Sadie

Before I came to work as a profiler, before I was an agent for the State—I was a cop. A Trooper just starting out, but one who swore an oath.

I believe, in our profession, we can lose sight of that oath.

I’ve been guilty of doing just that over the years; I’m not an innocent. We sometimes bend the law to meet our needs—whether or not it’s in the interest of justice, we decide we’re the final say in how that justice is delivered.

It’s a very gray area. And I live in that gray area, but I believe I do try my best to always uphold my Oath of Honor.

I’m thinking about this now, as I approach Colton’s apartment—number 518—soaking wet, my drenched clothes cold and clinging, because I feel my oath is about to be tested. Mostly the part where I swore I’d always have the courage to hold myself accountable for my actions.

Will today be that day? Truthfully, if it is, it’s been a long time coming.

When the aftermath of what happens here is investigated by Quinn’s team, will Quinn blame himself? Scold himself for not following that hunch deep in the pit of his gut that something was amiss?

All those answers ride on this moment.

I stop in front of the apartment door, sweep my matted bangs aside and roll my shoulders back. Suck in a full breath. Instead of knocking, I pull out my phone and send Colton a text. It will be traceable. I suppose I’m making the decision right now to keep my oath…even if once I enter, I fail.

I may not have the strength to face my demons, but I’ll answer for them.

Colton’s hands on me…his touch. Caressing my body. His lips roaming, tasting. His husky voice vibrating against my skin as he seduces me.

I clear my head of the unsolicited images as I hear footsteps from inside the apartment. For one, quick second, I expect the roommate to answer the door, before I process the fact that I just sent a text to Colton. Then, the door opens and his ice-blue eyes greet me.

His mouth tips up into a sexy, knowing grin. Arm braced high on the doorjamb, he blocks the entryway, his gaze devouring me. “Agent Bonds,” he acknowledges my soggy, dressed down appearance. “I have to admit, when I said find me when you’re wet, I didn’t mean from the rain. Though this works for me, too.”

A vicious shiver races along my skin, and I try to ignore the pounding of my heart. The erratic beats drown out my hurried breaths. I’m focusing too hard on controlling them, my will tested as my whole body aches to be lost to him.

“Mr. Reed,” I formally address him. “This isn’t a social call. I have a few more questions I need to ask. Can I come in?”

And like that, his open expression shifts, closing off. But nearly as quickly, he forces his features playful. He’s controlling this game.

Nodding his head toward the living area, he opens the door wide, allowing me to enter. I rest my hand over my SIG just beneath my jean jacket as I step across the threshold.

“Is your roommate—Jefferson—home?” I ask, my gaze sweeping the tidy, quiet apartment.

Colton walks to the leather loveseat and makes himself comfortable for the interrogation. “Not today,” he says, and pats the space beside him. “I’d offer you a towel…but you’re too damn sexy all wet.”

I stay rooted to my spot. “I prefer to stand. Thank you.”

Obvious annoyance tints his face at my refusal to participate in the banter. “What’s this about, Sadie? Why the cop-like approach. Is it because it’s the daytime? Because we’re not in the club?” His arctic gaze travels over my body very evidently. “Is it the clothes that make the girl? Crime fighter by day, sultry sex kitten by night. Because really, both do a damn fine job of turning me on.”

I can feel myself losing my footing. If I drag this out, I’ll only give him the upper hand. He knows exactly how to wear me down, and if I let him, he’ll win. But only if I let him. The problem is: I’m unsure whether or not I want him to, as twisted as that is.

Peeling off my jean jacket, I expose my weapon. Assuring he sees it before I toss the soaked garment to the floor and pull my shirt down over my belt holster.

“That the best intimidation tactic you got? Am I supposed to be coerced by the gun or the wet T-shirt.” He smiles. “Want to see my tactic?”

I back up a step as he makes a move to stand—but he stops, releasing an abrupt laugh. Shaking his head, he says, “Let’s just get this part over with. I know you have a job to do. So do it.” He runs a hand through his disheveled black hair, relaxing back into his seat. “I’m getting anxious to move on to more…interesting things.”

For all my training, all those years invested in detecting human behavior, when it comes to Colton, I find myself unwilling to employ mind games. Simple psychological variables: personality traits; psychopathologies and behavioral patterns. Age, race, childhood—comparisons to the profile. They all muddle my thoughts as I analyze the man before me.

I could go at this with the best interrogation strategies I have in my arsenal…but I’m already biased. It’s now personal. Rip the Band-Aid off. Everything out in the open. Because if he is the UNSUB, he’s already mastered the art of performance.

One last deep breath, then, “Why the Blood Countess?” I hold his intense stare, don’t blink. Neither does he. “Was your choice to emulate Bathory primarily based on me, or was she already a part of the scheme, and I just happened to fulfill an important role?”

His eyebrows knit together tightly. “I have no fucking idea what you’re asking me.”

All right. Now I at least know his angle; he’s not giving anything away. Wants to continue to play the game.

Slowly, I move closer to him, stopping before the coffee table in the center of the room. A solid object between us. “I could spend a few hours digging for the answer, but I’m wet and tired. Just tell me, Colton. Have you ever attended the Rope Gala in Vienna?”

His eyes beam, lips twisting into a suggestive smirk. “I’m impressed. You’ve been doing your homework.” He stands and pushes his hands into his pockets. “Of course I’ve gone. It’s the top underground Shibari themed event for over the past two years. Anyone who takes Shibari as a serious art form attends.” He cocks his head. “But something tells me you already knew this. So what are you really asking?”

The moment of truth. I’ve gotten the answer I came here for—the one that was supposed to set me free. Reveal exactly who Colton Reed is, and why he fused himself into my life.

Only it’s not enough. It’s circumstantial. I could break down all the evidence, analyze every piece of the puzzle through a psychological microscope and link it back to him, but I know it will never hold up. It’s just us—Colton and me—who are teetering on this weak fact…and all I truly have is suspicion.

Even Quinn pointed out how weak the lead was, but I had to follow my instinct. It was instinct, wasn’t it? Suddenly, as I stand here damp and vulnerable before Colton, I question how much of it was my own fear.

Do I want him to be the UNSUB? Do I need him to be?

“On your last trip, did you bring any special rope back with you?” I ask.

“No.” His face dims as he takes one, then two steps closer. “I shipped it to myself. But just the threads. I make my own rope.”

My lips part, next question poised on my lips, but he rushes me before it’s set free. His arms circle me and he clasps my arms behind my back, his face inches from mine.

My lungs struggle to accept air as his body presses hard against mine. My cold, wet shirt stings my skin. “You’re working that serial killer case,” he says evenly, almost an accusation.

Words fail, but I manage to nod my head once.

The twist of his lips is the only indication I may have a chance to gain control. But then with swift reflexes, he secures both my wrists with a thin rope. Panic flares.

“I saw it on the news today,” he says as he continues to twine the rope around my wrists. A clipped grunt slips past his lips as he yanks the knot tight. “Piper was a victim, and I heard there are more.”

“There are. Four,” I say, my voice raw.

He keeps his arms banded around me, his muscles strained as he holds me against him even though I’m not trying to escape. “I’ve been doing some thinking today about why you first came to the club; whether it was really for you, or your job. I admit, I had a moment of doubt about us. But then I realized there’s no way this can be connected.” He smiles down at me. “You’ve been showing up at the club for over three months—way before the first body was ever found.”

He had doubts about us. About me. That revelation slays me.

“Only now,” he says, bringing his face closer still, his low words whispering his minty breath across my lips. “I assume something you discovered brought you to my door. And how convenient for you.”

I absolutely do not want to give in to him, but I need to keep him talking. “Why is that convenient for me?”

Holding the rope between my wrists firmly with one hand, he uses the other to relinquish me of my belt holster and gun. It falls to the floor, and he kicks it aside.

“Because,” he says, hot breath drawing me in, “you need a way out. A scapegoat. And if I’m a bad man, that’s the perfect excuse. Last night terrified you, and tonight would’ve been your undoing. You fear the loss of control, Sadie. But you can’t look at it like that.” His face is so close to mine, his body heat pressing so hard against me. “It’s not loss; it’s a power exchange. And I’m not stripping you of yours, I’m empowering you with mine.”

Confusion twists hot and vicious within me, taunting me. I shake my head. “That’s not why I’m here, Colton. The evidence leads to—”

“What evidence?” He slips his free hand between my thighs, drawing a gasp from my mouth. His skilled fingers caress me purposely, tenderly. And I want to close my eyes, just let go… But he keeps me grounded with his voice. “Rope? You found some rope? Vienna is well-known for rope-making, Sadie. Do you think I’m the only ropework enthusiast who knows this? Their industry specialized in it for hundreds of years. Hell, even I did my research. I only use the best.”

Trying to avert my gaze away from him, I stare at a painting hung along the wall. The reds splashed across the canvas. The shades sending a thrill coursing through my body and mingling with his touch. He’s feeding me what I want to hear; that’s what the terrified side of me screams. But the other half—the rational part—wants to accept the logic. It wasn’t really a lead; Quinn said so.

And I’ve done the research, too. Viennese rope was used ages ago by Bathory herself because, as Colton stated, it was the city’s commodity, and one of the Countess’s mansions was located in Vienna. It’s as simple as that—a convenience.

I’m looking in the wrong place. And now I’m trapped.

Colton watches this internal struggle play across my face. His eyes brighten. “There you are, goddess. Come back to me.”

Again, I shake my head, over and over. And I feel a hot tear slip from my eye.

He rests his forehead against mine, stopping my movement, and releases a heavy exhale. “I am flattered, though. The fact that you presumed I was meticulous enough to be your killer—that’s a surreal kind of compliment coming from Agent Bonds. But still”—he pulls away and looks into my eyes—“you came alone. I don’t know if that excites me or angers me. What if I had been him, Sadie? I mean, what the hell? Do you have a death wish?”

I gulp down my fear. “I don’t.” I haven’t fought all these years just to be taken down by one vain psychopath.

He eyes me questioningly. “If I was your Dom, I’d punish you for that. Putting yourself in danger. But I’m not, and it’s not my place to issue penance.” He sighs. “Unfortunately.”

A dark shiver wracks my body, but it’s not at all unwanted. Rather, the thought of Colton inflicting pain—delivering punishment—consumes all my senses. Heat blooms in my core, sinking me further into the unknown of my psyche.

He notes the change; the loosening of my muscles, the heaviness of my eyelids. My body giving itself over to him, fully. A low growl erupts from his mouth as his eyes ignite with need.

Then his hand is in my hair and gripping, pulling my head back to where I can only see him. His other arm anchors around my waist as he lifts me off my feet and sinks his teeth into my neck. I gasp air into my lungs at the same time I try to release a scream, the sound coming out strained. He backs me against the wall, my bound hands making rough contact.

“Colton…” I get out past his merciless assault on my body. “I can’t…I’m still on the clock.”

He breaks away and catches my gaze, his chest heaving, fisted hand still entangled in my hair. “Then this is the last place you should’ve come, goddess.”

That’s all the words between us. In a heated frenzy, I’m away from the wall and in Colton’s arms. My being rages, demanding to be set free, but it’s a losing battle. He’s won.

I’m placed on my feet for just a moment, long enough for him to drop to his knees and undo my jeans. He yanks them down with unguarded intensity, the wetness from the rain making them tug roughly against my skin. His hands slide up the length of my leg, coasting surely and greedily to reach my inner thigh.

I stare down at him as his fingers tenderly test and explore, the rough pads sampling me through the thin barrier of fabric. My head tips back, and I’m torn—fear trickling through me like a stream flowing over a jagged-edged waterfall, warring with the desire craving his touch.

I sense him rise before me, then he’s a breadth away. The rope around my wrists loosens and my arms fall free. My muscles twitch, aching from my fight against the restraint.

“Look at me,” he says, his voice a guttural plea. And I do. I open my eyes and take in the exquisite man that will be my ultimate undoing. “You have the power to stop this at any time. It’s all yours.”

Then, with delicate grace, he brings my hands between us and slowly winds the rope around my wrists. My body trembles, the word stop dancing on my tongue…but it’s just a thought. I don’t voice it as he continues to hold my gaze, unwavering, and raises my bound wrists to link them around his neck.

“Say it.” His eyes close, the moment stretching out as he waits for my assent.

I know exactly what he desires to hear, and with all I have left, the fragile will that I can still claim as my own, I say, “I’m yours.”

His eyes snap open and he lowers himself to take me in his arms. He carries me this way—his arms secured to me, mine to him—to a back bedroom.

I keep my eyes locked on him, but in my peripheral I note the bare walls, neutral in color. The bed, covered by a simple black comforter. No TV. The only electronic sits in the corner: a large stereo.

Once he releases me to stand, he walks to his closet where he pulls out a gray canvas bag. Apprehension claws at me so fiercely I almost lose balance, the room swaying, but I focus on Colton—trust him. If I’m here, if I’ve given myself to him, I have to follow the rules.

Even if they go against everything I’ve been taught—every barrier I’ve erected to protect myself. I won’t know if I can be freed unless I give him that trust.

“I made this for tonight.” He turns and holds up a coiled rope. “I’ve never done a session in my home before…” He smiles, looking almost sheepish. It’s too endearing for this unsure moment between us. “But I do practice my technique here.”

Unwinding the rope, he lets the thick bands fall to uncoil on the floor, then he reaches up and threads one end through a silver ring above his head. I look up for the first time and see a large bamboo log hung from the ceiling.

I watch, hypnotized, as Colton prepares the scene. And when he’s pleased with his work, he walks toward me. “You have to give me permission to bend a rule.”

My lips quiver. “Which one?”

“Your only. I’m going to remove your clothes with a sharp object. I will not touch your skin. I will not inflict pain upon you by this method.”

Flashes of my nightmares come alive, tangible and growing thick in the slight span of air between us.

“The only way to face your demon is to free it, Sadie.”

And I know this is true—but it’s the one thing I fear the most: unleashing the monster within. I’ve strove to keep that demon bound and fed, sated just enough to live a normal life. Who will I be once she’s finally free…

With strength I barely possess, I nod my head. And with trust I’ve never been able to gift anyone, I close my eyes. Only the sound of a blade clicking open and the tear of fabric rings in the static air as Colton cuts away my shirt and bra.

Then his hands are on my waist, and I can not only hear but feel his shallow breaths. His fingers splay against my skin a moment before they descend lower, dipping between the material of my underwear and my hip, and then tugging them down.

Cool air licks my exposed skin, and finally, I open my eyes.

Colton’s gaze travels from my legs to my face, slowly and deliberately taking in every inch of me. “Beautiful,” he says.

My insides jolt. “Please, don’t use that word.”

He moves closer. Palming my cheek, he angles my face toward his and his pale blue irises ensnare me. “I’m going to make you feel that word for what it truly is; yours. It won’t belong to anyone else after this. You are beautiful, goddess.”

I wet my lips. An urgent need to press them against his rises up inside me with a sudden, insatiable hunger. But he moves out of reach before I can make the attempt. And I’m thankful; I’m not ready. I can’t lose my whole self to this man—not when I have nothing yet to offer in return.

A serious demeanor falls over Colton as he instructs me where to stand, how to position my hands. This is erotic rope play, yes, but it also goes so much deeper for him. As he maneuvers my ankles apart and begins to wrap them with the rope, he talks me through each tie-off. Coaxing the fear out of me, feeding on it, but also infusing me with a new form of strength.

The combination of terror and power heightens all my senses, making me acutely aware of every smell; the musty scent of rope. Taste; the salty tang of my sweat. Sound; Colton’s deep and even breaths. Sight; my skin bunched against the constriction of the binds. Touch; the abrasive rub of fibers against my skin—all of it is too much, overwhelming. It brings on a dizzy spell, and I have to lean against him until he says, “Stand on your own, Sadie.”

I do as directed, my legs unsteady as they just keep me from hitting the floor. And then the rope around my wrists tightens further, my ankles scream as the bands sink deep. My stomach muscles fight against the sudden assault. It’s a moment of pure pain that racks my body, stretching and lengthening me, and then blissfully…I’m weightless.

The creak of the rope twisting and gathering around my body as I’m suspended sends an electric pulse through me. A cry nearly wrenches from my mouth, but I bite down on my lip, stifling it.

“Don’t filter yourself,” he says, and I feel his reassuring touch against my back. “This is your space now. Submit to it. Allow the ropes to comfort you.”

I clamp my eyelids closed, refusing to see my position; the way my legs are spread wide, making me vulnerable. The way I’m bound, imprisoned. My lungs tighten painfully, cutting off my ability to breathe. I’m plunged right into the black pit of my fear…his voice snaking up and slithering against the walls of my mind.

Dirty girl.

His sweaty palms probe me…pain ripples through my breast as he pinches my nipple. Twists, eliciting a shrill scream…the wetness…forcing my body to betray me. Because I am. I am filthy.

“Sadie.” Colton’s voice cracks the vision. The walls bleed. “Please, baby. Stay here with me—fight. Find your subspace.”

I shake my head, unable to open my eyes. “I can’t…I can’t.” The pathetic mantra echoes in my head as my memories become palpable, and I feel the warm spray of blood wash my skin. I gasp in a jagged breath.

Rough palms bracket my face, and my eyes blink open. Staring into the depths of his vivid blue eyes, I focus on their clarity. “It’s all I ever see, Colton. How I view my world—with visions of red. The blood pulls me under…”

His thumb swipes under my eye, clearing away the gathered moisture, before he pulls away, leaving me reeling.

The ropes tighten even more, and I’m shifted upright, my arms bound to my chest, my wrapped thigh angled close to my body, fingers clawing the air. My whole world shifts as I’m suspended higher.

My head falls back. Light encases me—a blinding purity that forces air into my lungs and a searing energy fires through every limb and bone, awakening me. A lucid transcendence that leaves no room for fear. Or shame.

Cradled within the twisted threads, I fall deep within myself. A lightness encompassing me as the rope hugs my body—soothing. A tender embrace. The pain no longer breaks me; I no longer crave the cruel bite to sate the darkness—I’m cocooned by a lover’s kiss.

“Beautiful,” I hear Colton appraise. “With your permission, goddess.”

I glance over to see him kneeling below me, a flogger laid across his lap. A manic vibe steals over me, and I hear myself say, “Yes.”

Rising to his knees, he places one hand to my ankle and affectionately kisses the abused flesh above the binding. Then getting to his feet, he removes his shirt, exposing perfect flesh. Hard muscles line his stomach and trail down into a taut V just above his jeans. His arms flex as he works his way over the length of my body, the leather tails silky soft against my skin and drawing a throaty moan from my mouth.

“Suede,” he says, running the tails across my breasts; my nipples peaking from between my bound arms pebble at the arousing feel. “A low intensity sting, and hardly any thud, but we’re starting slow.” With a quick snap of his wrist, the black leather tails make contact with my skin.

I hiss out a breath, but it’s more due to the act, the sound of the swish, than the light pain.

His smile lights his face, and I lick my lips in anticipation of his touch. He trails the leather tips along my stomach, and I close my eyes, abandoning all reservation.

When he reaches my pelvis, he rests the mop there for one brief second and places his lips to the sensitive area just above my core. I tense, the muscles deep within me contracting at the erotic sensation. And when he drops the tails between my thighs, caressing my heated, slick lips with the smooth suede, my hips move of their own accord, causing the rope to creak against the bamboo.

Suddenly the flogger is gone, leaving me keening and throbbing, then with a severe thwack, it makes direct contact with my clit. My teeth pin my bottom lip as an intense pleasure radiates from my core and shoots throughout my body.

He continues to torture me in this fashion—giving and depriving of gratification—until my arousal is piqued, and I’m pleading for release. I’ve become dependent on the restraints, needing their assurance as I’m brought to the brink, only to descend into the violent ache all over.

But as Colton’s rhythm increases, each sting coming harder, and faster, his own harsh moans mingling with mine, he doesn’t withhold—he knows exactly what I need, when I need it, and he lashes my clit until my entire body is centered on that one, intense sensation, and my body reacts, pulling every muscle tight, giving over to the orgasm.

The flogger is replaced by the feel of Colton’s fingers greedily seeking their rightful place inside me, his thumb pressed hard to my clit as I come. His hand clasps the back of my neck, bringing me forward, and his lips crash against mine.

I’m captive to the sensations swimming over me, through me, demanding to be felt—and I’m captive to him. Every atom of my body entwines and connects at the place where our lips meet, caress. As his tongue darts out and slips past my lips to touch mine, I strain against the ropes, yearning for him to claim me completely.

As the aftershocks pulse pleasurably, rolling within me and along my skin, Colton releases me. Euphoria claims what’s left of me as my binds are removed and I fall into his strong arms.

A sheet covers me, cool and soothing against my sensitized flesh. We’re laying in his bed, his arms still holding me, comforting and giving solace, as my mind slips into the realm of sleep. But before I’m fully under, I feel something coarse wrap my wrist…a kiss to my mouth…then I’m free of all nightmares as I drift.