Chapter Eleven
“So what are Rosie and I going to do around here without you for three days?” Haley asked. Haley snuggled into his side, her body warm and soft as they lay on the couch together. They had come home from the winter festival a few hours ago, fed Rosie, and were now lying by the fire.
He kissed the top of her head. “Have your friends over?”
She smiled. “True. Girls’ night at The Mountainside Inn is on hold until the baby sleep situation has improved. So they might come over here in pajamas.”
He laughed. He loved the circle of friends they had, even though a month or so ago he had nothing in common with any of them. “Sounds good. If I can finish up earlier, I will. Of course Jack signed up for this trade show, but now I’m stuck going because he’s the one with twins.”
“Well, don’t worry about us, we’ll be fine.”
“I think I’m the one I’m worried about. I hate stuff like that.”
“Can I ask you something?”
She was looking up at him, her expression serious now.
“Of course.”
“What was your mom like?”
He smiled when he thought of his mother. He had learned to smile when he thought about her. It hadn’t come for a while. When he first remembered her, he couldn’t without being angry. He’d been angry with her for a long time about his father. His father had been a destructive bastard. He’d been a wife beater and child beater. He’d lived with them for ten years and then taken off when his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. A total prick.
Connor had been angry for years. He’d been angry that her life had been too short and filled with too much struggle. She’d been a single mom, struggling to do the right thing for her kid, struggling to juggle work and raising him, struggling to pay bills, struggling to keep his deadbeat dad away. And then her final struggle was with cancer. It wasn’t fair. She had deserved so much better.
But over the years, he’d learned that he couldn’t change that. So if he wanted to think of her, he should try and honor her by remembering the good stuff. Even though he couldn’t say he had the happiest of childhoods, he’d always known that she’d tried to do right by him. She’d tried her best. She hadn’t come from the best of families, but she’d done better than her parents. He wanted more. He wanted more than to just do a little better. He wanted to give Rosie the best of everything. He wanted to give her the best family, the best education, the best of himself, not just the remains of what little energy he had at the end of the day.
When Haley nudged him, he realized he hadn’t said any of that out loud. “She was a good lady. She struggled. Like your mom. My dad was abusive. He left when I was ten, when she was diagnosed with cancer.” He paused because Haley reached out to kiss his cheek, and the compassionate gesture made him choke up. He cleared his throat.
“He never came back, never sent money. There was no one to help her out, to give her a hand. She was on her own. No education, but she had to pay the rent, get food on the table, and take care of me. I wouldn’t say she was overly affectionate or anything, but I knew she loved me. I saw how hard she worked. Sometimes I’d catch her crying at the kitchen table late at night, a stack of bills by her side. I wanted to help when I was little, so badly. As soon as I was able, I started getting odd jobs to help where I could. I started skipping school, earning extra money. None of it was ever enough though. It was brutal to try and make ends meet. I understood where her hopelessness came from.”
“She must have been so proud of you for trying to help her.”
He had no idea what she thought of him. “I don’t know. I hope so. I want more for Rosie. I want more for my relationship with her. I want to be able to show Rosie I love her. I want her to run up to me and jump into my arms. I want her to know that I’ll always hold her whenever she needs a hug. Whenever she’s had a bad day, I want her to know that I’ll always be her safe place.”
Haley reached up and kissed him. “You’re an amazing man. It doesn’t matter where you came from, but the fact that you already know all those things you want to be for her is just amazing. Rosie is lucky to have you.”
He shrugged. “I owe her, too. Look at her mother. I won’t ever be able to forgive myself for that. One day she’s going to ask questions, she’s going to want to know where her real mother is. When I have to answer the whys. I don’t even have answers. Why was I sleeping with a woman that was capable of that? Why would her mother leave her out in the cold? So many times I’ve thought what if I hadn’t been home that night? If she had been left out there for a few hours…” He made a fist and clenched his teeth. “She’d be gone, Haley, and I would have been partly to blame.”
“But she’s not. You were home. You stepped up and took her in and are already doing better than most for her. She’s such a happy little thing and you’ve already bonded with her.”
“Because of you. If you hadn’t helped us out, I don’t know what the hell I would have done.”
“You would have found a way, because you want the best for her. At the end of the day, that’s all you can do.”
“You jumped into this situation to help me and Rosie out, and you’re running everything. A house, a kid, cooking. Rosie and you have made me want things I never thought about. The family, the kids.” He stopped speaking when her eyes filled with tears.
She was blinking rapidly. “It’s fine. I…I wanted to help Rosie. She’s just the sweetest little baby ever, and I’m grateful she’s in my life. I think I need to go check on something. I hear my phone ringing.”
She bolted off the couch, and all his sensors were on high alert—especially when he spotted her phone on the kitchen counter, not ringing or making any sounds. She looked as though she’d wanted to burst into tears. He should either go after her or let her have her space. He didn’t like the idea of her crying.
…
She needed to get away from this, from Connor, from all the babies. Everyone was having babies, and he wanted more babies. And then she’d have to tell him the truth. No one knew the truth. They’d pity her. Connor would pity her, but he’d be too nice to say anything and would have to settle for no more children, for no children with her.
“Hey,” he said quietly. He was standing in the doorway, his arms braced against each side. “What’s going on?”
She shrugged, trying not to sound irrational. “I think we’re moving too fast. All of this.”
Surprise flickered across his handsome face. “Okay. Well, tell me what you want. We can slow things down if that’s easier for you.”
Ugh. He was so good to her. “I…I think we should end what we have between us.”
“Where is this coming from?”
It hurt to look at him. She saw the vulnerability and anger in his eyes and turned away from him. “I want to spare us both the pain of the inevitable. The longer we stay together the more it will hurt later when it doesn’t work.”
“Why won’t it work?”
She shrugged. “I know things, Connor.”
“Bull.”
“I can’t do marriage again. I can’t trust again. I can’t have my heart broken again.”
“Where is this crap coming from? How are we not going to work out? I’d die before I hurt you, Haley. I’m never going to walk out on you.”
“What if I leave?”
His face closed up. “Why would you leave?”
“What if you change?”
He had gone eerily still now. “How?”
She shrugged, aware that she was entering dangerous, insulting territory. She hated that this entire discussion was showing her how she wasn’t healed at all. She had issues. Mommy issues. Men issues. She was still a mess. She should go back to therapy. She had no right entering a lifelong committed relationship if this was where she was at still. “I mean, people change. Like, when bad things happen, how are you going to act?”
He blinked. “Uh, I don’t know. How do you act when something makes you angry?”
“I don’t know. I cry.”
He ran a hand over his jaw. “Okay, well, maybe I won’t do that, but if you’re getting at what I think you’re getting at, I’m going to make things really clear, and I’m also going to try my hardest at not being insulted by what you’re insinuating. I know enough about myself to know that I don’t take out my anger on other people. I will never put you down to build myself up. I will never yell at you to make myself feel better. I will never belittle you to make myself greater. And I will never threaten or demean you. Haley, I will never raise my hand to you or even make you think that’s a possibility. I want you as my partner, my wife, someone I respect as my equal…almost, because there is the matter of the IQ results.”
She almost laughed, but she was also crying because everything he was saying was so sincere, and exactly what she wanted to hear, more than she ever expected to hear. But he didn’t know the truth. He didn’t know that she wouldn’t be able to give him the happy future he wanted. And then what? Would he be with her out of duty? Out of obligation? Would she spend the rest of her life with him feeling like the inferior one?
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bear seeing the disappointment in his eyes. She didn’t want him to think less of her. “I realize that all of this was a mistake.”
He took a step closer to her and she didn’t move. “What was a mistake?”
“Getting involved. I’m not ready. I don’t want another relationship,” she said, the words causing her pain just to say.
“I think you’re tired and you’re scared. I think you have unresolved issues—understandably so. I would do anything for you. Anything. You told me you were seeing a therapist when you first came to Shadow Creek—I can go with you if you want.”
She put her head in her hands. Oh God, he was good to her. But she was better off throwing it all away now, before they went too far.
“Haley, why don’t you go to bed? We can talk about this tomorrow.”
“I know how to make up my mind. I know what I think. Been there, done that. I’ve had a man who told me what to think, I don’t need another one,” she said, faking that she was insulted. It was the only way.
His jaw clenched. “Don’t twist this around, Haley. You know I’d never do that. I’m leaving Monday anyway, so you’ll get your space. Just don’t ever compare me to that asswipe you were with,” he said. “We could have everything. A family. A life together. You could teach in Shadow Creek.”
“We both know I accepted a job for September.”
“What if you took the part-time position at the Shadow Creek school?”
“I can’t support myself on part-time teacher pay.”
He was looking at her like she wasn’t getting it. “You don’t have to. You could work there and be home with Rosie the other days. You don’t have to worry about supporting yourself.”
It was a hot mess, because all she heard was David’s voice, telling her she didn’t need to work. Connor wasn’t David…and yet here they were. “David never respected my love for my career. In the beginning, he pretended to. Then he had a car service take me to work and pick me up. He justified it by saying he just wanted to make sure I wasn’t stressed driving in the city and that I was safe. But I figured it out—it was a way for him to make sure he knew where I was at all times.”
“I’m trying really hard not to lose my patience because I think you’re going to use it against me if I do, but that’s pretty damn insulting. I value everything you do around here. If you were my wife and Rosie was your daughter, I wouldn’t treat you like less of a person because you’re not on a salary. I wouldn’t lord it over you. It’s a partnership. Someone earns the cash to live, the other one makes sure everyone is alive. Easy. Simple. Don’t complicate things.”
“It’s not that simple. It’s…it’s not what I want. I don’t want part-time. I don’t want Shadow Creek.”
“You don’t want me and Rosie.”
He didn’t wait for her reply, he just turned and walked out of the room. She braced herself, waiting for the slam of a door, but it never happened.
Haley had never heard such high winds before. It made that last storm seem like nothing. The sound of ice hitting the windows and roof was jarring, a constant reminder of the storm outside. She and Rosie were completely alone. Connor had left this morning for work and wouldn’t be back for two days.
She hated what she’d said to Connor. She had insulted him so badly, she’d hurt him. The next morning he’d looked at her, and she saw the hope in his eyes. He’d been hoping she was just tired. They had barely spoken, and it had almost killed her. But she was a wimp. Deep down, she was a wimp, because she was willing to lose him, to let him go, rather than have him turn her away when he found out she couldn’t have kids. But it was going to hurt because she had no options. She would never love anyone else. She would never want anyone else. And it would kill her if he fell in love with someone else.
She hated that she sent him away. She hated that she hurt him. The moment she finally admitted what she hadn’t even admitted to herself, that she was afraid of him, of men, of relationships altogether was heartbreaking. Maybe she’d broken his heart. His eyes had looked shattered. She was taking out all her issues on him. She knew he was nothing like David. She knew on a rational level, but there was so much irrational in her still. She had been so hurt, so blindsided. She had become a different person, and after she left David she’d promised herself she wouldn’t get involved with anyone else for years. She’d needed time to heal, but then along came Connor and everything she’d promised to herself meant nothing. What was wrong with her? That stupid time she’d asked him to dance at the wedding? Why had she let herself be so vulnerable with him—that dance had started everything. They had known what they’d suspected the first time they saw each other—that their chemistry was off the charts.
And then spending the night with him, again, what had she been thinking? A total sucker for punishment because it was all she could think about. It had never been like that with David. She had never felt that connection with anyone except Connor. He’d treated her like she was special. He’d acted as though he’d never desired anyone as much as her. He had turned her whole world around.
She’d slowly fallen in love with him without knowing it. She had fallen in love with him as she’d watched him find his way as a father. He’d been so endearing. He held his daughter like she was the most precious thing in the world. He was so careful around her, making sure he was doing things right. He was an amazing mix of strength and vulnerability. It hurt to look at him and Rosie together. She ached to be a part of what they had. In her wildest dreams, she’d be with them, be a part of the family they were becoming.
But what if it all fell apart? She had never loved David like this. Maybe she had never loved David at all. If Connor ever hurt her, she’d never recover. If he decided he wanted more kids and left her for another woman, she’d be destroyed.
She finished brewing her coffee and decided to check in on Rosie, who didn’t seem to be bothered by the storm at all, and slowly shut the bedroom door, making sure the monitor was on. She lit some candles and made her way to the kitchen and decided she should get a head start on making bottles for nighttime feeding.
She wondered what Connor was thinking of her now. He must hate her. Her phone vibrated, turning on the countertop. She hoped it was him. Her heart sank as David’s number showed on the display. What did he want?
“What?” she answered, putting him on speaker.
“It’s time we spoke for real. Don’t hang up on me. I want you back. I want the life we had.”
She couldn’t deal with this now. She didn’t want to. She wanted her past to be in the past, but no matter what she did, it’s like she kept getting pulled back there. He’d ruined her life for years and now he was still trying. Tomorrow she was getting a new number. “That was a fake life, David. You told me what to do and I, stupidly, did it. You’re not calling me anymore. I told you we are done.” She glanced at the battery indicator on her phone and frowned. He was literally draining her in all ways.
“I don’t accept that. I let you have your time away so you could come to your senses. You’ll never be able to have the life I gave you.”
“I have to go.” Her battery would die momentarily and that was perfect.
“Where did your boyfriend go? What an ass leaving you and a little baby alone in a storm.”
She inhaled sharply, her eyes darting to the front door, making sure it was locked. Omigod, where was he? He was outside? He was watching her? Was he parked on the side of the road? “What are you talking about, David?” she said, trying to act calm.
“I’m talking about the fact that you’re finally alone, and we can talk about reconciling.”
“I’m not alone.”
“Don’t lie, Haley. You know I hate it when you lie. I know you’re alone.”
She stood perfectly still as panic slithered through her body. She couldn’t show her fear in case he really was watching. How could he have found her?
“I’m not. He went around the corner to pick up baby food. He’ll be back in five minutes.”
“Haley, I saw him put overnight bags in his white-trash truck. I know he’s not coming back. There’s a massive storm outside, no one but me is coming in. We are long overdue for a conversation.”
“My friends are coming over.” She was babbling a little now, trying to still act calm. “I’m not sure you know them, but one of them is the county sheriff. I’m sure he’d love to meet you.”
“I’ll see you in a minute, don’t hang up.”
She didn’t have to hang up because her phone was dead. She needed her charger. The pounding at the door made her jump, tears running down her face. This was straight out of a movie.
Rosie. She had to protect Rosie. She couldn’t let him near her. The phone or Rosie.
“Open the damn door, Haley!” he yelled from the other side, his voice so loud, even against the ice and wind.
She ran across the house to the bedroom and frantically thought of where she could hide Rosie. Adrenaline was pumping through her, forcing her to be strong and not cave in to her fears. She would never give up, not with Rosie here. She’d die for that baby.
She glanced down at Rosie again, thankfully she was a sound sleeper and wasn’t due for another feeding. She eyed the large closet. That might work. She could push the bassinet in there, close the door, and then lock the bedroom door. She worked frantically and then once Rosie was secured in the closet, ran back into the main room, jumping as the door shook.
She needed a weapon. There was the butcher block of knives. But what did she know about using a knife? It was her only choice. She grabbed a knife and slid it into the back pocket of her jeans. The doorknob kept rattling and as much as she hated the idea of turning out the lights, she realized that might give her an advantage because she knew this place and he had no idea where she could be. She hated the idea of leaving Rosie alone, but she didn’t want to lead him to her, either. Maybe she could hide in the laundry room.
She jumped as the front door burst open and David stood there, looking meaner than he’d ever looked. She stood immobilized, each beat of her heart hurting, choking her until she had trouble breathing. This couldn’t be happening. This was stuff that happened on TV.
“Bad move not answering me, Haley. When I tell you to do something, you do it,” he said, walking toward her. He was taller than she remembered, scarier, uglier.
“You have no power over me anymore, David,” she said, lying, knowing he did have power over her or her voice wouldn’t be shaky, her body wouldn’t be trembling. But there was no way she was going to show him that. She could protect herself and she would die before she let anything happen to Rosie.
He gave her a smile so evil she felt bile rise in her throat. She wasn’t going to run. She would not back down. He stood in front of her, the wind and ice swirling around them as the door was left open. She had no plan, no way out, but she stood still, even when his hands came up to her face, sliding to the nape of her neck and then clenching tightly.
“You’re coming back with me. You’re my wife. You will continue being my wife. We took vows. You humiliated me in front of all our friends. I’ve had to lie and make excuses for you. No more. You’re done playing the whore for this white-trash guy you’re living with. I will make you regret leaving me for the rest of your life.” He leaned in close, and she squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face as he attempted to kiss her.
She reached behind her back, her hand on the handle of the knife, but before she could pull it out, a guttural roar rang through the house and David was gone, halfway across the room with Connor on top of him.
“Haley, call Chase!” he yelled, sliding his phone across the floor.
She ran to the phone and fumbled with the numbers, trying to dial while watching Connor slam David’s face into the fireplace mantle. She turned from the rustling and grunting, knowing she couldn’t stand to watch. She knew David didn’t stand a chance; she doubted he’d ever had to defend himself. Chase answered, and Haley stammered out what happened and hung up the phone.
Connor had pinned David down at the neck and he turned to look at her. He was breathing heavily, his expression fierce, taut. She was still trembling, unable to walk forward. “Are you okay?” he asked in a voice filled with so much anger it shook.
She nodded, folding her arms around herself and turned her gaze to David who was looking at her, the hatred in his eyes making her nauseous. His face was filled with blood and he was writhing and yet he could still hate her. How she could have ever been stupid enough to stay with him for as long as she had was beyond her. The sound of a muffled cry over the wind made her ache.
“Where’s the baby?” Connor asked, his voice harsh, his hand not moving from David’s neck.
“I hid her,” she whispered.
“You did great, Haley,” Connor said, his voice softer now as he spoke to her. The sympathy—or maybe pity—in his eyes made her own fill with tears as she nodded stupidly and went to see Rosie.
She opened the closet door and the love she felt for Rosie washed over her, overwhelming her as she stood there. She had slept through everything. Her deep even breathing was calming and she stood there, just watching her. She was unable to go back into the other room, unable to face her past again. She stood there she didn’t know how long, until she heard a commotion in the main room.
Voices. Chase and another man, speaking to Connor. She wanted to hide under the covers and pretend nothing ever happened. She wanted everyone to go away. She never wanted to see David again.
“Haley, are you okay?” Chase’s handsome face was taut with anger, but his voice was gentle. She couldn’t even look at Connor.
She shut her eyes and nodded, looking down, not wanting to see the pity on anyone’s face. She’d felt like a loser many times being married to David, but nothing like the humiliation she was facing tonight. This, having her pathetic past being showcased in front of Connor, was beyond any pain she’d experienced.
Conner was standing beside Chase looking very pissed. David was being cuffed by a police officer in uniform while Connor was telling him how he’d broken the door to enter, how he’d had his hands around Haley’s neck. The officer beside Chase was taking notes and nodding as Connor succinctly explained everything that had happened.
But her eyes locked on to Connor’s from across the room…the man she’d rejected earlier, the man who had come back for her after she’d rejected him, the man that would risk his life for her safety.
She tried to breathe a sigh of relief when she saw Chase and the officer begin to shuffle David out the front door.
David tripped on the edge of the baby carrier and then stopped and looked at her, a sick grin rising. “Enjoy your pretend baby. You know she’s a useless bitch, right? Can’t have babies of her own?”
There was a pause, a dead, sick, gruesome silence before Connor jumped on David. Chase broke it up a minute later, but not before she saw Connor hold onto David’s shirt and say something in his ear.
She swallowed a sob and turned away as Chase and the officer pulled Connor off David. They knew. Connor knew. He knew she couldn’t have babies.
…
Connor was still shaking with rage as he stood outside, watching Chase’s SUV drive off, following the cop car with that bastard in it. He needed to compose himself before he went inside and faced Haley. He’d made the decision to drive home, to deal with their problems, and when he’d spotted a BMW in the driveway, in his gut he knew.
But when he’d seen the front door swinging open, and then the sight of him with his hands on Haley, he knew what it meant to see red. He knew what it meant to completely lose control. He had told Haley to call Chase because he didn’t trust himself. He didn’t trust that he would stop soon enough, because all he saw in his mind was David’s hands around her neck, and her fear. He would never get that image of her out of his mind. It would haunt him for the rest of his life.
The babies. That damn bastard. He’d humiliated her. He knew now why she’d pushed him away. As if any of that mattered. She was the only woman for him. He knew it the first night he’d met her at Luke and Gwen’s wedding, and he knew it now. But she needed to know it. She needed to know he meant it.
He turned toward the house, but didn’t move. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know that he would have the right words to help her.
He walked into the house slowly, his gut in his throat as he spotted Haley straightening out the coffee table and putting things back in order. He adjusted the door, rigging it shut after a few tries. He would have to deal with that in the morning and get a more secure system.
“Haley,” he said softly, not wanting to startle her.
He saw her back stiffen and she slowly stood, turning around to face him. His heart slammed against his ribs at the sight of her. Her eyes were red and her face was tearstained. She was visibly shaking as she stood there, looking so sad, so damn vulnerable and shattered that it hurt him to look at her. But he didn’t want to pounce on her. He didn’t know what she would want.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I put Rosie in danger, and I…” He didn’t wait for her to finish. He crossed the room, but she backed away and his worst fears unfolded before him. He stopped moving, placed his hands in his pockets, and waited…for something. An indication that she didn’t feel threatened. Instead, the Haley standing on the other side of the room was a woman he didn’t recognize.
“Thank you for protecting Rosie.”
She nodded repeatedly, like she was struggling for control. Her arms were still wrapped around herself and he wished she’d let him in, that she’d let him tear down that wall she’d built around herself. “Thank you for coming back.”
He cringed at the sound of her voice as it shook, her teeth chattering slightly. “Haley, I didn’t come back by accident. I came back because I wanted to talk to you. I came back to tell you I love you. I came back to fight for what we had.”
She took a shuddering breath. “I can’t…I can’t be with you. I know that. It’s my fault. It’s my problem.”
He tried not to panic. “We can work through this. I’ll do anything. I want…I want this family, this life we built. It wasn’t a coincidence. We have something special.”
“I don’t trust you,” she said flatly, all the light in her eyes gone. It was like someone had taken his Haley and replaced her with this shell of a woman and it killed him to see her like this. He swallowed hard and tried not to let himself be insulted by what she was saying. He knew it was coming from a place of fear and he knew he’d greatly underestimated how deep her scars went. “You know I’d never do anything to hurt you. I’d rather die, Haley.”
She looked away from him, her chin trembling. “It was like you lost control when I watched you with David.”
He’d never been a liar and he wasn’t going to start now. “I did. I lost control. I wanted you to call Chase because I was afraid I’d go too far.”
A small sob escaped her mouth and he dug his nails into his palms in an attempt to control himself and leave her standing there alone. “I thought he was going to kill me, Connor. When his hands were on my neck, I thought that was it. And it was exactly like you said, I froze. I stood there like an idiot. Like a powerless, useless idiot. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.” She pulled a knife out of her back pocket, placing it on top of the fireplace mantle. He had to look down for a moment, away from the sight of her shaking hand, her white face. He had to remain calm when it was the opposite of what he was feeling, and it was taking everything out of him. She’d grabbed a knife. She’d been alone here, she’d grabbed a knife, she’d hidden his daughter, and now she was falling apart, and he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to reach her.
“You won’t have to. He’s gone. He’ll never come near you again.” He didn’t add that he’d told David in real explicit terms what he’d do to him if he ever did.
“I can’t do a relationship again. I want to leave. I want to go.”
He wasn’t going to freak out, he wasn’t going to say no. He couldn’t tell her she couldn’t leave, because he knew she’d compare him to David. Right now, she was seeing all men as the same and no matter how much he reassured her, it would fall on deaf ears. “Where do you want to go?”
“The women’s shelter. I can go there.”
He wasn’t going to say no outright, because that would be telling her what to do. “You heard what Mrs. Bailey said, that place doesn’t have the room. You’d be taking the spot of a woman who has no one to go to. You have family.”
She rubbed her temples. “Of course. I’m not thinking. Luke. I’ll go to Luke and Gwen’s.”
“Okay, I can call them for you.”
She shook her head. “I’ll call.”
“Haley?”
“No more, Connor. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. I…I made a commitment to you with Rosie. Give me a few days and I’ll be back to be her nanny until I find someone else.”
He’d never really known what it was like to lose a woman, to have her willingly reject him. He’d never been in love, his entire life had been filled with casual, meaningless relationships. And now, these last weeks, he’d discovered what it meant to love a child, to love a woman. He knew, standing here, having Haley reject him, that he would never do this again. He’d never allow himself to be hurt like this again. She thought he was some kind of monster. She didn’t believe him, and that killed him. Watching her, so completely broken and unable to help her was shredding him to pieces. There was no way he could have a relationship with a woman who was afraid of him. The idea that this was really over was in every line of her face, in the fear in her eyes, in the stiffness of her body.
She picked up his phone and seconds later she was asking Luke to come and pick her up. He crossed the room and washed his hands before going to get Rosie, making sure to steer clear of Haley. He could hear Haley’s voice in the other room and he stood in the doorway of his closet, the reality of everything that had happened here tonight punching him in the gut and rendering him unable to move. He stared at his daughter, innocently sleeping in her bassinet. Haley’s first thought had been to protect her.
He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to keep his emotions in check, but it was so hard. All he wanted to do was pick up Rosie, to hold Haley, and sit in this house where it was just the three of them. He wanted to erase their pasts, he wanted to protect them from all the horrible things in the world, he wanted to keep them safe forever.
Rosie’s eyes opened, and she made the gurgling sound that had become very familiar to him, as though she’d been a part of him his entire life and yet he’d only known her a month. Maybe that was a thing with parents and their children. Hell, he didn’t know, but he knew that Rosie had his heart. Rosie had Haley’s heart, too, and he knew it was going to kill her to walk away from them tonight. If he was the praying sort, he might pray for her to find her way back to him; to find her faith in something bigger than all of them.
He didn’t know how long he’d stood there, but when Rosie’s arms started making punching motions, he figured it was time to get moving. He picked up his sweet girl, smiling as his hands touched the soft velour of her onesie. It was one of the ones he’d bought with Haley that first night. He tucked his face into the sweet, soft folds of her neck as he crossed the room to the changing table. When she was clean and dry and no doubt scoping where her bottle was, he walked into the main room. Haley was standing by the door, her coat on, her back to him.
He warmed up a bottle and a few minutes later she was opening the door. Luke and Gwen burst in. He stood there, feeding Rosie, never feeling more like an outsider. Gwen wrapped her arm around Haley and walked her out and he just watched them go.
Luke paused in the doorway to look at him. “I spoke with Chase on our way over here. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”
Connor looked down at Rosie who had almost finished her bottle. “I don’t need anyone’s thanks.”
“No, I mean it. I know what she’s doing. I know she’s scared and she’s running back to where she feels safe, and if I were in your shoes right now and Gwen did that to me, I’d feel like hell. I…I was wrong about you, and I owe you an apology. You saved Haley. You’ve been there for her. You’ve treated her properly. And tonight… God, I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t here.”
He clenched his teeth. He had already thought of all that. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep again for a long time. “Well, I was. I’ll never let anything happen to her.”
“I know that. You need to know that I don’t hate you. And I sure as hell don’t judge you,” Luke said, his voice coming out harsh and unlike he’d ever heard.
Connor put down the empty bottle and slowly rested Rosie upright against his shoulder. He didn’t really know what to say to him. “Well, I guess that’s good to know. But I guess if I had a little sister that had been through what Haley has, I’d probably act the same way. Maybe worse.”
Luke gave a nod and looked down at the ground for a moment. “Haley and I didn’t come from much. I know what it’s like to feel not good enough or that you came from the wrong side of the tracks. That doesn’t matter to me. It was never about that.”
He gave him a nod. “It’s good to know, but it doesn’t really matter anymore, Luke. Haley is walking away.”
Luke ran his hand through his hair and looked out at the car and then back to him. “I’m sorry, man.”
“We’ll be fine. I’ve been alone a long time. I can take care of myself. I can take care of my daughter. You…” He cleared his throat. “You just take care of Haley.”
Luke gave him a nod and then left, shutting the door on everything.