Nineteen
Zion
In a world where your parents have paved a way for you, it’s easy to become complacent. That’s where I think I landed. After their death, it was easy, comfortable even, to stay in the place that was familiar, like home. I knew I had job security with the hospital, there was no doubting that. Uncle Murray, Luke, and Aiden were always there to back me if need be.
But once you are complacent, it’s easy to become stagnant, and then ultimately unsatisfied. That seemed to be how I felt in every area of life recently.
And that was precisely how I felt when I returned to the night-shift. Entering the hospital during night hours felt like home, but it also felt like I didn’t entirely belong there anymore. I no longer felt challenged, I lost the fire I once had for saving lives. Alexis reignited that spark the first night I met her though. She reginited much more than my passion for work.
I wasn’t good for her, though. My bear was so unpredictable and with my past eating away at me, I couldn’t be what she needed. So taking the job at Levitt Memorial in NYC was the best choice for both of us. I’d be free of the ghosts that haunt me at Mountain Hospital East, and Alexis would be free of me.
“Dr. Bradford, are you all right? You seem a little distracted tonight.”
“I’m fine,” I said to the nurse before me. Justine was her name. She was nice, skilled, pretty—but no comparison to Alexis.
My bear roared at the thought of Alexis, wanting to break free and run to her right then and there. Stop it, I said to myself.
“Dr. Bradford!” I turned around, seeing another nurse running toward me, out of breath. “You’re needed to fill in for Dr. Hans. We have a GSW. We have him stabilized, but you need to do the final assessment before surgery.”
I hurried off after her. She led me to a young man with a gunshot wound to the side that had broken a rib. When I got there, the other nurses and technicians stood around as if their job was done.
“He’s all set, Dr. Bradford,” one of them informed.
“Was a full-body examination conducted?” I asked.
They all paused to look at me. “His only injury was in his side and we’ve—”
“Standard procedure is to do a full body examination. You all should know that,” I said, feeling mildly agitated. They all muttered awkwardly around me, apologizing as I finished the full body examination and then sent out a request to get the patient to roll up to surgery.
Justine stayed behind to help me organize the patient’s files and waited to accompany me in updating his family.
“Are you sure you’re feeling all right, Dr. Bradford? I can tell something is up.”
“Do you know Nurse Lewis, Justine?”
She tilted her head to the side and glanced up at the ceiling, jogging her memory. “The name sort of rings a bell…”
“Alexis,” I said. “That’s her first name.”
“Alexis Lewis…Oh! Is that the one who just saved that woman a couple days ago? Rode in the ambulance with her, administering CPR?”
“Yes.”
Justine nodded. “Yes, I’ve seen her a couple times. She’s really pretty, and a damned good nurse from what I’ve heard. I don’t know much about her though. I think she only works the day shift. Why do you ask?”
I stared at Justine for an instant, no longer sure why I had asked. What did I expect? For someone to fill me in on Alexis’s whole life story? For someone to let me know if she had a serious boyfriend in the past and whether I stood a chance with her, or if I was nothing more but a passing fling? I had made up my mind, so it was a pointless attempt anyway. Or was it?
I shook my head. “Never mind. No reason.”
Justine narrowed her eyes suspiciously at me, but didn’t push it. She knew me enough not to.
Naturally, for the rest of my shift, I hadn’t been able to get Alexis out of my head. Maybe walking away from her wasn’t the viable option, no matter how much I wished it was. It wasn’t just physical, as it had been with so many others before her. Those, I had easily been able to walk away from afterwards without a fleeting thought. But Alexis—she had a hold on me that I just couldn’t shake no matter how much I wanted to.
I needed to see her again.
To be with her again.
My bear paced in anticipation, almost consuming all of me to pursue her. I fought back, waiting as patiently and even tempered as possible to stick around until the shifts changed so that I could see Alexis. I didn’t know what I planned to say to her, but I knew we wouldn’t be satisfied until I saw her face. If I didn’t see those baby blue eyes of hers, I knew I would go crazy.
But as the day shift continued to roll in, Alexis wasn’t amongst them. I watched the steady shift of doctors, nurses, technicians, and interns. Each time someone entered the hospital, my heart gave a hopeful leap, only to be disappointed again when each face I saw did not match the one I was craving to see.
Nearly an hour after the day shift began, and unsuccessfully dodging questions regarding why I was still there, I decided there was no use in sticking around. So I left with another plan brewing in my mind.