know that you’re the best version of you, okay? Don’t let anybody change who you are.”

Cynthia held her tightly, her own tears flowing freely now. She wanted to just rewind the clock, to react differently when Tamara had shifted in front of her. She wanted everything to be different. But it wasn’t. They had to play the game of life with the hands they had been dealt, and this one was hers.

In the end, they didn’t get anything to eat, and Cynthia was glad. She was certain that even the sweetest dessert would taste bitter in her mouth. She and Tamara ended up going for a walk along the beach, and Cynthia convinced her to shift so that she could shower her with praise over her bear form. Then, with the cub tucked securely in her arms and Tamara’s fuzzy face in her shoulder, she returned to town. Tamara broke down into tears again once Cynthia gave her to Ruby.

And then it was time to say goodbye.

***

Rex was silent as they made their way through the ocean. Cynthia’s suitcase sat at her feet, heavier than it had been when she arrived. Her heart weighed even more. Memories pressed in on her from all sides and it was all she could do not to break down in tears again. But this was the right choice. To get away, to find a new life again. This restart hadn’t worked, so she would just have to try again until she found the right fit.

Smith would be happy that she wasn’t on the island anymore.

When Cynthia had told him that she was going to leave, Rex had begged and pleaded for her to stay. He swore again and again that they were mates, but she had simply told him no. If she wasn’t so heartbroken over her choice already, she might have been able to handle his constant pleas. But she wasn’t, and so eventually had screamed at him to just shut up and let her make her own decisions. He had been silent ever since.

Seriously, she didn’t understand his obsession with her. How could he be so certain that they were mates? Yes, he had been charming and sweet but she couldn’t help but wonder—was this still about Tyrell? She didn’t want to think it was, but she couldn’t dismiss the possibility.

When Rex tied off the boat at the dock, he held out his hand to help her off the boat. Cynthia gratefully took it. She opened her mouth to apologize for the way she had screamed at him, but before she could get a single word out, he had taken the suitcase from her. He dropped it to the dock and pulled her into his arms.

“What—”

Her protest was cut off by a hard kiss to her mouth. Their teeth clinked together, catching her lip painfully between them. Rex’s arms banded tightly around her, pulling her so close she could feel the beating of his heart. For one split second, she was tempted to give in, to allow the pleasures of the body to erase the pain of the heart.

But that would not be fair to him if he had real feelings for her. If he didn’t? She wasn’t going to let him use her to get at Tyrell.

So she shoved him away. “Stop it,” she said to him. “Just stop. I have already told you, I am not your mate. Whatever you feel for me, I don’t feel the same way.”

“Yes, you do. I can taste it when we kiss.”

“Rex—”

“Please. I know that you were hurt, and not just by Tyrell. But can’t you see how happy we could be together? You and me. And Tamara, too. We could have more kids if you want or none, it doesn’t matter to me. You are my mate and there will be nobody else for me as long as I live.”

Cynthia shook her head. “I’m sorry, Rex,” she said as she picked up her suitcase.

She walked away without looking back. Rex called to her, but she didn’t turn back. She had already booked a hotel room until she could figure out where to go from here. Back to the East Coast, probably… Back to her family… Probably back to vet school, so she could support herself properly.

Back to everything she had left in the first place.

In the end, it wasn’t so bad. At least in her bored, everyday life, she wasn’t faced with this sort of heartbreak.

Rex called to her one last time, and she imagined it was Tyrell’s voice instead. Tyrell, Tamara and Ruby all calling for her.

She lifted the suitcase higher and started to run.