SHE HADN’T INTENDED to say that out loud. But now that she had she couldn’t regret it. Wouldn’t regret it. How could she? She had fallen in love, for the first time in her life. With this wild, untamable man who had suffered unimaginable loss. Who had endured unimaginable pain. And she just wanted to give to him. She wanted him to feel everything that she did. This bright, intense emotion in her chest that made it difficult for her to breathe, that made her want to cry and laugh and shout all at the same time.
She felt brave, and she felt frightened. She felt more than she had ever felt in her life. And she felt everything. How could she not share it?
“I wasn’t looking for that,” he said, his voice flat. Hands planted on her hips, he removed her from his lap, and she felt the loss of him keenly, leaving her body and her heart feeling cold. She wrapped her arms around herself, raised goose bumps covering her arms.
“That’s all right. I offered it anyway.”
“Why? Because it makes you feel better about accepting my proposal? Make no mistake, Princess. It is not a proposal, but a demand. You do not have to offer anything in return. Unless it’s simply to salve your own conscience.” He narrowed his dark eyes. “Is that the issue? You’re disturbed by the fact that you enjoy the body of a man you don’t love? So you had to manufacture emotions in order to justify your orgasm?”
Heat seared her cheeks, wiping out the cold sensation that had rocked her only moments earlier. “I don’t feel the need to justify any orgasm I’ve had with you,” she said, not quite sure where her boldness was coming from. “I wanted you, and I was never ashamed of that, regardless of the emotions involved. I had never wanted a man before, and I can’t think of a better reason to be with someone and wanting them the way that I wanted you. That isn’t why I love you.”
A cold, cruel smile quirked the side of his mouth. “Go on, then. Enumerate the reasons you find me emotionally irresistible. I can provide you with several reasons why you find me physically irresistible, as I’m not a modest man, neither am I unaware of the charms that I present to women. So if any of it has to do with my body I shall have to sadly inform you that your reasoning is neither original nor rooted in finer feelings. That is lust, my darling, and nothing more.”
She recognized this. This kind of bitter banter that played at being light but was designed to cut and wound, was designed to keep the target at a distance. He had done it from the beginning, and only recently had he made an effort to connect with her in ways that went deeper than this. But he was retreating.
He was also misjudging her. Sadly for him, she did know him. More than just his body, and she saw this for exactly what it was.
She wanted to fix it. Wanted to find a way to be what he needed. To be...
She wanted so much to keep him. To have his heart and not just his body. To be the wife he didn’t know he wanted.
She wanted to be perfect for him.
“You are strong,” she said. “Determined. You believe in doing what’s right, even if you have to do the wrong things to accomplish it. Your moral code might not be the same as what the rest of the world would call good, but you have one. And it is strong.”
He laughed. “Yes. So very strong. In that I do everything within my power to establish myself as a better ruler than my father, to ensure that my place in the history books is superior to his. To create a country richer in resources and wealth, to forge better alliances with neighboring nations. If you imagine me to be altruistic, I will have to disappoint you on that score. I’m simply much less base than my father was, much smarter about how I might wield my power.”
“It suits you to say that, and I can guess at why that might be. But that isn’t the beginning and end of it. I know it, whether you do or not.”
“You suppose that you know my motivations better than I do?”
“Yes. Because I think you’re hiding from your motivations. I think you hide from a great many things, and I can’t blame you. You were forced into hiding as a child because of the way that your father treated you.”
He laughed, hard and flat. “Oh, no, Princess, do not make the mistake of imagining that I am some little boy trapped inside a man’s body, still cowering in fear. That little boy was obliterated long ago. I did learn how to survive, and it was by hardening myself. I might not have thrown myself out the window that day, but my mother took a piece of me with her, and I gladly surrendered it. Love. I am not capable of it, not anymore. And I don’t want to be. So whatever you say, whatever you feel you must force yourself to feel for me... Understand that I cannot return it. I will gladly take your body, Briar, for I am not a good man, and I’m not a soft man. All that I can give you in return is pleasure.”
Once again, she found herself standing before him naked while he was clothed. Vulnerable while he seemed impenetrable. But she knew that wasn’t the case. Knew that it was all an illusion. She was naked because she was strong. It takes a great amount of strength to stand before somebody without any covering, not on her body, not on her soul.
He, on the other hand, was desperately concealing all that he was. Was trying so hard to protect himself with that barrier that he had placed between them. And she could understand it in a great many ways. Sometimes she wondered if she had held herself apart from friends, from men, if she had set about to working so hard on this idea of perfection and earning her place because she was afraid of loss. Because even though she couldn’t remember her life before going to live with her parents in New York, that feeling, that emptiness, lived inside her. A memory that didn’t reside in her brain, but in her heart.
“I don’t believe that,” she said, her tone muted. “I don’t believe that it’s all you have inside you. Maybe it’s all you feel you can give right now, but I don’t think it’s all we’ll have forever. And I can wait. I can wait until you love me.”
“I won’t,” he said, the words clipped, hard. “I cannot.”
Her throat tightened, tears stinging her eyes. “Then I suppose I’ll have to love you enough for both of us.”
“You’re still going to marry me?”
She nodded. “Of course I am. We didn’t start here because of love. Why should it end because of a lack of it?”
It was easy to say, but she felt...devastated. A part of her destroyed that she would have said didn’t exist. Because how could she hope for Felipe to love her? How had they gotten here? It still mystified her in some ways.
That she had gone from being terrified of him, from hating him, to needing him more than she needed her next breath. But he was... He was the most extraordinary man. So strong. And most definitely not loved enough.
Right then she felt a surge of anger—not at his father, but at his mother. For leaving him. How dared she? Why couldn’t she have stayed for him? Shouldn’t love have been enough to make her stay and protect that little boy? Or try to find a way to escape, but with him?
She would stay. No matter what he said he could give. Because she did believe that in the end he would find more for her. That they would have more. No one had stayed for him; no one had ever truly demonstrated their love for him. Well, she would be the first one. Even if it hurt.
She would be what he needed, because it was what she needed.
“Very pragmatic,” he said, his tone as opaque as his expression.
“It’s not, actually,” she said. “It’s just... Perhaps a bit blindly hopeful. But I feel like one of us needs to be, Felipe. You want your country to have beauty. You want it to be filled with the kind of light it’s been missing... Well, I think one of us needs to believe in it in order for that to be accomplished, don’t you?”
He reached out, gripping the back of her neck, drawing her to him, kissing her fiercely. “You’re welcome to hope for that, Briar. You’re welcome to believe in it. But don’t be surprised when all you’re met with is darkness.”
* * *
She had difficulty talking to Felipe over the next few days. But at night he remained as passionate as ever. He announced the wedding to the media that very next day, and Briar’s head was spinning with how quickly an elaborate event could come together when you had unlimited wealth and power.
She had a wedding dress fitted to her in record time, the design altered so that it was unique only to her. A menu had been planned, elaborate cakes conceptualized. Somehow, a massive guest list had been amassed, with RSVPs coming in fast. If anyone had something else to do, they had certainly rearranged their schedules quickly enough.
The wedding of Prince Felipe Carrión de la Viña Cortez to the long-lost Princess Talia was definitely a worldwide curiosity. The kind of event that everyone wanted to be included in.
For her part, Briar felt numb. Her parents—both sets—had been invited to the wedding and she felt strange and had trepidations about seeing both of them. Mostly because she had a feeling they would all try to talk her into calling it off. Even though everyone involved knew that was something that couldn’t be afforded. Plus, at this point, she didn’t want it called off.
Regardless of what he had said to her the other day, she still loved him. In fact, watching him put this wedding together, watching him contend with matters of the state, with his new position, only made her love him more.
The morning of the wedding dawned bright and clear, the preparations being made about the palace awe-inspiring as far as Briar was concerned. But she didn’t have a chance to observe the decorating process to the degree that she wanted to, because she was accosted by her stylists early in the day and subjected to a beauty regimen that left her feeling like she had run a marathon.
She was scraped, scrubbed, plucked and waxed, left so that she was glowing to an almost supernatural degree. Her hair was tamed into an elaborate up-do, some kind of powder that left her glowing brushed over her face, her lips done in a deep cherry color, her fingernails painted to match.
Large gold earrings with matching gems weighed down her ears, and a crown was placed on top of her head, heavy and unfamiliar.
The gown had a fitted bodice, the skirt voluminous, great folds of white, heavy satin fashioned into pleats, falling all the way to the ground, and trailing behind her in a dramatic train.
She had to admit, she certainly looked like a princess bride. She only hoped that she would be the bride of Felipe’s dreams. She clasped her hands in front of her, twisting her fingers. Maybe she was foolish; he certainly thought that she was. To hope that this could ever be more than a bloodless transaction, necessary for him to gain the sort of reputation in the world that he coveted.
But she had to believe it. Someone had to believe in them. Believe in him. She did. And she would do it until... Until he left her no other choice.
She was supposed to marry him, after all. For better or worse. Until death did them part.
Nerves twisted low in her belly and she pressed her palm up against herself, taking a long, slow breath out, hoping that she would find some sense of calm. Of peace.
Then the door to her bedchamber opened, and her eyes clashed with Felipe’s. There was no calm to be had there. Just a sort of dark excitement that hit her all at once like a freight train. There was nothing that could prepare her for the impact, not even after weeks of being his lover.
She wondered if he would ever become commonplace, this man who had the face of a fallen angel and the body of a Greek god, and a soul that had every dark thing imaginable crammed into it, until that gorgeous, mortal frame—for however perfectly he was formed, he was mortal—seemed as though it might crack from the force of it.
How could a man such as that ever be common? How could he ever fail to make her feel things? Everything.
How could she ever give up on him? It was inconceivable. Unfathomable.
“You’re not supposed to see me before the wedding,” she said.
He laughed, flinging himself down onto an armchair. “Because the beginning of our relationship was so auspicious and traditional you’re going to concern yourself with superstition now?”
She lifted a bare shoulder. “I suppose at this point we are somewhat bulletproof.”
His expression turned dark. “Nothing is. Are you prepared for this?”
“I don’t know. Can anyone really prepare for something they’ve never done before? Lifelong commitment and all of that.”
“And if you marry me,” he said, his tone uncompromising, “it will be a lifelong commitment.”
She couldn’t quite place the thread running underneath those words, hard and angry-sounding though they were. There was something else. But with Felipe there was always something else. There had been from the first moment she had met him. He covered it all up with that world-weary cynicism of his, with that brittle banter designed to make the recipient die of a thousand small cuts.
But there was more. He was just so very desperate to hide it. She wanted to uncover it. But that probably would be bad luck before their wedding. If she did that, he could well and truly crack. Spilling all the dark things out into the room. She wasn’t afraid of that. She knew the day would come eventually.
She just thought that maybe...just maybe...it wouldn’t happen right before they took their vows. Anyway, while she wasn’t afraid of it, she had a feeling that he might be.
“I know that, Felipe. If you recall, I love you, so it isn’t really going to be a great burden for me to bind myself to you for the rest of my life. Actually, when you love someone you consider that something of a goal.”
He flinched when she spoke those words, as though she had struck him. “So you say,” he responded.
“Did you want me to throw myself on the ground and scream about how I shan’t marry you, because you’re a brute and I cannot possibly fathom a future with you? It would be both embarrassing and disingenuous. Plus, I would mess up my hair.”
“It would make more sense than this,” he said, standing, waving his arm at her standing there in her wedding gown. “You are far too serene. Far too accepting of your fate.”
“You say fate, I say destiny.”
“They end in the same place, Princess,” he said, his tone brittle. “Either way, I expected a bit more in the way of hysterics on this day of days.”
“Why? Haven’t I demonstrated to you over the past weeks that I’m here with you? You threw everyone out of that ballroom, Felipe. You told everyone to leave, and yet I remained. You told me about your mother, we stood together. I showed you my artwork. I gave you my body. I have continued to do so every night in the days since, and I will do it every night after. You’re the only one who seems to be perturbed by the impending wedding. The one that you literally crossed the world and committed a crime to make happen.”
He scowled, his dark mood rolling off him in waves. “I am not. What surprises me is your lack of emotion.” He prowled across the room, stopping in front of her. “You should feel something. You should do something.”
“I professed my love. It’s really not my fault you don’t acknowledge that as an emotion, Felipe. But there are other emotions beyond rage. Beyond grief. Beyond hatred. They are no less valid.”
“Yes, you seem overjoyed.”
She blinked, the corners of her lips tugging down. “I’m not sure that I am overjoyed,” she said honestly. “I’m slightly afraid. Of how it will be between us. Of what might happen along the way. Of the ways in which you might hurt me. But I love you. And I’ve made my decision. I’m not going to pretend. I’m not going to paste a smile onto my face when my feelings are more complicated than that.”
That seemed to light a match on the gasoline of his anger. “So you admit you are not thrilled to marry me. All your posturing about love and forever was simply that. Why don’t you fight against it? Why don’t you do something other than stand there grimly prepared to do your duty? Lying to both of us about how you feel so you can try to justify what’s about to occur? Why do you have to be so damned perfect all the time?” He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her hard against his chest.
“I’m not,” she said, her voice strangled. “I’m not. And I don’t know what I have to do to show you that that isn’t what this is. Stripping naked in a museum wasn’t enough? Telling you about how hard I worked all that time to earn love... That wasn’t enough?”
“No,” he said, his voice rough, “it’s not enough. You’re here because you want access to your family. Because now you’re afraid to leave, because you’re afraid of the state you believe the nation in. You’re a martyr,” he said, spitting those words, “and what you do is for your own conscience. So that you can feel important. So you can feel special. And if you have to call it love in order to make yourself feel better then you will. But that’s not going to insulate you against a lifetime with me, Princess.”
He said those words as though they were intended to push her away, and yet he tightened his hold on her as they escaped his lips. And she was not such a fool.
She reached up, grabbing hold of his tie. “I don’t need insulation. Don’t you dare accuse me of being weak. Don’t you dare accuse me of lying to myself, or to you, about my feelings. I spent my life trying to simply get through and make no waves. Trying to be worthy of the sacrifice my birth parents had made for me, and of the upending of the lives of my parents who raised me. You’re right. I did spend my life trying to be perfect. Trying to do the right thing. The best thing. Trying to do my best to make sure nobody regretted taking me on. But that’s not what I’m doing with you. I’m not afraid of you. I’m not afraid to fight against you. I’m not afraid to push you. Do not mistake me, King Felipe. When I say I am prepared to stand as your queen it is not so that I can be an accessory to you. Not so I can stand demurely at your side. I intend to make a difference. I intend to make a difference not just in this country but in your life. If I have to push you then I will do so. If I have to fight you, I will do that, too. You will never become your father, Felipe, because I will not allow it. Because I see more in you, and I see bettering you. You might not know it’s there, but I do. I do.”
He wrapped his fingers around her wrist, pulled her arm back, prying her fingers off his tie. “Do you think my mother thought she would be crushed beneath the boot heel of my father? I highly doubt that was her goal. And yet... And yet.”
“I’m not your mother,” she said, brushing her fingertips over his lips, satisfied when he jerked beneath the touch. “And you’re not your father.”
“Such confidence in me,” he said, parting his lips, scraping his teeth over her fingers, leaving a slight stinging sensation behind. “For what? And why?”
“Love, Felipe. The very thing you keep dismissing as a lie. As an incidental. It’s not. It’s everything. It’s what will keep you grounded. It’s what keeps me here with you. I want to be here with you. I want to be what you need. I want to be perfect for you.”
Her words echoed between them, and they made her stomach sink.
It was all so circular.
She had been consumed with being perfect for her mother and father, and then she’d come here and found a freedom in her lack of caring. But now she did care. Now she loved him. And she was back to trying to be whatever she had to be.
She could see the moment he heard it, too. The moment he realized what it meant.
“Was it love that saw my mother jumping from a window, Briar?” he asked, his voice rough. “Because that’s the only love I’ve ever known,” he said, his voice rough, harsh. “It’s soft and weak. It can be used against you. Used to destroy you.”
“You think you’ll destroy me, Felipe? And you’re angry at me for believing differently? Is that what’s happening here?” Nerves ate at her as her own words began to fray. Would he destroy her? He had the power to do so now. Now that she cared.
“Why should you believe in me at all?” he asked, his tone harsh. “There is nothing good in that. Nothing good that could possibly result from it.”
“What do you want? You want to drag me kicking and screaming down the aisle so that you can be thought of as a villain by your people? That isn’t true, because you care about your reputation. So I can only imagine it’s yourself you’re playing the villain for. But I can’t for the life of me figure out why.”
“You’re trying to figure me out as if I am a puzzle, querida. But you assume there are pieces for you to assemble. I am broken beyond repair. I told you already, my mother took her last leap with my heart, and there is no fixing that. But more important, I don’t want it fixed.”
“Stop trying to be so damned messed up all the time,” she said, shooting his words back at him. “Don’t commit yourself to this. You accuse me of being a martyr, but what are you, Felipe? You’re determined to atone for your father’s sins, but must you punish yourself for them, as well?”
“Someone has to,” he said. “The old man is dead, and for all that I hope he’s burning in hell, the only assurance I have that things will ever be right is what I fix in this life.”
“But you can’t have anything good while you work at that?”
“I can’t...” He closed his mouth, a muscle working in his jaw. “I cannot afford distraction.”
She knew that wasn’t what he’d been about to say. That there was something else. But she also knew he wasn’t going to let his guard down enough to actually speak with any honesty. There was something about this—whether it was the wedding, the sight of her, or the declaration of love—that unnerved him. That...that scared him. And no matter how deep he might deny it, she could see it.
If she could just make him see. She needed him to see. She had to make him understand that she could be what he needed. That she could fix this. That...
It hit her again, what was happening now.
She had convinced herself that if she behaved in a certain way she could earn his love. Could make him see that she wasn’t a burden. That she was everything he needed. That in the end, he would be happier for having her in his life, if she would only just...find the perfect way to be.
She couldn’t step back into that. She couldn’t do that to herself. Mostly, she could not be the woman he needed her to be if she did. He was so afraid of breaking her. And if she didn’t learn how to stand on her own, he might, and it wouldn’t even be his fault. She couldn’t force him to change. No amount of smiling prettily and inviting him into her bed could do that. He was going to have to love her.
She was going to have to demand that. Not sit around and wait for it.
She was going to have to make waves. There was no other option. She was going to have to take a risk that in the end she wouldn’t be worth it. It was the one thing she had always feared most. That ultimately, she would be far too much of an inconvenience for her parents if she stepped out of line. That everyone would find her to be too much trouble to care about. Unless she acted just so. Unless she contributed just enough.
She had stopped. She had to stop or it would go on forever. And it could not.
She took a deep breath and looked up at him, trembling from the inside out. “I love you, Felipe,” she said, the words steady.
“So you have said.”
“Do you love me?”
“I already gave you my answer.”
“I know. But I have to ask again. Because I have to be absolutely certain.”
“I cannot,” he said, his voice rough. “It is not in me.”
She nodded slowly. “I understand. And I need you to understand this. I can’t marry you. Not without your love.”
“Oh, so suddenly now you require love. Before you said this was never about love, and it wouldn’t change.”
“Well... I changed.”
“What do you want from me? You want me to lie to you, say the words and they will somehow have the magic power to force you to walk down the aisle?”
Her throat started to close up, her hands shaking, misery threatening to overwhelm her. She wanted—with almost everything she had, everything she was—to throw herself on the ground in front of him and tell him she didn’t mean it. That she would marry him no matter what. That she would stay with him forever and just hope that everything worked out okay.
And she would grow dimmer and dimmer. And he would consume her. In the end, it would sign both of their death warrants. For their happiness, at least.
“No,” she said, forcing the word through her tightened throat. “I would know. If you turned around and said it to me now I would know that you didn’t mean it.”
“And so you have forced me into an impossible situation.”
“You forced us into an impossible situation, Felipe. Because you are not the monster that you seem to think you are, not the monster that you wish you were. You kidnapped me, you dragged me here. And if you had been truly awful it would have been easy for me to resist you. But the fact is you aren’t. You’re simply broken. And whatever you say, you’re more that little boy who lost his mother all those years ago than you are a dragon. But I can’t fix it for you. I’ve tried. And I will break myself in the process. You’re right. I can’t martyr myself to this cause. You asked me to reconsider. That’s what you came here for. To push me away. To make it so that I would leave.” She blinked hard, tears threatening to fall. But she wouldn’t let them. “Congratulations. You’ve won.”
“There is an entire room full of guests waiting for us to say our vows, Princess. You would disappoint them?”
“I would disappoint them now rather than devastate myself later. It has to be done. I have to go. And if, when I am gone you are able to look inside yourself and find that heart you seem to think doesn’t exist... Then you can come and find me.”
“And if you leave,” he said, his lip curling up into a sneer, “you know that I will make things very difficult for your mother and father.”
She nodded slowly; this time a tear did track down her cheek. “I know.”
“And you will have failed everyone,” he said, the words hard, cruel. “You will have failed me, you will have failed Santa Milagro, you will have failed your adoptive parents, the king and queen, and Verloren herself. Is that what you want?”
She shook her head. “No. It isn’t what I want. It’s the last thing I want. But sadly, I could never be Princess Talia. I could never be the person I was born to be. I’ve only ever been able to be Briar Harcourt. She doesn’t want any of those things. But she does want to be loved. And at the end of the day, I think she deserves it.” She shook her head, battling with the ridiculousness of speaking about herself in the third person. But it was so hard to say what she knew she needed to say. “I deserve to be loved. I deserve it. I don’t need to earn it. I shouldn’t have to. Someday, Felipe, I’m going to find a man who wants me. One who didn’t track me down to the ends of the earth simply because I presented a political advantage to him. But a man who would track me down to the end of the world if I could offer him nothing but a kiss. If I came with no title. If I was only me. I have... I have never been able to say that I thought I deserved such a thing. That I’ve possessed enough value to be worthy of it. But now I do.”
She looked down at the ring, sparkling on her finger. A ring that represented a promise that would now not be fulfilled. She slipped it off, held it out to him. “I suppose I’m the monster now,” she said softly, dropping the gem into his open palm. “But I’m a monster that you created. You made me more myself than I have ever been. But I fear that if I stay here it won’t last. It will only fade away as I try everything in my power to please you, to make you love me the way that I love you. We both deserve more than that. Because it will only be a self-fulfilling prophecy, don’t you see? I will begin to feel I don’t deserve love, as I cannot earn it. And you will become the monster you were always afraid you were while you break me slowly into tiny pieces. I won’t do that to you. I won’t do it to me.”
She stood, and she waited. Because whatever she had said if he was to fling himself at her feet, if he was to grab her and pull her into his arms and confess his undying love, she would surely stay. Even if it was a lie. It would take nothing. A half a beat of his heart, a flutter of his eyelash, an upward curve to his lip. Just a sign. A small one, and she would crumble completely, all her good intentions reduced to ash.
“Get out,” he said, his voice hard.
“What?”
“You heard me. Get out of my sight. Get out of my palace.” He cocked his arm back, threw her ring across the room with a ferocity that shocked her. It was a gem of near inestimable value and he had cast it aside as though it was garbage.
Still, she didn’t obey him. She simply stood, shocked, unable to move.
“Get out!” He shouted now then turned to the side and grabbed hold of her vanity, tipping it over onto its face, the glass shattering from the mirror, small bottles of perfume smashing on the tile and sending heavy, drugging scents into the air.
She jumped backward, pressing her palm against her chest, her heart fluttering in her breasts. But still she felt rooted to the spot.
He advanced on her, radiating fury, his eyes a black flame. “Do you think I’m joking? Do you think I am anything less than the product of my father’s genetics and upbringing? Do you think I am anything less than a monster? Get out of my sight. Pray that I never see you again, Princess, because if I do I cannot promise you I will not make you my prisoner again. But this time, it will be far less pleasurable for you, I can assure you.”
“Felipe...”
He reached out, gripping her chin, the hold hard and nearly painful. “I do not love you. I do not possess the capacity. But oh, how I can hate. You do not want to test the limits of that.”
He turned and walked away from her then, and perversely she missed his touch. Even though it had hurt. Because this was worse. This total separation from him. This finality. It was for the best, and she knew it. By doing this she had revealed his true colors. Had uncovered the truth as it was in his heart. If he could not love her to keep her with him, then he never would.
“You had best not be here when I return,” he said finally before he walked out the double doors to her room, closing them behind him with a finality that reverberated through her entire frame.
She looked around the room, panic clawing at her. She didn’t know what to do, didn’t know where to go.
She took a breath and tried to keep calm. She had just done what needed to be done. But she felt terrible. She didn’t feel better at all, and she had a feeling it would be a long time before she did. She waited a few moments. Waited until she was certain Felipe wouldn’t be standing out there in the hall.
And then she flung the doors open, picked up the front of her dress and ran through the empty corridor. She ran until her lungs burned. Until she reached the front of the palace, going straight out the doors and across the courtyard. There were steps that led up to an exit point that she knew would be less watched, and she tried to scramble up them, taking them two at a time. And then she slipped and fell, her knees hitting the edge of the stones, her dress trailing behind her. She just lay there for a moment, feeling like this was a perfectly fitting moment for how she felt inside.
But then she pushed up, getting back to her feet. Because there was nothing else to be done. She had made the decision. And there was no going back. She had decided that she was worthy of love. No matter what she submitted herself to, or refused to submit herself to. She should be more than payment for her father’s debt.
She should be more than Felipe’s humanizing face that was presented to the people. More than a perfect daughter.
She was Briar. No matter who she had been born as. That was who she had become. And she needed to keep on becoming that. Because it was ongoing. Because she wasn’t finished. And if she stayed here and allowed her desire to please him to become all that she was...
She couldn’t. No matter how badly it hurt to leave. She would only hurt them both if she stayed.