The noise is deafening. I’m so tempted to kick everyone out for a little peace and quiet.
Every time I’m tempted to do just that, I take one look at my son, not bothered at all in the middle of a throng of his enthralled subjects, and think better of it.
The masses would riot.
I’m completely outnumbered, but not at all any less spellbound.
Even Alex has a stupid grin on his face beside me. “I can’t believe you’re a dad.”
“That makes two of us.”
The day I proposed to Evie for the second time, she told me she would choose me “until the end.”
I shook it off, attributed it to the ghosts of the place where we made love, changing it into something new and better.
On our wedding day, she gave me the present of a lifetime.
She told me I was going to be a father as we shared our first dance at the reception.
Evie kissed my lips, then renewed the promise she made on the side of that old trail.
I had no idea why she was clinging to that particular phrase.
Not until labor took a turn for the worse.
The first time she promised me until the end, she had already been labeled a high-risk pregnancy. The second time, her specialists were gearing up to do battle.
The third time, they were wheeling her out of the delivery room, on a path to the OR, in an attempt to stop the bleeding.
“Until the end,” she whispered, life fading from her eyes faster than I could keep up. “Take care of Robbie.”
In my shock, all I could think was we hadn’t ever decided on a name. “Robbie?”
“Robert Gary Falls. So, he’ll always have a reminder to choose to be a better man, like his father.”
She was ripped away from me for a second time.
The nurses placed our son in my arms, still covered in his mother’s blood.
Even though it was the middle of the season, our entire family descended on the scene. Alex and Mike blew off games, fulfilling the promises they’d made the day Evie already knew this would happen.
I don’t remember the first time I sat in a hospital waiting room, with the same people all around me.
I will never forget the last.
“Hey,” Alex shakes my shoulder. “You all right, bro?”
“Yeah.” I grip the edge of the kitchen island, willing myself calm. This isn’t the time or place to have a mental breakdown.
Evie would be so proud.
“I haven’t had a lot of sleep. I think it’s all starting to catch up to me.”
Alex takes a sip of his beer, his always intelligent eyes surveying the chaotic, happy scene in the living room. “You’ve seen more blood than any man should ever have to. If you need a break, take it. I got this.”
I have never appreciated my brother as much as I do in this moment. “You sure?”
He shrugs. “I’m gonna have to learn how pretty damn fast, now, aren’t I?”
I shouldn’t poke the bear, but I can’t resist. Laughing for a change feels too good. “Yeah, you are. How long until I can spill? The wait is killing me.”
He glares at me. “You know she’s going to freak the fuck out. At least wait a few more weeks.”
In a burst of what can only be excused as sleep-deprived lunacy, I grab his face in my hands and plant a sloppy kiss on his cheeks. “You’re the man, Alex Fossoway. Don’t wake me for at least two hours.”
Mike lumbers into the kitchen, an expression of both disgust and concern etched into his face. “You’re leaving him in charge?”
“He needs the practice.”
We both laugh as Alex flips us the bird.
“I’m the uncle,” Mike argues after he catches his breath. “I should get to be in charge.”
At this point, I don’t really care who’s in charge, as long as they’ll cover for me for a few hours. They can both practice.
I have no worries my son will be in good hands with these men.
They’re some of the best guys I know.
“You’ll have to fight The Moms for diaper duty. For some reason, they seem to enjoy it. He’ll be ready to eat in about a half hour. Don’t microwave the bottle, warm it up in a pan of boiling water. Test the temperature by squirting some milk onto the inside of your wrist to make sure it’s not too hot.”
Alex visibly shudders. “I am not putting breast milk on my skin.”
“Why not?” I bait him with more way-too-easy jabs. “Breasts are what got you into this situation to begin with. Trust me, it tastes even better than it smells. Like honey.”
He grabs the first thing he can find on the counter, lobbing the dish towel at my head. “Get out of here before I change my mind.”
I throw the towel back at him, but it sails across the room, narrowly missing my mom’s nose.
She glares at me, then points toward the staircase.
Yeah, I really do need some sleep.
My aim is terrible.
“Might be time to rethink your day job, QB!” Alex yells as I head upstairs.
My day job is the whole reason I’m burning the candle at both ends.
I can’t risk reneging on the promise I made to Evie by half-assing it at practices or on game days.
She wanted the best quarterback in the world. I’ll never let her down.
But, it’s so tempting.
I’m so fucking tired.
The bedroom is dark and cool when I push the door open.
I collapse on the bed, face-down, not really caring enough to get under the blankets.
The sensation of fingers combing through my hair feels like a whisper from heaven.
“Where’s Robbie?”
“Downstairs with his retinue. The kid’s only three months old, and his fan club is already bigger than mine.”
Her laugh is husky, even laced with sleep. My dick twitches against the mattress in response.
Sex has not been on my radar in months, and not only because the holy land was off-limits.
“Don’t be jealous,” she admonishes. “He’s your biggest fan, after all.”
I roll my head to meet her gaze. “I’ll quit being jealous when he isn’t attached to your boobs all the time. And I thought you were my biggest fan?”
Her smile is lazy, her eyes mutually sleep-deprived. “Son trumps wife.”
My wife.
My son.
My family.
“You’re doing it again,” she whispers, a frown pulling down her lips.
“What? Sleeping with my eyes open? I feel like that’s all I do anymore.”
“You’re looking at me like a ghost who isn’t really here.” She scoots closer on the mattress. Her hand slips under my shirt, then she traces the taut muscles of my back.
The skin to skin contact sends my eyes rolling in the back of my head. No love-making could ever feel this good.
Or, it’s just been so long, I’m forgot what sex feels like.
“I’m here, Rob.” Her lips brush over my cheek, my closed eyes. “I’m fine. I’m in this bed with you right now.”
“This is all your fault,” I mumble, edging closer toward the precipice of sleep. “Blame your creepy ‘until the end’s.’ I do.”
Hot breath washes over my ear as she speaks. “I was hedging my bets.”
“Mmhmm.” Too tired to argue.
“Rob.”
“Hmm?”
“Promise me you’ll make time to call Cathy and work through this. We have Robbie, now. We have to be on our A game at all times. I don’t want this terror of yours getting out of control. I know I scared you during delivery, but– “
“Scared me? Is that what we’re calling it, these days?” I roll onto my side and wrap her in my arms, just to feel her there. “You hemorrhaged in the delivery room, received six transfusions in the OR, and were in a medically-induced coma for twenty-four hours. Scared doesn’t begin to cover it.”
“But, they saved my uterus.” Her voice is entirely too chipper.
I crack one eye open to be sure it’s still Evie in bed with me. “Your optimism is unappreciated at this time. Who are you and what have you done with my realistic wife?”
“I am your wife who is looking forward to more babies someday.”
I would snort if I had the energy. I’m seriously considering a secret vasectomy, just to hedge my bets. “We are not having this discussion right now.”
“No, you’re right. We’re not.” Her tone turns serious. “We’re discussing my fears you’re going to allow the bad to outweigh the good of that day. I don’t want either of us to go back to that place ever again. I want you to help me, help you.”
Her heavy breasts brush against my chest with every breath. I might be jealous Robbie’s attached to them all the time, but I can’t deny I’m enjoying how full and large they are these days.
She licks a lazy path along the side of my neck, working me over, bending me to her will.
“Please, Rob?”
I whimper.
Even exhausted, I’m so fucking weak.
My body responds to her request with no hesitation.
This woman is my greatest weakness, my greatest strength.
Our son downstairs is my reason for breathing.
“Fine. I’ll call tomorrow after I come home from practice.”
“Thank you.” I feel her lips stretch in a smile against my cheek before she claims my mouth like it’s her right.
And, it is.
Her right is my absolute pleasure.
“Baby,” I groan as she continues her assault. “Sleep.”
“Mmm,” she hums at my throat. “I’ll let you sleep all night. I promise to handle every diaper change and feeding.”
Evie steals her hand inside my shorts, stroking my length with expert precision.
I’ve been looking forward to the moment I can slip inside my wife again, but not like this. “Can’t we wait until we’re home alone? Until we can take our time?”
I have very explicit plans to make her moan louder than this closed bedroom door will be able to contain.
A rumble of laughter vibrates Evie’s body against mine. “We won’t be taking our time again until Robbie sleeps through the night. This is actually the perfect set up. They’ve given us a few hours’ reprieve.”
Fuck it.
They’ll have to endure Evie’s cries of pleasure for a while.
My wife, my house, my rules.
It’s not the same way Davis meant it, but I’m going to enjoy instilling this new order in the Falls residence.
Maybe I can finally get Evie to agree to the “naked at all times while home alone” rule, too.
With that hope firmly in place, her shirt is the first thing to go.
Manners are nowhere in my mind when I talk with my mouth full. “Fuck, you taste so good.”
Judging by Evie’s nails scraping my scalp and her arched back, she doesn’t mind my food fetish so much just now.
“Mmm, Rob.”
That is exactly the kind of moaning I’ve been fantasizing about for the past few weeks during the short bursts I have between exhaustion.
There’s no turning back now. I have to see this through to the end.
Evie jerks out of my mouth, then hides under my body when the door slams against the wall.
“You asshole! You told me to be in charge so you could sleep! You’re up here screwing around!”
My son’s piercing wail deflates my hard-on faster than if I’d caught it in a zipper.
“If he’s crying that hard, then you’re doing a shitty job of being in charge,” I volley back over my shoulder. If I move a muscle, I’ll expose Evie.
“He won’t take the stupid bottle! He wants boob action, like the good man he is. Hurry up and get down here.”
“Just bring him here,” Evie sighs. “I feed him in bed all the time.”
“And run the risk of your husband gouging out my eyes if I accidentally get a peek of naked mommy? No, thanks. We’ll be downstairs, waiting.”
So much for making love to my wife.
She’s already feeling around for her shirt somewhere on the bed before Alex even closes the door behind him and an increasingly angry Robbie.
“He does prefer a mouth full of breast,” I admit, climbing off the bed. “It’s like he wants to constantly remind me they belong to him now.”
Evie pulls her shirt over her head and throws her wild hair up in a messy bun. “Yeah, well, let’s just hope you didn’t already drain one or he might not want anything to do with you for the rest of the day.”
“Hey, he needs to learn how to share.”
Evie laughs as we descend the stairs together, willingly walking back into mayhem, hand in hand.
She takes Robbie from her mother, who’s having no better luck getting him to take the bottle.
Within seconds of sliding him under her shirt like a pro without exposing herself, he’s latched on and happily sucking away, making all kinds of cute little noises just to really sell to me that he owns those breasts for at least the next year.
Evie’s face takes on that blissed-out expression she always gets when the let-down reflex kicks in.
I could suck for days and never get the same reaction out of her.
“Traitor,” I whisper to my son before retreating to the kitchen.
I want a beer, but I won’t let myself have one.
“Are you that hard up?” Mike laughs as I reach into the fridge, then pull out a cold can. “You never drink soda during the season.”
I throw the bottle cap at Alex.
“What the fuck was that for?”
“For ratting me out to my wife’s brother,” I explain.
Mike shrugs. “I’m old enough to know where babies come from.”
We smile at Alex in unison.
“You know what? I don’t need this abuse. I have a flight to catch.” He retreats into the living room, saying his goodbyes to everyone.
When he bends down to kiss Evie on the cheek and pat Robbie’s head through her shirt, no jealousy rears its ugly head.
It has nothing to do with his current situation.
I haven’t worried about Alex’s love for Evie since that day on the trail when he let her go and walked away without a glance back.
But, I do still think about Jackson from time to time.
It’s been over a year since he disappeared without a trace.
Over a year since we lost our first child.
Things might be so different.
If Jackson had never gone MIA, Evie might not have miscarried.
And we might not have Robbie today.
Life is made up of moments with numerous possible outcomes.
Some we choose. Some are chosen for us.
Some end well; others don’t.
As a quarterback, I’ve been trained to read the other players on the field. To adapt to my chosen option should the need arise.
Off the field, I’m still learning to roll with the punches.
Robbie was the surprise of my life.
Evie almost dying in childbirth was a surprise I can’t help but think about.
There is no good in life without the bad.
I wouldn’t appreciate all the best moments without darkness to show me what might be missing when light forces the shadows to recede.
More importantly, I have to be prepared for when the tide turns again, if it ever does.
Once a week, Byers briefs me on any little clue he’s turned up.
Mallory’s phone calls have faded away, but I check in whenever I have a restless night with a colicky baby in my arms. Not to beg for information. Just to show her what can happen when we choose the good over the bad. Hope over fear.
He’s my reason for dipping my toes in the cesspool of humanity on occasion.
He’s the reason I’ll continue to do Sing Out assemblies on college campuses and high schools whenever I can fit them into my schedule.
I have a family to protect, to honor, to love.
And that’s why unless it’s required, I don’t give Jackson too much time in my head.
I have a son to raise to be a better man than any of us.
Mike claps my shoulder, jerking me out of my thoughts. “I better get going, too. I’ll see you next week at the game.”
“You bet.”
“No,” he laughs. “No more bets. Next thing you know, I’ll be expecting a kid.”
“You’d make a good dad, Mike.”
He smiles. “I never said I wouldn’t. But, you know me. I’d rather have a plan.”
“Plans are overrated.”
“Tell me that when you’re expecting twins in nine months.” He calls back as he makes his way to the living room before departing.
After an hour or so, Evie, Robbie, and I are alone on the couch, vegging and watching SportsCenter. Mama and YiaYia have been asleep for hours. Mom will be on a flight back to Ohio, first thing in the morning.
“We should schedule a family photo shoot to release to the media soon,” Evie murmurs.
“Do we have to? Can’t we keep him to ourselves just a little longer?”
“He’s three months old. I’m cleared to be out of bed, go back to work, go about…life. I’d rather have his photos out there on our terms than the inevitable paparazzi ambushing us when we leave the house.”
“I know.”
That’s been our play since Evie’s first public appearance at Sacramento Stadium. We control what we give the media now, not the other way around. Shawn feeds them enough to keep them satisfied. Once the gates close on our property, Byers and his team makes sure no one gets in.
“You should stop letting him fall asleep at the breast soon. It’s no wonder he wants to be there all the time.”
“He’s a growing boy! He needs to eat whenever he’s hungry.” She lifts her shirt and sure enough, the little glutton is sound asleep, his mouth still clamped around her nipple.
She pulls him off, and he doesn’t even notice.
“I know,” Evie pouts, but hands him over to me.
He’s growing, yeah, but he still feels so tiny when I prop him on my chest. My hand covers his entire back as I pat until he lets out a burp that shouldn’t be able to come from such a small body.
Evie yawns and curls into my side. “I’m going to take a little nap. Wake me in a half hour.”
“Uh, no. You wouldn’t let me sleep earlier when we had the chance; you don’t get to sleep now.”
“I told you I’d stay up with him all night, so you can sleep.”
“I didn’t exactly get to earn that reward, either.”
Evie laughs at my side. Robbie whines in protest at the loud noise.
“Oh, shit. I mean, shoot. Sorry, buddy.” Evie caresses his downy head until he settles back down. Then, she aims a decidedly non-motherly eyebrow my way. “We’re alone now…”
“Now’s actually not a good time for me.” I sink down a little further into the best couch in the world and gesture to the bundle on my chest. “I’m pretty comfy with my guy here, just watching some sports coverage.”
“Seriously?” Evie crosses her arms, and damn.
The sight of those huge breasts shoved together like that makes me drool. The play was to make her want me so badly, she’d jump me right here in the living room, but clearly, she’s running a blitz.
“You’re always complaining he’s attached to me night and day. Now that I’m offering myself up to you, you’re pulling a role reversal?”
I might complain, but I don’t mind as much as I pretend to. Evie was so terrified to nurse our son where the scars of someone else remain. When he latched on and sucked like a champ, Evie’s perception of her breasts changed. They were no longer a reason for shame, but the source of our son’s nourishment.
It’s fun to make it out to be a competition, but secretly, Robbie and I have a master plot.
Make Evie Falls feel like the most wanted woman in the world.
We’re already the luckiest men to be loved by her.
“Well, fine,” Evie huffs, sinking down into the couch, continuing to pout. “I’m too tired to have sex, anyway.”
Since she’s already pissed and I have Robbie for protection, now seems like a good time.
“Evie, I have a confession to make…”
“Oh, no. No more confessions; we’re supposed to be through with those.” She hops up from the couch and paces in front of the TV.
I don’t mind. Even when she’s angry at me, I thank God every day for her life. I’d rather watch her than anything else.
With the exception of my son. I kiss the top of his head, just in case he can read my mind and feels slighted.
“Remember how you said you wanted to name Robbie after me, so he’d always have a reminder of how to be a good man?”
She stops her pacing and pins me with a confused glare. “Yes?”
“Well…I didn’t want him to carry on my father’s name. I didn’t think it really fit with the idea you were going for.”
“Wait a minute.” Evie rubs her forehead in frustration. “You said you took care of the birth certificate since I was still recovering when the nurses needed to process the paperwork.”
“Yep. I did.”
“And?” She glances at our sleeping son, then back up at me. “What did you do?”
“I named him Robert Michael Alexander Falls.”
A smile spreads across Evie’s face. She reclaims her seat beside me, placing a kiss on my cheek, then on Robbie’s head. “I like that. No, I love that. Almost as much as I love you.”
Now that she’s back in a good mood, it’s an even better time. “I also have a secret I’ve been dying to tell you.”
Her expression falls. “Did you change all of our last names? Because this tattoo isn’t coming off. I’m not changing it.”
Huh. I’d never considered that, but she makes a fair point. “No, our last name is still Falls, unfortunately.”
“I like our last name. It’s one we share.”
Not about to argue that point. “Back to this secret. Are you ready for this? Sure you’re feeling well enough to handle it?”
“You’re scaring me, Rob.”
“You don’t have to be scared, but Alex definitely is.”
“What does Alex have to do with your secret?”
“It’s not my secret; it’s his.”
She rolls her eyes. “Just spit it out already.”
“Do you remember his tutor from State? Amira?”
Evie seems to think about it, then nods. “Yeah, the one he wanted to have sex with so badly, but she wouldn’t drop her panties like all his other conquests. What about her?”
“Apparently, she’s the team psychologist for the Orlando Sharks.”
Evie smirks. “So, he has to come face to face every day with the only woman to ever tell him no? That must be a huge blow to his ego on a regular basis.”
“Not as much as you might think.” I rub Robbie’s back absentmindedly, remembering everything I felt during our pregnancy. “She’s pregnant with his baby.”
“What?” Evie yells.
And then all hell breaks loose.
Robbie lets out a wail; Evie lets out an apologetic shriek.
I know at least one set of parents who won’t be having any sex tonight.
Game over.