“Rank?” Terra repeated. “What sort of name is Rank?”
“A bloody good one, I say!” Rank replied as he tipped his bright red bowler hat. His appearance was unusual, to say the least. With his half-painted face, checkered coat, and menacing smile, he looked like a mad jester. “I'll get your names later, ladies. For now, we're off to god-knows-where. Buh-bye!”
Rank's face disappeared, and a few seconds later, the carriage was moving again. Cinderella heard a shout, so she turned her attention to the window. The prince's knights were trying to chase down the carriage. Lewis was so determined to reach them, he was running with his breeches around his ankles.
“Oh dear...” Terra whispered when she saw the half-naked knight. “At least he's wearing knickers, eh?”
“How are you not panicking right now?” Cinda shrilled. “We've just been kidnapped!”
“I don't know. I should be panicking,” her stepsister agreed. “Perhaps... after you've survived a dragon, everything else tends to pale in comparison?”
“But Rank could be a madman! He certainly looks like a madman!”
“Indeed.” Terra couldn't argue. “He definitely does.”
Unlike the knights, their abductor pushed the horses to their highest speed. When they hit a bump, the vehicle was airborne for a few seconds. Cinderella almost slipped from her seat when the carriage came down.
“Goodness!” Cinda gasped. “Must he ride so quickly?”
“He's trying to get away. It makes sense that he'd want to go fast.”
Cinda's eyes narrowed into slits. “Are you trying to defend our kidnapper, Terra?”
“No. I'm just stating the obvious.”
They weren't riding for long. When they were barely a mile down the road, Rank brought the horses to an abrupt halt. The girls could hear him whistling as he climbed down from the driver's seat. Cinderella held her breath and listened to the crunch of his footsteps as he circled the carriage.
“He's just walking around the carriage? He's not coming inside?” Terra whispered. “Why?”
“I don't know. I wonder if he's toying with us?” Cinda scooted to the window, held her breath, and peeked outside. As soon as she did, a scream flew from her lips. Rank's grinning face was right on the other side of the window.
“Hello again, ladies!” When the door was open, Rank slipped a single foot into the carriage's interior and leaned toward them. “Which one of you is Cinderella? No! Let me guess.” His arm swung forward, revealing a bandaged hand. As he flicked a finger at Cinda, he guessed. “Is it you?”
She saw no reason to leave her name a mystery, so she quietly replied, “Yes.”
“Do you want to know how I knew that?”
“No.” Cinderella shook her head. “Not especially.”
Rank gave her the explanation anyway. “It's 'cause the prince likes blondes, innit. That's the rumor, anyway. He wouldn't stop flirting with all the blonde maids that dump the chamber pots in his pretty little palace. They were so disgusted by him, they banded together to form a coalition against him. Blonde Maids Against Sharman's Lecherous Attempts to Bed Them. I think that's what they called it.”
Cinderella's eyebrows shot up. “Really?”
“No, love. I pulled that story out of my arse. It sounded good, though, eh?” Rank stuck a piece of straw in the corner of his mouth. As he chewed on the straw, his gaze snapped to Terra. “What's this one called?”
“This one?” Terra repeated with a scowl. “That's what you're going to call me? This one?”
“No. That's why I'm trying to learn your name, sweetheart... so I have something else to call you.” Rank chuckled. “Or did you want me to guess your name? Is it Mary? You look like a Mary.”
“No. I'm not Mary.”
“Sylvia?” he tried again.
“No.”
“Molly?”
“No!” Terra answered with an exasperated sigh. “I'm Terra.”
“It's lovely to meet you, Terra. Sort of.” Rank spat out the straw and thrust out a hand. When she didn't accept it, he shook hands with the air. “I'll be honest with you, love. We'll probably ditch you at some point. Cinderella's the one we want. I need the prince's fiance, not the prince's fiance's hanger-on.”
“That's rude!” Terra gasped.
“I know. Sorry about that. Anyway...” His eyes wandered back to Cinda—or more specifically, to Cinda's chest. “Can someone explain why Princey's fiance looks like a beggar girl?”
“My stepmother was cruel to me,” Cinderella tried to explain. “She left me in rags and forced me to clean her cottage.”
“Sounds tragic.” Rank pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. “But... at least she didn't toss you on the street, yeah? That's what my dad done to me. He got tired of my mouth, so he kicked me out and I never went back. Oh! Before I forget, I've got something for you, loves.”
Rank disappeared for a few seconds. When he returned, he was twirling a walking stick. He blew on the end of the stick, rubbed it, kissed it, and tucked it under his arm.
“What are you doing?” Terra asked.
Rank didn't respond. He tapped the walking stick against his head, wiggled his fingers over it's gold tip, and shouted, “Ta-daaaah!”
An entire bouquet of red roses suddenly exploded from the end of the stick.
“For you, my lady,” Rank said, handing the flowers to Cinderella.
Cinda was beyond puzzled, but she accepted his gift with a tremulous smile. “Thank... you?”
“Don't think I've forgotten about you, Prince's Fiance's Hanger-on,” Rank said—then he went through the entire process again. He twirled his stick, blew it, rubbed it, kissed it, tapped it against his head, and waved his fingers. When the second bouquet popped out of the walking stick, he tossed the bundle to Terra.
“Are you some kind of magician?” Cinda asked.
“Nah. I'm a mage. A mage-in-training,” Rank replied. “I'm already a master swordsman. If I can master magic as well, I'll be the deadliest bloke around.”
“Well, your flower trick was certainly impressive,” Cinderella said, which earned her a sneer from her stepsister.
“Thanks, love. I think you earned another bouquet for saying that!” Rank twirled his stick, blew it, rubbed it, kissed it, tapped it against his head, and--
“Is all of that really necessary?” Terra interrupted.
“No,” Rank replied as he wiggled his fingers. This time, instead of red roses, blue irises appeared. “I just like to put on a good show.”
Terra spoke again. “You know, I think you might be the strangest man I've ever met.”
Rank raised his hat and scratched his messy hair. “Thanks,” he slurred.
“And...” As she watched Cinderella's nose drift between her two bouquets, Terra was shaking her head. “Cinda is just as ridiculous. She's enjoying your gift a bit too much.”
“Cinda? Is that what you call her?” Rank made another bouquet appear—this time, it was pink tulips. As he passed the flowers to Terra, he said, “I like that better. Cinderella's too much of a mouthful.”
“How many bouquets do you intend to make?” Terra asked.
“Oh, I could do this all day! Do you have any requests?” When a single lily slipped from his walking stick, he looked unsatisfied, and he pitched it over his shoulder.
Both girls spoke at once.
“No, we don't have any requests!”
“I'd like some daisies.”
It was Cinderella who asked for more flowers. Once again, Terra's head was shaking with disbelief.
“One bundle of daisies, coming right up!” Rank announced as he twirled his stick. Before he could make them appear, he saw movement in the corner of his eye. Prince Sharman's knights were charging down a hill, heading in their direction. As soon as he saw them, Rank whispered, “bloody hell...”
“Oh my!” Cinda exclaimed. “They ran all the way here?”
“It seems they did,” Rank replied, sounding a bit awed. “I admire that kind of persistence. Truly. Those blokes are really dedicated to the job. I applaud them. They've certainly got gusto!” A half-smirk slipped across Rank's lips as he slid his sword from its sheath. “Should I lop off their heads or spare them? What do you think, Princey's Fiance's Hanger-on?”
“Will you please stop calling me that?” Terra begged. “And to answer your question... no! You should definitely not lop off their heads!”
“Aww. That's a shame.” Rank shuffled away from the carriage as the knights drew near.
Sharman's knights simultaneously raised their swords, but their coordinated attack didn't matter. In less time than Cinderella needed to draw a breath, Rank disarmed Derren. A single swipe of his sword was all he needed to knock the blade from Derren's fingers. Lewis tried to counterattack on behalf of his ally, but he failed. Rank ducked, popped back up, and slammed his elbow into the knight's nose. When he felt the cartilage crunch, Lewis staggered backward, whimpering.
“Well... you tried. You gave it your best. At the end of the day, you can't be ashamed of yourselves.” Rank muttered the words of consolation as he shoved a crossbow into the knights' horrified faces. It was the tiniest crossbow Cinderella had ever seen. It was roughly half the size of Rank's palm.
Derren chuckled at Rank's weapon. “Should we really feel threatened by that tiny thing?” he asked.
Rank didn't like to be heckled, so he released a bolt into Derren's leg.
“Oww!” the knight howled. “Why did you do that?”
“You wanted to know if it hurt, so I showed you,” Rank explained as he reloaded his weapon. To everyone's surprise, he spun around and aimed at Cinderella. “Now... I need you boys to leave. Vanish. Walk over that hill and disappear, please and thank you. If you don't obey, Princey's fiance is getting a bolt in the eye.”
“You wouldn't!” Terra gasped.
“You know nothing about me, love. Why do you think I wouldn't?” Rank asked.
“And after all those flowers you gave to her? Really?” Terra disapprovingly clicked her tongue. “I'm disappointed in you, quite frankly.”
As Derren and Lewis retreated, Rank called to them, “I want to see you dance! Flap your arms like a chicken, please! Amuse me.” When they turned around, Rank shook the crossbow, reminding them of the threat. They had no choice. They had to comply.
A fit of mad giggles exploded from Rank's mouth as the knights chicken danced over the hill. “So much for your failed heroes,” Rank lamented. “I've got to give them credit for trying, though. They gave it their best. They really did.” He lowered his crossbow and grinned. “Well... now that that's over, are you ladies ready to shove off?”
“I'm ready to shove you... over a cliff.” Terra whispered to herself. For aiming a bow at her best friend, she was tempted to knock him on the head with one of her crutches.
“We've got quite a journey ahead of us,” Rank warned them. “I can't tell you our destination yet, but... I promise... it'll be good.”