I wake up to bright sunlight streaming through the open curtain. I roll over in the bed to find Jude gone. My chest aches with disappointment, but I know it’s probably for the best. I just need to go without seeing him. Last night was too much. I saw a side of him that I’ve never seen, and it only makes me love him more. Every fibre of my being wants to believe that he feels something for me, but he hasn’t said it. They say actions speak louder than words, but sometimes you need to hear the words.
I sit up in the bed and lean down, picking up my shirt from the floor. I’m used to feeling sore and used after a night with Jude. I don’t this morning.
Fuck, I need to get my head together. He fucks me up. I didn’t want to see him last night because it hurts, but Jude, being Jude, doesn’t give a shit. He takes what he wants without apology. He wants me, he wants to own me, possess me, and he doesn’t want to share me, even if that means leaving me and my bleeding heart in the hands of his brother, my friend. I wish I could hate him, it would make this easier.
There’s a soft knock on the door, so soft I almost am not certain I heard it. The door opens slowly and Jude steps in. My heart squeezes, faltering in my chest. I glance up at him slowly. His hair is messy, like he’s been dragging his hands through it, and his eyes are distant.
My lungs seize under that scrutinizing stare. I tear my gaze away, unable to look at him.
Each step he takes in my direction makes me feel weak. I hate myself for feeling anything for him, and the shame and resentment are eating me alive.
“You’re leaving in an hour.” The bed dips when he sits down next to me, but I still can’t force my eyes up. “Did you hear me, Tor?”
I nod. That’s all I can do.
He lifts my chin, his fingers curling tenderly around it as he brings my eyes up to his. “I want you to do exactly as I say. You have to promise me you will stay safe.”
I take a steadying breath before meeting his eyes. Bad idea. “Safe? What’s the point in safe when you have nothing?” I whisper. At least here I have nothing, but I have him. Out there I’ll be completely alone, a dead girl walking amongst the living. He breathes life into what little existence I have, but for how long? He is what he is, he will never be the guy that you marry, that you have kids with. He chose this life, and in doing so his future will always be precarious. Loving him only puts me in danger and jeopardizes what small chance at a future I have. I could sacrifice my future for love. Love is that which we most cherish, that which countless wars have been fought for and men will willingly die for. I would sacrifice everything for love, for him, but when that love is unrequited...it becomes nothing more than a tragic fantasy, a fleeting dream.
He looks remorseful, and it hurts to see. His eyes drop to the floor as he takes a heavy breath. “You’ll do as I say to stay safe. I will have eyes on you, wherever you go.” He says sternly. “I promised I would protect you, and I will, even if I can’t do it in person.”
He’s seriously sending people to watch me? I know it’s crazy, and I want to say something, but at this stage, I just need out. Once I’m away from here, I can assess my options.
He hands me a bundle of papers bound with a rubber band. “This is who you will be from now on.” He undoes the rubber band and sorts through the items. “You’re going to London. There’s a passport and ID,” he says as he hands me the papers.
I glance over the documents in front of me. Documents for Tor Pearson. My eyes slowly move to his, and I search his face for something...anything. Why would he give me his surname?
“Caleb will take you to the airport.” He shifts, his leg brushing against mine. “I’ve arranged for you to have an apartment, or flat, whatever the fuck you call them, and you’ll have enough money in an account to take care of you for”—his eyes flick up to mine and I notice him swallow—“for a very long time.”
I start to say something but he keeps going, very matter-of-factly, without any emotion. “You must not contact your sister. I’m sorry. You are dead, remember that, because the moment Victoria Deveaux is found to be alive, you will be murdered.” He swallows heavily. “And the thought of that kills me.”
I swallow back my tears, shutting out the little voice in my head that is begging me to take it back, to never leave him. “Thank you.” I can’t seem to muster the appropriate emotion over this. I just feel...numb, cold.
Jude sweeps my hair away from my neck and I feel him place something around it. I glance down to find a necklace with a hummingbird, much like the one I had when I came here, but it’s much more elegant, with emeralds set in the wings. “It was my mother’s,” he says, adjusting it.
I swallow the lump in my throat as tears blur my vision. It’s a small action, one that says a thousand words.
He rises from the bed and I think he’s just going to leave me here like this, but he comes in front of me and kneels. Resting his hands on my knees, he glances up at me, holding my gaze. “I am sorry.”
And with that he leaves me.