Delaney

As soon as Cillian is gone, I break down. Sitting on the bed, I let the tears I’d been holding back stream down my cheeks.

“Ye want to tell me what that was about?” Aiden crosses his arms, watching me with a frown.

I pick up the key, trying to hold back the sobs that strangle me. I shouldn’t care as much as I do. I knew all along that this wouldn’t last. But the way he looked at me, like I was filth, has burned into my mind.

“Delaney?” There’s sympathy in his eyes when I glance up and meet his gaze.

“I need to go.” I still need to deal with Matt. I’m not sure why he’s here, or why he told Cillian that we’re engaged. But I intend to find out.

“I’ll drive you. If ye need to stay with Emer and I until ye figure things out–”

“I’d appreciate a ride to the train station, but I need to deal with something first. Would you mind waiting?”

He nods.

I gather the few belongings I have, then make my way down to the coffee shop. I can feel Aiden behind me, but he has the grace to not say anything or ask any more questions.

As soon as I see Matt, fresh anger mixes with misery, a volatile combination, and I can feel myself on the edge, ready to explode.

His familiar brown eyes widen when he sees me. “God, Delaney. I’ve been worried–”

“Don’t.” I raise my hand, stopping him from coming any closer.

He frowns, jaw clenching, nostrils flaring. “Why are you here? How are you here?”

“Your parents called me. They’re worried about you.”

Shit. I’d sent them a few emails, but I hadn’t contacted them in over two weeks. Not that they’d ever seemed to notice when I’d gone long periods without calling before.

“Joint MasterCard. I saw the charges.”

Shit. I hadn’t thought about that.

“I went to your apartment. I could tell you hadn’t been there in a while, so I called your work. They said you’d been…let go.”

“Did you tell my parents?”

“No.”

“Thank you.” The words feel like grit in my mouth.

His features relax slightly and he nods. “When I realized you hadn’t told them about us, I thought maybe there was still hope.”

“Hope?” I laugh. “I didn’t think telling them you’re a lying, two-timing cheat would be helpful.”

His nostrils flare. “I didn’t lie to you, Delaney. I told you exactly what happened.”

“That you slept with another woman while we were engaged. Yeah, thank you for being so honest.” Sarcasm drips from my words. “You’re a modern day saint.”

“Jesus, Delaney. How many times do I have to apologize? It only happened once. And it wasn’t like…” He rubs the back of his neck and looks away.

“Wasn’t like what? Say it.”

“You were so caught up in your grief, you didn’t have time for me.”

“If you were so unhappy, you should have broken up with me, not gone out a screwed the first woman you met.”

“Abby wasn’t…” He shakes his head and looks up at the ceiling, blowing out a slow, calming breath. When he looks back at me, his expression has changed, more contained. And I’m reminded of the man I used to care about. The one that stuck by me through Maeve’s illness, who held my hand at her funeral. “I love you, Delaney. That hasn’t changed.”

For a moment, I feel a hint of the emotion that I once felt with him. And I realize now how dull and passionless it really was.

“It’s over between us.” I keep my voice steady.

“Why, because of that guy you’re with? Where is he now?” A small, satisfied grin tugs at his lips, like he knows what he did, or maybe he did it on purpose. “You think someone like that wants more than just sex from you? I saw the asshole driving off a few minutes ago.”

“Because of you. Because you lied and told him we were engaged.”

“Is it really a lie, Delaney? You still love me. I get that you needed some space, to work out whatever shit was going on in your head–”

“Is that really what you think?” I’m yelling now, and people are staring, including Aiden. “I gave you your ring back. Told you I didn’t want to see you again. I meant it.”

“You’re not thinking straight. You don’t know what you want. Come home and–”

“I know what I want.” I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth, fighting off tears. Because what I want is gone. “It’s not you.”

“Think about what this looks like. You jump on a plane to Ireland without telling anyone, then screw the first guy you meet. What do you think your parents will say when I tell them?”

I want to slap him. Hit him. Punch him. Make him hurt the way I am. And it’s not just his betrayal. It’s that he ruined things with Cillian. For that, I’ll never forgive him.

He takes a step toward me and growls out, “I saw the pictures. The video of you throwing yourself at that guy. They’re all over the internet. When I showed your picture to a few of the locals, they were more than happy to share them with me.”

My mouth opens and closes. He must be talking about the night we were at the Crow’s Head.

“One little click, and I’ll send them to everyone who knows us. Do you really want that?”

“You think threatening me will make me want you? Send them to whoever the hell you want. I really don’t care.”

Matt grabs my arm tight when I start to walk away.

“Delaney?” Aiden is behind me, and I can hear the threat in his voice, a threat directed at Matt.

“I’m all right.”

“Who the hell are you?” Matt glares at Aiden, then turns back to me. “What? Are you fucking him, too?”

Aiden takes a step forward, but I place my hand on his arm, and shake my head.

“You need to leave,” I say, pulling out of Matt’s grip. I straighten my shoulders and harden my gaze on him. I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing my tears. Because they’re not for him.

“Delaney. I’m sorry.” Matt drags his fingers through his hair and breathes out sharply. “I didn’t come here to fight. I came here to bring you home. We can make things work. We’ve both made mistakes.” His tone is levelled and controlled like he’s talking to a child. I didn’t realize until right now how manipulative he is. “Come home, Delaney. Everyone’s worried about you.”

“I am going home. But not with you.” I turn on my heels, ignoring Matt’s angry demands behind me as I leave the coffee shop.

He doesn’t follow, and I assume that has something to do with Aiden, but I don’t turn around to find out.

Blinking back tears, my mind dull and my chest empty, I walk. I don’t know for how long or how far I go, but I don’t stop until I’m at the ocean’s edge, the waves lapping up over my shoes, and filling my toes with sand.

“Ye all right?” Aiden’s voice carries over the wind as he approaches behind me.

“I lost him.”

Aiden blows out a long breath. I know I don’t have to tell him I mean Cillian. He knows.

“The man’s not thinking straight. He never does when he’s angry. Come back with me. Once ye explain–”

“You and I both know he’ll never forgive me. It doesn’t matter if I did anything wrong or not. Once he has something in his head, there’s no changing his mind.”

“Ye’re right. He’s stubborn.” Aiden nods, placing a hand on my shoulder. “But he cares about ye.”

“Thank you for saying that, but you’re wrong.”

“I’m wrong about a lot of things, but this isn’t one of them.”

I sigh and shake my head. “You should be going back. He’ll need you if anything happens to his brother. I know he acts like he doesn’t need anyone, but it’s just a show. He misses you.”

Aiden smiles sadly. “Ye’re in love with him.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’m…I was happy when I was with him. But maybe that’s because I knew our time together was short. That I had to enjoy every minute.”

We stand in silence staring out at the ocean.

“What’re ye going to do?” Aiden finally asks.

“I need to get things straightened out with the car, then I guess I’ll go home.”

Aiden frowns. “He didn’t tell ye?”

“What?”

“Cillian took care of everything. He paid Tommy last week. Ye don’t owe anything.”

My chest squeezes. “Why would he do that?”

“Like I said, he cares about ye. Come back with me. I’ll talk to him.”

I shake my head. “He already thinks you’re against him. He won’t believe you. Even if he does, I still have to go home. I can’t stay in Ireland forever.”

Aiden exhales heavily and rubs the back of his neck. “I’ll drive ye back to Cillian’s. Maybe ye’ll change yer mind.”

“No. There’s a train station in Sligo. If you can drop me off there, I’ll take it to Dublin.”

“What about yer things?”

“I have everything I need with me.”

“Ye know Emer is going to kill me if I let ye leave without saying goodbye.”

A smile tugs at the corners of my lips despite the ache in my chest. “Give her a hug and tell her thank you for everything. I’ll never forget either of you.”

He sighs. “Ye’re sure ye want to leave?”

“Want to?” I shake my head. “No. But I did what I came here to do.”

He gives me a puzzled look. “What’s that?”

I glance out at the ocean, and despite how much my heart is breaking, I know I found what Maeve wanted me to find.

“Found my happiness.”

Cillian helped me do that. It’ll be hard without him, but I know I’ll manage on my own. I have to.

I reach into my pocket and pull out the torn piece of paper. The last of Maeve’s list. “Will you give him this?”

Aiden takes the note and mumbles the words, “Find Your Happiness.”

With a heaviness, I sigh. “Tell him I hope he finds it.”

Aiden wraps an arm around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head. “Ye’re a good woman, Delaney. Cillian knows that. Don’t give up on him just yet.”

A small flutter of hope stirs in my chest, but it’s not something I want to hold onto. Doing so would be too painful. If I’ve learned anything since I’ve been here, it’s that I’ll only be happy when I let go of the things I can’t have.