Back at the lodge, Amory and Cruz made excuses and headed up to their suite with the puppy, who was once again asleep in her arms. My big-city, party-the-night-away friends were no match for a long festive lunch and a country walk in the fresh air. They were wiped out and bleary-eyed, all set to nap.
I flopped on the chaise in the front parlor, and Kai did the same. It had just gone six, and outside the sky shifted from blue to inky black.
“What’s the story with your mom, Clio? You’ve told me bit and pieces but I didn’t realize she’d be so… reserved. She’s very different from you.”
As usual with Kai, the words held no malice, just a greater need to understand. Today had felt like a dream, like life was on the right track. Mom had overcome her anxiety to join us, and even spoken up a fair bit. But I didn’t really want to burden Kai with the whole story when he had so much going on, so I kept it light, told him an edited version. Some secrets should stay secret, so while I told him about my upbringing, my father’s death, Mom’s pulling away, and finally, her mysterious connection to Cedarwood, and the fact no one would fess up to what exactly had happened here all those years ago, I kept some things back too, and sped through it like I was recounting someone else’s story.
“Wow,” he said.
I sighed. “I know.” Things were complicated, and there was no pretending that one Christmas lunch had solved everything. I hadn’t told him about the photographs I’d found or the significance of the maze Isla had discovered. “Mom’s always been that way. I used to think she was cold, sort of bitter about life, but now I can see it’s more than that. She’s fighting an internal battle every day just to be here. I wish I knew what to say or do that would pull her up.”
His brow knitted. “Watching her today made me think of my own mom, and how my silence is probably hurting her. I think you’re right. The longer I wait before talking to them, the worse it’s going to be. So I’m glad I messaged them after our chat.”
I sat up straighter. “I don’t think there’s ever a ‘right time’ with these things,” I said, thinking of my own predicament, and knowing it applied to Kai too.
“You’re doing the right thing with your mom,” Kai said, reaching over and smoothing a hand over mine.
“We’re getting there, slowly but surely.” I smiled up at him, appreciating the gesture. “Go call them, Kai. I’ll be here if you need me.”
He consulted his watch. “OK. Mind if I use your office?”
“Go for it.”
When he left, I went to the kitchen and brewed some herbal tea. My phone beeped with a text.
Merry Christmas, Clio! Hope Santa spoiled you… If it’s OK I’ll pop around tomorrow to discuss the New Year’s Eve party? My boss is thinking masquerade ball now, think there’s time? I’ll bring a bottle of wine. Love Timothy x
In all the craziness of Christmas I’d nearly forgotten about the New Year’s event we were planning. Like always, the thought of organizing an event sent a thrill through me, but so far we had been time poor with every party we’d held at the lodge and this would be no different. A masquerade ball would require a lot of prep, and we’d have to order decorations and pay for quick delivery. Still, then we’d have those props for future parties…
I fired off a reply:
Merry Christmas, Tim! Hope the kids had a ball! Tomorrow is perfect, we’ll have to move fast if the theme is masquerade but we can definitely do it… I have wine, so don’t bring a thing. See you soon,
Clio x
With the scent of lemongrass and ginger in the air, I sat cradling the steaming-hot cup of tea, and thought about what we’d need for the party, and what kind of menu would suit, what drinks, music? Cocktails, pink champagne, and hors d’oeuvres, feathery masks, jazz music? Or classical guitarists? A black and white masquerade ball! Everything in monochrome…? The lodge was the perfect venue for such an elaborate party. I just hoped we’d be able to pull it off.
Instead of worrying, I grabbed a notebook, its pages swollen already with to-do lists, and started scribbling my thoughts down. I thought a photo booth would be fun, the old-school type that shot a length of film out which guests could take home. Aunt Bessie could do donut towers… As the ideas came thick and fast I was tempted to fetch Amory and brainstorm, but reminded myself Christmas night probably wasn’t the ideal time to talk about work.
Without meaning to, I pricked my ears for the sound of Kai; he’d been gone twenty minutes, a good sign that they were really talking and not just making pleasantries. I smiled and got back to my planning, falling into deep concentration. Before long his footsteps echoed down the wooden floors, and I hastily jotted down an idea before I forgot it as he walked into the room.
He sat opposite me, and I pushed a cup of now lukewarm herbal tea across to him.
I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t move. “How did it go?” I asked softly.
The grandfather clock in the hall tick-tocked while he formulated a response. “As well as it could have in the circumstances, I guess.” Raking a hand through his hair, he pursed his lips and gazed past me. “They wanted to know if I was planning to head back to Australia soon.”
My belly clenched at the thought of him leaving the US for good. It was hard enough seeing him leave for other parts of the country. And it wouldn’t be long before he left for San Francisco again – even that was too much to bear. He seemed to think of Cedarwood as a place of calm, somewhere he could get lost if he wanted to, find that solitude he craved. All he had to do was head up the mountain and he could clear his thoughts, and think without the daily grind of the big city. There was a part of me that just knew he belonged at Cedarwood, but it had to be his choice.
“Of course, they want to see you in person and make sure you’re really OK. If it was me, that’s what I’d want to do too…”
He gave me the ghost of a smile. “I’m not leaving America, Clio. Not yet.”
Selfishly, I was over the moon he wasn’t leaving the country – Australia was so far away. “Well, you’ve taken the first step, and I know it wasn’t easy.” I reached out and squeezed his hand. “Now you’ve spoken the first time, it will get easier going forward, trust me.”
Kai had to follow his own path. Our timing may not have been right – we were both dealing with messy fallouts from real life – but my world made more sense with Kai in it. Even if I only saw him once a year, it would be better than nothing. Maybe our paths would cross again in the future when he had worked things out, and was where he wanted to be…
“Thanks, Clio. For everything. Having someone to talk to, someone I could trust with all of this has made it so much easier.”
We clasped hands a little tighter. “I’m glad you trusted me.”
We stared into each other’s eyes as moonlight shone through the gauzy curtain, and for a moment everything was right with the world.