Mack was early, on purpose. She was going to be nervous enough sitting at the table, but she didn’t trust herself to walk into the coffee shop, while Ash watched her, and not give in to her shaking knees. She had gone over in her head what she was going to say a thousand times since the night before, and she’d also told herself at least a thousand times that she wasn’t doing this just because she had to see him one more time. Of course, inasmuch as her heart ached for Charlie and she worried about her welfare, she couldn’t deny that she was more than thrilled to spend even another minute looking at Ash. He’d filled out since she saw him last. He was broader in the chest and shoulders, like he’d been doing a lot of working out. Or maybe just riding a Harley around everywhere did that do a man, she wasn’t sure. But damn...he had looked so good at the funeral that she felt like she needed to go to confession afterward for the sins she’d committed in her mind.

She ordered her coffee and found a table in the back and waited. She didn’t have to wait long...but she was going to have to change her underwear. When Ash walked into the little coffee shop, every female eye and maybe one or two male ones were on him. Gone was the suit and tie he’d worn so well the day before and in its place was a white t-shirt, a black leather jacket, tight, faded blue jeans, black boots, and black sunglasses. His hair looked mussed, like he’d just pulled off a hat or a helmet and he had stubble on his face that only yesterday had looked freshly shaved. As his long legs carried him toward her, her eyes couldn’t help but take in the colorful tattoos that decorated both of his arms. He hadn’t had a single tattoo when he left New York and now his hard body seemed to be a palette for colored ink. She was surprised at just how much that turned her on.

He stopped in front of the table where she sat, and she could see “Ash” stitched into his vest on one side and a patch sewn on the other that said “Enforcer” and had an emblem of a skull. Above that it said “Westside Chapter.” “Hi,” she croaked out of her dry throat. He still hadn’t taken off his glasses and she couldn’t see his eyes, so her eyes went to his lips. They were outlined in the dark blond stubble, as plump and delicious-looking as she remembered them. She caught herself about to lick her lips just before he pulled off the glasses and dropped down into the chair across from her. His eyes were bloodshot, and she wondered if he’d been up all night, grieving his father. Or maybe he’d gotten drunk the night before. Or maybe he’d been up all night doing something else...something she didn’t even want to imagine.

“What’s up?” he said, brusquely.

“You want coffee?”

“Nope.”

She took a deep breath. He wasn’t about to make this easy on her. “I’m worried about Charlie,” she said.

He stared at her for a long time, like he was waiting for her to go on. Finally, he said, “Why?”

“I don’t think she’s dealing with your father’s death well...”

“What do you know about it? I mean, what makes you an expert on my little sister or how she’s dealing with anything?”

“Wow, okay.” She swallowed hard, trying to get past the lump in her throat and said, “I’m not an expert by any means, but I saw her yesterday and she was a mess.”

He snorted and said, “I saw her yesterday too without a tear in her eyes...looking as freshly coiffed as her mother.”

“I get that you’re still pissed at me, Ash...”

“Pissed? No, Mack, I’m not pissed. What happened between you and me five years ago has such an insignificant place in my life now that I don’t waste any emotion on it. So, don’t flatter yourself. What I am is curious about why you think you know my sister so well. Have you and Allison become friends?”

Mack frowned. “Hardly. Allison barely speaks to me. I worked for your dad, Ash, did he tell you?”

That caught him off guard and for the first time, emotion did cross his face. It was hurt, or betrayal maybe. “You worked for him? What happened to that new job you got right before you threw the rest of your life away? Wasn’t all you thought it would be? Shame.”

She had to take another breath and clear her throat. “I only stayed there for a year. When I was let go...”

“Let go?” He looked like he might smile. He really did hate her. “He fired you? I guess fucking the boss isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, huh?”

“This was a mistake,” Mack said, standing up. “I’m sorry I bothered you.” Ash didn’t flinch as she left her full coffee on the table and walked out. She could feel the tears welling up and she willed them away as she walked up Church Street on the way to the parking garage. She was almost there when she heard the sound of his voice calling her name. She stopped and almost reluctantly turned toward him. She stood and waited until he caught up and he said:

“Okay, maybe I’m still pissed. I had no idea you were working for Dad. I feel a little betrayed by that.” She opened her mouth and he held up his palm and said, “I really don’t want to hear about any of that. Tell me why you’re worried about Charlie.”

“You know that Allison is not the most attentive mother. When your dad was alive, Charlie spent a lot of time with him at the office when she wasn’t at school. He was teaching her about the business from the ground up and although I don’t think she had much real interest in it, she loved spending time with him. They were even closer than you and he were...and yesterday I found her curled up in a window seat in the main house, crying her eyes out. When I tried to comfort her, she got angry...understandably.”

“Why is it understandable for her to be angry with you?”

She laughed, “Because she blames me, Ash. She says it’s my fault that you left your family...and she’s right.” He was silent before saying:

“I’ll talk to her.” She hated herself for it, but she had hoped that he would tell her it wasn’t her fault, even though she knew it was...mostly. “Is that it?”

This was her chance. Five years too late...but it was finally her chance to tell him the truth about why she didn’t show up for their wedding. She had thought about how she’d do that for so long, and in her imagination, he took it differently almost every time. Sometimes he told her he hated her and never wanted to see her, or even hear her name again. Sometimes...when she was feeling particularly lonely...she would imagine it the opposite. He’d take her in his arms and tell her that his life had been nothing but empty without her. She knew that was a stretch, but hey, that’s what dreams were for. She opened her mouth and didn’t know what she would say until she heard it come out.

“Yeah, that’s it. If there’s anything I can do...”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” he said, standing up.

“Okay...Asher...”

“It’s just Ash now.”

“Ash. Are you okay? Are you happy out there in California?”

“Unbelievably,” he said. “It’s like that old Garth Brooks song, I’m thanking God for unanswered prayers.” Her heart ached. She felt like it was dying. “Thanks for the heads-up about Charlie. Take care.” She stood there with her mouth halfway open and her chest aching, and she watched him walk away down the street. She’d spent five years fantasizing that someday there might still be a chance for her and Ash, but it was time she accepted the truth. She’d had one chance...and she blew it.

Ash had to think about every step he took. He felt like his legs weighed half a ton each as he walked down the sidewalk. They were fighting him, trying to turn and go back the other way. But his head, and his broken heart, pushed them forward. He stepped in time to the mantra in his head... “Five years and you’re fine. You don’t need her. Five years and you’re fine. You don’t need her. Five years...” A couple of times before he finally reached the spot where he’d parked the Harley, he had to remind himself to breathe. He fucking hated that she could still do this to him after all these years. He fucking hated that he wanted her so badly.

He got on the Harley and slipped on his helmet and stared back towards the coffee shop. He was already looking for another glimpse of her, and he hated that too. He started the mantra over in his head again, and the Harley too, and he pulled out into the thick New York traffic and headed the bike toward the family estate. It was a place that he’d be happy to never visit again, but Charlie needed him, and he’d already let her down for far too long. He was going to be there for her now, whether she wanted him to be or not.

It took him about half an hour to get to the house and on his way, he went over in his head what he would say to her...and reminded himself at least a dozen times to call her “Charlotte,” and not Charlie. When he got to the locked front gates, he turned off the loud motorcycle, pressed the button, and waited. “Can I help you?” The voice was male and unfamiliar.

“Asher Bennett IV, here to see my sister.”

There was a pause and then, “One moment please.”

He waited for at least ten minutes before the voice was back. “Miss Charlotte isn’t taking guests today.”

Ash called up his patience and said, “I’m not a guest, I’m her brother.”

“I told her that, sir. She’s still not taking guests.”

Fuck! “Then I’ll see Allison.”

“Mrs. Bennett is not on the premises at the moment, sir.”

“Open the fucking gates!” Ash heard the click and he knew the audio monitor had been cut off. He hit the button again, this time hard and with the palm of his hand.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, or I’ll be forced to call security.”

“Call the motherfuckers. I’m not leaving until I see my sister.”

“Sir...”

“Oh, Jesus fuck! Let him in!” That was his little sister’s voice and as the gates slowly began to open inward he made a mental note to talk to her about her language...and to not say “fuck” while he was doing it.