Chapter Twenty-Five

Zoey

The look on his face was more than enough to let me know he wasn’t expecting me to ask about his past. Granted, right after he’d been so sweet and considerate might not have been the best time to bring it up, but it needed to be talked about. Ever since Annette had looked him up and given me the blow by blow of his history with women, it had been in the back of my mind and it was slowly eating away at me.

I knew I should let it go, but after my last relationship, I had my share of trust issues.

Annette knew my history. She knew my ex had cheated on me and that I had been the one who’d caught him. She was just being a good friend and didn't want me to be surprised if something from Ryder’s past came into play. Her intentions were honorable, but the things she had shown me were now branded on my brain, and I couldn’t block them out.

He had no clue I even felt this way, and a part of me wasn't sure I wanted him to know. I had said that I was in this, and I was, but I was also feeling a little insecure. I wanted to let him in on my insecurities before they showed themselves at another key moment. He knew that I was worried about other women, because I’d done a damn good job of proving that in New York, but there hadn't been another situation.

I didn't want him to lose his fans, but I wasn’t crazy about half-naked women hanging all over him asking for autographs, either. It was a double-edged sword—one I wasn't completely sure I would ever one hundred percent be able to withstand. I wanted to let it go. I wanted to be over it, damn it. Which was another reason I needed to address what I was feeling.

I took a deep breath, looked him in the eye, and tried to start what I knew was going to be a difficult conversation . . . for me, anyway.

“Okay. I know that we talked briefly about this once before and that you made it clear I am your first choice. It’s just, knowing what I know about your past, I worry that I won't be enough for you.” I held up my hand when he tried to interject. I needed to get this out. “No, please let me finish. I know you are a man who likes, or liked, lots of women and the last thing I want to do is judge you for your past choices when it comes to relationships. But I worry that my insecurities are going to get the better of me and ruin this, and that terrifies me. I don't want my friends to constantly feel like they need to tell me what you’re doing. I want them to know that I already know who you are, and I don't know how to get there. I love you, and I want this, I want you to know that. This isn't about us—this is about me. I need you to know where my head is.”

I took a deep breath, and signaled that I was ready to hear what he had to say.

“Okay, first of all, don't ever discount yourself again, especially not in front of me.” He looked at me seriously. “You are my choice. You’re the one I want in my life. I get that my life is filled with crazy situations that you might not always be comfortable with, but I’ll do my best to never allow myself to be in a situation that you have to worry about me and what I’m doing. I’m not going to make promises that I will never be stupid, but I will try my best to always be aware of your feelings.”

He moved from sitting in his chair to the floor right next to me, on his knees.

“Zoey, I want you, but I don't want to have to keep letting you know that you are it for me. I will continue to show you, but I hope you can start trusting me.” His smile was soft and genuine, and I pushed myself from the chair and into his arms.

“I don't want you to think I’m seeking attention. I just want to be honest with you at all times,” I said as I leaned in and kissed him softly. These may not be conversations I wanted to have, but they were ones I needed to have. As he became a bigger name on the circuit, I knew what would happen. Women would continue to throw themselves at him and I would have to trust him to be faithful. I supposed I needed to hear him say it again.

“You’re the person I fear the most and the one I love the most, but still, I have given you my heart,” I whispered. “I’m hoping you’ll keep it safe.”

He stood from his position with me in his arms and carried me to the sofa, covering me with his body.

“I want to take care of you and your heart. Never doubt that.” He leaned down and ran his nose over mine. “We both have to remember that we’re the only ones in this relationship.”

He pressed his lips firmly against mine. His kiss wasn’t soft this time—it was convincing. He owned my body, and he knew it. But my body was the easy thing. He knew exactly what to do and how to work me.

He took control, and within a matter of minutes, I was calling out with pleasure as he pushed into me. With slow, measured movements, he eased in and out. As his rhythm increased, I gasped his name.

He slowed and smiled down at me. “I love hearing you say my name,” he uttered then pushed hard into me once more, eliciting a loud moan from me. I could feel him start to swell inside of me and I knew his orgasm was getting close. I didn't want it to be over, so I pushed at his chest, forcing him from inside of me and maneuvering until he rolled over onto his back and I was on top. I pressed my lips to his chest.

“My turn to be in control,” I said, reaching for his hard cock and positioning myself until I was able to slide him inside of me. I didn't move up and down, I simply rotated my hips. It was a movement that was new to me. He groaned as I rolled my hips in waves. I could feel the burn as the length of him stretched me as far as I could take. I rolled again and felt his hands cover my breasts. He squeezed and pinched my nipples until a deep breath released from my throat. I hadn't realized that I had been holding it until it came out.

I had known the full movement of sex before but never known I could get such a feeling with little to no movement. I rotated my hips against his and felt the burning sensation build stronger. I wasn’t about to stop. I wanted the release now more than ever, and with each grunt and push from Ryder, that want grew. He was trying to push deeper inside of me, and I was pushing down to keep him from accomplishing that. The orgasm that was coming was different—the feeling was different. It wasn't coming from my belly, it was coming from my vaginal walls, an entirely new sensation. I wasn't sure why or how it was coming, but I wanted to feel it.

I leaned forward and put my hands on his chest and pushed even harder onto his erection. I moved my hips in a circular motion and chased the feeling. He leaned up and took one of my breasts into his mouth and bit down lightly. It was enough to push me over the edge. Something erupted inside of me and the scream that left my body sounded like it came from someone else. Ryder pushed up, and I felt him release inside of me. My whole body shook as I collapsed onto him. Every change in his position caused another wave of pleasure to crash through me. I wanted every movement and didn't at the same time. My body was on the edge, and it felt amazing but skirted the brink of pain.

When Ryder reached to touch me, his fingers left a trail of shivers that felt like fire. My body was confused, and so was my brain. I had never felt like this before.

“Fuck,” Ryder rasped. “Damn. What are you doing to me?”

I giggled. I felt him tense as I tightened around him with the contraction of my abdominal muscles.

“Oh god,” he groaned and pushed at me.

“Sorry,” I said and went to move off of the couch.

“No, don’t go.” He grabbed me and pulled me to his side. “I am so sensitive that I needed to be out of you, but I don't want you away from me.”

I snuggled up to him and relaxed my brain. We would be all right, I just had to stop worrying about all the stuff I couldn't control. I had to trust him and let him do his thing unless he gave me a reason not to trust him. He adjusted a few minutes later and pulled a towel that was still damp from my shower over us and kissed the top of my head.

I didn't remember him moving us to the bed during the night, but at some point, he must have. When I shifted in place, his arms tightened around me and the warmth of his bare skin burned against me.

“Morning,” I mumbled into the pillow.

His response was a half-grunt, half-moan. He reached over and pulled me closer. I was greeted by his erection pressing into my bare back, and it hit me that this would be the last time we’d get a chance to be together for a while. I had to get back to New York, and he had to train, which meant the separation would be for at least a month.

I wiggled my ass against him, and in turn, he ran a hand down my stomach and between my legs. I arched into his touch as his fingers opened me up. I moved in rhythm with the movement of his hand until I felt his member slide between my legs from behind. He pushed inside of me and mumbled something in my ear I couldn't understand, but when I felt his cock pushing into me, I relaxed and enjoyed the feeling of him filling me. I wanted an orgasm like he’d given me the night before, but I wanted to be close to him even more than I wanted an orgasm. His body molded to mine as he moved slowly within me.

The way he made love to me seemed as though he wanted me to feel his words from last night, and not just hear them. It worked. I heard and felt his words, loud and clear. When his movements became a little more erratic, he reached to rub at my clit, but I moved his hand away, wanting the sensation of him to be all that I felt. Despite my effort extend the moment, he continued to ignite my body in a way I couldn’t ignore until he managed to bring me to orgasm anyway.

There was more to it than fucking. It was a connection— a connection that ended with him tugging my hair back and forcing me to look into his eyes as he released into me. For the first time in my life, I felt it—that feeling you get when you realize everything will be right in the world. His eyes burned for me and without words he gave me more than his body. He gave me his heart.