Mia

There are big, fat snowflakes in the air on my walk to work on the first day of December. Even though it’s cold, there’s something very festive and pleasant about walking in the city with my fellow Chicagoans today.

Christmas is this month, and even though I have almost nothing, I’m looking forward to it more than I have since I was a kid. Helping Anita out is taking all my extra money, but I’m so damn happy. The tension has lifted in the apartment and now the two of us talk often. She and Dre are the closest people I’ve had to family besides my grandparents.

My nose is pretty much numb by the time I’m two miles into the walk. I ran out of credit on the Uber gift card, so I’m back to hoofing it every day. I miss the extra time I had in my days when I had a ride to and from work. It’s almost two hours both ways.

Walking’s not so bad, though. What I miss most is getting a ride home from Anton. Knowing he cared enough to stay up late and see me home safe was a nice feeling. One I’ve never gotten from a man before.

Anton’s very handsome; it’s impossible not to notice. But I never felt an attraction before because of Adam. Now, though, I find myself thinking about him often. He has a quiet way about him that I like. The stubble and longish dark blond hair seem out of character for him at first, but now that I know him a little better, I get it. He’s just not all that into his looks, which makes him that much more attractive. And those blue eyes…

I take a deep breath as I wait for the walk signal at an intersection, shaking off my thoughts of him. No point in daydreaming about someone, and something, I can’t have.

Adam’s visit to Lucky Seven a couple weeks ago shook me up. I know he didn’t just come to talk to me—he has my number. He was letting me know that he knows where I work, even though I never told him. That he can keep tabs on me anytime he wants to.

My grandfather told me hate is a waste of time. It eats away at the goodness inside us, he said. But I don’t know how else to describe the way I feel about Adam. He has me in a chokehold I don’t know how to find my way out of.

When I get to work, I take a small bag of cookies out of my backpack and set them on Janice’s desk. She’s not in her office, but she’s in the bar somewhere.

Dre and I baked cookies while Anita was studying and Dre asked if I’d bring some to Janice.

She had surprised me by inviting me, Anita and Dre to Thanksgiving dinner. I didn’t know before, but she closes the bar that day and has a meal catered in for the staff and their families. We ate like kings that day, and Janice gave all the kids a nice blanket and some candy to take home.

My finals are coming up, and I’ve been studying with every free moment I have. Since I can only go to school part-time, it’ll take me another year-and-a-half to finish my senior year, but I know I can get there. Encouraging Anita has reminded me of that.

“You look happy,” my least favorite waitress Lana says with a smirk. “Did you get laid or something?”

“No, I’m just not a bitch.” I give her a sweet smile as I arrange the glasses the way I like them before my shift starts.

“You reconsider my offer of marriage, Mia?” a regular at the bar named Lenny asks from his usual stool. “You can get me a discount on drinks and I can get you discounts on all the plumbing supplies you’ll ever need.”

“That’s tempting.” I take his empty bottle and pop open a new one for him. “I think I’ve gotta pass, though.”

The evening crowd hits soon, and I get lost in pouring, mixing and serving. I’m keeping a mental tally of my tips, hoping to take Dre ice skating and shopping for a Christmas gift for his mom this week. Since I’ve started helping Anita with money, I’m wearing lower cut tops, smiling bigger and telling fewer customers who hit on me to fuck off. It’s kinda like what I do to pay for grandpa’s care—the ends justify the means.

I’ve got a momentary lapse in drink orders later in the night when I look up and see Anton walking toward the bar. I feel butterflies in my stomach, which I’m not sure I’ve ever felt in my life.

“Hey,” he says, the corners of his lips slightly turned up.

“Hi.” I sound breathless. Fuck.

“How are you?”

“I’m okay. You?”

He shrugs a shoulder. “Not bad, other than my pain in the ass uncle.”

“Can I get you a drink?”

“I’ll take a bottle of grey goose.” He sits down on the stool in front of him.

“Really?”

He breaks into a smile. “Nah. Water, please.”

He’s cute. I’ve missed him. I try to keep those feelings from my expression as I get his water and set it in front of him.

“On the house,” I say adamantly. “You can’t keep paying $20 for a glass of water.”

“I’m pretty sure I can.” He arches his brows and takes a sip. “That’s damn good water.”

There’s an awkward silence. Then Anton breaks it by asking, “Why’d you tell me not to come that night?”

The hurt in his eyes reaches straight into my chest and twists my heart. Anton has never been anything but good to me, and I hate that I caused him even an ounce of disappointment.

“I’m sorry.” I look down at the floor.

“I just need to know if it was something I did or said.”

“No,” I say quickly. “No, not at all.”

“I’m not trying to get with you, Mia. I’d never do that while you’re still married.”

“I know.”

“Then what happened?”

I sigh softly. “Adam came in that night.”

Anton’s gaze darkens. “What did he want?”

“Just…to make me feel like shit, I guess. It worked.”

“I’ve been thinking about things, Mia. I want us to be friends. And I don’t care who knows about it or approves of it. Adam’s my teammate, but there’s nothing wrong with me being friends with you.”

His expression is so earnest. So sincere. I’m embarrassed by the tears clouding my vision.

“I’d like that,” I manage to say. “If he finds out, it won’t be good, but as long as you know that.”

Anton shrugs. “I don’t just know it, I like it. I’d love to throw down with that fucker. I’m pretty sure I’ve got plenty of reasons, from the look on your face every time his name comes up.”

I look away, uncomfortable. “I don’t think he shows his true colors to many people.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me. But I’m here, if you want to talk or if you need me to handle him. Anytime, day or night.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll take you home tonight.”

I curb my instinct to tell him he doesn’t have to, or it’ll be too late. He’s my friend. I do want a ride home from him.

And I don’t have to worry about the shame Adam reminded me of recently. Anton and I are only friends. He doesn’t care whether I can have kids.

“That would be great,” I say.

My seat is warm when I step into Anton’s car and sit down. His car still smells like leather, but there’s another scent in the air tonight.

“Ribs?” I ask him.

He grins. “Yeah. I got a sitter tonight and got carryout ribs from my favorite place.”

“A sitter? Do you have kids?”

After a single note of laughter, he says, “No. The sitter was for my seventy-eight-year-old uncle who lives with me. He’s had two strokes but still thinks he’s fucking Evel Knievel.”

The visual cracks me up. “Wow. Just two bachelors living the dream?”

“Something like that.”

“I’ve been doing some babysitting myself,” I say.

“Oh yeah?”

“For my roommate Anita’s four-year-old son Dre. He’s a riot.”

“I didn’t know you lived with anyone.”

“Yeah, she rented me a room when I first left Adam. I didn’t even have enough money for the first month’s rent, but she let me pay it after I got a job.”

“And you guys get along pretty well?”

I smile. “Yeah. It was rocky at first, but things have been good lately.”

“Well, you look good. I mean, you always look good, but you look happier than before.”

“Thanks. I feel happier. I think it’s just…time, partly. Finding myself. That sounds so cheesy.”

“No, I get it.”

Our conversation is flowing so easily that I’m bummed when Anton parks in front of my building. I stifle a yawn.

“Better get some sleep,” he says.

“Yeah, Dre will be waking me up at seven.”

“I’ve got a home game tomorrow night, can I pick you up from work after?”

“Actually, I’m off.”

Anton nods. “Want to come to a hockey game?”

I consider it for a second, thinking I could take Dre, but then I shake my head. “Thanks, but no. I can’t risk Adam seeing me, and…I just think him being there would ruin it for me.”

“I understand.”

“Thanks for the ride.”

I open my door to get out of his car, and he gets out to come around and walk me to the door.

“Text me tomorrow if you want,” he says. “Or call, if you’re feeling old school.”

“I will.”

“’Night, Mia.”

“Goodnight, Anton.”